Today I woke up crying in my sleep. I dreamed about you falling in love with a beautiful girl in Europe. I saw you and her having fun, holding hands, laughing and smiling while looking at each other. It was like that photograph I saw of my dad and my mom when they were younger, in love, eye sparkles whenever they looked at each other.
I have always imagined myself and the love of my life to have a similar photo, hand in hand, smiling, grateful we found each other. Maybe it was supposed to be you, maybe it is supposed to be someone else. I don’t know. I feel like in life, sometimes I only know how much I’ve loved someone after it had already passed. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I only realized how much sufferings I’ve been through in Hong Kong after I’ve already left and gained some new perspectives. Maybe I loved you more than I thought I did.
Back then, there was always this urge inside me to tell you that I love you, especially at the end of our calls, when we say goodbye. I was hesitant, and that hesitation made me think maybe it was not love, for love is when those words are so naturally spoken, without holding back.
But now, it has already been 2 months since we both agreed that we can’t keep talking to each other, 1 month since our last spoke, and I still cry when thinking about this. I cried dreaming and seeing in my dream how my place next to you in the photograph replaced by someone more beautiful, more kind, more special, and perhaps more loved by you.
I don’t know how to put a stop to this feeling, this sadness. I would have a great day, come home, go to bed, think about it and cry. It has been 1 month. I hope this passes. I hope this is not how love is supposed to feel like. I want to feel happy.
I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself.
janainaart
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
titsay
andulkaphoto
