// hello, everyone. this is mod. please read this entire post.
this past half year has been, in a word, terrible. i’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, and reached a low that i never thought i could. but, in a way, being Nat was my coping mechanism. when i helped you all, i found purpose. and i don’t regret it. but i’m at the place in my mental and spiritual journey where i need to leave bad habits behind me.
i have always had a really hard time taking care of myself. unfortunately, being your support system for so long, i’ve pulled myself into a lot of guilty thought patterns–such as “i’ve let them down if i don’t respond,” “i need to be there for them and forget myself,” and “they will hate me if i leave.”
there are few people who can truly recognize how hard being a mod is. in the beginning it was fun, and we did role-play and brought this character on journeys. but now, there’s no balance between supporting you and expressing my love and creativity. it’s just me being a support system, and faking my true emotions through a character. the problem is me, and something needs to change.
until further notice, my asks and submissions will be closing. i don’t want to give up on Nat, but when i reached the point of wanting to delete everything and disappear, something needed to change. i’m not the fountain of wisdom and strength that Natasha is. i’m just a normal, young person with problems and pain who wants to be loved just like you.
this is not because i don’t love you. if you believe that, you don’t know me. this is because i am trying to learn to love myself. sometimes things that are good for a time become toxic, and for me, this was one of those things. and i don’t want to spread that toxicity to the people i care about.
i don’t know if/when i’ll be back, but for now, know i’m charting my own journey…as myself. i’ll always be okay.
if you’re ever concerned about me, i keep constant touch with @not-the-king and @mrsmamarhodey. please remember there are others here who are more than willing to support you, such as @the-real-tonystark, @ask-general-okoye, @spetey-man, @rhodey-tinystankbestie, @justapileofpepper, @askauntmay, @agent-philcoulson, and so many others who i’ve come to love. and don’t worry, i’ll check my messages once in a blue moon.
i love you, always. thanks for changing my life.
to my fellow mods: please share this post so that everyone knows, and if you don’t have a way to keep in touch with me, send me a message. i love you all–you are so inspiring, so strong, and so, so amazing.
dededos
prguitarman
kianamaiart
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
