MEEERLIN

@notyoumotherfucker

I am not that bad, i swear.

41 posts

Thinking about adopting a puppy... and being afraid of being a bad mother to it. My old dog died and now all I can think about is that I could have done more for him. That I could have been better and more patient. More insistent. I need to get it right this time, or else I don't know what I'll do with myself if this goes wrong. I swear. Fingers crossed.

I can't take it anymore trying to record the biology material for the test, father, help me. Give me the strength to not give up, throw my notebook away and go to sleep - my wish, in that order. 😭😭

I really have to take enough time for myself to shed more than just a few tears for scant minutes hahaha. But in my defense, my urge to cry only comes at really bad times, so I have to stop my tears and think, "I'll continue later." 🤣🤣

Sometimes I get the impression that most people are terrible at reading expressions. Either that or I have a problem with my face, because they can almost never tell what I'm feeling from my features. They guess completely the opposite! And the funny thing is that I don't even try to hide it the most of the time.

You know when you meet someone and you barely spend five minutes with them, but only in those few minutes do you realize that if you had to spend regular time around that person, you wouldn't like them? Or that the bad feeling you felt when you met them would only get worse if you got to know them more deeply? You know, when you just know. That's unfortunately how I feel right now. I'm not always right, but most of the time I am and that's sad because now I'm so frustrated that I have to be around these people (yes, people, plural) and feel uncomfortable for hours. I'm not talking about the work environment. In my mind, work would always be something that made me uncomfortable, because, you know, expectations and such. I'm anxious, you know? That explains it.

But I'm talking about school, specifically, my classroom. I was in a classroom with a class that I was ninety percent comfortable with and unfortunately I was transferred to another that I was zero percent comfortable with. Serious. It's horrible and frustrating. I know I wouldn't feel this way if I hadn't first stayed in a classroom that made me super comfortable and started right away in the other. That's why it's even more frustrating. Now I know what it's like to be so comfortable and relaxed (as much as I can be when I'm anxious) and know the stark difference. Seriously, I'm so frustrated. I kind of want to cry too.

Why do we have to fight so much for what we want? That's a absurd.

My father really thinks that i like studying 🤣

That's so funny!

I've come to terms with myself (at least for now) that I don't identify as anything. Neither bisexual, nor homosexual, nor heterosexual, etc. Literally nothing. I understand that people find it important to fit into a group of people, that they feel comfortable with it (I was there once myself. I wanted to fit in too), but I didn't come to any conclusion and I thought: "You know what? Why do I have to be something?" and then, I remembered that I don't need it. I thought that when you reached a certain age, seventeen, eighteen or nineteen, or so... you should know these things. But I realized that you don't need to rush or even identify with any of these things. I know what I don't like, but I'm not really sure what I like, and that kind of frustrates me. But it makes me feel better knowing that I don't have to rush to find out. And even if I never find out, I guess that's okay too.

#lgbtqia #lgbtq community

Happy mother's day.... to me. Cause i'm a mother of cats. Hehe.

#cats #cute cats #my pets

I feel lonely at school cause i don't have friends or colleagues there, then when people talk to me i feel that they should stop talking with me 🤣 I don't understand me.

#school #high school

Looking for a bl that can be so good as 'Stay With Me' was.

#bl series #staywithmebl #bl

Eighteen years should be called of "curse of eighteen". Let tell you why: all of my years, stuffs that never (really, never. Not even a little bit) get wrong in all my seventeen years, started to go wrong a few days after I turned eighteen. Really, They went so wrong, so wrong, that I thought: "I must have done something wrong, it's not possible." And to make matters worse: when I thought "wow, now that everything has gone so wrong, things are going to get better, right?" The answer is a huge 'NO'. Instead of getting better, they got WORSE. Now I'm afraid of any little thing that could go the wrong way, honestly. So can we please call this age the way it should? And the worst thing is that it's not even just me who says that. It's everyone. Literally.

#eighteenyearsold #life quotes

A set of photos for my special day (my birthday) of my cats + one video of my dog Bobby. A gift from me (to myself) because I miss them so much and I want to keep some of their memories right here. PS: I miss you every damn day. And I'm sorry.

Well, happy birthday to me.

My house is so quiet without my dog... That's so strange.

I just noticed that i pretend a lot. Like, almost all the way that i act is pretending something that i don't really feel. And I just noticed that I do this for, like, years. I did this so much that now it's "normal" for me. I do this without even thinking about. Now it's just.... automatic.

I just– i was feeling so criative for writing today. Then I entered my diary to do exactly this and I couldn't. I just, didn't feel i could continue the chapter anymore. Then i forced and could wrote a phrase hahahaha. Then i forced more and wrote an excerpt. But then I couldn't fit the excerpt into the story, so i deleted. And then only the phrase remained. I'm just wondering how? How can this happened? I was so sure.

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