People saying "I know who this is about" or "I have a feeling I know who it is" are gonna be surprised that this happens enough to me that I didn't even have a specific artist in mind when making this
More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here
My coworkers were like wow how are you still in a good mood after that my brother in christ after that interaction I went to the break room and took an extra adderall
I woke up, took one look at the outside world through the window and my brain (and body) just went "nope. can't do this today".
"this" is being alive, existing and functioning human. I just couldn't.
I sent proper notice about my absence from uni (my course requires me to do so), went into my healthcare app to apply for a sickness day, even told my employer for tomorrow that I probably won't make it (bc ik myself and this won't go away in one day).
I'm filled with so much guilt and shame and anxiety, my whole abdomen is pounding with pain. It's my best friend's bday today god fucking hell. I don't wanna do this today I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TODAY. and I... I was doing so well. I was happy about going to the uni finally, being at work, and being busy. I was getting most (if not all) my house chores.
The shame and pain of being so fragile is keeping my eyes peeled open. All before 7 AM.
I wish I could go back to sleep but I don't think I can, everything hurts and I feel as if suffocating. I hate the fact that I'm like this, that it just takes one second for me to be an absolutely useless piece of shit.
The amount of shame, anger and anxiety are making me shiver but it. it doesn't "penetrate" onto the world outside of my skin, I'm shaking like a leaf but to anyone I would seem stable and fine.
I felt something was off yesterday evening, I couldn't bring myself to do any house chores (which, as mentioned, I was doing pretty well with lately). I thought it was just tiredness but who was I kidding I'm ALWAYS tired.
Ugh anyway I'm sick of even keeping on writing this. Like bitch shut up already.
I forgot I last left tumblr on my nsfw acc, so next time i opened the app I just flashed the person sitting behind me on the bus with shmexy transfem, full-ass-naked.
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