notanotherinfjblog

INFJ | 29 | 9w1 | just sitting here, blogging about MBTI

[notanotherinfjblog]

MBTI survey

I was thinking about how there are some very clear tendencies in which types I always get along well with (e.g. all FJs and most TPs) and others not at all (e.g. Fi doms) and how that is very different to my friends of other types who also show some biases. So I thought I’d go and investigate some correlations in cognitive functions use depending on their position in the stack. 

So if you have a couple of minutes, I would greatly appreciate it if you could fill out this survey on your experiences with other MBTI types. If enough people participate, I’ll probably run some statistical tests for fun and share the results here.

Thank you! Sharing is appreciated! :)

[notanotherinfjblog]

Inefficient conversations

ENTJ: I've just spent an hour trying to convince ESTJ that she really has made some mistakes in her work.

INFJ: A whole hour? What? Why?

ENTJ: Well, the thing is, ESTJ is a bit sensitive when it comes to things like this. I mean, no one likes being wrong, but with her, you really have to tread carefully because you don't want to offend her. She is really good at her job, you know that, but she is also overworked, so of course she will make some mistakes. It happens. But it's so annoying that I then have to play the diplomat and phrase everything like "Hmm, well have you thought of this and that? Did you consider xyz?" instead of just going "Look at this. This is wrong, here is why. Fix it please. Bye." It's just so inefficient.

INFJ: Always that damn politeness.

ENTJ: We are wasting so much time on it.

INFJ: And still you're doing it.

ENTJ: And still I'm doing it.

[notanotherinfjblog]

NJs and spatial awareness

INFJ: By the way, did you even notice me almost running you over with my bike yesterday?

ENTJ: What? I didn't even ride my bike yesterday.

INFJ: No, but I did.

ENTJ: Wait, you almost ran me over? Oh, okay, I thought you meant I almost ran you over and didn't even notice. But ... where? When? What? Where did you see me?

INFJ: Yesterday! Like five minutes after we said goodbye. You were walking towards the road while I was approaching from behind on my bike and I remember wanting to say goodbye to you again, but then you suddenly stopped in the middle of the path when I was right behind you, so I had to go around you, which was when you thought it was a good idea to take a step to the right, almost right into my front wheel, while you looked the other way, so I was a bit too preoccupied with not running you over to say anything.

ENTJ: No. No, that can't be right. I was on my way to the bus stop, then realised I didn't want to take the bus and then walked the other way.

INFJ: Yes. That's exactly the moment I'm talking about.

ENTJ: Are you sure it was me?

INFJ: Unlike you, I've got eyes.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Fi vs. Fe: expression and interpretation of judgements

ESTJ: Something I'm noticing again is how different our communication is. If I didn't know you, I would actually be a bit offended by the way you are saying some things.

INFJ: Why? What things? What did I do?

ESTJ: I always make a very clear distinction between sentences like "I think that's weird" and "That's weird." I know that you use the second one and mean it in the way I'd use the first, but I always have to take a step back when you do because to me, something like "that's weird" is incredibly arrogant as if you assume the moral high ground on what is normal and what is weird as if it was a fact and not just your personal opinion.

INFJ: But such things are always inherently subjective, so why would I need to make a difference between a subjective opinion and a fact when it simply cannot be a fact?

INFP: I completely agree with ESTJ on this, actually.

ESTJ: I'd actually say that by saying it in this way without explicitly marking it as an opinion, you deliberately convey that it is not subjective. Like when I say "the Earth is round", then that's a fact and I'll argue about it. Saying "I think that's weird", that's an opinion. I'm not going to argue about it, you can think what you want. But just saying "that's weird" to me sounds like you are putting yourself above me to tell me the rules that you yourself made up. And I know that that's not how you, INFJ, mean things because I know you, but it's interesting how differently we feel about this.

INFJ: Very interesting! Because I only find it offensive when someone hits me with a "you do this" etc., thus singling me out. That's also why I'd find an "I think that's weird" a lot more offensive than a "that's weird" because with the first, to me, you're separating yourself from me. I don't really view myself as an individual, I'm part of a group, so a separation like this feels like you're pointing your finger at me. That's personal. Saying "that's weird", however, is just a statement that something strays from the standard, it's more neutral.

INFP: Incredible. That's so wildly different from the way I would ever interpret the presence of an "I" in a sentence.

ESTJ: Why would there be a standard for anything? I don't think there is a standard for behaviour. That, again, feels very presumptuous to me. I mean, who is to say that your normal is the actual normal? Maybe I'm normal and you're the weird one. So saying "that's weird" sounds very patronising to me.

INFJ: See, I don't see it like that at all. To me, the standard is not necessarily something that you do yourself. It's the collective, like an average. It's impersonal, just an observation. A convention. Like I said, the judgement, to me, is the personal distancing from the other person.

ESTJ: I think I just never assume there is a standard because that would always include a judgement. And I feel more like an individual than as a part of a group.

INFP: INFJ is just one step ahead of us in socialism.

INFJ: But isn't there always a standard for everything? How you behave in this situation or in that situation, how close you can stand to someone in a queue etc. So there is always a norm and when you stray from the norm, it's noticeable. There is always a bit of leeway, but you use this norm as a guide for everything, don't you? So the standard is without judgement, it's just what's done, and then it's up to you to decide whether you want to adhere to it or not.

ESTJ: No, I disagree. I think people are far too complex and different that they could ever define a norm for everything.

INFJ: See, that's what I find presumptuous. No one is that special.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Always that lovely low Se

INFJ: Is it warm outside?

ENTJ (who literally just came in from outside): I don't know. Do you have a new desk?

INFJ: What?

ENTJ: I remember you having a different desk in your office.

INFJ: Yeah, it got replaced like two months ago. Now tell me, how many times have you been in my office since then?

ENTJ: One or two ... hundred times.

INFJ: It's very nice of you to finally notice the change again.

[notanotherinfjblog]

A few thoughts on NJs

I'm currently in the unique position where my most frequent social contacts are an ENTJ and an ENFJ, and one thing I find is that NJs generally strongly gravitate towards each other. Coming across a fellow NJ out in the wild is exceedingly rare, so whenever that happens, there is always this strange moment of instinctual mutual recognition. Suddenly you see your own Ni reflected back at you. It makes sense that you'd want to stay close to that person.

In the following, I will just talk a bit about the observations that I've made (not very coherently, I'm sorry). Something that I find interesting is that even though our minds work very similarly (always dissecting everything, searching for patterns and meanings, making seemingly random connections in the search for the root of something etc.), NFJs and NTJs have very different priorities. The NFJ can be completely drowning in work, but that will never stop them from prioritising people over everything else. They will collect and cherish every tidbit of information that someone told them about themselves. They will sacrifice time they absolutely do not have just to be there when an acquaintance they somewhat like gives a talk about something that is in no way relevant to the NFJ. They will be able to recognise all their co-workers by the sound of their steps alone. All of this is precious information. The NTJs, on the other hand, will not even bother to learn your name unless they have taken an interest in you in any way. NTJs will be polite to you, that's no issue, but if they don't care, almost everything you tell them will be deleted from their brains. They prioritise the abstract over everything else. If they are busy thinking about, I don't know, quantum physics, you are welcome to discuss it with them and they will be delighted. If you and the conversation are interesting enough, they will also figure out how your mind works in the meantime. But this is a step you have to unlock with an NTJ first. The NFJs will do this automatically. Funnily enough, I find that NTJs become more openly annoyed by you the more they have grown fond of you. If you are being annoying and they don't care about you, depending on the situation, they will either simply leave or put you in your place. If you are being annoying and they do care, you end up with amazing conversations like this:

INFJ: "I needed help with that work thing, so I asked a friend, but it didn't really go as planned and so I ended up with even more work to fix the thing afterwards." ENTJ: "Well, why didn't you ask ME for my help? I can help you better with this than your friend can." INFJ: "I didn't know I could ask you." ENTJ: "What do you mean you didn't know? Of course you can! Sometimes you are just ... Can you do it over?" INFJ: "Why? I've already done the thing now." ENTJ: "Can't you just throw it away and do it again, but with my help this time? I could help you with it right now." INFJ: "What for? Like I said, it's all done." ENTJ: "Just ask me next time."

Because once an NTJ cares, they care. They want to watch you live a good life, but then they witness you making your own life difficult just by being the way you are, and it will be frustrating because it's not something they can just fix. They will be nosy, they will observe and analyse everything about you (just like an NFJ in default mode but the NTJs are more normal about it). But if they don't care, you end up with actual conversations like this:

ESFP: "I'm going to leave work early today to go to that concert later tonight." ENTJ: "Oh really? What concert?" ESFP: "What do you mean 'what concert'? I literally told you that like an hour ago." ENTJ: "Did you? Sorry, my brain must have registered our conversation as useless information and immediately deleted it."

This is absolutely not something that you will ever hear an NFJ say to someone. If they don't like you, they will just never seek out a conversation with you, but if put into a situation where they have to interact with you, they will remain polite, quiet and a bit awkward (but then again, I have yet to meet an NFJ that isn't a bit awkward in general). Something that I've noticed between ENFJs and INFJs is that we are very similar, but we externalise our Fe a bit differently. I will have the impulse to do a particular Fe-driven thing and then stop myself from doing it because I think it might come across as slightly pathetic. ENFJ just does it. An example: when someone I like (or even only feel neutral towards) tells me a story about something that happened recently and hands me their phone to show me a photo, I get the impulse to look at every photo related to this story because I want to know everything about this person and their experiences, just soak it all up and gather all the information. But then I take a step back and think this might come across as too intrusive, so I do nothing and just listen and look at what is presented to me. In that same situation, ENFJ will straight up ask to see every single picture, zoom in on every face and ask questions about all the people in the pictures and so many other things with genuine curiosity. Meanwhile, I express my Fe more by pulling faces as a reaction to everything that is said to me in order to make a connection with people (think of Jim Halpert looking at the camera in The Office. That's me.). ENFJs, however, are more blank in the face and generally the least emotive of all the FJs. You tell them a funny story and they will just ... stare at you. Their reactions and feelings remain hidden beneath the surface. I never really understood why so many people have told me all my life that I'm completely unreadable. Until I met ENFJ. I know what they mean now. There is a disconnect between the NFJ and other people. They collect all the information about everyone and figure them out in silence, but every non-verbal communication from them seems slightly calculated. Like they are in hiding. It's like there is a window between you and the NFJ. You can see them and interact with them, but you can't quite reach them. There's something invisible between you and it's keeping you separate. I get it now. Many have tried to read me, but only one seems to have cracked the code: ENTJ. Generally, NTJs do show the typical Ni detachment from the world, but their mental and emotional states are not hidden. You always know how they are feeling.

[notanotherinfjblog]

As I've just realised a trend in my own friendships, what are the mbti types of the majority of people that you voluntarily and regularly surround yourself with? So I don't mean people you have to see every day like a parent if you still live with them or a co-worker you wouldn't want to go out to get drinks with, but your actual close friends or partners or anyone else you choose to spend a lot of time with. So:

What types are the majority of people you actively choose to be in your life?

FJs

FPs

TJs

TPs

NJs

NPs

SJs

SPs

no clear pattern/show results

Voting ended onNov 2, 2023

[notanotherinfjblog]

26 votes on a poll like this are far from statistically relevant, but still I find the turnout very interesting that 73% of voters had a preference for a particular judging function and only 19% for a perceiving function.

That's exactly what I've seen in my own personal life as well. I don't know anyone who has mostly NP friends or SJ friends etc. But I do know a lot of people who continuously surround themselves with one judging function while they usually have a clear aversion against another judging function. For instance, I know an ISFP with an open aversion against almost every FJ they know, and I know an ISTP who tries to keep any TJ at a distance. But I have yet to meet anyone who makes such a generalisation to SPs or NPs etc. I personally have SP, SJ, NP and NJ friends.

Even when I take a look at my workplace, you can sometimes find some clear hiring preferences. In academia (where I work), you don't get hired by an HR team, but directly by the professor you're going to work with (more or less) closely. I know an INTJ professor who hired two ESFJ PhD students and one ENFJ postdoc, while another INTP professor is working with an ENTJ PhD student, an ESTJ postdoc and is married to another ESTJ.

So this was an interesting result.

[notanotherinfjblog]

I've been thinking more about this actually. And while I've seen trends in which types flock with which, I do think everyone has their own personal reasons for their preferences in particular judging functions. We choose those functions in other people that benefit us in some way.

And I was thinking about my own dynamics with FJs, TPs, FPs and TJs, and about how I personally feel and behave in their company, when it suddenly clicked for me why it makes so much sense that I gravitate towards TJs. You can think about your preferences in your own life as my reasoning will probably not apply to you, except some other FJs perhaps, but these are my thoughts:

FJs are easy to connect with for me on a superficial level and I like being around them, but they are giving me nothing. When two FJs meet, we always face one of two possible outcomes: 1) no decisions will be made because neither of us wants to step on any toes and instead wants to go along with whatever the other person chooses, but neither of us chooses anything because we are both like this, or 2) they are less timid than me, see my timidity and then go into mother hen mode and make decisions for me because they figure they are doing me a favour in taking the burden off my shoulders. I'm not a fan of either outcome.

TPs are fine, but there is nothing drawing me towards them. All TPs in my life are either family or work acquaintances. I've had some ESTP friends, but we always gradually lost touch because there was simply nothing that kept drawing us together. Their Ti makes sense to me, but I don't feel like I've got much to gain from it except maybe some mild exhaustion, and I imagine that TPs feel the same way about my Fe.

FPs are tricky. There is a certain subtype of Fi that I get on very well with (funnily enough, those FPs are typically the ones that end up in relationships with other FJs). A lot of FPs, however, tend to make me feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them, like I can't speak my mind and have to apologise for being the way I am and thinking the way I do. I'm certain that this is absolutely not their intention, but if you've got both Fe and social anxiety like I do, you need to be liked by other people and so you adapt and adapt and adapt. The thing is, though, that a lot of FPs will judge you specifically for doing that. They want authenticity from me, but that's not something that I can give. They will not tell me that they are disappointed in me for not being "my true self" around them (whatever that is) because they don't want to hurt my feelings, but not explicitly communicating that to me usually makes me feel like I'm simply not worth being around.

TJs, however, are great because they are straightforward with me. They show emotion in a casual way around me, like it's not as big a deal to feel this emotion like a lot FJs and FPs often make it out to be, but it's just like yeah, I'm annoyed by this, yeah, I'm terrified of that, let's work around that and get this thing done regardless. Makes me feel safe. Whenever I need advice, I always end up asking either an ESTJ, ENTJ or INTJ and no one else. They are always the ones giving me honest advice, not shying away from telling me that I'm overreacting or a bit incapable or whatever, but their advice is always solid, and they always respect me if I decide not to follow it. As my ESTJ friend always says "you are your own person, do what you feel is right, but this is how I see it." They are the ones that I feel completely safe openly disagreeing with and I like when they openly disagree with me. This way, we can have honest and interesting discussions. If I wanted someone in my life who thinks everything I do is great, I'd get a dog. I want to be told that I'm being overdramatic or unreasonable. I want to be called out on my flaws, and I can always count on my TJs to do that and I always know that it comes from a place of love.

If we use single combat as a metaphor here, I always feel like FPs are the ones running away from fighting me because they don't want to hurt me, FJs choose to fight in my place to protect me, TPs fight me for fun, and TJs are the ones giving me a sword and showing me how to use it. They are the ones challenging me to become a better person, but they never expect me to change. I do that myself because they are right.

If you want to share your own reasons for why you think it makes sense that you, personally, would gravitate towards a particular function and are willing to share, please do! I'm always interested!

[notanotherinfjblog]

Ni thinking and remembering

ENTJ: It's always so strange how you hear your voice in your head when you're thinking, but it's not actually what your real voice sounds like.

INFJ: If you think in words, yes.

ENTJ: What do you mean if you think in words? Don't all people think in words?

INFJ: Well, I don't, most of the time. My mind is mostly just ... empty. Or not empty, but more like everything is happening somewhere below the surface where I can't reach. It's quite peaceful. Kinda zen-like.

ENTJ: Okay, but ... how do you know what you're thinking if you can't think it?

INFJ: I don't know. I don't start a thought and think it through to the end. It's more like a soap bubble popping in my mind and thus releasing an entire thought process as a whole. It's like, when I have to make a decision, I don't think about it all. The decision will just come to me from my subconscious.

ENTJ: Yes, officer, and then my subconscious told me that it had decided to stab that guy and I was like "Sure! Why not?"

INFJ: You know damn well that's not what I meant.

ENTJ: Yeah, I think I get what you mean. I do think a lot in words, but what you're saying reminds me a lot of my back burner, if that's what you want to call it. I always have one or two things that I'm thinking of somewhere in the background that I don't have conscious access to. Like right now, I'm talking to you and I'm listening and thinking about your words, but at the same time I know that in the back of my mind, I'm figuring out a problem from work, but I'm not consciously thinking about it. I just know that that's going on somewhere simultaneously.

INFJ: What about memories? Do you have conscious access to them? Like, can you replay them in your mind like a movie or are they more abstract?

ENTJ: They are more abstract, definitely not like a movie. I mean, let's say I want to remember what I did on the weekend, an image of my couch will be flashing up in my mind, but I won't see myself, I don't know, press a button on a remote or something. I know what I did, but I don't see myself doing it. But when I'm thinking of a moment that happened, it's like I see an image of the place and then I can kind of zoom in on a certain spot or a certain time frame and recapitulate that. But still, it won't be like a movie and more the knowledge of person XY said so and so, but I won't really see or hear them say it again. I'd be the worst person to ask for a description of a person for a police sketch artist. I'd just be like "... yeah, he looked ... like a person. He was wearing clothes."

INFJ: Same. Not the zoom thing, that's freaky, but all the other stuff. The funny thing is, I'm actually really good at recognising people. I see a random stranger walking in front of me and immediately know that I saw them on the bus a few weeks ago or something. But don't ask me to describe what they look like because I don't know.

ENTJ: Exactly, it's like the visual memory is locked away somewhere and you can't access it.

INFJ: Yes! I always describe my memory as a library that I'm not allowed to enter, so I have to make a request for a book at the counter, but I don't remember what the book is called, so the librarian has no idea where to even start looking.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Texting habits per judging function

No one asked, but here are some observations I've made in my personal life.

*Note that this probably differs by age, gender, and culture (for instance, I have been told by several Americans that I use an insane amount of emojis, whereas it's not considered weird at all here in Germany).

FJ:

Generally very good at texting, will respond to absolutely every point you make. If you send them a long voice message, they can be found taking notes while listening so that they will not forget to answer any point you made.

Have a very hard time leaving someone on read and if they do, either something happened and they forgot, or they simply don't like you very much. If they open the message, they answer. If they don't have time to answer you right now, they simply will not open the message yet.

If the text conversation is done (i.e. you wrote something like "bye, see you tomorrow!" that does not require another response), they will still at the very least send you an emoji back for no reason other than letting you know that "Yes! I read your message! I'm not ignoring you! I love you!" (Literally every FJ I have ever known does this. Every single one, including myself.)

They will adapt to your style of texting. If you are the kind of person that likes to send a bunch of heart emojis to friends and the FJ friend is not, they will still pepper in a heart here and there. If you generally don't use emojis, they will use them only occasionally. If you reply in wallpaper long messages, so will they. If you break up your messages into several texts one after the other, so will they.

FPs:

Also generally quite good at texting and can actually appear a lot warmer in writing than in person (there have been several instances where I received really lovely messages from FPs who I used to think hated my guts whenever we met in person).

Prepare for emojis. Seriously.

You can have infinitely long text conversations with them. If you are willing to commit, the conversation between the two of you will never end. With NFPs, the conversations usually end up spiralling into nonsense scenarios, while SFPs keep telling you about their day and keep answering you about your day every day.

TPs:

(my texting experience with TPs is unfortunately very limited, so feel free to fill in my blanks)

Fe is very noticeable in the extroverts, i.e. they tend to go the FJ route described above, but in a more nonchalant and more relaxed way. Like with FJs, the focus of the conversation is on you and their dynamic with you.

The introverts (i.e. my dad, i.e. my only point of reference) are bad at texting and prefer to call, so almost all text conversations go something like this: TP: "Hi, I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up. I hope everything is alright with you?" You: "Yes, sorry. Everything's good here, how about you, everything okay?" --- end of conversation ---

TJs:

Generally bad at texting. Also don't really like it and see no point in it, so they usually prefer calling or talking in person.

Will appear colder in writing than in person, especially the STJs. Their answers will be straight to the point. No beating around the bush and no needless extension of a conversation in form of jokes/questions/anecdotes for a bonding experience. If they want to tell you something, they will tell you in person.

Have absolutely zero problem leaving people on read and usually don't mean anything by it.

STJs rarely use emojis, NTJs do but not excessively

If their answer requires them to type anything more than two sentences, they will send you a voice message instead. (Literally every single TJ I know does this, except my INTJ brother who is a complete maniac and calls instead.)

[notanotherinfjblog]

As I've just realised a trend in my own friendships, what are the mbti types of the majority of people that you voluntarily and regularly surround yourself with? So I don't mean people you have to see every day like a parent if you still live with them or a co-worker you wouldn't want to go out to get drinks with, but your actual close friends or partners or anyone else you choose to spend a lot of time with. So:

What types are the majority of people you actively choose to be in your life?

FJs

FPs

TJs

TPs

NJs

NPs

SJs

SPs

no clear pattern/show results

Voting ended onNov 2, 2023

[notanotherinfjblog]

26 votes on a poll like this are far from statistically relevant, but still I find the turnout very interesting that 73% of voters had a preference for a particular judging function and only 19% for a perceiving function.

That's exactly what I've seen in my own personal life as well. I don't know anyone who has mostly NP friends or SJ friends etc. But I do know a lot of people who continuously surround themselves with one judging function while they usually have a clear aversion against another judging function. For instance, I know an ISFP with an open aversion against almost every FJ they know, and I know an ISTP who tries to keep any TJ at a distance. But I have yet to meet anyone who makes such a generalisation to SPs or NPs etc. I personally have SP, SJ, NP and NJ friends.

Even when I take a look at my workplace, you can sometimes find some clear hiring preferences. In academia (where I work), you don't get hired by an HR team, but directly by the professor you're going to work with (more or less) closely. I know an INTJ professor who hired two ESFJ PhD students and one ENFJ postdoc, while another INTP professor is working with an ENTJ PhD student, an ESTJ postdoc and is married to another ESTJ.

So this was an interesting result.

[notanotherinfjblog]

As an introvert, how much do you choose your friends vs. how much do they choose you and you go along with them - whether it seems like a good idea or not?

Interesting question, anon, thank you! Prepare for a ramble.

I'm honestly not sure if it's really that different for introverts than for extroverts. Extroverts may have more acquaintances because they are better at striking up conversations with people, but friends are a much bigger deal than acquaintances. Becoming friends is a mutual decision. You can't befriend someone who doesn't want to befriend you back. I remember sort of befriending an ESFP in high school. She clung to me and liked me a lot more than I liked her. So I was friendly with her and she was part of our friend group, so yeah, we were kind of friends, but I never sought her out in the way that she sought me out. The connection was not mutual, so we never hung out one-on-one. You can only become proper friends if both parties want to.

The going along with people whether it's a good idea or not that you mention is something that I'd rather associate with young people. You're not quite sure yet where you fit in and where you belong, and then someone comes along and is nice to you, so you follow them just to belong somewhere. I certainly did that as a teenager, but I'm not in touch with any of the people anymore that I became friends with in such a manner. But even in cases like these it has to be mutual. You make the decision to go along with them. Or you're too afraid to say no (which is also a decision in itself if you ask me). No one is forcing you to go along with them but you. But then again: going along with people is not the same as actively choosing them to be in your life.

I guess that's the advantage of getting older: you are much more secure in who you are and become less willing to waste your time on people that you don't really like all that much, so you end up handpicking your people (or at least that's been my experience). Let's take my ENTJ friend as an example. We happened to meet at work, liked each other's company and so we keep seeking each other out on a regular basis. Since we work on completely different things and sit in separate offices, we have no real work-related reason to talk to each other besides maybe a quick "hi" in passing, and yet both of us keep making the decision to spend more and more time with each other. Or another example: my ESTJ friend adopted me during our first week of university. So yeah, she chose me first. I was shy, socially anxious and had no idea how anything worked. She was extroverted, kind and seemed to know how everything worked. And I liked her, so I chose her back. I allowed her to adopt me. She knew it took me a while to warm up to people which made it hard for me to approach people and make friends, so she told all her university friends about how cool I was, hoping that they'd want to become friends with me too. And guess what? It worked. But forming a friend group is still an entirely different thing than choosing people to be in your life. In a friend group, you are usually not equally close to everyone. You are close to some and better acquainted with others who came along as a package deal. I'm not a student anymore and the only two people from our old university friend group that I'm still very close to are said ESTJ and an INFP. All three of us live in different states now and yet all three of us keep making the decision to reach out to each other on a daily basis. We actively choose to remain a part of each other's life every single day.

Something that I always find interesting is that I gravitate towards different MBTI types for different levels of intimacy. I'm acquainted with so many ESFJs it's unreal, and I really like becoming acquainted with them. There have been a few ESFJs in different friend groups throughout my life, but I've never been really close to any of them even though ESFJs are one of the types I get along best with. We are similar enough to understand each other, but too similar to gain anything from each other's company. I also tend to get along very well with ISTPs, but neither of us ever seek each other out. When we meet, it's all good, we enjoy the conversation and then we part ways. But whenever I meet TJs, something in me usually says YES!! BEFRIEND!!! BEFRIEND!!!!! BEFRIEND!!!!!!!! They are the ones that I actively choose. And more often than not, they choose me back.

[notanotherinfjblog]

As I've just realised a trend in my own friendships, what are the mbti types of the majority of people that you voluntarily and regularly surround yourself with? So I don't mean people you have to see every day like a parent if you still live with them or a co-worker you wouldn't want to go out to get drinks with, but your actual close friends or partners or anyone else you choose to spend a lot of time with. So:

What types are the majority of people you actively choose to be in your life?

FJs

FPs

TJs

TPs

NJs

NPs

SJs

SPs

no clear pattern/show results

Voting ended onNov 2, 2023

[notanotherinfjblog]

Acting on an emotion

INFJ: Okay, but in all seriousness: am I overreacting? I mean is it even as big of a deal as I perceive it to be?

ESTJ: Yes! It's not nice what they are doing and it's been bothering you for three days, so tell them that it's been bothering you. It's completely irrelevant if that's appropriate. Having that feeling is valid either way.

INFJ: I don't care if my feeling is valid, I care about whether it's appropriate to act on this feeling. It does matter to me what people think of me and I don't want to stop being on good terms with them just because I'm feeling some emotion.

ESTJ: In this situation it's irrelevant if they find your response appropriate. You find their behaviour unfair, so you think your reaction is appropriate. At some point you have to start standing up for yourself. Whether you do that or not is up to you, but you will not get an unemotional factually "correct" response to an emotional question.

INFJ: I don't like emotional questions. I don't want anyone to know I have emotions.

ESTJ: I know, but that doesn't make them go away.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Dominant vs inferior Fe in problem solving

ESFJ: Can you believe this? Now ISTP texts me that he's going to be there for me all the way with all this stress in my life. Then why does he never show it? When I talked to him on the phone just an hour ago, he just tried to calm me down and that's it, like I'm an annoyance he has to make smaller. His nice words don't mean anything unless he acts on them.

INFJ: But isn't that what being there for someone means, supporting them? What would you like him to do instead? Join you in your anger and frustration? Him cursing out everyone who is making your life more difficult?

ESFJ: Yes! But he never does! He's never there for me! All he ever does is try to make sense of my problems and make plans to solve them. But that's not helping!

INFJ: Because you want to complain with him and not just to him?

ESFJ: Yes, I guess so.

[notanotherinfjblog]

what type would you say Aubrey Plaza is?

ISTP. Moves like an SP, but certainly an introvert. Ti-dom eye movements. Not particularly emotive, but still visible Fe. Tertiary Ni detachment (which is different from the Ni detachment of NJs, especially Ni-doms, but it's still tangible somehow in ISTPs and ISFPs). So yeah, ISTP, pretty sure.

[notanotherinfjblog]

Rash decisions

INFJ: My ESFP friend is getting married now to a guy she met a few months ago on holiday.

ENTJ: She is getting what?

INFJ: Yeah. You know, it's always fun to watch your best friend make the craziest of life choices.

ENTJ: But that's so stupid. You can't know a person after that short amount of time. What is she thinking? Does no one tell her how insane that is?

INFJ: Of course they do. We all do, but she doesn't want to hear it. She needs us all to believe in their undying love.

ENTJ: Okay, here's what we do. Next time you FaceTime her or whatever, tell me and I'll be casually walking in on your conversation, see her on screen and be like "Oh it's you! You with the crazy life choices!" I mean, I don't know her, but I can tell her the harsh truth, so you don't have to. You don't have to risk your friendship with her. I can do that for you.

[notanotherinfjblog]

When you are visualizing things, do you find what you see in the mind's eye to be disproportionate? I was wondering if people with low Se have a tendency to visualize things in a less exact way. Thank you.

Hi anon! Sorry for the late response.

That's a very interesting question! I always think that my visualisations are a lot like memories: extremely blurry. It's more like I know where stuff is supposed to be and less that I see where it is. So when I visualise things, my mind's eye kind of glides over everything without really looking at it. Pretty much like in real life, where I always have a singular focus (which is typically directed at a person) and will not notice a single thing happening around me. So that certainly gets carried over into my visualisations. Nothing I visualise is ever really sharp, just one big blur. And concerning the proportions, I wouldn't say that I visualise a chair to be bigger than a table or something like that, but there has always been the strong tendency to space things out too much. For instance, a hallway will be five metres broad instead of two. The distances are too big. I've actually got that same problem with dreams. I often know I'm dreaming because everything is too far apart to be realistic. No idea why I'm doing that.

I'd actually be very interested to know how it works for people with high Se (or Ne/Si, for that matter, since I know that at least my INTP father is very good at visualising things more realistically). So if anyone wants to chime in, please do! :)