All I Got Left Is My Bones

Dr. Leonard McCoy. CMO of the USS Enterprise. Too damn old for this shit. [Independent Nu!McCoy rp blog. Mun and muse are both too old for this shit. Possible NSFW behind cuts. No gifs are mine.]

[nothingleftbutbones]

[text] to say goodbye

It hurts to type it out, a sick feeling settling low in his gut. Leonard doesn’t want to say goodbye, but he can’t keep being the selfish one. He just…needs this. 

[getoffthere]

He keeps silent for another long pause. Minutes instead of hours this time.

[text] fine. When&where?

This is going to hurt, it’s going to be like sticking a hot poker in a wound, pretending you’re cauterizing it. But Scotty wants there to be something, something that either proves Leonard McCoy was a complete bastard all along so he can move on with his life, or… Or what? 

"Goddamit," he mutters out, through his hands as he drops backwards onto the mattress.

[nothingleftbutbones]

[text] Now. You know where.

The bar they always met at. The place where he'd actually slumped onto a stool and met the Scotsman for the very first time.

Doesn't hurt that he's already there, shoulders hunched up and two glasses of bourbon in, back in a dark booth.

[nothingleftbutbones]

Leonard must check his phone a hundred times in the next few hours, throat tight with fear. When it finally vibrates in his pocket, he nearly drops it in his haste. 

[text] let me see you one last time

[text] you can sock me in the jaw for all I care

[getoffthere]

[text] where

delete? yes

[text] what the hell kind of purpose would that serve

He’d almost agreed without thinking about it, so used to meeting up where ever, whenever, they pleased. Too used to it being normal and not some new ploy or lie, or anything like that. Naive.

[nothingleftbutbones]

[text] to say goodbye

It hurts to type it out, a sick feeling settling low in his gut. Leonard doesn't want to say goodbye, but he can't keep being the selfish one. He just...needs this. 

[nothingleftbutbones]

[text] I’m sorry

[text] I’m sorry that I drug you into this

[text] I’m sorry that I was so selfish

[text] I won’t ask you to forgive me, I just need you to know that I love you

[getoffthere]

He leaves those messages alone for hours, doesn’t know what to say. It’s a few hours before dawn when he taps out a series of responses

[text] if i said a forgave you i’d be as much a liar as you are.

[text] Same if I said I didn’t love you.

[text] I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with that, and sorry isn’t helping much.

[nothingleftbutbones]

Leonard must check his phone a hundred times in the next few hours, throat tight with fear. When it finally vibrates in his pocket, he nearly drops it in his haste. 

[text] let me see you one last time

[text] you can sock me in the jaw for all I care

[nothingleftbutbones]

Well, well, well. If it isn't the medical man.

I been busy. Sue me. 

[nothingleftbutbones]

She wouldn’t be proud. No one would be proud of the man he’s become. A liar and a cheat, a selfish drunk who put himself before everyone around him. 

Leonard drags a hand over his eyes, trying to ignore the sting.

[text] When I met you, I wasn’t looking for anything

[text] I didn’t intend to fall for you

It’s the truth. They’d been bar buddies. It wasn’t like Leonard had any intention of falling head over heels for another man. 

[text] I knew that if I said something, you’d leave

He deserved it, Leonard knows that. But it doesn’t mean he didn’t do his level best to avoid it. 

[getoffthere]

[text] that’s not the point and you know it

[text] yeah? And I wanted to be in love with someone who already has a life without me in it and is a liar to boot. Totally my intention. Sorry to ruin your life by being a selfish bastard.

Scotty sets his phone down for a second, two fingers finding the bridge of his nose while he fights to steady his breathing. He picks it back up and sees the last message.

[text] I might have valued honesty a lot more than hiding behind my back and you know it.

That wasn’t a guarantee that he would have stayed, hell, he’s fairly certain he wouldn’t have been able to stomach it, but it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt this much.

[text] I’d’ve never done this to you.

[nothingleftbutbones]

[text] I'm sorry

[text] I'm sorry that I drug you into this

[text] I'm sorry that I was so selfish

[text] I won't ask you to forgive me, I just need you to know that I love you

[nothingleftbutbones]

That does more than sting. That cuts deep and Leonard deeply considers putting his phone down and walking away. But he deserves this, he deserves these licks.

[text] her name is Joanna

[text] she’s 9

[getoffthere]

The next text takes longer as Scotty tries to find a way to deflect his pain outward to Le- McCoy, without insulting his child too, unwilling to drag a child into an adults’ argument, whether he’s met her or not.

[text] I’m sure she’s proud.

…

He’s still being an asshole, and he takes a moment to feel bad about it before drowning the sensation in another drink. As far as he’s concerned, the doctor started the conversation and he could either leave it or put up with a very angry and hurt Scotsman.

[text] you realize if you’d actually bloody talked to me i’d have listened. or tried to, at least. i used to think i owed you that.

[text] you never talked to me

[text] at least I know it wasn’t me, eh?

[nothingleftbutbones]

She wouldn't be proud. No one would be proud of the man he's become. A liar and a cheat, a selfish drunk who put himself before everyone around him. 

Leonard drags a hand over his eyes, trying to ignore the sting.

[text] When I met you, I wasn't looking for anything

[text] I didn't intend to fall for you

It's the truth. They'd been bar buddies. It wasn't like Leonard had any intention of falling head over heels for another man. 

[text] I knew that if I said something, you'd leave

He deserved it, Leonard knows that. But it doesn't mean he didn't do his level best to avoid it. 

[nothingleftbutbones]

Well that one stung.

[text] I’m sorry I lied to you

[text] I was scared of losing you

[getoffthere]

That was kind of the idea.

[text] Sorry you got caught, more like.

[text] And this worked out so much better for you.

It kind of had, hadn’t it, this little fallout came around much later than it would have done. And now he’s sitting here responding to the bastard.

[text] Don’t you have better things to do than grovel, McCoy? Like being a parent, maybe?

Dick move, but Scotty’s headed toward drunk and he’s pissed.

[nothingleftbutbones]

That does more than sting. That cuts deep and Leonard deeply considers putting his phone down and walking away. But he deserves this, he deserves these licks.

[text] her name is Joanna

[text] she's 9

[getoffthere]

[text] god damn it

[text] I know you have your phone

[text] congratulations sherlock. Maybe you can cheat on your job by being a detective too.

Jackass.

Scotty wishes he meant that thought more firmly.

Aand that’s drink number five. Maybe six. He should probably count them.

[nothingleftbutbones]

Well that one stung.

[text] I'm sorry I lied to you

[text] I was scared of losing you

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

i fucking hate you

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

i fucking hate you

[nothingleftbutbones]

[nothingleftbutbones]

Scotty loves llama dick, pass it on.

[thereasonsiwakeupinthemorni-blog]

And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

the chaos of stars   (via take-me-to-therapy)

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

nothingleftbutbones replied to your post: “U

…

… What.

[nothingleftbutbones]

[getoffthere]

[nothingleftbutbones]

[transwarp--theorist]

[getoffthere]

nothingleftbutbones replied to your post: “U

…

… What.

[nothingleftbutbones]