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@novus-helios
intro ☀️
mood board made by the awesome @somebody-insertlyric
name: Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus
age: yes
pronouns: just refer to me as emperor (canon ones)
tags
# insane ramblings of a dead man <- in character posts
# horsing around<- ooc posts
# audience with a god <- asks
[Caligula was, despite what his annoying nephew might tell you,NOT on another bender,he was just.. sightseeing,in a random city...that he doesn't remember arriving at...okay so maybe it was a BIT of a bender,but it's fine,incitatus was with him and he was a responsible horse, even if he's lost him somewhere some time ago,it was probably fine.
right as he was realizing he might be a little bit fucked he trips over another person,ow.]
@novus-helios
Cyrus was out on a walk, because well, he was allowed to do that- he could even be alone! Outside! Ever since turning eighteen he was allowed more. He could even pick a nickname- not that his dad called him it that often, if at all, but hey! At least he could be open about it now!
Either way, he was walking, enjoying his new freedoms, when suddenly a man tripped over him- and knocked him over in the process, since he was... incredibly light. He groaned and rubbed his hand where he scraped himself, it stung... "Urgh-" He shivered, suddenly feeling really cold. He could've sworn he heard whispers for a brief moment before shaking his head and returning to normal. He looked at the stranger, deciding it would just be better to apologize and not cause more trouble. "...I'm terribly sorry, sir."
[he squints his eyes a little, who the hell was this tiny toothpick looking thing]
hrrrmg..
[he answers very intelligently before getting up,man he did not feel like dealing with other people when incitatus wasn't Around.]
you seen a horse around here?
[he doesn't particularly care how crazy he looks,he wanted his horse back..and also to get back to work,or something like that
he fixes up his jacket and continues]
all white,goes by incitatus,kind of an ass?
"Excuse me-?" The teen looked confused, and honestly he was- why was this guy looking for a horse? In the middle of West Virginia? Was he okay? Cyrus stood up, his vision going a little hazy- he could see the man's skeleton for a split second, and- somehow could feel something was off here.
He decided not to dig into it, he's already felt like a freak enough today... maybe he shouldn't have even come out of the house in the morning. "I, uh, I haven't seen any horses. Sorry."
[he rubs his temples, gods this was gonna be a long day]
Jupiter and all the gods above preserve my sanity
right,no clue what i expected, honestly. if you do,send him my way, he'll know what you're talking about...
[which way was "his way" exactly? who knows.]
Brushing off that... situation... He decided to just focus on staying safe. No matter how weird he felt, he could sense something dangerous about this man, he couldn't quite place it, couldn't explain it, but something felt threatening. "God..."
"Uh, sure? I guess?" Maybe if he plays along until the man leaves, maybe he'll stay out of trouble. He just hoped he was picking the right words and such.
[he catches the mutter and smiles, less "friendly" and more like a shark smelling blood in the water]
you got that right at least. maybe not every mortal is completely useless.
[he laughs to himself,this was mostly for his own entertainment,see how the kid reacts,how long he can Needle him, maybe if he's lucky he'll send him running for the hills]
just kidding,you are, that's kind of the point.
[Caligula was, despite what his annoying nephew might tell you,NOT on another bender,he was just.. sightseeing,in a random city...that he doesn't remember arriving at...okay so maybe it was a BIT of a bender,but it's fine,incitatus was with him and he was a responsible horse, even if he's lost him somewhere some time ago,it was probably fine.
right as he was realizing he might be a little bit fucked he trips over another person,ow.]
@novus-helios
Cyrus was out on a walk, because well, he was allowed to do that- he could even be alone! Outside! Ever since turning eighteen he was allowed more. He could even pick a nickname- not that his dad called him it that often, if at all, but hey! At least he could be open about it now!
Either way, he was walking, enjoying his new freedoms, when suddenly a man tripped over him- and knocked him over in the process, since he was... incredibly light. He groaned and rubbed his hand where he scraped himself, it stung... "Urgh-" He shivered, suddenly feeling really cold. He could've sworn he heard whispers for a brief moment before shaking his head and returning to normal. He looked at the stranger, deciding it would just be better to apologize and not cause more trouble. "...I'm terribly sorry, sir."
[he squints his eyes a little, who the hell was this tiny toothpick looking thing]
hrrrmg..
[he answers very intelligently before getting up,man he did not feel like dealing with other people when incitatus wasn't Around.]
you seen a horse around here?
[he doesn't particularly care how crazy he looks,he wanted his horse back..and also to get back to work,or something like that
he fixes up his jacket and continues]
all white,goes by incitatus,kind of an ass?
"Excuse me-?" The teen looked confused, and honestly he was- why was this guy looking for a horse? In the middle of West Virginia? Was he okay? Cyrus stood up, his vision going a little hazy- he could see the man's skeleton for a split second, and- somehow could feel something was off here.
He decided not to dig into it, he's already felt like a freak enough today... maybe he shouldn't have even come out of the house in the morning. "I, uh, I haven't seen any horses. Sorry."
[he rubs his temples, gods this was gonna be a long day]
Jupiter and all the gods above preserve my sanity
right,no clue what i expected, honestly. if you do,send him my way, he'll know what you're talking about...
[which way was "his way" exactly? who knows.]
[Caligula was, despite what his annoying nephew might tell you,NOT on another bender,he was just.. sightseeing,in a random city...that he doesn't remember arriving at...okay so maybe it was a BIT of a bender,but it's fine,incitatus was with him and he was a responsible horse, even if he's lost him somewhere some time ago,it was probably fine.
right as he was realizing he might be a little bit fucked he trips over another person,ow.]
@novus-helios
Cyrus was out on a walk, because well, he was allowed to do that- he could even be alone! Outside! Ever since turning eighteen he was allowed more. He could even pick a nickname- not that his dad called him it that often, if at all, but hey! At least he could be open about it now!
Either way, he was walking, enjoying his new freedoms, when suddenly a man tripped over him- and knocked him over in the process, since he was... incredibly light. He groaned and rubbed his hand where he scraped himself, it stung... "Urgh-" He shivered, suddenly feeling really cold. He could've sworn he heard whispers for a brief moment before shaking his head and returning to normal. He looked at the stranger, deciding it would just be better to apologize and not cause more trouble. "...I'm terribly sorry, sir."
[he squints his eyes a little, who the hell was this tiny toothpick looking thing]
hrrrmg..
[he answers very intelligently before getting up,man he did not feel like dealing with other people when incitatus wasn't Around.]
you seen a horse around here?
[he doesn't particularly care how crazy he looks,he wanted his horse back..and also to get back to work,or something like that
he fixes up his jacket and continues]
all white,goes by incitatus,kind of an ass?
One of the children soldiers might’ve been the one that gave you the thing
huh,well That's Rather touching n' all,too bad they're not getting anything in return.
Hey Nero has a child soldier were you aware of this
oh trust me, nothing new, quite frankly it's a little insulting you'd think he could slip it past me, the loudmouth.
why does my nephew have to be weird and gay, can't he just be normal?
Perhaps as Caligula enters his clearly neglected, dusty office, he’d notice a small wooden carving in the shape of a horse- his horse, Incitatus, and underneath the little wooden gift, was a paper neatly folded and addressed with his name,
Addressed to Imperator Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.
The statue itself was a horse rearing, the base of the statue stood a couple inches tall and was the natural woods color, whilst the hooves of the statue shone with a gold-like paint, whilst the rest of the horse was mostly white, brown on the eyes, and of course streaks of an off white color throughout the carving, to add more texture to the piece.
It was clearly put here recently, the paper and wood carving, since they didn’t seem bothered by dust like the computer and other objects nearby.
[he pauses in the middle of the room when he spots the recent addition, approaching it slowly and with eyes darting across his surroundings you never know
once he's made it to the desk with no clear signs of danger he relaxes, taking the carving in his hand to examine it.
he had to admit,it was rather well made,no breathtaking craftsmanship by any means, but even if he was not exactly a great patron of the arts,he could see some merit to it,the subject resembling his favorite creature (people included) definitely helped.
he sets it right next to the abandoned stack of paperwork, facing anyone who might enter. then he gets to work]
[jasper could hear hurried knocks on his door, before he even had a chance to respond it Burst open,a man casually walking in like he owned the place]
well hello! believe we haven't been introduced?
@novus-helios
Jasper didn’t quite know what he expected. He didn’t get many visitors, usually just Nero, or that one kid- Lune? Oh, and of course Lucas’s but this sounded. Hurried. Good god what did someone want from him-
“HOLY JESUS FUCK-“
He barely had the time to process it, the rapid mocking already had him stressed but the fact the door swung open and some guy he’s never seen before badges in? Yeah, he sorta just moved instinctively, what he’s been doing lately- blinding literally anyone that sneaks up on him. Yeah, he’s been doing that- carrying around a flashlight in his pocket and pulling it on anyone that snuck up on him to at least give him a second for a breather.
[he'd expected the man to reach for a weapon, bracing himself for a fight,but when he was just randomly beamed in the eyes with the full power of the sun instead? safe to say he was blindsided heh]
ARGH! GODS ALMIGHTY-
[he shields his face,not keen on ending up like a certain hotheaded coworker of his]
NOVUS HELIOS ISN'T THAT LITERAL, YOU BASTARD!
[he blindly smacks at the direction the flashlight was in, vaguely aware of the fact this is deeply embarrassing for him]
“O-Oh- um— sorry-?” Jasper apologized awkwardly as he turned off the light that he just used to blind the man- at least it wasn’t on the flicker setting, could’ve given someone a seizure.. though- who the hell’s is this guy? He doesn’t think he’s seen him before.. then again, he doesn’t know many people here.
“I’m just not used to people- forcing down my door. Uh… who are you?”
ugh disrespected like this in my own home what has the world come to?
[he rubs his face, trying to not focus on everything he'd like to do to the insolent who just dared treat him like this thank you very much
he puts on what he thinks is a neutrally pleasant expression,but in reality it makes him look a bit.. unhinged,in fact it caused the fact he was even attached to the doorframe at all to become questionable]
I figured i would finally meet my nephew's seemingly first sane relationship,no?
well.. unless he does something weird this time too
[he did see the irony in him calling Nero weird in this context,but harping on the man in front of his little... whatever they had going on,was not something he was gonna pass up on]
im happy for him and all, I truly am but i just wish he had told me he'd be moving you in! or that he was in a relationship at all.. that boy is so keen on leaving me in the dark i swear,I held him when he was a baby y'know, and this is the thanks i get?? on all of Olympus,he didn't even tell me about building another child army!
[he really plays up the whole "oh woe is me" card, purely because dropping the bombshell after all that would make the reaction of the damn cinadeus that much more entertaining]
almost seems like i have no choice but to take the Matters into my own hands, don't you think?! i mean to treat an emperor that way? i can't stand for it, imagine what could happen
[he steps a little closer, making sure to block the exit]
don't you think?
“..isn’t this that Commodus guy’s home- um-“
“Your- nephew? Oh. Um. Are we talking about Nero?” He assumed so but- actually, Nevermind, he could see the resemblance. Of looking like a fucking lunatic. “I didn’t exactly move in- he kinda just… brought me here..? Like- the first night I met him. It was kind of kidnapping-“
Okay, child army? Now he had no clue what that’s about? Doesn’t like- don’t Commodus and Lucas have kids and stuff- god he knows those aren’t child soldiers. Maybe this guy is just insane- yeah he probably is- he looks looney. Like the guy was kicked in the head with a horse as a kid and it scrambled all reasonable thought- than again, showed the resemblance to Nero. He just stood there and calmly asked, “Did you come here to talk with me about Nero or…?”
Despite being largely uncomfortable- unfortunately Jasper has sorta gotten used to that constant feeling of unease. He’s felt it for fucking MONTHS while he’s been here. He could at least act like it didn’t affect him, and get- at least it’s nothing as harsh as uh. What Nero does to him.
eh,who actually does all the upkeep, right?
no, Hercules, what do you think??
[he spits out,venom partially dripping, he didn't have the patience for this, he's already been humiliated to high hell, he's not Having it happen again
hearing how exactly it happened he can't help chuckling just a little]
wow this really is just sporus again, isn't it? guess whatever floats his boat but damn,one time wasn't enough?
[he smiles,closer to a dog bearing it's teeth rather than anything human or friendly]
I'm just here to get to know you, figure i have the right,no?
[he leans into jasper's personal space,he wasn't a very physically intimidating man,closer to jasper in build rather than any of his colleagues,but that hasn't stopped him yet, being willing to violate as many boundaries as possible usually got similar results]
so let's talk,yeah?
“Hah, my mistake… I should be thinking more about it.” Jasper awkwardly replied, good fucking lord this was so weird guy. Maybe it was just how used to he was at this, dealing with these oddly unhinged people. Yeah he’d NEVER fucking do this with Nero, but geez was this guy being so fucking weirdo. His band moved to press against the other man’s chest, gently pushing him away a bit as he’d approach. “Yes. Let’s talk- but… forgive me, may I know your name? I don’t believe Nero’s spoken of you… new sun, you’d said- correct? Though I take that as more of a title.”
Just be polite with the man. Jasper had no clue if Nero actually likes this guy but gods he isn’t willing to mess with the thought- even regardless, the man was getting way too damned close. If worst comes to worst at least he knows how to run the fuck out of a situation. Or if this guy is that much like Nero- at least he knows how to keep Nero entertained-
[he immediately grabs the hand almost like it'd burn him,he didn't like people touching him when he wasn't the one initiating it,and the stress of today was already getting to him more than he'd like to admit, although dealing with Nero always did that to him]
I'm gaius, emperor before nero,his uncle, that's why I'd figure i would actually take initiative and meet his... whatever you are.
[breathe in,you can handle bullying some Random.. actually he genuinely didn't know what to call this man,slut for one obviously,but in regards to nero? who knows what the man thought this was to him,for all gaius knew he saw him as his late wife!]
especially after the.. interesting welcome he'd given I'd love to make sure everyone here knows where they stand with me.
and if there was an accident while explaining that...well nothing i could do about it, isn't that right?
The mad just noted that- as his hand was grabbed. Not like he really cared, this guy invaded his space- if jaspers gonna feel uncomfortable, then so the fuck is this weirdo who’s up in his space. “Gaius? Yeah.. he’s never talked about you- That explains it.” He’d hum- not like Nero talked with him about much, but he’s sure he’s never heard that name.
“It’s.. a pleasure to meet you.” He’d state, even if really it didn’t feel like one, he’d rather not have to stab another crazy ass emperor over here. “Acquaintance.” Jasper would almost immediately state at the mention of his. Relationship with Nero.
“I barely know the man- definitely wouldn’t call him a friend. Or uh… anything more. Just a um… a work ‘friendship’, at best.” The redhead clarified. Yes the two have slept together but- Jasper knew it was more of just. That. Nero does what he wants, and honestly? Jaspers too afraid to leave.
Good fucking god if he could, the man would’ve definitely and without question just leave. But this shit was scary, even if it’s been months. And he even saw Nero kill someone right in front of his fucking eyes. What the fuck would he do to his family if he found out Jasper just left when he clearly doesn’t want him to leave- good god he is just. Afraid of anything happening.
[he sighs theatrically, because,and he'd rather die than admit this before nero,he also did immensely enjoy theatrics]
that i figured he did, extremely ungrateful young man, between you and me. hell, after what he did to his own mother? i can only hope I'm not next.
although you've better chances of crossing him,i reckon.
[he tilted his head]
now I've had many "work" friends,and fucked quite a fair bit of people, never once have those two groups overlapped. well unless the work is what i think it is i suppose...
[he toys with many ideas on how best to get across to nero "do not fuck with me" using his boytoy.. maybe a kidnapping? or would just torture do.. decisions decisions,as he does so he drums his fingers against his thigh,one,two,three four,one two,three,four]
well suppose that's not important right now. say, have you ever heard of the most famous horse in history?
Okay he was not about to ask about that- he’s briefly seen some Roman history stuff but. Jesus fucking Christ he does not want to deal with or care to deal with all of this- good fucking god he would just bite this man if he got closer, but this guy looks like he has every std known to mankind.
But then again that’s how most undead people look.
“No. I uh… don’t think I’ve heard of the most famous horse in history..?” Was his hesitant reply, Jesus he didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with this. Odd guy. For once he’d rather be in Nero’s grip, because this guy was odd. The man just made a smile as he continued, not voicing any of these thoughts on how fucking weird this guy is, “Though I don’t know much about horses, to that specific degree.. I’d be glad to learn. I’ve never had the pleasure of being around them much.”
Get this guy the fuck out of my hair
well that's just great, because you're about to meet him in person!
[he seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of showing incitatus off to people, mainly because it really was his favorite horse]
well, it's because I'm kidnapping you,but don't look a gifted horse in the mouth,yeah?
[he smiles as he grabs jasper's shoulder roughly]
or i could just kill you here if you resist but how's that any fun?
“Jesus- you know, you don’t have to threaten kidnapping on people right? Especially for something like horses, a lot of people like horses.” Jasper remarked with an awkward smile- though unable to mask the discomfort at the touch, hand instinctively going to smack it away. That was only because Nero’s absolutely.. rough treatment. His shoulder was sore and he’s not used to strangers touching him now a days.
It took him a few moments, then he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away. “..Yeah I’ll go with you- just uh. No touching. Please. Kinda sore, you know.” Alright, now let’s test out how well this twink is at boundaries.
This is an almost annoyingly familiar situation for him, he fucking hated violence or anything like that- yes he’s been taught how to hunt but fucking god he didn’t think he’d have some aggressive emperor motherfuckers who resort to violence in his everyday life. He had to play the coy game for DAYS just to get to a point where he could literally stab Nero in the back in an attempt to escape. Does he like Nero? No, he doesn’t quite like Nero, more than just an odd acquaintance. But he’d prefer the sleezebag he knows, than that of some weirdo over here.
The hand on his shoulder and passive aggressive grab was almost like uncomfortable deja vu from when Nero had practically kidnapped and dragged the man here.
[he groans]
gods damnit- no,the horse is sentient, he's gonna help me with the kidnapping, maybe with the murder, Jupiter's balls you're daft,i guess nero does have a type-
[he pauses when the guy blatantly swats away his hand,like he's some pest or nuisance,an EMPEROR being treated like THIS by some.... what exactly? second rate slut? he feels his blood boil,red tinting his vision and what could be called some attempt at appearing normal completely slip up, Rather colorful images flashing in his mind's eye, mostly involving the bastard's mutilated corpse and his dear nephew's reaction, what was just a bystander in an attempt to soothe a man's ego has become an active participant,and nobody who did that has ever ended well.
outwardly he just stares ahead,like some lunatic,and says nothing]
right. i suggest you move now, boy.
[he feels the sheer hatred that only disrespect can cause him boiling directly under his skin, there's no room for rational thoughts or extensive mind games anymore, just the need to show this glorified escort who exactly he's wronged,he makes a hand gesture, signifying to Jasper to walk Infront of him]
Okay wow he really wanted to passively worm his way out of this- ugh. He should’ve expected this bitch to be fragile, just like he’s seen of the others. Mentally unstable and pissed off at the most simple little indication of a lack of control. The redhead simply bit his tongue to stop from saying something that would definitely end him in a knife fight. Good god he hates violence yet he’s stuck with these fuckers.
Alright- he really did just have to formulate a plan in a second, letting the pervious expression fall, he gave a huff, harboring a much less patient demeanor, much more gruff and agitated, like a man tired of a child’s antics. “I don’t have time for this. I’ve humored you enough.” Jasper just stepped a bit away, just keeping up the attitude he had. Child soldiers- that’s what Caligula said, and as far as Jasper knew there was no damn thing here. Yes he’s seen the kids around- but those are mostly Lucas’ kids. He knows there’s the one poison kid, the one acid redhead, there’s that night child- actually a few night kids, the one- Athena? He doesn’t know, just knows they’re demigods. And the whole new sun thing from before- he’s heard briefly of Commodus’ issues with Apollo so… yeah. Yeah he could use this.
“I have kids to train- I’m not going to get in trouble with Lord Commodus and Lord Nero, two emperors, just because you have some grudge. I have a job to do and I will not get chewed out for missing target practice with the demigods.“ the man stated blandly, glaring to the side in thought for a moment.
“I have no disrespect for you but I SWEAR on the gods I’m not ready for another incident like last week because I will crawl up from Tartarus itself after the death of disappointment if ONE MORE OF THEM MISFIRES I SWEAR.”
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”
[he can feel his blood pressure skyrocket to a never before seen height, mentally just barely refraining himself from pummeling this damn.. whatever he thought he was, certainly not an equal of his, that's for sure. his blood boils and his fingers itch to feel bones break,and yet,he stood still, outwardly calm, collected, only indicator of his feeling the rhythmic tapping of his fingers, one two three four]
oh you don't get a say in this matter,i think you've forgotten how the hierarchy of this place works..not unexpected of a barbarian,but certainly disappointing.
[the next words make him pause.did he hear that right? really? the...well he hesitates to even call him a man training Nero's precious little soldiers? either the world has gone insane,or the bastard was lying to him.
he smiles,thin veneer of politeness just barely convincing]
oh really now? they've entrusted you with training? well crazier things have happened...but not by much.
[he takes a breath, rhythmic tapping of his fingers against his thigh never ceasing]
very well,i should accompany you,see if i really trust Nero's plan of having them handle such an important issue like Apollo
and don't you worry, disappointment won't be what kills you if they're not.
[he draws closer to jasper, enough that Their chests are practically touching]
you are a dog on my dog's leash, quit yapping or i promise,dear old Nero won't even know what happened before you're gone.
[he roughly pats his face,a crude mimicry of an affectionate gesture]
off to work you go.
Nero could hear some commotion from where he was, and honestly he didn't really want to deal with this- he felt like this wasn't his responsibility. He wanted to leave it alone, but something in him told him to go and see what was happening- just for the peace of mind that he's aware of what's going on around the palace. Hell, maybe it is something that concerns him, then he'd know he made the right choice by checking it out.
...seeing what was happening, he was glad he checked. Yes, he heard about his unfortunate uncle bothering Jasper through the anons, and he heard about the comments made by the man to his... whatever they were to each other. Nero didn't look at it as anything other than a transaction, but he didn't want to think about their odd relationship for too long. What was important was that Jasper let him use his body, and that was all there was to it. Either way, not the point right now.
The emperor walked up to the two, harshly grabbing Jasper's arm and pulling the man closer to himself. He looked at his uncle, he didn't really have much to go off of aside from the fragments he's heard Jasper say, something about a job, and getting in trouble-? And someone misfiring. He could only assume it was about some archery stuff- why was Jasper talking about it? He had no clue, but hey, that's the beauty of improv, isn't it?
"Ahem," He cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on the other emperor, "Thank you for taking care of him for this... ah, so short period of time, dear uncle, I'll handle this from here."
@actinglikeigetthis
Good gods did Jasper know how lucky he was that Nero showed up.. if not he would’ve had to rely on pure chance of any demigod being in the shooting range. He really didn’t want to end up in a fight, he didn’t want to have to end up using his knife and fighting anyone but we all know he probably would’ve, if he had to, but he knew it wouldn’t have ended well.
Despite the harsh tug, he almost relaxed. No matter how fucking odd that was, with a man that’s done so much… who’s done some not quite normal things with him. No matter how much Jasper denied enjoying it, he’d grown quite used to the touch. All he did, was act as if he was a worker caught acting up- though the closest thing to that he’s ever had happen, was once when he was caught sneaking off back in school. Which he only did once. He’d rather not get in trouble. The redhead forced himself to tense as he would quickly glance up at Nero “E-Emperor Nero- I-“ Jasper swallowed nervously and looked down, away from both their gazes, “m-my apologies, Lord Nero...”
Was he doing this right? Fuck if he knew, he had no idea if he was playing the ‘oh shit I was just caught acting out of term in front of my superior’ act right. But it was better no matter his acting or not, he actually felt so much better now that he was within the grasp of his-…. Whatever Nero is to him.
Caligula wanted to believe Jasper was Nero’s dog? Fine then, let him believe that, he doesn’t care, in fact it just works into everything. He’s a soldier who works under Nero and helps train the demigods he looks after, he’s the average man who shit talks when his boss isn’t around and than only eases up once he’s caught in the act. Thats what he’ll be. He’s a dog? Fine, he’s Nero’s dog. The man just gave a small huff before a small apology was drawn through his lips in Caligula’s direction. “..forgive me for my outburst.. I was.. out of line.”
@novus-helios
[the emperor's eyes practically light up like two little housefires when he sees Nero storm in, nothing more fun than tormenting two people at once.
he pats Nero's shoulder]
dear nephew,how good to see you! i was just talking to your..... what was it he called it? coworkers? well not awfully important right now,i was talking with him about your little demigod army project!
[he purposely looks to jasper waging his reaction, fingers tapping away]
now i do have to say,bit wounded by his conduct,but i trust you're working on that. after all what good emperor would let underlings act out,no?
[he clasps his hands]
now then! i hear the children are in dire need of archery practice from him,no? I'd love to see where they stand with combat skills! you'd be a sport and accompany us, right? that way you can at least personally punish the slackers,i remember that being something you enjoyed?
@that-roman-arsonist
Well, at least his uncle's big mouth saved him from having to scramble for information for this... act, let's call it that. This little pretend thing. Whatever people were going to call it, he didn't care. At least he knew the story Jasper sold this man. That was good.
He looked down at the redhead, hearing the apology in his direction, and gave a small huff, "You're late. Again. How many times will you forget about your duties, hm? You're lucky you're good at this." He played the part of an upset boss scolding a worker- gods he hasn't had the chance to practice his acting in an actual situation in a while, this was making him all giddy inside!
"Ah," the emperor turned his attention to his uncle, like a man hearing his employee was acting out. Gods, was it good to actually get to act like he had underlings again... he kind of missed this. He's going to need to go back to training his germani soon, "worry not, dear uncle, he's going to re-learn his place rather quickly..." He looked at Jasper, plans already forming in his head about how to 'punish' the man.
And then he heard the blonde speak again, something about joining them? No, he couldn't have that. He just hummed in response, thinking for a moment before opening his mouth to talk again, "Oh, I'd love to have you there, truly, but... you're behind on your work. No one's really dared to touch it, we all know how you like it organized your specific way, and we had no clue how to replicate that. It's waiting for you in your office." He pointed down the hallway, "It's that way, in case you'd forgotten.."
@actinglikeigetthis
Okay fuck at least he was doing this right- he just looked to the ground, swallowing awkwardly between the two. At the comment of his work, he just gave a small nod as he responded in a bit of a mumble, “My deepest apologies, lord Nero.. it won’t happen again..” he do his best to sound ashamed, or sorry- but not too much, of course. After all Nero looks like the kind of guy that wouldn’t let his underlings act soft, so he decided he’d respond with a hint of a grumbled shame in his tone, quiet until he was spoken to. Yeah this act didn’t seem all too bad to be doing-
Oh fuck. He knew what that firey bastard meant by that but on ‘learning his place’. At least he doesn’t have any plans any time soon, because he knows Nero’s going to damn well drag him into bed and not go the slightest bit easy. Mmmhhhh he’s gonna pretend like he doesn’t know shit because man would it be awkward to talk more on the subject- the redhead just stayed silent and avoided eye contact the rest of the time, he should jus let Nero and his uncle deal with this, yeah?
Both in and out of character- he’s acting like an underling so he should just keep his head down and not interrupt until he’s spoken to, right? At least for now. It would make the man leave them alone soon, he hoped. Because god it would be an even more pain in his ass than Nero is, to have to deal with this guy on his metaphorical tail every other day.
@novus-helios
[he narrowed his eyes slightly,now a question for a thousand bucks,was he a pervert or was his nephew one?
well, probably both, actually. that made the conversation a whole lot less enjoyable than before, because casual roleplay was one thing ,but when it Involved NERO? eugh,gross. with that skin crawling thought he decides to ignore the pretend to not pick up on the bad porn parody worthy conversation those two were having.]
right,well at least you're trying to keep this place afloat. the results are another can of worms,but a plus for effort!
[his mood sours at being Denied the right to spectate archery practice, mainly because he wanted to sew more chaos and remind nero to not go fucking soft again, especially now of all times,but also because the idea that his shitty little cuck of a nephew thought he could tell him what to do and knew better than him turned the blood in his veins to fire then ice in quick succession. those were soon to be usurper thoughts right there...
he shakes it off, figuring he can at least swing by the stables while he's doing that, he's already greeted incitatus but one can never have too much horse time in a day]
suppose you're right, I've left you with quite the workload. well, at least you've managed it better than expected, it should not take long before we're back on track and ready to take the damned sun god by the throat.
[the idea of apollo begging for his life at the end of a spear does wonders to lift his mood,all things considered]
I think you like the horsies a bit too much
no such thing
[jasper could hear hurried knocks on his door, before he even had a chance to respond it Burst open,a man casually walking in like he owned the place]
well hello! believe we haven't been introduced?
@novus-helios
Jasper didn’t quite know what he expected. He didn’t get many visitors, usually just Nero, or that one kid- Lune? Oh, and of course Lucas’s but this sounded. Hurried. Good god what did someone want from him-
“HOLY JESUS FUCK-“
He barely had the time to process it, the rapid mocking already had him stressed but the fact the door swung open and some guy he’s never seen before badges in? Yeah, he sorta just moved instinctively, what he’s been doing lately- blinding literally anyone that sneaks up on him. Yeah, he’s been doing that- carrying around a flashlight in his pocket and pulling it on anyone that snuck up on him to at least give him a second for a breather.
[he'd expected the man to reach for a weapon, bracing himself for a fight,but when he was just randomly beamed in the eyes with the full power of the sun instead? safe to say he was blindsided heh]
ARGH! GODS ALMIGHTY-
[he shields his face,not keen on ending up like a certain hotheaded coworker of his]
NOVUS HELIOS ISN'T THAT LITERAL, YOU BASTARD!
[he blindly smacks at the direction the flashlight was in, vaguely aware of the fact this is deeply embarrassing for him]
“O-Oh- um— sorry-?” Jasper apologized awkwardly as he turned off the light that he just used to blind the man- at least it wasn’t on the flicker setting, could’ve given someone a seizure.. though- who the hell’s is this guy? He doesn’t think he’s seen him before.. then again, he doesn’t know many people here.
“I’m just not used to people- forcing down my door. Uh… who are you?”
ugh disrespected like this in my own home what has the world come to?
[he rubs his face, trying to not focus on everything he'd like to do to the insolent who just dared treat him like this thank you very much
he puts on what he thinks is a neutrally pleasant expression,but in reality it makes him look a bit.. unhinged,in fact it caused the fact he was even attached to the doorframe at all to become questionable]
I figured i would finally meet my nephew's seemingly first sane relationship,no?
well.. unless he does something weird this time too
[he did see the irony in him calling Nero weird in this context,but harping on the man in front of his little... whatever they had going on,was not something he was gonna pass up on]
im happy for him and all, I truly am but i just wish he had told me he'd be moving you in! or that he was in a relationship at all.. that boy is so keen on leaving me in the dark i swear,I held him when he was a baby y'know, and this is the thanks i get?? on all of Olympus,he didn't even tell me about building another child army!
[he really plays up the whole "oh woe is me" card, purely because dropping the bombshell after all that would make the reaction of the damn cinadeus that much more entertaining]
almost seems like i have no choice but to take the Matters into my own hands, don't you think?! i mean to treat an emperor that way? i can't stand for it, imagine what could happen
[he steps a little closer, making sure to block the exit]
don't you think?
“..isn’t this that Commodus guy’s home- um-“
“Your- nephew? Oh. Um. Are we talking about Nero?” He assumed so but- actually, Nevermind, he could see the resemblance. Of looking like a fucking lunatic. “I didn’t exactly move in- he kinda just… brought me here..? Like- the first night I met him. It was kind of kidnapping-“
Okay, child army? Now he had no clue what that’s about? Doesn’t like- don’t Commodus and Lucas have kids and stuff- god he knows those aren’t child soldiers. Maybe this guy is just insane- yeah he probably is- he looks looney. Like the guy was kicked in the head with a horse as a kid and it scrambled all reasonable thought- than again, showed the resemblance to Nero. He just stood there and calmly asked, “Did you come here to talk with me about Nero or…?”
Despite being largely uncomfortable- unfortunately Jasper has sorta gotten used to that constant feeling of unease. He’s felt it for fucking MONTHS while he’s been here. He could at least act like it didn’t affect him, and get- at least it’s nothing as harsh as uh. What Nero does to him.
eh,who actually does all the upkeep, right?
no, Hercules, what do you think??
[he spits out,venom partially dripping, he didn't have the patience for this, he's already been humiliated to high hell, he's not Having it happen again
hearing how exactly it happened he can't help chuckling just a little]
wow this really is just sporus again, isn't it? guess whatever floats his boat but damn,one time wasn't enough?
[he smiles,closer to a dog bearing it's teeth rather than anything human or friendly]
I'm just here to get to know you, figure i have the right,no?
[he leans into jasper's personal space,he wasn't a very physically intimidating man,closer to jasper in build rather than any of his colleagues,but that hasn't stopped him yet, being willing to violate as many boundaries as possible usually got similar results]
so let's talk,yeah?
“Hah, my mistake… I should be thinking more about it.” Jasper awkwardly replied, good fucking lord this was so weird guy. Maybe it was just how used to he was at this, dealing with these oddly unhinged people. Yeah he’d NEVER fucking do this with Nero, but geez was this guy being so fucking weirdo. His band moved to press against the other man’s chest, gently pushing him away a bit as he’d approach. “Yes. Let’s talk- but… forgive me, may I know your name? I don’t believe Nero’s spoken of you… new sun, you’d said- correct? Though I take that as more of a title.”
Just be polite with the man. Jasper had no clue if Nero actually likes this guy but gods he isn’t willing to mess with the thought- even regardless, the man was getting way too damned close. If worst comes to worst at least he knows how to run the fuck out of a situation. Or if this guy is that much like Nero- at least he knows how to keep Nero entertained-
[he immediately grabs the hand almost like it'd burn him,he didn't like people touching him when he wasn't the one initiating it,and the stress of today was already getting to him more than he'd like to admit, although dealing with Nero always did that to him]
I'm gaius, emperor before nero,his uncle, that's why I'd figure i would actually take initiative and meet his... whatever you are.
[breathe in,you can handle bullying some Random.. actually he genuinely didn't know what to call this man,slut for one obviously,but in regards to nero? who knows what the man thought this was to him,for all gaius knew he saw him as his late wife!]
especially after the.. interesting welcome he'd given I'd love to make sure everyone here knows where they stand with me.
and if there was an accident while explaining that...well nothing i could do about it, isn't that right?
The mad just noted that- as his hand was grabbed. Not like he really cared, this guy invaded his space- if jaspers gonna feel uncomfortable, then so the fuck is this weirdo who’s up in his space. “Gaius? Yeah.. he’s never talked about you- That explains it.” He’d hum- not like Nero talked with him about much, but he’s sure he’s never heard that name.
“It’s.. a pleasure to meet you.” He’d state, even if really it didn’t feel like one, he’d rather not have to stab another crazy ass emperor over here. “Acquaintance.” Jasper would almost immediately state at the mention of his. Relationship with Nero.
“I barely know the man- definitely wouldn’t call him a friend. Or uh… anything more. Just a um… a work ‘friendship’, at best.” The redhead clarified. Yes the two have slept together but- Jasper knew it was more of just. That. Nero does what he wants, and honestly? Jaspers too afraid to leave.
Good fucking god if he could, the man would’ve definitely and without question just leave. But this shit was scary, even if it’s been months. And he even saw Nero kill someone right in front of his fucking eyes. What the fuck would he do to his family if he found out Jasper just left when he clearly doesn’t want him to leave- good god he is just. Afraid of anything happening.
[he sighs theatrically, because,and he'd rather die than admit this before nero,he also did immensely enjoy theatrics]
that i figured he did, extremely ungrateful young man, between you and me. hell, after what he did to his own mother? i can only hope I'm not next.
although you've better chances of crossing him,i reckon.
[he tilted his head]
now I've had many "work" friends,and fucked quite a fair bit of people, never once have those two groups overlapped. well unless the work is what i think it is i suppose...
[he toys with many ideas on how best to get across to nero "do not fuck with me" using his boytoy.. maybe a kidnapping? or would just torture do.. decisions decisions,as he does so he drums his fingers against his thigh,one,two,three four,one two,three,four]
well suppose that's not important right now. say, have you ever heard of the most famous horse in history?
Okay he was not about to ask about that- he’s briefly seen some Roman history stuff but. Jesus fucking Christ he does not want to deal with or care to deal with all of this- good fucking god he would just bite this man if he got closer, but this guy looks like he has every std known to mankind.
But then again that’s how most undead people look.
“No. I uh… don’t think I’ve heard of the most famous horse in history..?” Was his hesitant reply, Jesus he didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with this. Odd guy. For once he’d rather be in Nero’s grip, because this guy was odd. The man just made a smile as he continued, not voicing any of these thoughts on how fucking weird this guy is, “Though I don’t know much about horses, to that specific degree.. I’d be glad to learn. I’ve never had the pleasure of being around them much.”
Get this guy the fuck out of my hair
well that's just great, because you're about to meet him in person!
[he seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of showing incitatus off to people, mainly because it really was his favorite horse]
well, it's because I'm kidnapping you,but don't look a gifted horse in the mouth,yeah?
[he smiles as he grabs jasper's shoulder roughly]
or i could just kill you here if you resist but how's that any fun?
“Jesus- you know, you don’t have to threaten kidnapping on people right? Especially for something like horses, a lot of people like horses.” Jasper remarked with an awkward smile- though unable to mask the discomfort at the touch, hand instinctively going to smack it away. That was only because Nero’s absolutely.. rough treatment. His shoulder was sore and he’s not used to strangers touching him now a days.
It took him a few moments, then he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away. “..Yeah I’ll go with you- just uh. No touching. Please. Kinda sore, you know.” Alright, now let’s test out how well this twink is at boundaries.
This is an almost annoyingly familiar situation for him, he fucking hated violence or anything like that- yes he’s been taught how to hunt but fucking god he didn’t think he’d have some aggressive emperor motherfuckers who resort to violence in his everyday life. He had to play the coy game for DAYS just to get to a point where he could literally stab Nero in the back in an attempt to escape. Does he like Nero? No, he doesn’t quite like Nero, more than just an odd acquaintance. But he’d prefer the sleezebag he knows, than that of some weirdo over here.
The hand on his shoulder and passive aggressive grab was almost like uncomfortable deja vu from when Nero had practically kidnapped and dragged the man here.
[he groans]
gods damnit- no,the horse is sentient, he's gonna help me with the kidnapping, maybe with the murder, Jupiter's balls you're daft,i guess nero does have a type-
[he pauses when the guy blatantly swats away his hand,like he's some pest or nuisance,an EMPEROR being treated like THIS by some.... what exactly? second rate slut? he feels his blood boil,red tinting his vision and what could be called some attempt at appearing normal completely slip up, Rather colorful images flashing in his mind's eye, mostly involving the bastard's mutilated corpse and his dear nephew's reaction, what was just a bystander in an attempt to soothe a man's ego has become an active participant,and nobody who did that has ever ended well.
outwardly he just stares ahead,like some lunatic,and says nothing]
right. i suggest you move now, boy.
[he feels the sheer hatred that only disrespect can cause him boiling directly under his skin, there's no room for rational thoughts or extensive mind games anymore, just the need to show this glorified escort who exactly he's wronged,he makes a hand gesture, signifying to Jasper to walk Infront of him]
Okay wow he really wanted to passively worm his way out of this- ugh. He should’ve expected this bitch to be fragile, just like he’s seen of the others. Mentally unstable and pissed off at the most simple little indication of a lack of control. The redhead simply bit his tongue to stop from saying something that would definitely end him in a knife fight. Good god he hates violence yet he’s stuck with these fuckers.
Alright- he really did just have to formulate a plan in a second, letting the pervious expression fall, he gave a huff, harboring a much less patient demeanor, much more gruff and agitated, like a man tired of a child’s antics. “I don’t have time for this. I’ve humored you enough.” Jasper just stepped a bit away, just keeping up the attitude he had. Child soldiers- that’s what Caligula said, and as far as Jasper knew there was no damn thing here. Yes he’s seen the kids around- but those are mostly Lucas’ kids. He knows there’s the one poison kid, the one acid redhead, there’s that night child- actually a few night kids, the one- Athena? He doesn’t know, just knows they’re demigods. And the whole new sun thing from before- he’s heard briefly of Commodus’ issues with Apollo so… yeah. Yeah he could use this.
“I have kids to train- I’m not going to get in trouble with Lord Commodus and Lord Nero, two emperors, just because you have some grudge. I have a job to do and I will not get chewed out for missing target practice with the demigods.“ the man stated blandly, glaring to the side in thought for a moment.
“I have no disrespect for you but I SWEAR on the gods I’m not ready for another incident like last week because I will crawl up from Tartarus itself after the death of disappointment if ONE MORE OF THEM MISFIRES I SWEAR.”
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”
[he can feel his blood pressure skyrocket to a never before seen height, mentally just barely refraining himself from pummeling this damn.. whatever he thought he was, certainly not an equal of his, that's for sure. his blood boils and his fingers itch to feel bones break,and yet,he stood still, outwardly calm, collected, only indicator of his feeling the rhythmic tapping of his fingers, one two three four]
oh you don't get a say in this matter,i think you've forgotten how the hierarchy of this place works..not unexpected of a barbarian,but certainly disappointing.
[the next words make him pause.did he hear that right? really? the...well he hesitates to even call him a man training Nero's precious little soldiers? either the world has gone insane,or the bastard was lying to him.
he smiles,thin veneer of politeness just barely convincing]
oh really now? they've entrusted you with training? well crazier things have happened...but not by much.
[he takes a breath, rhythmic tapping of his fingers against his thigh never ceasing]
very well,i should accompany you,see if i really trust Nero's plan of having them handle such an important issue like Apollo
and don't you worry, disappointment won't be what kills you if they're not.
[he draws closer to jasper, enough that Their chests are practically touching]
you are a dog on my dog's leash, quit yapping or i promise,dear old Nero won't even know what happened before you're gone.
[he roughly pats his face,a crude mimicry of an affectionate gesture]
off to work you go.
Nero could hear some commotion from where he was, and honestly he didn't really want to deal with this- he felt like this wasn't his responsibility. He wanted to leave it alone, but something in him told him to go and see what was happening- just for the peace of mind that he's aware of what's going on around the palace. Hell, maybe it is something that concerns him, then he'd know he made the right choice by checking it out.
...seeing what was happening, he was glad he checked. Yes, he heard about his unfortunate uncle bothering Jasper through the anons, and he heard about the comments made by the man to his... whatever they were to each other. Nero didn't look at it as anything other than a transaction, but he didn't want to think about their odd relationship for too long. What was important was that Jasper let him use his body, and that was all there was to it. Either way, not the point right now.
The emperor walked up to the two, harshly grabbing Jasper's arm and pulling the man closer to himself. He looked at his uncle, he didn't really have much to go off of aside from the fragments he's heard Jasper say, something about a job, and getting in trouble-? And someone misfiring. He could only assume it was about some archery stuff- why was Jasper talking about it? He had no clue, but hey, that's the beauty of improv, isn't it?
"Ahem," He cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on the other emperor, "Thank you for taking care of him for this... ah, so short period of time, dear uncle, I'll handle this from here."
@actinglikeigetthis
Good gods did Jasper know how lucky he was that Nero showed up.. if not he would’ve had to rely on pure chance of any demigod being in the shooting range. He really didn’t want to end up in a fight, he didn’t want to have to end up using his knife and fighting anyone but we all know he probably would’ve, if he had to, but he knew it wouldn’t have ended well.
Despite the harsh tug, he almost relaxed. No matter how fucking odd that was, with a man that’s done so much… who’s done some not quite normal things with him. No matter how much Jasper denied enjoying it, he’d grown quite used to the touch. All he did, was act as if he was a worker caught acting up- though the closest thing to that he’s ever had happen, was once when he was caught sneaking off back in school. Which he only did once. He’d rather not get in trouble. The redhead forced himself to tense as he would quickly glance up at Nero “E-Emperor Nero- I-“ Jasper swallowed nervously and looked down, away from both their gazes, “m-my apologies, Lord Nero...”
Was he doing this right? Fuck if he knew, he had no idea if he was playing the ‘oh shit I was just caught acting out of term in front of my superior’ act right. But it was better no matter his acting or not, he actually felt so much better now that he was within the grasp of his-…. Whatever Nero is to him.
Caligula wanted to believe Jasper was Nero’s dog? Fine then, let him believe that, he doesn’t care, in fact it just works into everything. He’s a soldier who works under Nero and helps train the demigods he looks after, he’s the average man who shit talks when his boss isn’t around and than only eases up once he’s caught in the act. Thats what he’ll be. He’s a dog? Fine, he’s Nero’s dog. The man just gave a small huff before a small apology was drawn through his lips in Caligula’s direction. “..forgive me for my outburst.. I was.. out of line.”
@novus-helios
[the emperor's eyes practically light up like two little housefires when he sees Nero storm in, nothing more fun than tormenting two people at once.
he pats Nero's shoulder]
dear nephew,how good to see you! i was just talking to your..... what was it he called it? coworkers? well not awfully important right now,i was talking with him about your little demigod army project!
[he purposely looks to jasper waging his reaction, fingers tapping away]
now i do have to say,bit wounded by his conduct,but i trust you're working on that. after all what good emperor would let underlings act out,no?
[he clasps his hands]
now then! i hear the children are in dire need of archery practice from him,no? I'd love to see where they stand with combat skills! you'd be a sport and accompany us, right? that way you can at least personally punish the slackers,i remember that being something you enjoyed?
@that-roman-arsonist
*throws cup of vinegar on your horse* fuck you
INCITATUS??? YOU FUCKING BITCH,I'LL RIP YOUR GUTS OUT AND DECORATE THE STABLES WITH WHAT'S LEFT-
[jasper could hear hurried knocks on his door, before he even had a chance to respond it Burst open,a man casually walking in like he owned the place]
well hello! believe we haven't been introduced?
@novus-helios
Jasper didn’t quite know what he expected. He didn’t get many visitors, usually just Nero, or that one kid- Lune? Oh, and of course Lucas’s but this sounded. Hurried. Good god what did someone want from him-
“HOLY JESUS FUCK-“
He barely had the time to process it, the rapid mocking already had him stressed but the fact the door swung open and some guy he’s never seen before badges in? Yeah, he sorta just moved instinctively, what he’s been doing lately- blinding literally anyone that sneaks up on him. Yeah, he’s been doing that- carrying around a flashlight in his pocket and pulling it on anyone that snuck up on him to at least give him a second for a breather.
[he'd expected the man to reach for a weapon, bracing himself for a fight,but when he was just randomly beamed in the eyes with the full power of the sun instead? safe to say he was blindsided heh]
ARGH! GODS ALMIGHTY-
[he shields his face,not keen on ending up like a certain hotheaded coworker of his]
NOVUS HELIOS ISN'T THAT LITERAL, YOU BASTARD!
[he blindly smacks at the direction the flashlight was in, vaguely aware of the fact this is deeply embarrassing for him]
“O-Oh- um— sorry-?” Jasper apologized awkwardly as he turned off the light that he just used to blind the man- at least it wasn’t on the flicker setting, could’ve given someone a seizure.. though- who the hell’s is this guy? He doesn’t think he’s seen him before.. then again, he doesn’t know many people here.
“I’m just not used to people- forcing down my door. Uh… who are you?”
ugh disrespected like this in my own home what has the world come to?
[he rubs his face, trying to not focus on everything he'd like to do to the insolent who just dared treat him like this thank you very much
he puts on what he thinks is a neutrally pleasant expression,but in reality it makes him look a bit.. unhinged,in fact it caused the fact he was even attached to the doorframe at all to become questionable]
I figured i would finally meet my nephew's seemingly first sane relationship,no?
well.. unless he does something weird this time too
[he did see the irony in him calling Nero weird in this context,but harping on the man in front of his little... whatever they had going on,was not something he was gonna pass up on]
im happy for him and all, I truly am but i just wish he had told me he'd be moving you in! or that he was in a relationship at all.. that boy is so keen on leaving me in the dark i swear,I held him when he was a baby y'know, and this is the thanks i get?? on all of Olympus,he didn't even tell me about building another child army!
[he really plays up the whole "oh woe is me" card, purely because dropping the bombshell after all that would make the reaction of the damn cinadeus that much more entertaining]
almost seems like i have no choice but to take the Matters into my own hands, don't you think?! i mean to treat an emperor that way? i can't stand for it, imagine what could happen
[he steps a little closer, making sure to block the exit]
don't you think?
“..isn’t this that Commodus guy’s home- um-“
“Your- nephew? Oh. Um. Are we talking about Nero?” He assumed so but- actually, Nevermind, he could see the resemblance. Of looking like a fucking lunatic. “I didn’t exactly move in- he kinda just… brought me here..? Like- the first night I met him. It was kind of kidnapping-“
Okay, child army? Now he had no clue what that’s about? Doesn’t like- don’t Commodus and Lucas have kids and stuff- god he knows those aren’t child soldiers. Maybe this guy is just insane- yeah he probably is- he looks looney. Like the guy was kicked in the head with a horse as a kid and it scrambled all reasonable thought- than again, showed the resemblance to Nero. He just stood there and calmly asked, “Did you come here to talk with me about Nero or…?”
Despite being largely uncomfortable- unfortunately Jasper has sorta gotten used to that constant feeling of unease. He’s felt it for fucking MONTHS while he’s been here. He could at least act like it didn’t affect him, and get- at least it’s nothing as harsh as uh. What Nero does to him.
eh,who actually does all the upkeep, right?
no, Hercules, what do you think??
[he spits out,venom partially dripping, he didn't have the patience for this, he's already been humiliated to high hell, he's not Having it happen again
hearing how exactly it happened he can't help chuckling just a little]
wow this really is just sporus again, isn't it? guess whatever floats his boat but damn,one time wasn't enough?
[he smiles,closer to a dog bearing it's teeth rather than anything human or friendly]
I'm just here to get to know you, figure i have the right,no?
[he leans into jasper's personal space,he wasn't a very physically intimidating man,closer to jasper in build rather than any of his colleagues,but that hasn't stopped him yet, being willing to violate as many boundaries as possible usually got similar results]
so let's talk,yeah?
“Hah, my mistake… I should be thinking more about it.” Jasper awkwardly replied, good fucking lord this was so weird guy. Maybe it was just how used to he was at this, dealing with these oddly unhinged people. Yeah he’d NEVER fucking do this with Nero, but geez was this guy being so fucking weirdo. His band moved to press against the other man’s chest, gently pushing him away a bit as he’d approach. “Yes. Let’s talk- but… forgive me, may I know your name? I don’t believe Nero’s spoken of you… new sun, you’d said- correct? Though I take that as more of a title.”
Just be polite with the man. Jasper had no clue if Nero actually likes this guy but gods he isn’t willing to mess with the thought- even regardless, the man was getting way too damned close. If worst comes to worst at least he knows how to run the fuck out of a situation. Or if this guy is that much like Nero- at least he knows how to keep Nero entertained-
[he immediately grabs the hand almost like it'd burn him,he didn't like people touching him when he wasn't the one initiating it,and the stress of today was already getting to him more than he'd like to admit, although dealing with Nero always did that to him]
I'm gaius, emperor before nero,his uncle, that's why I'd figure i would actually take initiative and meet his... whatever you are.
[breathe in,you can handle bullying some Random.. actually he genuinely didn't know what to call this man,slut for one obviously,but in regards to nero? who knows what the man thought this was to him,for all gaius knew he saw him as his late wife!]
especially after the.. interesting welcome he'd given I'd love to make sure everyone here knows where they stand with me.
and if there was an accident while explaining that...well nothing i could do about it, isn't that right?
The mad just noted that- as his hand was grabbed. Not like he really cared, this guy invaded his space- if jaspers gonna feel uncomfortable, then so the fuck is this weirdo who’s up in his space. “Gaius? Yeah.. he’s never talked about you- That explains it.” He’d hum- not like Nero talked with him about much, but he’s sure he’s never heard that name.
“It’s.. a pleasure to meet you.” He’d state, even if really it didn’t feel like one, he’d rather not have to stab another crazy ass emperor over here. “Acquaintance.” Jasper would almost immediately state at the mention of his. Relationship with Nero.
“I barely know the man- definitely wouldn’t call him a friend. Or uh… anything more. Just a um… a work ‘friendship’, at best.” The redhead clarified. Yes the two have slept together but- Jasper knew it was more of just. That. Nero does what he wants, and honestly? Jaspers too afraid to leave.
Good fucking god if he could, the man would’ve definitely and without question just leave. But this shit was scary, even if it’s been months. And he even saw Nero kill someone right in front of his fucking eyes. What the fuck would he do to his family if he found out Jasper just left when he clearly doesn’t want him to leave- good god he is just. Afraid of anything happening.
[he sighs theatrically, because,and he'd rather die than admit this before nero,he also did immensely enjoy theatrics]
that i figured he did, extremely ungrateful young man, between you and me. hell, after what he did to his own mother? i can only hope I'm not next.
although you've better chances of crossing him,i reckon.
[he tilted his head]
now I've had many "work" friends,and fucked quite a fair bit of people, never once have those two groups overlapped. well unless the work is what i think it is i suppose...
[he toys with many ideas on how best to get across to nero "do not fuck with me" using his boytoy.. maybe a kidnapping? or would just torture do.. decisions decisions,as he does so he drums his fingers against his thigh,one,two,three four,one two,three,four]
well suppose that's not important right now. say, have you ever heard of the most famous horse in history?
Okay he was not about to ask about that- he’s briefly seen some Roman history stuff but. Jesus fucking Christ he does not want to deal with or care to deal with all of this- good fucking god he would just bite this man if he got closer, but this guy looks like he has every std known to mankind.
But then again that’s how most undead people look.
“No. I uh… don’t think I’ve heard of the most famous horse in history..?” Was his hesitant reply, Jesus he didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with this. Odd guy. For once he’d rather be in Nero’s grip, because this guy was odd. The man just made a smile as he continued, not voicing any of these thoughts on how fucking weird this guy is, “Though I don’t know much about horses, to that specific degree.. I’d be glad to learn. I’ve never had the pleasure of being around them much.”
Get this guy the fuck out of my hair
well that's just great, because you're about to meet him in person!
[he seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of showing incitatus off to people, mainly because it really was his favorite horse]
well, it's because I'm kidnapping you,but don't look a gifted horse in the mouth,yeah?
[he smiles as he grabs jasper's shoulder roughly]
or i could just kill you here if you resist but how's that any fun?
“Jesus- you know, you don’t have to threaten kidnapping on people right? Especially for something like horses, a lot of people like horses.” Jasper remarked with an awkward smile- though unable to mask the discomfort at the touch, hand instinctively going to smack it away. That was only because Nero’s absolutely.. rough treatment. His shoulder was sore and he’s not used to strangers touching him now a days.
It took him a few moments, then he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away. “..Yeah I’ll go with you- just uh. No touching. Please. Kinda sore, you know.” Alright, now let’s test out how well this twink is at boundaries.
This is an almost annoyingly familiar situation for him, he fucking hated violence or anything like that- yes he’s been taught how to hunt but fucking god he didn’t think he’d have some aggressive emperor motherfuckers who resort to violence in his everyday life. He had to play the coy game for DAYS just to get to a point where he could literally stab Nero in the back in an attempt to escape. Does he like Nero? No, he doesn’t quite like Nero, more than just an odd acquaintance. But he’d prefer the sleezebag he knows, than that of some weirdo over here.
The hand on his shoulder and passive aggressive grab was almost like uncomfortable deja vu from when Nero had practically kidnapped and dragged the man here.
[he groans]
gods damnit- no,the horse is sentient, he's gonna help me with the kidnapping, maybe with the murder, Jupiter's balls you're daft,i guess nero does have a type-
[he pauses when the guy blatantly swats away his hand,like he's some pest or nuisance,an EMPEROR being treated like THIS by some.... what exactly? second rate slut? he feels his blood boil,red tinting his vision and what could be called some attempt at appearing normal completely slip up, Rather colorful images flashing in his mind's eye, mostly involving the bastard's mutilated corpse and his dear nephew's reaction, what was just a bystander in an attempt to soothe a man's ego has become an active participant,and nobody who did that has ever ended well.
outwardly he just stares ahead,like some lunatic,and says nothing]
right. i suggest you move now, boy.
[he feels the sheer hatred that only disrespect can cause him boiling directly under his skin, there's no room for rational thoughts or extensive mind games anymore, just the need to show this glorified escort who exactly he's wronged,he makes a hand gesture, signifying to Jasper to walk Infront of him]
Okay wow he really wanted to passively worm his way out of this- ugh. He should’ve expected this bitch to be fragile, just like he’s seen of the others. Mentally unstable and pissed off at the most simple little indication of a lack of control. The redhead simply bit his tongue to stop from saying something that would definitely end him in a knife fight. Good god he hates violence yet he’s stuck with these fuckers.
Alright- he really did just have to formulate a plan in a second, letting the pervious expression fall, he gave a huff, harboring a much less patient demeanor, much more gruff and agitated, like a man tired of a child’s antics. “I don’t have time for this. I’ve humored you enough.” Jasper just stepped a bit away, just keeping up the attitude he had. Child soldiers- that’s what Caligula said, and as far as Jasper knew there was no damn thing here. Yes he’s seen the kids around- but those are mostly Lucas’ kids. He knows there’s the one poison kid, the one acid redhead, there’s that night child- actually a few night kids, the one- Athena? He doesn’t know, just knows they’re demigods. And the whole new sun thing from before- he’s heard briefly of Commodus’ issues with Apollo so… yeah. Yeah he could use this.
“I have kids to train- I’m not going to get in trouble with Lord Commodus and Lord Nero, two emperors, just because you have some grudge. I have a job to do and I will not get chewed out for missing target practice with the demigods.“ the man stated blandly, glaring to the side in thought for a moment.
“I have no disrespect for you but I SWEAR on the gods I’m not ready for another incident like last week because I will crawl up from Tartarus itself after the death of disappointment if ONE MORE OF THEM MISFIRES I SWEAR.”
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”
[he can feel his blood pressure skyrocket to a never before seen height, mentally just barely refraining himself from pummeling this damn.. whatever he thought he was, certainly not an equal of his, that's for sure. his blood boils and his fingers itch to feel bones break,and yet,he stood still, outwardly calm, collected, only indicator of his feeling the rhythmic tapping of his fingers, one two three four]
oh you don't get a say in this matter,i think you've forgotten how the hierarchy of this place works..not unexpected of a barbarian,but certainly disappointing.
[the next words make him pause.did he hear that right? really? the...well he hesitates to even call him a man training Nero's precious little soldiers? either the world has gone insane,or the bastard was lying to him.
he smiles,thin veneer of politeness just barely convincing]
oh really now? they've entrusted you with training? well crazier things have happened...but not by much.
[he takes a breath, rhythmic tapping of his fingers against his thigh never ceasing]
very well,i should accompany you,see if i really trust Nero's plan of having them handle such an important issue like Apollo
and don't you worry, disappointment won't be what kills you if they're not.
[he draws closer to jasper, enough that Their chests are practically touching]
you are a dog on my dog's leash, quit yapping or i promise,dear old Nero won't even know what happened before you're gone.
[he roughly pats his face,a crude mimicry of an affectionate gesture]
off to work you go.
[jasper could hear hurried knocks on his door, before he even had a chance to respond it Burst open,a man casually walking in like he owned the place]
well hello! believe we haven't been introduced?
@novus-helios
Jasper didn’t quite know what he expected. He didn’t get many visitors, usually just Nero, or that one kid- Lune? Oh, and of course Lucas’s but this sounded. Hurried. Good god what did someone want from him-
“HOLY JESUS FUCK-“
He barely had the time to process it, the rapid mocking already had him stressed but the fact the door swung open and some guy he’s never seen before badges in? Yeah, he sorta just moved instinctively, what he’s been doing lately- blinding literally anyone that sneaks up on him. Yeah, he’s been doing that- carrying around a flashlight in his pocket and pulling it on anyone that snuck up on him to at least give him a second for a breather.
[he'd expected the man to reach for a weapon, bracing himself for a fight,but when he was just randomly beamed in the eyes with the full power of the sun instead? safe to say he was blindsided heh]
ARGH! GODS ALMIGHTY-
[he shields his face,not keen on ending up like a certain hotheaded coworker of his]
NOVUS HELIOS ISN'T THAT LITERAL, YOU BASTARD!
[he blindly smacks at the direction the flashlight was in, vaguely aware of the fact this is deeply embarrassing for him]
“O-Oh- um— sorry-?” Jasper apologized awkwardly as he turned off the light that he just used to blind the man- at least it wasn’t on the flicker setting, could’ve given someone a seizure.. though- who the hell’s is this guy? He doesn’t think he’s seen him before.. then again, he doesn’t know many people here.
“I’m just not used to people- forcing down my door. Uh… who are you?”
ugh disrespected like this in my own home what has the world come to?
[he rubs his face, trying to not focus on everything he'd like to do to the insolent who just dared treat him like this thank you very much
he puts on what he thinks is a neutrally pleasant expression,but in reality it makes him look a bit.. unhinged,in fact it caused the fact he was even attached to the doorframe at all to become questionable]
I figured i would finally meet my nephew's seemingly first sane relationship,no?
well.. unless he does something weird this time too
[he did see the irony in him calling Nero weird in this context,but harping on the man in front of his little... whatever they had going on,was not something he was gonna pass up on]
im happy for him and all, I truly am but i just wish he had told me he'd be moving you in! or that he was in a relationship at all.. that boy is so keen on leaving me in the dark i swear,I held him when he was a baby y'know, and this is the thanks i get?? on all of Olympus,he didn't even tell me about building another child army!
[he really plays up the whole "oh woe is me" card, purely because dropping the bombshell after all that would make the reaction of the damn cinadeus that much more entertaining]
almost seems like i have no choice but to take the Matters into my own hands, don't you think?! i mean to treat an emperor that way? i can't stand for it, imagine what could happen
[he steps a little closer, making sure to block the exit]
don't you think?
“..isn’t this that Commodus guy’s home- um-“
“Your- nephew? Oh. Um. Are we talking about Nero?” He assumed so but- actually, Nevermind, he could see the resemblance. Of looking like a fucking lunatic. “I didn’t exactly move in- he kinda just… brought me here..? Like- the first night I met him. It was kind of kidnapping-“
Okay, child army? Now he had no clue what that’s about? Doesn’t like- don’t Commodus and Lucas have kids and stuff- god he knows those aren’t child soldiers. Maybe this guy is just insane- yeah he probably is- he looks looney. Like the guy was kicked in the head with a horse as a kid and it scrambled all reasonable thought- than again, showed the resemblance to Nero. He just stood there and calmly asked, “Did you come here to talk with me about Nero or…?”
Despite being largely uncomfortable- unfortunately Jasper has sorta gotten used to that constant feeling of unease. He’s felt it for fucking MONTHS while he’s been here. He could at least act like it didn’t affect him, and get- at least it’s nothing as harsh as uh. What Nero does to him.
eh,who actually does all the upkeep, right?
no, Hercules, what do you think??
[he spits out,venom partially dripping, he didn't have the patience for this, he's already been humiliated to high hell, he's not Having it happen again
hearing how exactly it happened he can't help chuckling just a little]
wow this really is just sporus again, isn't it? guess whatever floats his boat but damn,one time wasn't enough?
[he smiles,closer to a dog bearing it's teeth rather than anything human or friendly]
I'm just here to get to know you, figure i have the right,no?
[he leans into jasper's personal space,he wasn't a very physically intimidating man,closer to jasper in build rather than any of his colleagues,but that hasn't stopped him yet, being willing to violate as many boundaries as possible usually got similar results]
so let's talk,yeah?
“Hah, my mistake… I should be thinking more about it.” Jasper awkwardly replied, good fucking lord this was so weird guy. Maybe it was just how used to he was at this, dealing with these oddly unhinged people. Yeah he’d NEVER fucking do this with Nero, but geez was this guy being so fucking weirdo. His band moved to press against the other man’s chest, gently pushing him away a bit as he’d approach. “Yes. Let’s talk- but… forgive me, may I know your name? I don’t believe Nero’s spoken of you… new sun, you’d said- correct? Though I take that as more of a title.”
Just be polite with the man. Jasper had no clue if Nero actually likes this guy but gods he isn’t willing to mess with the thought- even regardless, the man was getting way too damned close. If worst comes to worst at least he knows how to run the fuck out of a situation. Or if this guy is that much like Nero- at least he knows how to keep Nero entertained-
[he immediately grabs the hand almost like it'd burn him,he didn't like people touching him when he wasn't the one initiating it,and the stress of today was already getting to him more than he'd like to admit, although dealing with Nero always did that to him]
I'm gaius, emperor before nero,his uncle, that's why I'd figure i would actually take initiative and meet his... whatever you are.
[breathe in,you can handle bullying some Random.. actually he genuinely didn't know what to call this man,slut for one obviously,but in regards to nero? who knows what the man thought this was to him,for all gaius knew he saw him as his late wife!]
especially after the.. interesting welcome he'd given I'd love to make sure everyone here knows where they stand with me.
and if there was an accident while explaining that...well nothing i could do about it, isn't that right?
The mad just noted that- as his hand was grabbed. Not like he really cared, this guy invaded his space- if jaspers gonna feel uncomfortable, then so the fuck is this weirdo who’s up in his space. “Gaius? Yeah.. he’s never talked about you- That explains it.” He’d hum- not like Nero talked with him about much, but he’s sure he’s never heard that name.
“It’s.. a pleasure to meet you.” He’d state, even if really it didn’t feel like one, he’d rather not have to stab another crazy ass emperor over here. “Acquaintance.” Jasper would almost immediately state at the mention of his. Relationship with Nero.
“I barely know the man- definitely wouldn’t call him a friend. Or uh… anything more. Just a um… a work ‘friendship’, at best.” The redhead clarified. Yes the two have slept together but- Jasper knew it was more of just. That. Nero does what he wants, and honestly? Jaspers too afraid to leave.
Good fucking god if he could, the man would’ve definitely and without question just leave. But this shit was scary, even if it’s been months. And he even saw Nero kill someone right in front of his fucking eyes. What the fuck would he do to his family if he found out Jasper just left when he clearly doesn’t want him to leave- good god he is just. Afraid of anything happening.
[he sighs theatrically, because,and he'd rather die than admit this before nero,he also did immensely enjoy theatrics]
that i figured he did, extremely ungrateful young man, between you and me. hell, after what he did to his own mother? i can only hope I'm not next.
although you've better chances of crossing him,i reckon.
[he tilted his head]
now I've had many "work" friends,and fucked quite a fair bit of people, never once have those two groups overlapped. well unless the work is what i think it is i suppose...
[he toys with many ideas on how best to get across to nero "do not fuck with me" using his boytoy.. maybe a kidnapping? or would just torture do.. decisions decisions,as he does so he drums his fingers against his thigh,one,two,three four,one two,three,four]
well suppose that's not important right now. say, have you ever heard of the most famous horse in history?
Okay he was not about to ask about that- he’s briefly seen some Roman history stuff but. Jesus fucking Christ he does not want to deal with or care to deal with all of this- good fucking god he would just bite this man if he got closer, but this guy looks like he has every std known to mankind.
But then again that’s how most undead people look.
“No. I uh… don’t think I’ve heard of the most famous horse in history..?” Was his hesitant reply, Jesus he didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with this. Odd guy. For once he’d rather be in Nero’s grip, because this guy was odd. The man just made a smile as he continued, not voicing any of these thoughts on how fucking weird this guy is, “Though I don’t know much about horses, to that specific degree.. I’d be glad to learn. I’ve never had the pleasure of being around them much.”
Get this guy the fuck out of my hair
well that's just great, because you're about to meet him in person!
[he seemed genuinely excited about the prospect of showing incitatus off to people, mainly because it really was his favorite horse]
well, it's because I'm kidnapping you,but don't look a gifted horse in the mouth,yeah?
[he smiles as he grabs jasper's shoulder roughly]
or i could just kill you here if you resist but how's that any fun?
“Jesus- you know, you don’t have to threaten kidnapping on people right? Especially for something like horses, a lot of people like horses.” Jasper remarked with an awkward smile- though unable to mask the discomfort at the touch, hand instinctively going to smack it away. That was only because Nero’s absolutely.. rough treatment. His shoulder was sore and he’s not used to strangers touching him now a days.
It took him a few moments, then he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away. “..Yeah I’ll go with you- just uh. No touching. Please. Kinda sore, you know.” Alright, now let’s test out how well this twink is at boundaries.
This is an almost annoyingly familiar situation for him, he fucking hated violence or anything like that- yes he’s been taught how to hunt but fucking god he didn’t think he’d have some aggressive emperor motherfuckers who resort to violence in his everyday life. He had to play the coy game for DAYS just to get to a point where he could literally stab Nero in the back in an attempt to escape. Does he like Nero? No, he doesn’t quite like Nero, more than just an odd acquaintance. But he’d prefer the sleezebag he knows, than that of some weirdo over here.
The hand on his shoulder and passive aggressive grab was almost like uncomfortable deja vu from when Nero had practically kidnapped and dragged the man here.
[he groans]
gods damnit- no,the horse is sentient, he's gonna help me with the kidnapping, maybe with the murder, Jupiter's balls you're daft,i guess nero does have a type-
[he pauses when the guy blatantly swats away his hand,like he's some pest or nuisance,an EMPEROR being treated like THIS by some.... what exactly? second rate slut? he feels his blood boil,red tinting his vision and what could be called some attempt at appearing normal completely slip up, Rather colorful images flashing in his mind's eye, mostly involving the bastard's mutilated corpse and his dear nephew's reaction, what was just a bystander in an attempt to soothe a man's ego has become an active participant,and nobody who did that has ever ended well.
outwardly he just stares ahead,like some lunatic,and says nothing]
right. i suggest you move now, boy.
[he feels the sheer hatred that only disrespect can cause him boiling directly under his skin, there's no room for rational thoughts or extensive mind games anymore, just the need to show this glorified escort who exactly he's wronged,he makes a hand gesture, signifying to Jasper to walk Infront of him]
... you're supposed to be dead.
@novus-helios
Yeah... I am. I know.
oh good, then everything's in working order! I'll be sending some of your siblings over in just a bit,be warned.
Well, Calligula, did you know that you are ALSO dead?
And, honestly, you're not getting Thalia or Lester so you're doing the world a favor by getting rid of those guys. Like Hercules? Absolutely not.
oh I've BEEN dead, trust me,but some of us are more dedicated than that, won't let something as simple as dying stop us.
[he shurgs]
i was thinking more the annoying toddler my nephew took off the streets but I'll remember to throw the girl in too if i know it'll bother you
hello child, where can i find your father? for totally innocent reasons of course..
//ps u forgot to pin ur intro post i think?
@novus-helios
Uhh why do you want to find my dad? You got a problem with him? I get that, a lot of people do.
//shit you’re right thanks
oh you could call it that, he's got something that's rightfully mine I'm afraid, would just like it back,no big deal.
Okay and- what would that be?
the sun, perhaps?
oh nothing terribly important, he's not using it, nevermind correctly,that's for sure.
sorry,speak up? I'm an old man,you gotta understand.
How old? Who are you, exactly?
well aren't you awfully curious,huh? why don't i get to find out something about you first? like where your father is,for example.
I have no idea where my dad is. He’s a god, why do you think I would know?
bummer,was being hopeful.
guess you gotta die.
I- what? Who even are you? Don’t kill me!
ugh do i gotta do introductions everytime? gaius Germanic,not the nickname, don't call me the fucking nickname.
and give me one good reason to not kill you?
Right, uh- not going to pretend I know who you are- Because I haven’t done anything wrong?
[sigh]
rome really has fell from grace,huh? whatever, you're coming with me then, let's see how fast he realizes it, yeah?
[he places a decidedly too rough hand on his shoulder]
I'm sick and tired of relying on those two idiots, couldn't catch a limping turtle to save Thier lives.
Shit-okay I’m about to get kidnapped by someone- fuck
@nicoroninacaronismuderandsleep Help
Um, okay, so, we don't kidnap my boyfriend. I only kidnap my boyfriend thank you very much. Also, um, so are you gonna like devour my disgrace in law's soul or something. But we don't kidnap teenagers. Go kidnap him or something else.
how the hell do you think you are?? do you want to die?? because i have no qualms about it, neither does incitatus.
I'm working on doing something like that to him,yes,but kinda need this ones cooperation for it,got that?
hello child, where can i find your father? for totally innocent reasons of course..
//ps u forgot to pin ur intro post i think?
@novus-helios
Uhh why do you want to find my dad? You got a problem with him? I get that, a lot of people do.
//shit you’re right thanks
oh you could call it that, he's got something that's rightfully mine I'm afraid, would just like it back,no big deal.
Okay and- what would that be?
the sun, perhaps?
oh nothing terribly important, he's not using it, nevermind correctly,that's for sure.
sorry,speak up? I'm an old man,you gotta understand.
How old? Who are you, exactly?
well aren't you awfully curious,huh? why don't i get to find out something about you first? like where your father is,for example.
I have no idea where my dad is. He’s a god, why do you think I would know?
bummer,was being hopeful.
guess you gotta die.
I- what? Who even are you? Don’t kill me!
ugh do i gotta do introductions everytime? gaius Germanic,not the nickname, don't call me the fucking nickname.
and give me one good reason to not kill you?
Right, uh- not going to pretend I know who you are- Because I haven’t done anything wrong?
[sigh]
rome really has fell from grace,huh? whatever, you're coming with me then, let's see how fast he realizes it, yeah?
[he places a decidedly too rough hand on his shoulder]
I'm sick and tired of relying on those two idiots, couldn't catch a limping turtle to save Thier lives.
