The Unofficial Guide to Jewbearianism @notivated-blog - Tumblr Blog

having sex

boy: did you cum yet

girl: not yet

boy: *does nothing* how about now?

girl: sure

boy: sweet

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coolfriendlygay-deactivated2018

a second chance

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pipistrellus

One time I brought one of my rocks with me on a plane to touch to calm me down during the flight, but it fell out of my pocket on my way back to the bathroom and then as soon as i realized this they actually announced “did anyone lose…… . A rock” over the loudspeaker system.

When I went up to claim it the plane man, clearly unable to throw off the shackles of his training in the procedure of asking for people’s full names and birthdates when they come to claim wallets, said “wait no, first tell me what color it is so I know it’s really yours”

He seemed to realize this was stupid directly after saying it and kind of smiled like to make it a joke but the joke was on him bc I Described the fucking rock to him for like 30 solid seconds

…anyway. that was an interaction I had once

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danielkanhai

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life.

jazzcochina-deactivated20180807

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest

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jokeboy-deactivated20260221

gotta be funny so girls forget about my teenie weenie

slimetony

I wouldn’t reblog this normally (my dick is huge and not small), but I really relate to the idea of making up for all of my other, admitally small flaws, with humor

princecryptid

nice try tony but we all know the truth. tony is only one letter away from tiny…….

slimetony

it’s also 32 letters away from try shutting the hell up motherfucker

the owl-xorcist

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair Like no Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

kerryrenaissance

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

quasi-normalcy

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

everdeen420

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies of the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

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