Don't know

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

On Flowing With Mercury

I was having such good days. Amazing days. I was working towards that woman I want to be. Restlessly. But, no reason why, I started having terrible days. Lazy days. The ones you feel like doing nothing at all. Watched looots of netflix (Blacklist season 5 just AMAZING). And today I woke up and said: “If Mercury is retrograding, why don’t I do that with him?” It’s so much easier, to flow, to let the wind take you were you have to be. We spend so much time and energy trying to figure out how to dominate nature, and we forget we are a part of it. Instead of owning it, we should be trying to flow with it, to learn it’s deepest secrets. We were given the gift of intelligence to boost our existence through nature, not at it’s expense. It’s winter, it’s cold, it’s dark, Mercury is retrograding. Spoil yourself, stay home, and connect with what’s bigger than us, and, at the same time, is beneath us. 

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

Cumplir

It is a spanish word. To accomplish. To do as everyone else expects you to do. And it is what I have done all my life. I’ve been having good days. But today I woke up angry, annoyed, and I didn’t know why. Now I know: it is Father’s Day, and the society and my family expects something from me. It is the day I have to spend with him, the day I treat him in many ways, the day I make him feel important. The day I thank him for everything. And you know? All these days I think of a letter of something to tell them. This time NOTHING. I am just remembering it. It must be the first father’s day that he has no letter at all. So weird. I am so tired of people expecting things from me. And my mother is everything this society expects her to be. She is the perfect wife, the perfect mother. I am so desperate. I do not want to be that. I do not want to be perfect, even though my entire life that is exactly what I tried to be. I just want to Untame myself, like Glennon Doyle did. But it is so hard, so difficult it almost seems impossible. I feel that I can’t be true to myself, because I have no idea who I am. Or maybe I do, I am just scared of going that way. Once I said: “When ANYONE has a chance to give an opinion about me or my behavior, I am no longer free”. How sad is that?

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

So fed up

I am sooooo fed up about those typical blog posts like “7 habits that will make you happy”, “10 things to be the best version of yourself”. And then they go on and on about those wonderful things to do to be great and happy and perfect. Like, seriously. Can someone PLEASE say HOW DIFFICULT THAT IS??? They make it sound so simple and it annoys me so much. Because we are wired in a way that makes us miserable sometimes, and we need time and a lo OOOT of courage and perseverance and strength to get there. So if at first it’s difficult, ITS NORMAL. It make take you a year, or two, or three (almost four in my case) to be happy, be your best version, etc. Hang in there, you got this 

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

The Artist’s Way

I started writing this 3 times. I don’t know why I am giving so much of a thought to this. The thing is, I do not consider myself creative, and that book is supossed to help me be creative. Soooo I said ok, lets buy it. But no. Something inside me won’t let me do it. I am going to wait. I know that someday, that book will just magically appear into my hands, and I will know it is time to do that thing. Because, you know everything always happen for a reason and bla bla bla there are no coincidences bla bla bla. OK it is definiely NOT my best day of writing, but I guess that is a good thing. It’s real. I have days full of inspiration and days that life just sucks. Like a roller-coaster. It haves its ups and downs but we cannot say it isn’t incredibly exciting. REALLY hoping to say something and wonderful but sorry, it won’t happen. At least, not today. 

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

Don’t speak for us

So I just heard a podcast called like that. It was about how we try to ignore, or at least not pay attention to the only thing we can be sure about: we are all going to die. And (according to this podcast) that leads us to not thinking at all, to not question anything in our lives, making zombies and robots out of ourselves. Buying the clothes everyone buy, reading to the books everyone read, and thinking what everyone think. And c’mon, t’s just SO REAL. We forget death, and therefore we forget to live, to make our lives really ours. Somehow, we forgot to own our lives, to make the most out of them. Whether we are going to have another life or not is another problem, I’ll leave that for religious people. I am but I just don’t know what to think yet. But only one thing is for certain: this life, this particular life, is not going to repeat itself. We only get one shot, one opportunity to size everything you ever wanted. Would you capture, or just let it slip?

ps:  thank you Eminem for the wise words

[notmuchcreativerightnow]

Not Much Creative Right Now

As if I had to be, right? Everything in my life is like that, I guess. I have to be creative, funny, witty, clever, beautiful, awesome, determined, never grumpy-always smiley, and the list could go on and on forever. And honestly, I am tired of it. So this blog is to let that go, to stop trying to be perfect and start being me: not much creative, not much perfect, not much anything. Just me.