Maybe one day?

Has the world record for screwing up 🤘🏼 🌸Darling send me something sweet🌸

[chum-personable]

today is an important date

[chum-personable]

if this passes 100k today I’m going to delete EVERYONE’S tumblrs

[rasec-wizzlbang-blog]

deliver us

[paper-mario-wiki]

[asillyandrandomname]

I want my husband to have this accent

[imthegirlwhowaited]

alright, that’s fine, that’s pretty con-fucking-venient 

[mezzodical]

one round/action in D&D is 6 seconds so anything you could accomplish during a vine you could do during your turn

[theorynoodle]

Rogue: “I’m back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

DM: “Roll an acrobatics check.”

[lovelylovelyartist]

Fighter: I want to see my little boy

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

DM: here he comes

[z-nogyrop]

bard: toss me my keys

*rolls a 1*

DM: i thought you said printer

[spiritednug]

Fairy: I still haven’t found my berries

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

Fairy: BUT! *holds up an orange* I found this.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Druid: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Druid: Fuck off!

[redwoodriver-deactivated2018042]

Dm: can you read this for us?

Fighter: rolls a nat 1

Fighter: what up im Jared im 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

[sparrow-va]

Fighter: It’s summer, I got my helm on backwards and it’s time to fuckin’ party.

DM: Roll for Dodge.

Fighter: *rolls a 1*

Fighter: *slams head into ye olde portcullis*

[basiilhallward]

instead of actually writing an essay.. i wrote a thing on how to write an essay (woah meta) & added some pictures of my plans so u can see what i actually mean!! enjoy my friends i hope this is useful to someone

[nostalgic-dreams]

Me: It is fall now.

My brain: It's September 2nd, so technically the fall equinox isn't for another-

Me: THIS 👻☕️🍂👻🕷🕸🎃 IS ✔️👌🎃👻☕️✔HALLOWEEN ️🕸👌👌👌🍂🍂 HTIS ☕️👻🌬🍂🕷 iS 🎃🎃☕️✔️✔️☕️👻 HaLLOWEEN 🕸🌬🕷🎃✔️✔ halloween 👻☕ ️🕸✔🕸🕷🎃☕️🍂 HaLLoWeeN 👌🕷🌬👻🕷☕️🕸👌✔️🎃🕸 HALLOWEEN ✔️🍂🕷☕️✨

new tag meme: type “im the” and tag this with the first thing that comes up

[pussylipgloss]

the fact that tumblr is putting ads on people’s mobile blogs but they won’t pay bloggers says a lot…….they’re literally making money off people with high traffic blogs

[pussylipgloss]

You can have them taken off your blog by going into your blog settings and turning off the on blog advertising (via desktop or desktop view in your mobile browser!). I recommend everyone does it, tumblr doesn’t pay us so they shouldn’t make money off of us.

[pussylipgloss]

How to:

Settings>Blogs (choose blog that you want advertising removed from) >Advertising >On blog advertising

[froslasss]

do you know how cute i would be if i had more money 

[greenwithenby-deactivated201609]

People who prefer hot weather: Snow and ice are a pain, and the cold is just kind of uncomfortable even when you wrap up, you know?

People who prefer cold weather: MY SKIN LITERALLY MELTS OFF EVERY SUMMER I AM A FUCKING HUMAN SOUP AS WE SPEAK

[greenwithenby-deactivated201609]

you wouldn’t believe how many people reblogged this to whine about hot weather in the tags.

[nucleic-friend-deactivated20171]

too cold? put on another layer!

too hot? change into thinner clothes!

still too cold? put on another layer!

still too hot? uh, get naked I guess?

still too cold? put on another layer!

still too hot? Ţ̡̜̮̗̟̯͘ͅA̛͈͎̤͙̳̦̱̜̺̪K̢̻̥̥̥̪̙̜̩̗̼̤̻̻͖͍̜͈͉͠ͅE̟͕̩͔̪͓͔̥̦͇̣͇̳͕͉͜ͅ ̠̝̥̖̭̦̼́͝O̩̦͓̠͉̲̲̱̪̹̻̼̭̯͎͈̕͢F̷̸̢̛̙͇͔̜̙̮̗̲̤͇̯͡F̧̨̱̤̲̫͕͔̼̭͙̠̙͙̹̻ͅ ҉̫̠͓̙̠͔̕͜͠Y͡҉̴̘̭̬̳́O̶̶̧͚̞̣̯̩̫̜̩͉̤͎͖̖͟ͅU̶̵̺̠̪̘̱̮̮̙̻͈̣̦̭͠͝͞R̨҉̦̺͓̩̺͖̘̪̥̺͚̱͚͔̪͓̖̰ ̷̸̺͇̳͇̖̥̻̳͚̗̥͙̪̣́S̡̞̳͖̭̯͉̻̠͔̥̹̫̣̼̹͇͜K͏̧͍̪̗̖̜̫̙̱̫͈̟̝̮͈̻̺̯̟̠̀Į̧̙͙͔̠͖̟̕͝Ǹ͖͎̳͍̪̱̞͇̺̘̩͘͜͠

[the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202]

The cold is easily shut out, the heat is inescapable hell

[resplendentgoldenwings]

^^^^^^

[michelleumunna]

[paladinprotector]

Girl on facebook reposted this picture and that was a response 

And people wonder why I wanted to get away from that small town

[nostalgic-dreams]

Dear white males: please just keep to yourselves.

[montypythonandtheholyblog]

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

❤

[dunhamsanddreamscapes]

[sadxfuzz-deactivated20141025]

today on satan makes a blog post

[mytinygayitalianson-deactivated]

Life tip: if someone slashes 3 of your tires, slash the 4th one yourself and blame it on the person who slashed the first 3. Now, your insurance will pay for it.

[clockworkjerk]

Life tip: If you slash 3 of their tires, hide out nearby until they discover their slashed tires. Take pictures of them slashing their fourth tire. Show police when they arrive on scene. Convicted of insurance fraud and still have to pay for tires.

[thelilnan]

i feel like i’m reading a Spy vs Spy comic in text format

[hourlymemes]

[marlofaust]

hi welcome to teaching

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

“We don’t have to retrain [police]. We gotta let them be held accountable for their actions.” -Ronald Lanier (x) | follow @the-movemnt

[findingmeslowly]

😞

[pottercastleminds]

Where’s all the “Blue Lives Matter” people now?!?! …Or does that only apply when the victims are White? …Or does that only matter if the offenders aren’t also cops?

[cat-memes-only]

Awww

[drovie]

Today at therapy was really hard. I was sitting here crying, and generally being miserable, when I felt a nudge at my knee. I looked down to see that Zeus, my service dog, was doing his job… and brought me a potato. it is very hard to cry with a gift of potato.

[drovie]

Remember this? I’m having a rough time right now. Zeus has a solution.

That would be an empty pill bottle, the *correct* pill bottle, a bottle of embossing powder, and two, TWO potatoes.

[afkland]

You’re worth at least 2 potato to him and that’s pretty special imo.

[drovie]

I would just like to remind you all that *I don’t own any potatoes* and I have no clue where he’s getting them from.

[angelicguy]

people who use guns are pussies. i just throw bullets really fast