I’m starting to realize how profoundly disconnected from popular culture I’ve become. I had no clue the Oscars were being held tonight until people started posting about it and I haven’t seen any of the films nominated. I don’t think I’ve gone out to see a movie in the past three years. I don’t pat myself on the back for being disengaged—my apathy is sincere. I’m not sure if it’s is rooted in depression and isolation, but this lack of engagement reinforces itself. The less I’ve seen and know about, the harder it is to relate to others and discuss the media that has relevance in people’s lives; the further I drift away the more discouraged I am from immersing myself in culture because of how daunting the task of catching up becomes.
I don’t care for award shows. I don’t find the spectacle appealing and seeing the mass praise of an industry that’s rife with exploitation frankly repulses me to my very core. When I look at the stars in the audience I see a crowd full of Epsteins and Weinsteins. I know it’s culturally significant, but I’m struggling to find the motivation to care enough to keep up with these things. I don’t feel any sense of superiority over the people who care about it whatsoever—my tastes certainly aren’t the most refined—but nights like these serve as glaring reminders of how much trouble I have understanding the world around me.
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