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I was only alive because he made me promise to survive. If he died who could hold me to that?

femneil if your woke

the fact Neil trusted Andrew actually checks out so well psychologically. because Andrew makes it clear he would do anything to keep Neil physically safe, he makes it his entire priority. but he is still rude and mean and doesn’t baby him. is that ringing any bells? MARY. MARY FUCKING HATFORD. Neil and his mommy issues were ACTIVATED during the making of that deal dude. he was going back to what was familiar

ificannotclimbiwillgrow

Screaming crying throwing up

onyxxorion

Kevin wakes up from a nightmare, and he's so used to dark and alone, that he knows how to cry quietly. He knows what happens if Riko hears.

And whenever he wakes up at night, it's like that.

Its from a bad dream, he can't remember it, but it rubbed something raw in his core and hes already crying as he wakes up.

Not a noise he tells himself, his subconscious screams these words at him. Don't wake him!

He knows what happens if he wakes Riko.

He's biting his lip, trying to breath as if he's sleeping, but shudders wreck his body, he shakes with the effort it takes to stay quiet as he slowly drowning on the inside of the walls he had built, that are supposed to keep him safe and sane.

But it's not the nest anymore, Kevin just forgot.

He almost has a heart attack as he hears movement, feels it next to him on the mattress. It takes a moment to click that the arms wrap around him aren't those that are going to squeeze the life out of him like they had time and time again.

Jeans right there, scooping him into a hug and he just asks. "Another?" His accent stronger right after waking up.

It's Jean. Not Riko, just Jean.

And Kevin nods. And that's when he really starts crying, sweet little sobs, as the tension bleeds from his frame. Turning around to push his face into Jeans shirt.

He's going to apologize for that later, ruining yet another shirt and Jean will never mention it.

linskiiii

"Bane of my existence" 🦊💗

risha-png

Spider-Kevin AU 🕸️

notcryingtoday

ALL FOR THE GAME: THE RAVEN KING FINISHED.

Oh boy this was one hell out of a ride. The scenes were much clearer than in the first book. I must say I'm a bit disappointed by Allison's absence, who I expected to have a bigger role, but at least Renee was more present. The girls' stories tbh are very much glossed over, especially Dan's. Renee's importance comes mostly if not entirely from her relationship with Andrew. Except for maybe one chapter where we understand Neil is trying to get closer to them because of his soon-to-happen death.

I liked seeing Neil more active in this one instead of simply reactive. Him calling out the "monsters" of the Foxes was a great addition to their dynamic. I hoped to see more of Aaron and Neil but they had like two huge moments: when they saved Andrew and when Neil talked to Aaron about their mother's death.

I honestly saw Andrew's backstory coming, except for the Cass's part. I wished we had more of her, but I'm still holding hope for the next book dealing with that. Even though I guessed it was going to happen, piecing the fact that it was also happening RIGHT NOW the same time Neil did was a whole experience. Not an easy one. It was also terrible when they talked about why would Drake come back and I realized Riko was behind it all and had to wait another fifty pages or so for Neil to get to that point too.

I kinda can't wait to see Andrew off his meds though. Hopefully he'll get an happy ending. Concerning the rest of his character, he was his usual interesting but not really surprising self. What most surprised me is that he seems aware that his relationship with Neil is ambiguous even though Neil is very much oblivious.

I don't know what to think about Jean Moreau. He seems like he'll get a redemption. A part of me wonders if the plan was to give Riko one but his character went too far at some point and Jean had to be added for the story to continue. Anyway. I'll say Jean seems to have a peculiar relationship with Kevin. He also eyed Renee weirdly at some point, which I am not a fan of.

Katelyn and Aaron have my whole heart. I could picture the moment where she ran to him and he to her really well.

I'm still rooting for Andrew and Neil, but I feel like it's kinda obvious now. People are starting to notice in-universe as well (Renee, Matt, even the coach...) and for those who are not AWARE they still acknowledge Neil has a weird influence on Andrew. I think there was a point where Kevin was considered as Neil's love interest but it was over to me when Neil realized Kevin told him to run away while Andrew told him to stay.

The Wymack is Kevin's father part was the most shocking reveal of those books in my opinion.

I was glad the Christmas Holidays were skipped, I was not ready for that. The last chapter made me genuinely sick when I read Neil being so out of it.

#pls I keep forgetting that the first books are *old* old

lilcrushedcookie

The golden raven sheds such a different light on this interaction. Jeremy KNOWS how much a brother can hurt you, blood ties be damned.

a-warning-to-the-infinity

Lucas Johnson exemplifies a character who struggles between making comfortable choices and confronting the harsh reality of his beliefs and actions. Rather than remaining in denial, he ultimately opens his eyes to the flaws in his beliefs and takes responsibility for the consequences they bring. Fans who put him at the level of Zane, Grayson, and/or Thea are just haters. In this essay I will…

exylover32

(not analysis, i just need to yap) the scene in tfc i actually think about the most is the one where wymack formally tells the team that edgar allen is coming south and kevin starts having a panic attack and andrew helps him through it and neil is just. so physically sick with jealousy that he leaves and runs all the way back to the dorms. bc the fear that kevin is experiencing in that moment ?? neil has been dealing with that fear every second of every day for eight years, but he has never been allowed to show it, much less receive reassurance from both a group of people rallying behind him and a specific person promising to protect him. kevin is arguably the first to spark a feeling of visceral, all-consuming want in neil, bc not only does neil want to train with him and play with him and win his praise, he wants to be him. kevin is everything neil feels like he can’t have, a magnet that he can't get close to or stay away from. so when andrew begins to stake a claim (“my things,” “give your back to me," etc.), the fantasy neil entertains is that kevin's life could be his life too. andrew's offer is a siren's song in the truest sense; agreeing is sure to leave him dashed against the rocks or drowned, but every word is exactly what he wants to hear, lifted directly from the depths of his innermost turmoil, and neil is so tired of running.