A SIDE BLOG

doing pretty good in general

[makinginfinity]

subliming.jpg

[age-sex-location]

[humansofnewyork]

“I grew up in the village behind me. It’s very beautiful here but there are few opportunities. Whenever I think about my children’s prospects, I grow sad. I have nothing to provide for them so they’ll probably end up like me, taking whatever work they can just to survive. My parents died when I was ten. I went to live with my aunt and my uncle. They never gave me grief. They never made me feel bad. But they were also poor, and every time we sat down to eat, I felt like I was stealing from their family. The guilt grew so bad that when I turned 15, I tried to build a shed for myself. I lived there for about six months. But then the winter came. And eventually the cold grew stronger than the guilt.” (Hunza Valley, Pakistan)

[notentirelyauthentic]

got into zodiac signs recently and to be honest i don’t believe in them but also they’re 90% accurate and kinda blowing my mind but also i don’t believe but also 

[bakwaaas]

I love how irrelevant tumblr is. like no celebrities on here, no colleagues or family on here, no one’s famous off tumblr or making money, tbh no ones even updating the site like is there even any staff? who knows? it’s bliss

[love]

[notentirelyauthentic]

hey everyone, hope your lives have continued to progress in fun and interesting ways. it’s been a while, per usual.

i’m living in la still, working as a photographer, and have wins and losses along the way. i’ve done some of my best work, but i’ve failed on some of my most ambitious projects too. wins and losses, wins and losses. life is full of nuance.

my twenty-fifth birthday is approaching, and while a younger me would be appalled to learn that i have still never dated anyone and i am still financially unsustainable as a photographer, he would perhaps take some solace in the growth that’s happened along the way. positive line graphs, that’s what you want, ultimately. even if they aren’t as sharp as you’d like. 

while i haven’t found love, that lack has inspired my best work ever. i’m proud of it. i’ve been in therapy for a couple years, which unearthed my avoidant-dismissive attachment style—the knowledge of which has really shifted how i show up on dates and in relationships in general. i feel like i’m much better equipped now than i once was.

when i arrived in LA two years ago, a girl gave me a prophetic word. i was sitting in a field sharpening my sword even though it was already rather sharp, and I told the Lord that i wanted to go into battle, but he said to keep sharpening because it wasn’t time yet. and yeah, that’s been about right. i’ve done nothing but sharpen and sharpen and sharpen—in both my professional and romantic life—but to no avail. i still haven’t quite managed to get in the game yet.

she gave me a second word too, which was relatively simple. i was in a hallway, and i’d walk along and approach various doors and they’d just fly open. i wouldn’t even have to touch the handle. i’ve taken that to mean that whenever it is finally time to start, God will be the one who makes it happen.

i don’t really know how much longer i can hold on. maybe i’m underestimating myself. maybe i’m being dramatic. i’m not exactly sure what “letting go” would even mean, or if that would even be bad. i have let go, more or less, with relationships. i’ve stopped the dating apps and trying to make things happen on my own. i’m talking to a gal now, but only because she was sort of dropped in my lap.

with career...i just keep practicing photography. it can’t stay like this forever though. i’ve got to make more money. and i don’t know if i have the morale to stick with it much longer. 

i feel optimistic, because the line graph is still positive, but it’s been a long winter. it feels sad to be turning twenty-five and never have dated anyone. it feels sad to watch my bank account drop and drop and drop. but...i do believe, in some way, that this is going somewhere.

good luck everyone. i’m sorry i’ve only really talked about me—this isn’t really a well-balanced catch up—but hey, that’s tumblr, right? what’s left of it. a public diary entry. 

[fotogrimsi-deactivated20230306]

[yesdarlingido]

Having our emotions validated is such an important component of feeling safe and seen in our relationships. Learning its importance and practicing validating each other’s emotions greatly strengthens connection.

Validation of emotion is not a judgement of whether you agree with the 1) merit, 2) appropriateness, or 3) intensity of the emotion. It is merely noting the fact that the emotion is present. Feelings are data. You don’t have to like or agree with the data, but ignoring, minimizing, or rejecting the data will not change the data—it will only put you at a disadvantage at navigating the situation.

No emotion is “invalid” because the validity solely rests on it’s existence. Working with emotion is the most powerful way to influence your relationship. The way you respond to your partner’s emotion will either foster rejection/distance or foster safety/connection.

If you don’t know where to start with validating emotions, take on the role of a weather reporter. You name the feelings you are observing without attaching any judgement to it. The weather reporter does not say “it’s not fair that it’s raining // you’re not allowed to rain right now // you’re so immature for raining again // I don’t understand why it’s raining this hard.” Of course not. A weather reporter also does not pretend it isn’t raining until the sun comes out because ignoring the rain doesn’t change the fact that it’s wet outside. The reporter simply states what is happening—it’s raining right now. Observation without judgement. The rain is a reaction to the environment. The rain is more predictable at some times than others. The rain is neither good nor bad. Rain is normal. It comes and goes. Every emotion is normal. They all come and go. There are not “good” emotions and “bad” emotions. I prefer “comfortable” emotions and “uncomfortable” emotions. That way, instead of making a judgement call on an emotion, you can become curious about the emotion at play, and curiosity is an opportunity to deepen connection. 

-L, thoughts of a therapist

[notentirelyauthentic]

glance

[yimmyayo]

[collinear]

movie meme: 3/20 movies → About Time (2013) dir. Richard Curtis

We’re all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.

[yesdarlingido]

First, create your ego. Then destroy it. This is all of life.

Kamand Kojouri

[notentirelyauthentic]

Jan 29th, 2019 11:31 p.m. 

Different, of course, in so many ways, than four years ago. Disappointingly, also so similar. In a new-ish city. Feeling lonely and a bit direction-less. Talking to tumblr about it. Caught up in my ego. Focused on what’s missing.

[mitten]

[indestructible-manifestations]

[vintagepales]

Florence vs Venice