Summary: Reader is staying for an extra lesson after school since their depression is making them fall behind in school. When they are leaving the room to answer their phone they accidentally leave their computer with their online journal open.
Pairing: teacher!Dean x depressed!reader
Warnings: Reader is thinking some negative thoughts about themselves, depression is mentioned. Other than that it’s pretty fluffy.
A/N: So... this is my first fanfic EVER so please be nice. Also, my english won’t be perfect because english is not my first language. Since I’m very new to this, feel free to message me some constructive criticism.
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With a deep breath you entered Mr. Winchester’s classroom. You actually didn’t want to stay at school. You just wanted to go home and lie down in bed and never get up again. Your depression was more present some days, and this was one of those days. Trying to stay focused had been very difficult today and that was the reason you stayed after school hours to do some work you didn’t finish during the day. After all, your english literature teacher was one of your favorite teachers. If he could not make you feel inspired to work, something was very wrong. It was very nice of him to stay after school was over to help students who had a tough time with assignments, and even if some students needed help with subjects he knew nothing about, he would still do his very best to help them.
You were a bit early and Mr. Winchester probably wouldn’t be there for another 15 minutes, but you sat down at a desk and opened your computer. Everything was right where you had left it, and the last thing you had done on your computer was writing in your online journal. It was kind of like a blog, but it was private, so only you could see the posts. You continued writing the post you had begun but didn’t have time to finish in your last class. The journal was a good way to get all the bad thoughts in your head out so that they were somewhere else than in your head, distracting you. Since today was a bad day, there were a lot of bad thoughts coming with it. Mostly about yourself. You were a failure. How could you even have friends? You were so boring, and you sucked at everything. You didn’t deserve to take up Mr. Winchester’s time. He had more important things to do than helping you, it wasn’t like he actually liked talking to you anyway. He probably just pretended because he had to. Because you were his student. The things you wrote about yourself weren’t nice. You had to get them out somehow though, and you had found that this was the best way.
When 5 minutes had passed since you first entered the classroom and your entry was done your phone started ringing. It was your dad. You left the classroom and walked around the corner since you wanted some privacy and some other student could walk in any moment.
“Hi dad!” You answered, sounding happy even though you really weren’t. You didn’t want him to know something was wrong.
“Where are you, Y/N?” he asked, sounding rather serious.
Fuck. he couldn’t know that you weren’t keeping up with your classes and that you had to stay behind to get extra help. You told him a quick lie, something about hanging out at a friends house and that you would be home in a few hours, and started walking back to the classroom. You realised that you had left the page with your journal entry open, but it should be fine, right? No one else was probably in the classroom yet. Just as you were making your way into the classroom you froze in the doorframe. Mr. Winchester was standing by your desk, staring at your computer screen with a concerned look on his face. He looked up and his green eyes met yours.
“Y/N. Care to explain what this is?” He asked, and you could have sworn that he for some reason almost sounded...Angry?
“Um… Well… It’s kind of like my journal.” You answered, and you were starting to get a bit flustered.
“You mean that you wrote these things about yourself? That you are ugly, worthless and that you don’t deserve to have people who care about you?”
You looked down at the ground, and a piece of hair you had put behind your ear fell down so that it covered your face. Your eyes started tearing up. Why were you so weak? When someone other than yourself read the things you thought about yourself out loud they sounded pretty harsh. You took a shaky breath before you let out a quiet “Yes.”
When Mr. Winchester replied his voice was much softer.
“Why?” He asked, and now he both sounded and looked really worried.
“Because that’s how I feel about myself.” You said, still looking down at the ground, avoiding eye contact.
In what felt like 0.5 seconds he went from standing on the other side of the classroom to standing only a foot or two away from you. He reached out and put the piece of hair that had fallen down back in its place behind your ear. He lifted your chin so that your eyes once again met his. He looked so worried and so kind that you felt like you could really trust him.
“It’s my dad…” You whispered. “He puts so much pressure on me, and I can’t live up to it, no matter how hard I tr-”
“Y/N, look at me. Not a single one of the things you wrote about yourself in your journal is true. You are not ugly, you are not worthless and you are such a talented, kind and funny person. When it comes to your dad, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. What matters is that there are people who care about you and who love you, and I really want you to believe me when I say that you are not a waste of my time.”
As he said those things to you, tears started rolling down your face. “Mr. Winchester, I don’t know how I will ever be able to thank you for everything that you do for me. I don’t know how I would be able to get through this without you”
He pulled you in for a hug. His chin resting on the top of your head and his strong arms wrapped around you made you feel safe. “You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. You just have to believe what I’m saying and know that I will always be here for you, no matter what it is you need me for.”
You pulled away from the hug, wiped your tears and smiled at him. A few seconds later some other students who were also attending Mr. Winchester’s lesson entered the classroom. You walked over to your desk, sat down and smiled a little bit to yourself. You closed the tab with your online journal and looked up at Mr. Winchester. As this lesson began, maybe your recovery from all the thoughts that had haunted you for so long did too.
