SHH... ITS A SECRET

Twenty nine turned to the right and fourteen to the left. Unlock the combination to my fragile mind to see what I D E T E S T. var sc_project=11548821; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="2a012935"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[notaxfairytale]

This is home. This will always be home and my heart will always be here, I’ll never forget where I came from.

[notaxfairytale]

Bar wrestling has been my home for the greater half of this last decade and I am so sad to be leaving, but so excited to finally be out there and getting into the big world. To finally show the world what I’ve got and all the potential and hearts I can touch with this.

Women are strong and i’ll continue to fight to prove this.

I’m going to miss everyone that’s pushed me along the way.

[silk101]

damn a bitch be feeling empty as fuck sometimes

[deadwatered]

with your face smashed against my pillow and your soft brown eyes holding mine, I knew. so when you asked me why I looked so sad, know that it was because I knew it would hurt when you left.

(via deadwatered)

[2in1god]

[hazyaffection]

Stop crushing my heart like this

[arabwife]

I can’t wait for the day a woman’s strength isn’t dictated by how much abuse she can endure

[xerenata]

Paramore//Hard Times

*Probably my favorite thing i’ve ever made*

[notaxfairytale]

I think, despite being upset, I really need to count my blessings. I’ve been thinking a lot about everything tonight and well, I should really be thankful for a lot of things. I may get hurt easily and I may have this big outer tough girl appearance, but am actually.. A soft, delicate flower. Lame, I know. But it is what it is.

This thing, everything that’s happened, though. It’s lead me to where I am today. It’s lead me to strive for a stronger me and I might fake it till I make it, but I’m going to get there.

Sometimes it just takes girls like these, fans, people telling me how proud they are of me to keep pushing. WWE is just now dabbling further into mix matched teams and I’m so proud of that, something I specialize in that I’ll be able to participate in when I finally get the official announcement. 

I am so fortunate to have all of these inspirations. These bits of pixie dust scattered all over to remind me that I can do anything.

[notaxfairytale]

I am not doing this.

[notaxfairytale]

I’m ready to just, go home. And lay in my own bed and be done with all of these doctors appointments and physicals. I want to sign that contract and be ready to start up this newest chapter in my life. I’ve kicked off this year in the luckiest way I can imagine, but I still feel off. And maybe that’s my own insecurities getting in the way, but I just, don’t know anymore.

My heart feels like it’s just in a constant state of exhaustion and I’m so afraid of getting hurt again. And logically I know Chris wouldn’t hurt me, not intentionally, not the way that Jake did. I know he wouldn’t cause me any kind of physical harm, he’s a good guy. But maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Or maybe I’m just not good enough for him. Maybe. Maybe Bryce is better cut out for this than I am. And I know that maybe I shouldn’t think that way. But she’s so much.. prettier, more graceful than I am. And they’ve got this strong bond already. And I’m just new. Maybe he’ll get tired of it soon.

She’s a nice woman and I feel awful... feeling so intimidated by her. But after yesterday, I think it just solidified things. She does know him better than I do. And she cares about him so much. She pushes him to talk, to try to better himself and then there’s me. I hardly know any of what he feels. I wait around for him to just open up on his own and maybe he doesn’t need that... maybe he needs someone to push him, to strive to better himself. And I just.. I can’t bring myself to do that because I’m so.. scared. I’m scared to open up and let my walls come down. I’m scared of being open and vulnerable.

I shouldn’t feel like this, I’ve got Joey. And we’ve got that easy kind of boy/girl friendship, but even there are lines drawn there. He’d never come touch me like that in front of Chris, or at all. He’d never come at me and lick my face or anything like that in front of him or at all. Sure, he’s fucking flung me across the ring half naked (in my gear), but that’s just.. work, in the ring. Where I’m something more of a secret weapon than anything.

I’m trying so hard not to get upset, not to get jealous. But I think it’s best if I just go home. Maybe talk to someone about this. I don’t know. He said he loves me, but I’m not sure I believe it. I do love him, though. And that’s what makes it hurt more. I let those stupid walls come down and I shouldn’t have.

[digitalintimacy-deactivated2018]

my mom might’ve raised an emotionally vacant child with severe depression and anxiety but she didn’t raise a quitter

[deleteme-adub-deactivated201811]

any time u like a boy juss know u played yourself always keep that stored in ya mind for later

[winemom97-deactivated20180627]

i’ve mastered the art of suppressing emotions so i can function everyday

[bpdtucker]

i love when irrational jealousy grips me by the throat and body slams me into the inescapable abyss of Overthinking and Rage

[folieapleasedont]

when the depression hits but you still gotta do shit

[approvers]