The Most Important Review of Every Single Luca Marinelli Film
Listen, Iâm not here to tell you if a movieâs plot is well-structured or whatever, ok? Iâm here for objective, factual data on how Luca Marinelliâs brand is adhered to in every movie heâs been in so far.
(all gifs by @weardesâ)
La solitudine dei numeri primi (2010)
Does Luca get slapped? No. His life is hard enough as it is.
Is Luca naked? Heâs wearing speedos in one scene, but heâs covered in s*lf-h*rm marks, itâs very sad and not sexy at all.
Is Luca gay? Hell if I know.
Is Luca a slut? He talks to like two people in the whole movie.
Lucameter: 2/100 pathetic (but like I get it itâs his first movie w/e)
L'ultimo terrestre (2011)
Does Luca sing? No, but Roberta is a captivating dancer.
Does Luca eat? No, though she takes a shot once.
Does Luca get slapped? Yes, but not in a fun way :(
Is Luca naked? No, but there are some thighs and belly with a mini skirt in between. No complaints.
Is Luca gay? Not enough data.
Lucameter: 1/100 horrible, Roberta deserved better
Does Luca sing? Yes, drunkenly!
Does Luca eat? They just wonât let him put food into his mouth! Watching Gabriele trying and failing to eat is Hitchcock-level suspense, though it all comes to a very satisfying conclusion when the camera isnât focusing on him for a second, and he frigginâ inhales the food off the table.
Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets pushed around a lot.
Is Luca naked? No, but he does take off his shirt a couple of times. Also his legs are like completely hairless?? Has anyone ever noticed that? They shaved his legs!
Is Luca gay? No proof that he is, no proof that he isnât.
Is Luca a slut? No, he is the sweetest purest cinnamon roll.
Lucameter: 37/100 itâs getting better
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