نور

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feeling the distant ebb of nostalgia for last spring and summer where we were living in such strange circumstances, we were plunged into a life of isolation and trying to keep sane with small things. the uncertainty of what was to come came with a sort of freeing and liberating feeling. then again i romanticize memories and the past.  now i work and have responsibilities and a schedule and cant just stay up until 2 watching stuff with nimi. can't go and eat suhoor together over video chat. animal crossing. sun. ice cream. celery smoothies. i wonder how ramadan will be this year inshallah

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really only come here when its really dark. and right now its really dark. thinking about tomorrow makes me wanna die

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the need for me to be with my family and be in algeria grows stronger everyday

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so fed up of life, its so unexciting, bleak, grey. just genuinely so tired of existing. and not in a like ‘i wanna die kind of way’... its just exhausting being alive and having to get out of bed and do stuff.  each day morphed into the next.  not being able to see my friends after a while already takes a toll on me and makes me feel empty, but now i REALLY am not able to see them... for months bc of the virus. just ugh. even doing stuff i would usually enjoy, its empty feeling to me but i just do it to pass the time

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this blog is so depressing LOL

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I really thought the last 2 years wouldn’t have major effects for me bc I was ~that bitch~~~ and dealing with hard life stuff was in my dna . But it really has

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so homesick

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I don’t remember ever being this sad and in turmoil

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I was relying so much on this trip I’m so heartbroken

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coming to algeria each year older is like realising things aren’t peachy anymore from when you were a kid. I feel an empty heart in Algeria right now, full from seeing my family of course, but just realising the darkness and disappointment they Feel aboht the way of living here. It breaks my heart how they don’t have opportunity, resource, I wish I could provide everything they could ever need. More of my loved ones now more than ever sleeping in the soil who I’ll never see again. me not seeing them again? Ever ???? Not even a 2 year holiday. That guarantee that I’ll never see them again, it’s just too painful, it’s like sharp daggers in my heart.

[huariqueje]

Street girls  -   Karl Hubbuch , c.1928.

German, 1891-1979

watercolor, pencil and wash , 64.8 x 55.8 cm.   25.5 x 22 in.

[nothing-s]

i wish i could have the strength to cut ‘ties’ completely online with my friend but i know im not because im waiting on a sliver of hope 

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this week that sadness and utter dread of the future and my hopeless job prospects is really starting to creep in

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yesterday I unwillingly thought about my best friend who is no longer that and it felt like she had died and had not just cut ties with being my friend anymore.

[design-art-architecture]

Sol Lewitt

[menhe-rafflesia]

Same

[thedesertgod-deactivated2020013]

Measuring lifespan by units of ibuprofen consumed