A Summary of Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft
(because I listened to it on audiobook while playing minecraft):
Listen, I know y’all call me Uncle Bucky when making references to my Big Blue Book, and…fine. okay? fine.
Now, Christianity is depressing and Bad, but don’t worry, I’m going to be just as rigid and finicky about witchcraft, so Do What I Say.
I’m prolly gonna be inaccurate about history here, but you won’t care because this is the same sort of inaccurate that every other book about witchcraft is, because it’s 1986 (or 2002 if 2nd edition) and let’s be real, this is Llewellyn.
I’m also gonna use the words “witchcraft” and “Wicca” interchangeably, so buckle up, because I believe witchcraft is inherently religious! If you’re not praying to the Lord and Lady, you’re doing it wrong.
So, tools: you need a bunch of them, and lemme teach you how to do some at-home metal work. Remember: if you buy an athame instead of making one yourself, you’re a fucking wimp. So go ahead, lay a knife on your stove until it’s glowing red!1 This isn’t dangerous at all!
Now that you’ve done that, give me a moment to name-drop and also talk shit about Gardner in the space of a paragraph: I was absolutely friends with him, but his Wicca isn’t ancient! Solitary witches are as valid as Gardnerians!
(Tho real talk, Alex Sanders was a bitch and stole everything from my buddy Gardner, so he sucks too.)
Anyway, go ahead, initiate yourself! But know that you’ll never get to a higher level in Wicca, and that most groups don’t like solitaries ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Okay, on to some magick. It’s not racist to say that white magick is good, and black magick is evil - that’s just how it is! And a magician is a person who does magic but isn’t a witch, but also doesn’t do prestidigitation.2
You should be naked for this. You should be naked for everything.
If you’d rather not be naked, that’s okay. You should wear a robe…that will easily let you get naked, because psych! You’re gonna need to get naked.
I’m serious about this; you’re gonna get handfasted naked in front of your naked friends, while holding a wand carved to look like a dick. No, really.3
And now, some rituals all written out, each one beginning and ending in the same way so that you’ll start to wonder if I intended this book to be the Wiccan version of The Book of Common Prayer.
Dream symbols are useless, but still sit here while I list some for five minutes.
Here are some books to read if you want to learn more about witchcraft: Mine. My books. You should read my books. I reference and quote them in every chapter, so you know that they’re important. To me.
Speaking of, the type of Wicca you want to do is Seax-Wica.4 Why? Because I created it. That’s how you know it’s the best. Because I’m the best.
SEX MAGIC. SEXY SEXY SEX MAGIC. Truly the most wonderful thing to ever have been invented. Here, let me tell you where the penis goes. :D If you’re gay…nnnnokay. sure. I’ll allow it.
Herbs: Some of them are toxic, but even so, here’s how to make them into tinctures for you to consume. Are they safe? Maybe!
Well, here are some recipes for mead and beer, a directory of Wiccan denominations, and…that’s pretty much it.
The Burning Times were basically The Holocaust5
If you burn a witch in effigy for funsies at Halloween, you’re racist
Register your coven as a nonprofit group; the ULC can help
Buckland actually says this. He actually tells you to just put a knife on your gas stove and heat it up until it’s red, and then temper the metal in your fucking kitchen. Jesus fuck, Buckland, can you chill for a second?
???? Sounds fake but okay?
No, really. He says this, I swear to god. Fun fact, there’s also a ritual for un-handfasting in that chapter. Which is useful, but not as official as divorce, so it worries me.
Yes, it is actually spelled like that. I googled to make sure.
I did enjoy reading this book, but not because it’s great quality advice. It felt kinda like reading an old science textbook where they don’t know what they’re talking about, but without them we might not have had modern technology. Like, if you’ve ever wondered “why do witches in movies do that thing?” the answer is going to be related to Gardner, Buckland, Sanders, or Cunningham.
Some of the advice is probably good, but the most recent version of this book is 16 years old, so please take all of it with a grain of salt if you decide to read it. And don’t eat any herbs without researching them first. And don’t listen to his outdated views on race, religion, and the burning times. Just…no.
This has been: book blogging with Spellbound :P
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