Self aware witty comment to catch your attention

My mind was lauded at the Villain Awards for being so so so evil and malicious

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

The kind of blog you obsessively scroll for hours wondering what the hell is the matter with this guy. Always at the risk of sounding like an egomaniac.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

What's with the eagle man, pal?

I am glad you asked me that. He is cursed to watch me sin and cannot do a single thing about it. His existence is fraught with the weight of knowledge and the impotence to do nothing about it. One day I will free him and kill him and on that day he will be the most grateful eagle man in the world.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

I was divinely inspired

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

To all the porn bot accounts who keep following me. Tighten your electronic bra straps..You're in for a wilde one!

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

every time you hurt me emotionally i transform into a little victorian boy chimney sweep with big ol sad eyes and i look up at you sadly. you become infatuated and step closer and i eat you whole in one bite.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

if you stop loving your girl after she transforms into a arthropoidal death god-creature from any sane man's nightmares. hit me up. i'll take her off your hands.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

Kids these days are so much smaller than they used to be. When I was their age they were all my height. In fact everything was much larger. The world is shrinking. I miss when everything was big.

[chrisdornerfanclub]

Sorry even though you’ve literally snorted ketamine before the fag council has decided your conduct in mistreating people you’ve met through queer housing groups on Facebook and shafting them on rent is extremely Stevens Universe. You have been exiled to the tenderqueers. It has been decided.

[recreationaldivorce]

rent should be negative money you should pay me to live in your gay ass flat

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

Doctor thwere's nothing wrong with me i'm litreallybjust lazy. stop diagnosing me with shit. no. im just lazy doctor i dobt want mental disorders. doctor please.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

[walks up to camera at lightbending speed]

i HATE refrigerators

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

No ooooone's thick like Gaston!

Sucks on dick like Gaston!

Makes you cum as incredibly quick like Gaston!

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

Hey man did you lace my fent with fvxking weed.

you're so god damn fake. you KNOW i'm on a tolerance break rn. You can kiss me AND my scene girlfriend I transported forward in time from the year 2008 GOOD FUCKING BYE.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

You fucking posers talk so much game about hating Freud but if he came back from the dead and asked you to do meth with him you wouldn't even be able to find the willpower to decline. U'd also get addicted. Lame ass girlies. Gtfo

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

Damn gurl. Your manipulative tendencies and eastern european ancestry kind of give me a boaner. My fucking pussy lips are on the floor soaking shit up rn thinking about it. They had to get the janitor.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

Colonization was lowkey kinda racist.

[notyouraveragecarnivore]

I think people who think they are just like Scott Pilgrim deserve really good head. Like go into the restaurant and everybody claps. You are literally so so so based dude I cannot fucking even. Please do go on about your band and how you want to date somebody just like Ramona. Kiss me like you kiss Quebecois girls.