letters for my future self @nowyouuseeher - Tumblr Blog

Letters to hoard. Thank you, Taramey! :)

Throwback na nahalungkat ko sa Notes!!! :>

From my archive: August 15, 2023

📍WE MADE IT HERE pt. 2

Dahil mag 1year na yung photo na ito — may kwento ako hehe!! Summarize ko na lang pinagdaanan ko last yr dahil masyadong mahaba.

- mahaba yung pila sa Sumo Niku kaya ang ending kumain kami sa Vikings.

- 30mins lang kami sa buffet kasi mag cutoff na sila for lunch. Ang ending, di ako nag enjoy kasi nagmamadali kami. Wag niyo na ko tanungin, di ko rin alam bakit di kami nag iisip HEHE!! #VeryBright 💯 btw, im with Mil and Ferll!! :)

- ayaw mag SB, pero gusto magkape. Ang goal maghanap ng mura dahil nagtitipid. Ending, napadpad sa café na hindi rin ako pamilyar. Laughtrip kasi mas napamahal pa kami. Di ako nag enjoy pero keri na. #lessonlearned gets niyo na kung ano yun. 🤪

Yung kape lang napicturan ko kasi hello very nagmamadali nga ako ngumuya sa vikings hehe. At least may remembrance from last year! Lol.

Pero ayoooown, naka 1 year na pala ako sa work na akala ko 1 month lang itatagal ko. So nasan ako ngayon? WOW - still fighting w life and ~still haven’t found what im looking for~ lol lyrics yan ng kanta!! 😂 kidding aside, siguro nasa pinaka okay na state (mentally and emotionally. p.s. pinagdadasal ko pa yung financial lol) ako ngayon ng work-life expi ko from 2019. At dahil diyan, congratulations self! ✨ makiki-uso na rin ako — “malayo pa pero malayo na” 🥹 buti na lang kumapit pa kahit ang daming iyak over sa maliliit(?) na bagay lol.

This time, nilibre ko sarili ko ng peyborit kong crepe!! Ang dami kong tunganga moments. Naparami reflection ko sa buhay habang nagtatype ako nito. But yep!! WE MADE IT HERE AGAIN! hapi one yr!! Cheers! 🥂

Also… attached photo below~ nung first day ng training ko sa BEDC HEHEHE who would have thought??

here’s to my first ever sticker set! hehe, try lang rin ng digital drawing and need pa ng practice!! 💫

📍WE MADE IT HERE

𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴, 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦. 𝘬𝘢𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭!!! 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. <3333

𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳! ✨

— 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯: 𝘈𝘶𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵 6, 2022

Huling gabi sa SLOC

Who would have thought? Di na pala talaga ako babalik. HEHEh~

<333333 love this short clip from that short experience :))

From my archive: March 14, 2023

Looking back… narealize ko na oks rin pala talaga mag document ng happenings in life. Random videos, photos, pati mga isinulat ko sa journal ko hahaha. Matatawa ka na lang kapag binabalikan mo na. Encourage ko kayo na gawin rin yun, tapos try niyo silipin after a year - magugulat ka na lang sa naging changes or plot twist na possible pala talaga mangyari. ✨ (Note: hindi kelangan perfect!!! Huwag mo na i-overthink kung paano at kelan ka magsisimula. Kaya kung may gusto kang simulan at nababasa mo ‘to ngayon, IT’S YOUR SIGN!) Pero maiba ako… grabe what a year it has been!

Though may instances rin na maging reason yung mga gantong memories para malungkot ka or ma-frustrate ka. Kasi HALA AFTER A YEAR— ANYARE??? Bakit walang nagbago?

Bakit stuck pa rin ako??

Hassle. Pero syempre dahil wala tayong choice susubok tayo ulit! At malay mo malaki na ang improvement next time, malay mo ang greatest plot twist mo mangyari na next year, next month, or next week? or baka BUKAS?? 👀 we’ll never know 😉

When were you most turned on by life?

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, Jen Sincero

Life lately…

Hello! I’m back!! Almost 2 months of not updating. Hehe. Guess I’m trying to be like a busy bee kahit na joke lang di naman talaga ko busy. Di ko alam paano pa ko nakakapagchill at this point of my life. But yas! Since tapos na ang Midterms, and Finals is fast approaching (yes, agad agad!) oh noooo… might as well, mag-update na ko about– my life…lately 😊

Hello to aztec life! Almost 2 months na din akong gumagamit. Still… di ko pa rin makita yung effect ☹ lol jk may improvements naman, yun nga lang di sya yung ineexpect ko kasi based sa reviews okay daw sya sa acne scars. Hmm siguro it takes time? Hahaha. Baka need ko muna makaubos ng isang tub. Anyways, sanay naman na ko. Kasama na sya sa routine ko and so far, wala naman syang bad effect to me. 😊

I have my new work space na!! wew sa work space, hehe. Nagkaron ako ng time na mag ayos ng kwarto. Pinalitan yung table ko and my bed as well. With the help of course, of the best Papa in town! In the whole world, rather. Gusto ko lang ng kaartehan sa kwarto so gumawa si Papa ng bookshelves and “vanity corner” sa kwarto ko. Hehe impluwensya lang rin ng vlogs na napapanood ko. And ngayon, di ko pa sya totally naayos kasi problema ko pa ang ilalagay. Gusto ko yung plants eh! Haha. And wala pa rin akong pambili…so ayun. Kaya siguro next time ko na lang isasama yung picture ng make-over ng kwarto ko. lol

September 2, 2018. I made it to Hanina Live. I’m not going to kwento masyado to this post kasi I’m having a separate blog post pala about this event. 😊 This is another experience to hoard for me! Bukod sa nakita ko mga hinahangaan ko sa youtube + Donny (of course! <3) ehh I was also able to meet my internet friend, Abby, plus nadagdagan pa. I met Ajj, and we have the same age! Yes! Di lang ako yung matanda sa fandom! Omg! Haha. I really enjoyed this event. Sana may kasunod pa. :D yes, dami kong time eh.

Corre life. Here is a picture of us while having our corre class. Sobrang pagod lang talaga ng Saturday namin but then sobrang sulit din naman. Kasi masipag naman yung mga instructor knowing na 12 hrs yun ha. From 7am (minsan 8am kasi madalas late na kami) to 830 pm. With just 1.5 hrs na break. Ohh diba. Di ko lang alam kung di ka malugaw. Yung utak mo na yung susuka ng info pati formula eh. Haha! Ilang Saturday na lang at Mock Board na namin tapos eto ako – Chill life. Huhu how can I??? de joke. This next few weeks mejo chill na kami sa isang major subject sooo much better na mas magfocus na talaga ako sa Corre this time. Tatapusin ko lang ang notes and then magcoconcentrate na ako with the problems sa module. Wew talaga lang haaaa, Emerald! Yay. Cheers! para sa December Grad!!

Chibog Night with Kaye. So isang beses sobrang nag crave ako sa Bavarian churros ng S&R huhu. Dahil dun sa ti-nest namin na kahoy sa Const Mat Lab na mukhang churros ☹ hahahahaha wth. So nagbiro ako kay Kaye, inaya ko sya sa Festi para kumain sa s&r pero joke lang dapat yun eh. Ehhh naniwala sya at pumayag agad???? Himala yun! Haha, so bale natuloy kami. At nakain ko nga ang kine-crave kong churros pati pizza! Hay paano ba tayo hindi lulusog at bibilog nito? Lol. Syempre after namin mabusog nag window shopping para makalakad plus try na rin ng kung ano anong lipstick and tint. Bumili si Kaye ng eyebrow pencil sa etude which is same nung akin. May tint din akong na-try at nagustuhan kooooo! Worth 400+ ata yun. Lol mahal. Haha. And then went to Club Clio at nakakita ako ng mas gusto kong tint. Yung Peripera. Gusto ko talaga yun huhu. Yung glimpse brick brown na shade waaaah! Sadly, 6 months na daw pala syang sold out dito sa Pinas. ☹ willing pa naman akong bilhin kahit worth 450 hahahahaha. Hay naku. After nun, naghiwalay na kami na Kaye para umuwi. Sa turbina pa sya haaa, at ako sa San Pedro lang pero naunahan nya pa ko umuwi. Dahil sobrang tagal ng jeep pauwi sa amin. Badtrip na ko nun at nawala na lahat ng kinain ko. 1 hour ba naman akong nakapila. Hirap maging commuter! Tagal ba naman ng jeep pa-Susana. Tapos naulan pa. hays! Sobrang pagod talaga at kapikon din talaga kasi basa na sapatos ko. Ugh what a day~

Sundays with fam. Parang every Sunday naman madaming tao dito sa amin. Dumating si tito Rico with his wife from Canada. So family bonding kami which is madalas naman nangyayari dahil di ko rin alam, hilig lang talaga namin mag sama-sama, halos every week. Syempre busog nanaman. Hmm, kahit minsan nakakapagod maghugas ng pinggan (masipag kasi ako, ako naghuhugas ng pinggan pag family gathering lol) still, I’ll never trade this fam for everything. 😊 Cheers to family and Sundays! <3

The How’s of Us. Nag absent sa Timber just to watch THOU. And I can say na sulit naman! Bukod sa busog nanaman kami, ayun sabog lang naman luha namin dahil huyyyy! Ang galling ni Kathryn! Pati si Daniel, syempre, what’s new? Paano ba naman hindi lalaki ang kita ng movie na ‘to? Huhu. Panay iyak lang kami ni Marga the whole time lalo na sa last part nung may nakita sa ilalim ng Ref. wiw must watch!!!! <3

Cengit. Lately napapadalas ang kain ko sa labas kasama mga tropa ko. Paano bang hindi tayo tataba nito? Nagdadala na kasi si Taramey ng sasakyan so ayun. Bilang sawa na daw kami sa pagkain sa SP. Either sa Total Slex or SM Sta. Rosa kami. Bilang na lang din araw namin sa MCL syempre claiming na kami na gagraduate kahit delikado pa ibang subjects. Hayyy!! I will truly miss this bunch! Kaya better na sulitin na namin. Luv u guys~

As for this entry, here is to more memories and to making the most out of life. <3

poemswords

Letters to hoard

I HOPE YOU NEVER STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR JOURNEY by Rania Naim

I know you’re tired. I know you’re ready to give up and throw in the towel because you’ve had enough. I know that sometimes even the most comforting words from the closest people don’t take the pain away. I know it’s been one hell of a ride and you’re ready to just drop everything and leave but I hope you don’t see this as the end. I hope you still have the fire inside of you that pushed you to start in the first place. To fight for your life. To fight for your happiness. To take the road less traveled. I hope you find that fire again that once fueled you to run and chase the life of your dreams. I hope you don’t get tired of trying and starting over because you’re one step closer to finding your treasure. Your journey doesn’t end with pain. Your journey ends with victory if you keep finding the strength to persevere.

I hope you remain hopeful. I hope you’re still brimming with excitement about your future and the glorious opportunities life still has in store for you. I hope you never stop trusting the universe. I hope you never lose faith in God. I hope you never stop believing that the best is yet to come.

I know you’re heartbroken. I know you keep building walls instead of bridges. I know you’re fine on your own and you don’t need anyone but I hope you never stop believing in love. I hope that the right smile still touches your heart and the right eyes still capture your soul. I hope you still believe people when they tell you they love you. I hope you know how lovable you really are. I hope your heart still beats when you get that text or that call. I hope you can still open up. I hope you didn’t let the wrong ones close you off from the right one. I hope you’re still looking for that magical connection.

And I hope you’re still looking for magic, period! I hope you know that life will never look like a fairytale and your timing will never perfectly align with your desires but I hope you know that this journey ends with victory. Your journey ends with joy. Maybe at times, it can be too chaotic, too dramatic or too difficult but it’s also too beautiful, too amazing and most of all, full of marvelous surprises. And I hope you still love surprises because the best moments in life will always be the ones that take us completely by surprise.

#ranianaim

Letters to hoard

HERE’S WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT ‘FINDING YOURSELF’ by Rania Naim

They don’t tell you that it’s so easy to forget that we don’t have to stay stuck in one place. It’s easy to forget that we can’t change our lives or leave toxic people who bring us nothing but pain behind.

It’s so easy to forget that we have been living a lie and we can’t do anything about it because of the havoc that we might cause if we start being true to ourselves.

It’s so easy to forget that we actually have a choice.

A choice to start over. A choice to walk away. A choice to move. A choice to change. A choice to take a leap of faith. A choice to find what brings us joy. A choice to leave what once defined us.

Because the truth is there’s a part of you that knows when something has run its course, when something is over, when something has served its purpose and when it’s time for a new chapter and a new beginning. There’s a part of you that’s always ready to face what you’re afraid to admit to yourself.

It’s so easy to forget that we have that power. It’s so easy to let life define us instead of redefining our own lives.

I think what holds us back is fear, fear of letting go, fear of detaching from who we are, fear of losing what we worked so hard to achieve. Fear of changing what we think is the ‘best version’ of ourselves.

But here’s the terrifying truth, maybe it’s okay to feel like your ‘best self’ is not who you really want to be anymore.

Maybe it’s not so bad to break what once made us whole. We’re allowed to outgrow certain parts of our lives that we once fought so hard for or certain people who we once loved with all our hearts.

It’s so easy to forget that your ‘best-self’ may not be the best after all. Maybe it was for a little while, but it won’t be forever.

And I get it, it’s exhausting; changing, starting over, relearning who you are and what you need, feeling that you wasted years working so hard for something only to abandon it in the end. Trust me, I get it.

But what’s harder is living with a voice inside of you that’s that’s constantly telling you that something is off; you’re not where you’re meant to be. You’re not who you could become.

Because they don’t tell you that while it’s so easy to forget that we have a choice, it’s also so easy to remember that we can always make a different one. One that could change our lives for the umpteenth time and yes, it’s so easy to remember how to do it all over again.

--- Exactly what I need right now. Rania Naim will always be my fave writer. :)))) Go follow her at https://ranianaim.com/ and also on instagram, @ranianaim <3

wnq-writers

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”

— Henri J.M. Nouwen

poemswords

Claiming my last term in College

Today, I’ve decided to write again. Actually matagal na, sadyang hinihintay ko lang yung araw na sipagin ako na magtype. Lol and guess what? Sobrang haba na ng natype ko kanina sa phone ko. Ang dami ko nang nakwento, but then di naman ako aware na may problema pala ang tumblr in uploading photos pag phone lang ang gamit. Muntik na ko mabadtrip and tamarin nanaman kaso iba talaga ang nagagawa kapag gusto mo talaga. So here I am, typing again. Sharing again and trying to remember kung ano yung mga sinulat ko kanina. Back to my main point, and why am I writing again? Di ko alam. Feel ko lang gusto kong isulat yung mga nangyayari sakin ngayon kahit na di naman ganun ka-interesting buhay ko. Ewan. I think, nakaka-relate ako sa iba na nagsusulat din about life/life update para sa future, may babalikan ka. Hahahahaha. Pero syempre di naman lahat kelangan balikan. (hugot?) Just some…memories na may worth, lessons learned and others. Siguro na-inspire lang rin ako magsulat kasi lately ang dami kong nababasa na mga blogs. And some of them were written by the people that I look up to. Alam nyo ba yun? Yung di naman kayo close, di ka naman nya kilala. But there is something to him/her na parang nakaka-inspire lang talaga at mag uudyok sayo na magsulat din at magshare ng about sa buhay mo. GETS?

So why am I writing again? It is because I want to. Masabi ko naman na nagagawa ko yung gusto ko talaga. As for this entry, let me share with you what happened on the first two weeks of my last term in college, and yes, I am claiming that this will be my last term in Engineering school. Hehe! Truth be told, ngayon lang ako na-excite para sa future ko. Ngayon lang ako naexcite, knowing na this will be “a not ordinary term” in school. Para akong naka-hang na isang pagkakamali ko lang na magfail eh, may masisirang plano. Domino effect. Pero syempre, why focus on the negative when you have all the reasons to stay positive? Parang andito na ko sa point ko in life na need ko nang gawin lahat. As in LAHAT. Sobrang naeexcite ako na magsipag, (hopefully hanggang sa matapos ang term na ‘to, sinisipag pa rin ako, haha!) yung willingness ko to finish college, to take a 6-month review in Manila and to take board exam, omygash. IT’S SCREAMING. Let me tell you, that it took me 5 years. Almost 6! Hehe. Para magising sa katotohanan na kelangan ko nang mag push through despite of all the circumstances na pwede ko pang kaharapin. FIVE FREAKING YEARS. Wow. But still…no regrets.

At the same time, pressure and anxiety may come in my way. I guess, hindi naman yun maiiwasan. What’s important is that I must always remember, why am I here, at my actual position in life right now. WHY AM I HERE?

1. July 19-21, 2018. Enrollment. And as you can see, I have my revision of course load form on the photos above. My last revision of course load, hopefully! Kung ano yung napagdaanan namin sa enrollment na ‘to ay hindi biro. Actually every enrollment naman nararanasan namin ‘to. Yung hirap sa pagpapabukas ng course. What a hassle. Stress besh. Kaya claim ko nang last ko na ‘to! The first days of finalizing our schedule were seriously not easy. Ilang beses kang pipila sa prog chair nyo at ipipilit yung sched na swak sayo. Maraming pwedeng maging problema, like may professor ba na pwede sa oras na pwede sa inyo. May room ba? Hindi ba conflict sa iba? Hindi ba conflict sa magiging prof? and other shits. Plus we also have a pre-requisite violation na aasikasuhin after ng pag aayos ng sched. Pre-req violation na kelangan i-approve ng VPA. Aaaand thankfully, nairaos naman. Sa ilang beses na pagbalik namin sa prog chair, naayos naman. Thanks sir DP!

2. July 23, 2018. After ng finalization ng enrolment namin, nagpunta ako sa Pav, kasama mga tropa ko (Marga and Thara). Treat na rin namin sa sarili namin dahil finally nakaraos na kami sa sobrang hassle na enrolment. Dahil nakabili na kami ni Thara ng mga gamit namin na need sa school sa Festi, sinamahan na lang namin si Marga na bumili ng gamit nya. Nag NBS kami para sa gamit nya sa school and after that, sa Watsons and Mumuso. Kahit ganto kami na parang dugyot lang, syempre may paki pa rin naman kami. Gusto rin naman namin na magkaron ng clear skin like others. Lol. Bumili si Thara ng Aloe Vera Gel ng Mumuso. At ang dalawa kong tropa, nagreview pa at pinag-compare ang Aloe Vera Gel ng Mumuso at Nature Republic. I bought Marga her Aloe Gel sa Nature Republic and medyo bias ako pagdating sa comparison ng dalawa kasi I’m more into Nature Republic’s Aloe Gel, because that’s what I use. Hahaha. After ilang days, nagreklamo si Thara na nagkaron sya ng rashes sa Aloe gel nya, maybe because of her sensitive skin daw sabi nya. Pero so far, oks naman daw sa braso nya. Nagutom na rin kami after so kumain kami sandali sa Jollibee then next stop, Starbucks! At dahil pinapaiwas na namin si Marga sa kape kasi sumasakit na ang likod nya, and as per Ate Taramey, dahil yon sa sobrang pagkakape nya, promise ni Marga na last coffee na yung sa SB namin, pero syempre pasaway siya kaya di rin yun nasunod.

3. July 31, 2018. My family and I, ate at Juan’s Bistro in Festival. Nagrocery kami sa SM Munti tapos derecho sa Festi kasi nagsuggest si Moy para makasabay na rin sya sa pag uwi. Galing pa kasi siya sa school, kaya dun na sya nakipagkita. First time namin kumain sa Juan’s Bistro, and masarap naman ang food. Yun nga lang, wala akong picture. Hehe. And bumili na rin ako ng Aztec Clay kasi minsan lang magkaron nito. Madalas kasi out of stock at mahirap maghanap. Dahil magaganda ang reviews, itatry namin sya. Baka sakaling may pag-asa pa yung mukha ko? Haha!

4. August 2, 2018. Every Thursday is hassle day. Feeling ko nagpapanggap lang ako. It is my Lab Day in school. Const Mat and Hydraulics Lab. Siguro bored lang ako kasi di ko kasama mga tropa ko sa subject na ‘to. Tapos na kasi sila, and I am here stuck. haha jk. Hinuli ko kasi siya na kunin kasi lab lang naman. Isa pa my sched is 7am-11:30am for CM Lab tapos 230pm-7m for hydrau lab. Hassle diba. Plus 830pm pa out ko sa school every Wed, mga 10:30 na ko nakakauwi sa bahay tapos 7am kinabukasan???? Aaaaaahhh nakakapagod. But then… I need to hustle kahit hassle because this is my last term. YEP. My last term.

P.S. Nakalimutan kong mag take ng photo of our first day sa corre, every Saturday siya. But so far, okay naman ang turo nila. Lunod kami sa info and problems. But that’s okay. Di ako inantok pero that was whole day kaya nung 8pm na, sumuko na rin ako sa pagsulat hehe.

Aaaaaand that’s it!! Today (08/03/18), holiday until tomorrow, dahil Cabuyao Day. Meaning marami akong time magsipag. Hahahahaha!! I wish.

#life update

homesteadchronicles

You Will Write Again

I know I am not the only one in the writeblr community who has struggled with their original work lately.

At the outset of our literary adventure, it’s seemingly inconceivable how we could ever tire of our beloved novel, our passion project, our masterpiece-in-the-making. Yet, despite our initial enthusiasm, that apparently-infinite source of fervor starts to wane. Our writing becomes a chore, a task, another check on the laundry list of life. And then, all too soon, the story ends without its climax, its resolution, its “happily ever after”.

It’s no small secret that these symptoms have plagued my projects recently. After months of continuous inspiration, that outpouring suddenly ceased. So, I rested. That’s a lie. I tried to “power through it”, to work myself into a stupor - and I did. I could not understand what interrupted the overflow.

Throughout this time, one song continually came to mind - Honest Questions by Daniel Bedingfield. Oh, I had a lot of honest questions to ask. Why had the inspiration stopped? Should I work harder to overcome this obstruction or should I take this time to rest instead? But above all else, I wondered: am I to blame for my own inability to yield the result I desire?

I wrestled with this honest yet unanswerable question for weeks. I searched for an answer in every nook and cranny I could…except for the very song that prompted this expedition. Amidst these lyrics of pain and promise, one phrase haunted me: “I will pour the water down upon a thirsty, barren land and streams will flow from the dust of your bruised and broken soul. You will grow like the grass upon the fertile plains of Asia. By streams of living water you will grow.”

I have never possessed the power to change Winter to Summer, Spring to Summer, nor Fall to Winter. Why would I assume I could command my life to produce fruit in a dormant season? I cannot control the seasons in my life - but I can choose to trust the One who can. Or, for those outside of my own faith, trust that every season in life, just as on Earth, will too pass.

Yesterday, I trusted. Today, I wrote again.

I would love to tell you that I have an answer for your inspiration shortage. I wish I could give you a formula to follow so that the creativity returns to you once you complete these three easy steps. But ingenuity is not so straightforward. Life is full of winding paths and impassable roadblocks and gates that cost a hefty price to pass through. You might need to fasten your bootstraps and strut through that storm until you pass the rainclouds by. Or maybe you need to lay by the wayside and sleep until the storm subsides. I don’t know. But I do know one thing: this season of fruitlessness will not last. Seasons are, above all else, only temporary. And when the new season comes, those storms will have yielded a hefty harvest. Hold on to this truth:

You will grow again. You will create again. You will write again.

That is a promise.

escafeism

all my life i’ve been trying to prove myself to everyone. but i just can’t. i can never be the child who knows and does things so well. i can’t be the perfect girlfriend. i can never be the best bestfriend. and for some reasons, i was never enough for everyone. i just can’t the be person they want me to be. because hey, this is me. i am so good at fucking things up. i am so good at messing my life and the life of the ppl around me. everything i do is wrong. i am a living mistake. that even crying is my fault, like i have no right to feel sad and stressed and depressed; because everything’s my fault. so you just pretend that everything’s fine and you’re okay but you are actually breaking into pieces and no one notices. so sometimes i think of dying. the idea of feeling all the pain at the same time, then boom, it’s gone. ppl might think that was your end but for you, it is the beginning.

Sana tapos na tayo sa Nobyembre ; (at Calatagan, Batangas)

Ahhhh kunwari nagbeach tayo ngayong summer kahit nung August pa talaga 'to. Hello, June 1 na pala! Ang tanging hiling ko lang ay...... (at Calatagan, Batangas)

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letters for my future self