Thoughts From My Notes App

some funny, some deep, all my own though dms always open (she/he)

[notesappthoughts57]

Because at the end of the day I'll never be enough for you, will I?

[the-social-alcoholic]

CONFLICT

This distance is a wall I can't scale,

words in the air — talk that never nails.

We speak and the silence pounds in my chest,

a relentless throb that will not rest.

The elephant stays, fat and absurd,

your quiet is a death sentence — final, unheard.

I don't know what I want; I only know this:

you are my wound and my darkest bliss.

You are the worst thing that taught me how to survive,

and the best thing that keeps me alive.

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

[notesappthoughts57]

I think I will have to accept that I am just like my parents.

Just like my father.

But maybe, just maybe I can be a little better than them by not having children.

[notesappthoughts57]

Maybe I didn't need you to be a contrarian.

Maybe I didn't need you to challenge my ideas.

Maybe I didn't need you to test and oppose my emotions.

Maybe, I just needed a dad?

[notesappthoughts57]

Realizing you don't love me the way I pathetically need you to hurt more than any thing else ever could

[notesappthoughts57]

I can't help but think that if I was only some other kid it would have been easier for you to love your child.

[notesappthoughts57]

Maybe you're not a bad parent

Maybe I'm just not the right child

[notesappthoughts57]

The worst part wasn't that she was quiet. It was that no one noticed.

That she thought no one noticed.

[notesappthoughts57]

Ethier you didn't notice or you did and ignored it

and I don't know which one is worse.

[notesappthoughts57]

She would do anything for you.

She doesn't even know who I really am.

[notesappthoughts57]

"I am not a villain You shouldn't have treated me as one."

I was a child You should've treated me as one.

[notesappthoughts57]

How can you expect me to get better, to want to get better, if every time I try you make fun of me?

[notesappthoughts57]

This house is safe but this home is far from it.

[notesappthoughts57]

You're not "fine" if your definition of fine is not dead

[notesappthoughts57]

Nah because who the fuck am I supposed to talk to? My mother? His wife?

[notesappthoughts57]

Why won't you notice?

Do you not care?

Why don't you care?