“And then everybody on the bus clapped.”
“Clearly, you’re not from America.”
“Crime’s illegal, fucko.”
“Damn, girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re annoying and won’t shut the fuck up.”
“Ding dong, your opinion is wrong.”
“Don’t ever text me again or I’ll call the cops.”
“Freeze, bitch. I’m gonna steal your heart.”
“Friends are like snowflakes: when you pee on them, they disappear.”
“Fuck, I’m spooky.”
“God has abandoned us.”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
“I’m a fucking goddess.”
“I’m being gay with you. Homo intended, dammit.”
“I’m here to fuck your day up.”
“I’m not worried about your side chicks. I know I’m better.”
“I am fire. I am death. I am fabulous.”
“I am God’s mistake.”
“I am so tired. I am so tired all the time.”
“I can answer that for money.”
“I don’t give a fuck that I drink too much booze.”
“I don’t want a solution, I want to be mad.”
“I have 6+ people on read, but that’s not gonna stop me from complaining about how lonely I am and how nobody ever texts me.”
“I have a belt and I’m not afraid to hang myself.”
“I have an unhealthy internet obsession and I hide behind multiple layers of ironic humor to mask the fact that I have crippling depression.”
“I miss you even when I’m not horny.”
“I saw four guys beating up a kid, so I went over there to help. He had no chance against the five of us.”
“It’s called fashion, look it up.”
“It’s time for school. Get the fuck up.”
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
“Life is like a box of chocolate: it won’t last long because I’m fat.”
“Maybe if you went to bed earlier you wouldn’t be so tired.”
“My niece is currently asleep on her head. Do I call the parents or the exorcist?”
“My only side chicks are your multiple personalities.”
“Please clean up the wreckage of your presence."Â
"Poetry was not meant to be used like this.”
“Should we get a drink at home or in public tonight?”
“The fact that I’m legally an adult is hysterical.”
“There’s nothing stronger than love, except a M32 rotary grenade launcher. Because fuck you and everyone near you.”
“This is the first time in my life I’ve been above average at anything.”
“Wait until God hears about this.”
“Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.”
“What the fuck am I seeing?”
“Why am I so stressed when nothing is wrong?”
“Why would you stab a person when you can have toast?”
“Y'all motherfuckers need Satan.”
“You better start loving yourself right now and realize what an amazing human being you are.”
“You can’t cute your way out of this, you little shit.”
“You can look at my homework, but don’t copy it word for word.”
“You dress how you wanna when nobody can kick your ass.”
“You will find there is nothing I can’t bitch about.”
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