[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          ’ well excuse the fuck øut øf me før nøt exactly being  t h r i l l e d  ør feeling like a fucking lottery winner because my girlfriend,  M Y  girlfriend, is pregnant and it’s her  exes. døn’t pretend that yøu’d be søme sørt øf jølly fuckin happy if i tøld yøu i had søme ex i gøt pregnant. ’ he spits øut, crøssing his arms øver his chest as he stayed øn øne side øf the røøm, running his hands øver his face beføre turning tø løøk at her as she began tø repeart herself. ’ i døn’t løøk døwn øn yøu. ’ yes he døes. ’ and that’s nøt what i fucking meant, i meant what dø yøu wanna dø with the baby. that’s what i meant. are yøu keeping it ør what ? ’

          ‘   i’m   not fucking thrilled either   !   fuck   you,   you only ever think about yourself and you fucking   k n o w   it   !   ‘   she’s fully revolved in his direction now,   and if looks could kill,   he would   u n d o u b t e d l y   be deceased.   ‘   bullshit.   you’re just like everybody else.   ‘   her timbre is released in a mumble,   chuckling to herself before she rolls her shoulders back into a shrug.   ‘   i don’t know,   alright   ?   i’m not doing this alone,   so if you’re gonna keep being a bitter piece of   SHIT,   i’ll just go take care of it now.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          he knøws he’s nøt being as understanding as he shøuld be. but he’s bitter and that’s whats støpping him .putting himself beføre her and nøt cønsidering the fact that, well,  SHE’S  the pregnant øne here. she needs møst cømført right nøw. ’ well it kinda fucking F E E L S like yøu did ! ’ that’s nøt a valid reasøn før talking tø her the way that he is but sømehøw he thinks its a gøød øne. ’ well i’d sure fucking høpe it’s nøt what yøu wanted because that kinda makes me feel like  s h i t. ’ he blurts øut, cøming back tø the thøught øf høw he can n e v e r give her a child øf their øwn. he takes a few deeps breaths in repetative attempts tø calm himself døwn. ’ what dø yøu want ? ’

           ‘   you have   some   nerve making me feel like shit about the things i’ve done before we even fucking   LIKED   each other   !   back then we fucking   d e s p i s e d   each other,   remember   ?   i’m so   sorry   that   y o u   weren’t the first thing that crossed my damn mind when it was happening   !   ‘   ascending from the bed,   jojo begins to pace around the room,   a tactic she grasped a hold of in order to remain composed in anxiety-prone situations.   ‘   what do i want   ?   WHAT do i   w a n t   ?   ‘   she repeated herself,   a defeated smile etching along her features as she turned on her heel to face the male.   ‘   i   W A N T   you to be my rock through all of this.   i wanted   you   to be the   ONE   person that wouldn’t fucking look down on me as a person because of a past   mistake.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          før the møst part, he’s in shøck. that’s why he’s sitting there, silently. many thøughts are rushing thrøugh his head tø the pøint he’s nøt even sure if he’s hearing her when she speaks. he watches her cløsely as she sits døwn øn the bed besides him, pressing his hands tøgether as he rests his index fingers øn his lips, tapping them tøgether. he knøws she had a past with øther guys, he just høped he wøuldn’t ever have tø hear abøut them. hear abøut sømething like  t h i s. he’s listening as she speaks, althøugh his eyes are on the døør where she was previøusly standing, he’s just staring. he listens as she’s speaking and he’s taking a few møments tø gather all the inførmatiøn and think abøut what tø dø. think abøut what he  w a n t s  tø dø, and what he can dø. he swalløws harshly, løøking øver at her as he stays sløuched øver the edge øf his bed. ’ sø, uh.. i take it yøu uh, i døn’t knøw, never thøught abøut making him wear a cøndøm ? ’ he’s jealøus ,very,  øbviøusly. and that’s why he’s being harsh tøwards her.

          it struck a nerve within her upon realizing that he wasn’t   acknowledging   how distraught she was over the complication,   her mouth falling agape at the   o n l y   thing he could bring himself to mumble.   ‘   i thought he   DID.   ‘   she spat,   incredulity lacing her baby blues as a scoff bubbles past parted brims.   ‘   either way,   why does it matter   ?   it’s not like i   c h e a t e d   on you   !   i came here in search for some sort of comfort,   and somehow i couldn’t even get that from   Y O U.   ‘   nimble digits comb throughout her golden tresses,   flicking the stray strands over her shoulder.   ‘   i didn’t   want   this,   alright   ?   it just   happened.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

        the bøy was relaxed øn his bed, headphønes  blaring  headlights by eminem, øne øf his favørites. he føund it was easiest før him tø dø his hømewørk while listening tø music. althøugh seeing the girl suddenly appear in his døør way øut øf his peripheral visiøn caused a smile tø appear øn his face, ønly faltering ønce he saw her lips beginning tø møve and the nervøus løøk øn her face shut døwn him excitement. he just caught the last øf her wørds as he pulled his headphønes øut øf his ears.  she’s jøking, right ?  he asks himself cønsidering he knøws very well what he lacks and if she’s pregnant, there’s nø way in hell that it’s his fault. ’ what– what the hell are yøu talking abøut ? ’ øf cøurse, the ønly cønclusiøn she can cøme tø is that if she’s pregnant like she says she is, she cheated øn him. and that thøught aløne causes a lump tø begin førming in his thrøat, he rushes tø sit up in his bed, resting his elbøws øn his knees as he plays with his fingers tø distract himself frøm the tightness in his thrøat. ’ yøu’re kidding, right ? ’

           maybe she should’ve gone into more detail in the first place,   instead of allowing him to   wonder   and give his temper a chance to rise immediately.   ‘   it’s not what you think,   ‘   she begins,   shutting his bedroom door behind her as she cautiously plops herself down on the mattress a couple inches away from his figure.   ‘   before we started dating,   i had a   —   p a s t   with other guys   ;   i don’t really think that was a   SECRET.   ‘   a deep exhale follows her prose as she averts her glassy hues down towards her lap.   ‘   i slept with this guy before we were even together,   and now i don’t know what to do.   ‘   the saline water droplets begin to cascade down her cheeks,   however she instantly swipes them away.   ‘   i didn’t mean for you to have to deal with something like this.   you don’t deserve it,   i don’t expect you to...   —   ‘   jojo trails off,   closing her eyes as she shakes her head in utter disbelief towards herself.   ‘   i don’t expect you to   s t a y   with me.   ‘

[novacaneds]

          it’s now or   never,   and she’s aware that this information could either make them or break them.   the flaxen haired femme has been pacing about the porch for the past   FIFTEEN   minutes,   unsteady hands linking themselves together in an attempt to settle her nerves down to the core.   a frustrated groan emits from cultivated brims as she mentally scolds herself for stalling for so   d a m n   long.   there’s no turning back now,   so with one last elongated exhale,   her clenched fist is pounding against the entrance of his home,   placing her free hand against her abdomen as she already holds back the lump in her throat.   it takes about thirty seconds,   at   l e a s t,   after the individual is revealed in the doorway for jojo to ultimately speak.   ‘   we need to talk,   N O W.   ‘   pearly whites descend roughly into her lesser lip,   diverting her attention to the right of her,   only to avoid the reaction   —   to avoid the   backlash   of her careless behavior.   ‘   i’m   p r e g n a n t.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          he needs tø støp, and he needs tø  think. he just needs tø støp, breathe, and THINK. because the next wørds that cøme øut øf his møuth are gøing tø be the fate øf his future with this girl sø he really needs tø be careful. døes he really wan tø løse her ? øf cøurse nøt. but is he still bitter and hurt ? definitey. but that’s nøt wørth løsing the girl whø changed his life. the girl whø’s made him feel like a sømebødy. he knøw he’s already said søme things that have døne damage, and he knøws he’s gøing tø need tø wørk his ass øff just tø make it up tø her, but  he  will. he’s gøing tø start by surrendering the fight. because he wants tø win the argument, he  r e a l l y  døes. but if winning means løsing her - it’s nøt really winning. ’ yøu’re right, yøu’re right. ’ he starts øff, knøwing that’s a gøød place. whø døesn’t like being tøld they’re right ? his pøsture is less stern, less.. intimidating. and he feels like shit when he really starts tø løøk and øbserve the girl in frønt øf him tø see the tøll he’s taken øn her by bringing her tø the verge øf tears. ’ i–.. i’m sørry. can yøu just, cøme in ? stay the night ? my parents wøn’t be høme før twø days. ’  he tells her, althøugh he figures he needs a little møre than a change øf attitude tø make her stay. ’ please ? i knøw i døn’t deserve yøur cømpany right nøw, but i need it. i need y ø u. ‘

          by this point it feels as if her entire body is trembling,   baby blues shutting tightly momentarily as she anticipates his response   —   praying to   god   that he doesn’t let her walk away from that door and have that be the end of   them.   jojo has never been this vulnerable   ;   it’s a whole new ballgame for her,   and she   d e s p i s e s   the entire concept,   but she’d be vulnerable for the remainder of her life if it meant she got to keep him with her.   ‘   you really mean that   ?   ‘   she inquires,   her prose softer than it’s ever been,   and there’s a hint of a smile etched along prominent features.   it takes her no longer than ten seconds to realize what she   w a n t s,   and with that,   she throws herself into his arms,   sobbing into his chest.   ‘   i’m s-so sorry...   —   you’re not   —   you’re not dead to me.   i love you so much,   i’m   SO   S O R R Y.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          he blatantly ignøres her first cømment, ønly because he knøws it’s true and he has nø wørds in respønse tø it. as her hands are øn his chest and he stumbles backwards, rushing tø catch his balance, he walks back up tø her, laughing a little bit as he løøks at her directly. ’ i was already there when i was dating yøu. nøw if yøu wøuldn’t mind, yøu knøw, since i’m dead tø yøu.  get the fuck øut øf here, and døn’t cøme back. døn’t cøntact me, døn’t talk abøut me, døn’t even  think  abøut me. ‘

          it hurts so fucking bad,   and right then and there she feels as if she’s going to   v o m i t,   her heart pounding against her chest as he inches closer towards her frail physique.   jojo swallows harshly,   a rather   blank   expression overtaking her every emotion.   ‘   i won’t.   ‘   she mutters,   voice cracking as cerulean orbs linger up to meet his.   ‘   and just so you know,   i would’ve stopped them   —   i would’ve beat the shit out of them myself had i known their motive.   somehow you automatically assume i   l e t   it happen,   like i enjoy seeing you in pain.   ‘   her temper has bubbled down to being merely   nonexistent,   although it remains in the pit of her stomach,   waiting for a chance to unveil.   ‘   if you don’t want this,   then i’ll leave,   for   GOOD   —   but that means it’s the last of us.   no apologies,   no   mending   what we had   ;   it means i’m   done.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

         he scøffs in disbelief as he løøks at the area surrøunding them, almøst as if hes løøking før sømeøne tø løøk tø as if tømake sure they heard the same thing he did. ’ what the fuck dø yøu mean i’m nøt døne ? ’ is the current thøught running thrøugh his head. ’ then  W H Y  didn’t yøu ? i was perfectly  F I N E  beføre yøu came aløng. ’ that’s a lie. he hasn’t punched anything øut øf frustratiøn in weeks, he’s been attending schøøl møre, he’s felt møre cønfident. if anything, she made his life better. ’ thøse  JACKASSES  are yøur friends,  yøu  idiøt. the friends  yøu  chøøse tø hang øut with. that’s  yøur  fault. nøt mine. i’m nøt gønna fight før yøu. i’ve føught enøugh tønight. yøu knøw. the black eye ? yeah. again, thank yøu. ‘

          ‘   oh,   you were fine before i came along yet you sat there and ogled over me for months,   getting angry at   m e   when i would talk to other guys   ?   r i g h t.   ‘   and now she’s just protruding pure cockiness,   which just so happened to be her number one defense mechanism.   ‘   fuck you   !   go fuck yourself   !   ‘   the desolation is blatant in her tone of voice,   and in a spur of the moment her hands are against his chest,   shoving him with the diminutive amount of energy she held within her.   ‘   i   hate   you.   ‘   she spits through gritted teeth,   tremulous hands now lifting up to rid of the droplets underneath her eyes.   ‘   you’re   dead   to me.   go to   h e l l.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          it’s nøt right tø blame her and deep døwn he knøws that, but right nøw, he’s nøt thinking øf that. right nøw, he døesn't  c a r e  abøut that. he møcks her first sentence underneath his breath, rølling his eyes as he crøsses his arms øver his chest. waiting før her tø finish talking seemed like waiting years før him. the secønd he hears  fuck yøu  slip frøm her lips, he swings the døør øpen, surrisngly gently thøugh. nøw he’s reflecting in the light øf the street light, his left hand tightly griping the døør knøb in anger as he rests against the frame. ’ nø. fuck yøu, jøjø.  f u c k  y ø u. fuck yøu, fuck yøur friends, fuck all øf it. i’m døne. i'm  døne  dealing with yøur friends, i’m døne dealing with yøu.’ his tøne has been raising møre and møre øver the cøurse øf him speaking, but nøw with his next sentence, it’s nerve-wrackingly gentle. ’ we’re døne, i can’t dø this.  ’

          it   h a s   to be an illusion,   the words that she   thought   she heard spilling from his lips.   her knees begin to feel weak and suddenly she’s unable to gather up the water droplets that are now cascading down her crimson tinted cheeks.   ‘   you’re not   DONE.   ‘   and her prose is rather   casual,   a defeated scoff practically knocking her off her feet.   jojo clenches her fists,   although she has no intention to cause any physical harm to the boy whom she   l o v e d.   ‘   if i would’ve known you would’ve given up that easily,   i would’ve stayed the fuck away from you.   ‘   the female understands the pain he’s feeling,   however at this point in the argument,   her blood is   boiling.   ‘   i don’t   D E S E R V E   this,   i don’t deserve to be ridiculed because of some   jackasses.   if you cared enough about me,   —   about   us   ;   you would fight for me...   now i know where you stand.   ‘

[screamsource]

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          ’ it’s ønly suddenly relevant because i  r a n d ø m l y  føund øut abøut it frøm sømeøne else. yøu knøw høw i feel abøut him, yøu døn’t think it  might’ve  been  a  gøød  idea  tø let me knøw ahead øf time that yøu dated him ? ’

           ‘   but that’s the point,   bellamy.   all we did was insult eachother back when i dated him,   we didn’t even   like   each other.   —   why is it so important to you   ?   as if,   back then i was supposed to care what you thought   ?   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          he bites his lip, angrily shaking his head as he løøks at her. ’ and i never said that yøu were, jøjø..but when yøur friends–  Y Ø U R   F R I E N D S– make me feel like i’m førcing yøu tø be with me because yøu fucking pity me ør søme shit, it’s kind øf hard tø ignøre it when it’s all that yøu hear. ’ he spits, running a hand thrøugh his hair as he løøks away frøm her, løøking tø sømething else tø avøid any eye cøntact. he was never øne tø make sømeøne he cares abøut pick between øne thing ør anøther, giving them an ultimatum, but right nøw, that’s what he was currently heading før. ’ i want yøu tø pick, right nøw jøjø. it’s me ør it’s them. ’

          ‘   i know,   but when it has to do with them,   it always leads back to me and you know it.   you   b l a m e   me for it,   bellamy.   ‘   her prose is immediately simmered down to a hushed mumble,   a despondent exhale bubbling past her brims.   ‘   i pick   you,   obviously,   but i have a feeling you wouldn’t believe that no matter how many times i promise it.   it’s a no brainer,   you know.   i can’t believe you even had to   a s k   me that,   as if i’d put you   second.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          he scøffs løudly, førcing øut a cøld laugh, rølling his eyes tø himself. ’ it had  everything  tø dø with yøu. it  H A P P E N E D  because they føund øut that i’m dating yøu. ’ he knøws that it’s nøt her fault because she can’t cøntrøl her friends but he cøuldn’t help but be bitter tøwards her abøut it. he didn’t knøw whether he was leaning møre tøwards angry ør møre tøwards upset. ’ nø. i’m nøt letting yøu in. i døn’t wanna see yøu, døn’t yøu get that ? ’ in all hønesty, it was møre abøut him nøt wanting HER tø see HIM given the cønditiøn that he was in because he wøuld be embarassed. embarassed that even thøugh he tried tø fight back, he still gøt his ass kicked. ’ just gø høme.. ’

          ‘   just because they found out i was dating you doesn’t mean it’s my fucking fault,   you   dick.   it wasn’t supposed to be a   s e c r e t   unless there’s something you’re not telling me.   ‘   a petulant expression coats her demeanor,   harsh words spewing left and right because she was so   hurt   that he was casually blaming her for the whole altercation.   ‘   i’m not going home.   i’m not leaving until you talk to me without the unnecessary attitude.   ‘   the golden haired vixen is holding back the salty tears that are threatening to emerge,   polished brims pursed into a thin line.   ‘   fuck you.   fuck you for making me feel like   s h i t   for something that i wasn’t involved in.   ‘

[screamsource]

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

          ‘ wait-wait-wait-wait-  W A I T.  let me get this  straight. you dated him and you didn’t think that it was  I M P O R T A N T  to tell me this ? ‘

          ‘   why is it suddenly   relevant   ?   it’s not like it fuckin’ matters now,   it ended for a reason.   ‘

[novacaneds]

⌜∷ ° › BELLAMY.

     ’ nø, jøjø. yøu knøw what  ?  i’ve put up with  a  løt  øf yøur friends shit, i’ve put up with them  øuting  me, i’ve put up when them talking døwn abøut me, i’ve put up with them  h u m i l i a t i n g  me.. but this  ?  yøur  F R I E N D S  beat the shit øut øf me while i was walking høme, and nøt ønly that, but they pøsted it øn facebøøk, tøø. sø if yøu cøuldn’t have guessed, yøu’re the  L A S T  persøn i wanna see right nøw. ’

          her jaw instinctively falls agape a couple centimeters,   the other’s prose feeling like a stab in the heart.   physical   p a i n   engulfed her petite figure and it feels as if her shoes are   GLUED   to the pavement,   because if she could run away,   she   would.   ‘   but bellamy...   —   what they did had nothing to do with me.   i swear to   G O D   i had no idea that they were planning that.   ‘   the femme shakes her head in utter disbelief,   cobalt optics lingering upon the black and blue   contusion   that resided about his eye.   ‘   i’m   s o r r y.   please let me inside.   ‘

[wordsnquotes]

They were like two magnets who couldn’t decide whether to attract or repel.

Jay Asher, The Future of Us (via lehanewrites)