moonlight

she always has a smile from morning to the night the perfect poster child that was once in my life a doll made out of glass all her friends think that she's great but i can see through it all and she's about to break remember last year when you told me to always stay here and never leave me the light from your eyes made it feel like we were dancing in the moonlight

[nshaewon-blog]

🥂 + "what do you actually know about eunjung, haewon? her favorite color? where she grew up, maybe? the branch she served in? do you actually love her or are you just in love with the idea of her and how she makes you feel? are you in love with her, or just the safety net she provides?"

“She’s--- her favorite color is---” Haewon sputtered for a moment, struggling to string together a single grammatical sentence. Perhaps she’d be able to come up with a more eloquent answer if she wasn’t already halfway through her third glass. And maybe if Daeil wasn’t just as gone as her ( if not more ), he wouldn’t have had the nerve to ask in the first place. “I... I love her.” The words were almost a whisper, spoken an octave above her usual tone of voice. Like she was trying to prove something to herself. But that much was true, wasn’t it? Haewon loved her girlfriend, she loved being around her, she loved seeing her face as she fell asleep. She wished she’d have the pleasure of seeing it when she woke up in the morning as well, but she wouldn’t push Eunjung into doing anything just because she was insecure and had a few bad experiences. 

Maybe she didn’t know every little detail about her, but she felt good with her, she felt... new. Being with Eunjung felt like exploring uncharted territory, shedding light on parts of herself that she hadn’t known existed until only recently. But that was just it, right? Exactly what Daeil was talking about? They didn’t truly know each other, but they liked the feelings they gave. Or maybe that was only one-sided. Maybe Haewon was an open book and Eunjung was a locked box that Haewon was too afraid to crack open. Was that what this was? A reflection of her own fear of finding something that she didn’t like within someone that she claimed to love? 

“I love her,” she repeated, stronger this time. Because her anxieties were getting out of hand, giving her quite the headache, but she didn’t want Daeil to know that. He was only trying to protect her, she knew--- he didn’t have any bad intentions. It was just the alcohol, causing them both to be a bit more loose-lipped than usual. It was okay. Maybe if she downed a couple more glasses, it would make her sleepy enough to skip the existential crisis as she tried to fall asleep that night. “So... we were ordering shots?”

[nsminjae-blog]

open the doors.

[nshaewon-blog]

nsminjae‌:

The filter Minjae usually has over everything he says is suddenly gone now that he’s had a few more drink than he should, always with the support and encouragement of his friends — even though he promised himself he wasn’t going to drink too much. He failed, at this point in the night he already feels lighter, his mind is affected by the alcohol already and so does everything he says as well. And that’s the main motivation behind his strange behavior ( very strange compared to how he acts into the buildings of NIS ) and his indelicate question towards Haewon. Part of him is curious about her own experience with the whole coming out situation, and another… He also wants to be prepared.

He listens to her with attention, the glass of whatever drink Hajoon had chosen for him in his hands and he looks at the female with a small smile on his lips, nodding once she’s done talking. But her response isn’t exactly enough for him: he wants to know more, he wants to know what the reactions were, he wants to know how everything was after she did it — and no, he doesn’t wanna know just because he’s NIS’ psychologist, but because he is discovering himself. He’s trying to figure out the best way to deal with his feelings, once he found out he’s part of the community as well.

“I… I’ll be honest with you, Haewon. I might or might not have feelings for another man, but I have no idea how to approach my parents about it.”

Haewon simply nods in response to his answer--- no shocked expression or habitual comment, just a silent nod, allowing the confession to sink in before bothering to reply. Because if there’s one thing that bothers her when she comes out to people ( other than straight up disapproval, of course ) it’s that element of shock, as if her sexuality is something surprising, not normal, something that’s supposed to evoke some adverse reaction. But it’s not some scandalous story on the five o’clock news, it’s simply how she is. And even in her inebriated state, Haewon has the decency to treat others how she’d like to be treated in such a situation.

“Okay,” she states simply, after letting the confession lay out in the open for a few short moments. All things considered, this was probably one of very few times that Minjae had ever said those words out loud, so jumping right in with her loud mouth and offering her own opinion might be too overwhelming. Haewon sets her half-empty glass onto the bar top in order to focus on the current conversation as well as she can. “Well, what I’d do first is... y’know, think. Or--- hm, that came out wrong. I mean, like... um, yourself. Come into terms with yourself first. Yeah, that’s it. Like--- do you like men or do you like this man? Y’know?” It probably wasn’t the best time to be giving advice, her brain far too scattered to form her thoughts before opening her mouth. But it’s the sentiment that counts, she could only assume.

“You gotta put how you’re feeling into words for yourself before you bother sharing those feelings with other people. You feel?”

[nshaewon-blog]

🥂 + how did you come out, haewon? :3

“Hm?” It takes her a moment to process the question, brain functions considerably slower due to the contents of her glass. She contemplates for a good thirty seconds, silence dragging out between the two in the meantime. “I’m not really sure what you want me to say, honestly--- it wasn’t some big grand gesture or anything. I came out to multiple people, multiple different times. I’m still coming out to people constantly, same as I did with you.” Haewon punctuates the thought with a long sip of her overly-sweet fruity drink, then busies herself by playing with the cute little decorative umbrella adorning the rim of the glass, until another thought comes to her.

“You mean the first time? Like, to my family?” She clarifies, recalling a few different events in her mind. “I mean, the very first person I came out to was my boyfriend at the time--- because... that was important. But then I just... came out to my dad and my sister over the phone, since I didn’t really have the money to go see them in person any time soon, and I didn’t want to keep secrets from them like that. So... yeah, that’s it. No dramatic story or anything.” It suddenly occurred to her to wonder why the psychologist was asking her about it--- not that she didn’t get asked often. In fact, she got asked this exact question more than one would think. Mostly from straight friends and colleagues who couldn’t find anything in common to start a conversation, so they resulted to asking about her life story. “Why? Just curious, or...?”

[nshaewon-blog]

are we the only people saying goodbye? are we the only people in pain? like flower petals, we will bloom again get better day by day<>

[nshaewon-blog]

( elementary, my dear watson ).

[nshaewon-blog]

nsjihae‌:

[ ... ]

“i’ve heard of them, definitely, doll.” jihae answers finally, eyebrows furrowing in thought as he makes a few quick clicks into the police database to search for them. “they’re most well known for trafficking drugs, but they’re involved in some other shady shit too that police haven’t bothered with very much because of the other “more dangerous”,” he air quotes the words with a soft scoff, “gangs in the area. on paper they actually look rather bland, nothing special. there’s the occasional arrest for drug peddling, shoplifting, and assaults here and there. however,” he looks at haewon briefly, unable to help wondering why the sudden inquiry, but he continues even so, voice a bit softer so only she can hear, “i heard a couple of rumors once that they have more crimes under their belt that are going unnoticed simply because the police think it’s the other gangs and they’re taking advantage of it.”

The pet name would have unsettled Haewon, truly, if she were literally any other woman in the agency--- but alas, she was herself, and Min Haewon wasn’t exactly the most observant or reflective person there was. In all honesty, hearing someone call her anything other than her first name or ‘Agent Min’ was a welcome change, making her feel closer to people, less alone.

Her eyes light up at the confirmation, watching in nothing other than pure fascination as Jihae’s fingers dance over the keyboard, accessing information without any trouble. All of the hours she’d stayed up into the morning, and she had nothing to show for it--- not that she was at all surprised; the type of information she was looking for wasn’t exactly circulated to the public on the internet. There had been a few rumors from reddit threads and crime conspiracy blogs, but she had nothing substantial thus far. Lucky that she happened to be a government employee with a high clearance level, huh?

Haewon simply nods her head in acknowledgement to Jihae’s words, eyes staring blankly into the computer screen. She’d heard the same from Seokmin when she’d been on the phone with him last night, simply a basic explanation of what he and Haerin had gotten themselves into before... well, everything. And it was nice to hear the same premise from her coworker, only reinforcing the idea that Seokmin had told the truth, and so this was a viable lead--- one that has plenty of promise. She felt her heart speed up at the thought that she was getting a step closer to finding her sister.

Leaning in a tad bit closer to Jihae to hear his hushed tone, her eyebrows knit closer together in focus, a small frown tugging at the edges of her lips. “You mean... they’re pinning serious crimes on other gangs? Wouldn’t that just mean trouble for them if the other gangs found out?” Even as she speaks the words though, Haewon realizes that it’s the perfect strategy, really. Hidden behind a bigger threat, one could do as much damage as they please, as long as they’re careful. And if the police are filing the evidence under the cases of other gangs, it would only be that much harder for the authorities to trace. It would be that much harder for her to trace. “Do you have access to police records for these other gangs as well? It’s possible that what I’m looking for could’ve been pinned on someone else.”

[niskrp]

「  ASK MEME II: HAPPY HOUR  」

SEND 🥂 + A QUESTION, and the muse will answer it drunk at any time during the night.

ᴸ  to go hand in hand with our EVENT. to be reblogged by NISKRP members only.

[colorsmp3-remaking-deactivated2]

23/? favorite looks

[colorsmp3-remaking-deactivated2]

pretty in pink

[nshaewon-blog]

🍷💣🔥👪🍼🛡🎨🔪🗄 eunjung aint even here yet but if u dont subliminally shout her out we gonna have to fight madi i dont make the rules

🍷  — do you like drinking alcohol? if so, what is your favourite liquor?

Haewon doesn’t drink often, but when she does she really tends to enjoy herself. She doesn’t have a particular favorite drink, as she usually gets something different depending on the venue, though she tends to stick to mixed drinks most often, and always goes for something sweet to mask the bitter alcohol. 

💣 — what’s the most unforgettable memory you have since you joined the agency?

Most would think Haewon’s most unforgettable memory must be something related to a mission of sorts, but linguists take to the sidelines on missions most of the time and are only in direct contact with field agents in order to translate and interpret. Truthfully, one experience sticks out more than others— the only time she’d allowed a friend to drag her to the building’s gym in their free time to teach her some self defense. Haewon’s inherent ability to dodge attacks must have been entirely overestimated, as she found herself curled on the mat with a sprained ankle within only minutes of training— really, the whole experience would be brushed off as a distant memory if it weren’t for the fact that the doctor who treated her afterward was one of the most attractive women Haewon had ever seen in person, turning her into a stuttering mess for the entire appointment.

🔥 — what’s your greatest fear? — answered here.

👪 — what’s your relationship with your family? do you keep in touch?

The only family Haewon had ever known were her father and her older sister. Truthfully, she’d been closer to her sister than her father for most of her life, the man working long hours to keep both of his daughters fed and clothed— but after her sister’s disappearance, Haewon has grown closer to her father and keeps in touch with him quite often. They have weekly phone calls to keep each other updated on events happening in their lives, and Haewon pays for train tickets for him to come visit her at least every couple of months.

🍼 — how was your childhood? do you have a favourite memory?

Haewon’s childhood was spent mostly in the company of her older sister, Haerin, and although they were left to their own devices most of the time, they made it work. Her favorite childhood memory is of one of those rare times when all three members of her family could spend valuable time together— it was on New Years Eve during eighth grade and it was the first year father had the money to take both of his daughters out for a nice dinner and then to see the fireworks at Changwon’s New Years Eve festival. It became an annual tradition after that, but the first time is always the one Haewon regards as the best.

🛡 — are you comfortable with talking about your past?

Haewon likes to pretend she’s comfortable talking about her past, but she only ever mentions good memories when doing so. She feels as though if she focuses on only the good, then the past will be rewritten as something good in her mind, although that tactic still has yet to work for her. Still, she makes people feel as if she’s being open and genuine with them when really she’s repressed any bad memory she has of her past.

🎨 — how do you spend your free time? do you have any hobbies? — answered here. 

🔪 — do you have any scars? how did you get them?

The only noticeable scar on Haewon’s body is a short gash across her left brow bone where she tripped and hit her head against the corner of a table when she was very young. Otherwise, Haewon is extremely cautious, and doesn’t tend to get herself into enough trouble to come out of any situation with scars.

🗄 — what is your favourite place at the hq? where do you spend your time off work? — answered here.

[nshaewon-blog]

🗼 💬 👔 🔥

🗼 — what’s the favourite country you have ever visited? why?

The summer before her senior year of college, Haewon took a trip to France with three of her friends, and the four of them lived out of a tiny AirBnB for a week, only planning their schedule for each day on the same morning. They stayed away from big touristy things ( except, of course, the Eiffel tower ) and simply asked locals what they would recommend. Haewon sometimes finds herself wishing that she could do these types of things again, just leave the country on a whim and immerse herself in other cultures--- she certainly has the money nowadays to do so--- but she’s got a commitment to the NIS and she needs stay in Korea to do her job efficiently.

💬 — which languages can you speak? how did you learn them?

Haewon is fluent in Korean, English, Mandarin, Cantonese, and Japanese, and she’s conversational in Spanish, French, and Thai. Currently, on her own time she’s learning to write Latin, and speak Russian and Portuguese. Haewon has a knack for learning languages and grammar rules easily, like a child would, and rather than learning languages entirely in academic settings, she likes to listen and pick phrases up from music and media in those languages.

👔 — how do you dress outside work? what’s your preferred attire?

Outside of work, one could easily confuse Haewon for a backup dancer in a 90s music video--- she likes lots of demin and oversized sweatshirts and jackets paired with an overkill of accessories. Her makeup choices, however, are very modern and she tends to pick up makeup tips from instagram, which really contrasts with the reclaimed 90s style she’s got going on.

🔥 — what’s your greatest fear? 

Haewon isn’t afraid of death, but rather of serious injury--- she is particularly scared of losing her knowledge or ability to do her work, as she feels that would make her a burden on others. So, really, I guess you could say that she’s afraid of existing without purpose.

[searise]

marked in currants

[nshaewon-blog]

nsjisoo‌:

[ ... ]

He found them a one-day baking class to attend a week ago when he was scrolling down Instagram. They’re supposed to be making strawberry meringue cake and he knows it’s not going to be easy, but it’ll keep both them busy for a while. 

Jisoo stares at her for a while, half his face buried in his scarf before he blinks, reminding himself that at least one of them has to act as a proper functioning adult. “Is that new lip stick by the way? Pretty.” 

Haewon’s bangs were pressed damp against her forehead, the knitted hat she’d tugged on as she left her apartment overcompensating for the cold and making her sweat--- a stark contrast to the rest of her face, which felt like it had been shoved in a freezer and left there to die. Why was it that her body could never find any middle ground, the elements always swaying it to one extreme temperature or another? Haerin used to tell her that maybe if she exercised more and got her blood pumping, she’d have a more stable body temperature, but Haewon called bullshit. Her sister had always used cliche parenting tactics to get her to be more healthy.

She hadn’t exactly gotten a full night’s sleep last night, stationed at the desk in the corner of her room to follow through with some leads--- that’s how she’s been spending most of her nights, honestly, ever since Seokmin had called her a week prior with all of the information he’d kept from the police about her sister’s disappearance. Was this how detectives felt all the time--- all of this pressure? Or was she simply too close to the case? Either way, her alarm clock had read four am before she even thought to change into her pajamas.

“God, yes. I need a latte so bad right now,” Haewon responds even before she reaches Jisoo, hovering her hand over her mouth to hide a timely yawn as she closes the distance between them. When her friend had suggested a baking class of all things, it was just too much of an interesting proposition to pass up--- the last time she actually baked something must have been in high school.

Her eyebrows raise in vague surprise at his words--- she’d been sure that nobody would notice such a thing, but she should have known, really. Jisoo had always been observant. “Oh! Yeah, I’ve been trying out some darker colors lately. You don’t think it looks too bold, do you?”

[nshaewon-blog]

( after moonrise ).

↪ on the line... @nshyemi @nshaemi

It was nine o’clock pm. Honestly, it wasn’t considerably late until you factor in the fact that Haewon had first stepped into HQ at six o’clock that morning and hadn’t taken a step outside the building since, only taking short breaks for both lunch and dinner just to grab something quick from the cafeteria and bring it back to her desk. Fifteen hours. She’d been non-stop busy for fifteen hours. Haewon must have looked like a zombie--- a quick glance around the linguists’ office told her that her coworkers were in much of the same state. Truly, any one of them could have clocked out at any time in the past few hours, but there was simply too much work to do and far too little time to get it done.

The office was silent aside from the tapping of computer keys, the rustle of papers, a chair rolling briefly across the tile floor--- the three linguists worked in harmony, as they usually did, bothering each other only occasionally to get a second opinion on their work. But Haewon could no longer concentrate on the intel staring at her through her computer screen, and the lights dimming in the hallway outside of their office ( as by HQ’s late night protocol ) was the final straw. Sighing heavily, she saved her work and logged out of the system. 

“You guys think the cafeteria’s still open? I need an iced coffee or I’m not gonna make it,” Haewon spoke into the silence of the room, disrupting the peace. 

[nshaewon-blog]

💤 🏃‍♂️ 🛏

💤 — what are your sleeping habits? how many hours of sleep do you get in a day? --- answered here.

🏃‍♂️ — how often do you exercise? what’s your favourite sports activity?

Haewon and exercise do not mix. Every once in a while she’ll feel like taking up something she thinks will be easy--- yoga or zumba or something of the sort--- but nothing ever lasts. She’s much too skinny, not particularly durable enough to play any sport without immediate injury ( not that she has the motivation to play a sport in the first place ).

🛏 — do you live at the dormitories or another place? where?

Haewon lives in her own small apartment, a fifteen minute drive from HQ. Though she does spend a few late nights in the dormitories set aside for active agents after working her ass off into the early hours of the morning, she spends most nights in her own apartment with her cat.

[nshaewon-blog]

( last friday night ).

[nshaewon-blog]

nssomi‌:

[ ... ]

so she waits, tries to read some other files in her computer when there’s finally a knock on her door. thank god, she mutters under her breath, shifting her attention from the monitor to this agent standing before her eyes. “yeah, i’m sorry for urging you to do it but i,” her words are cut when the woman lifts her head, and suddenly she couldn’t speak, her mind goes blank in one second. oh my god. there’s a surprised look on her face, she swears she could feel her blood run cold at the sight of the woman. is she dreaming? is this real? it takes her a few moments to snap out of it, finally looking away as her hands pretending to be busy arranging the papers scattered on her desk. “i just really need them right now,” she continues, her voice sounding a little too soft. “do you have them with you?” she looks up, meeting those pair of eyes again. 

fuck, she doesn’t even know why she’s suddenly so awkward now. 

“i mean, of course you do.” this time she chuckles, tries to hide how nervous she actually feels at this moment. “can i have them, please?” god, just calm the fuck down.  

Bits and pieces of memories from the previous Friday night came flashing back to Haewon in that moment, and she almost wished that she’d been blackout drunk that night--- at least then she wouldn’t remember exactly what had happened between herself and the woman sitting across the room from her. They had only been talking at first, using each other as a way to make a lonely night less lonely. But talking led to ranting which led to fake-deep conversations and drunk confessions and lips were pressed against hers before she had much time to comprehend anything. Haewon had been far too intoxicated and touch-deprived to take any sort of logical stance.

She thought it would be an easy thing to get over--- just another one night stand to escape her room before the sunlight had a chance to wake her up--- she’d pout for a few hours, wondering why nobody ever stayed a few extra minutes to say goodbye and wish her well, but she’d get over it and move on. 

But Somi worked with her. They worked in the same building. What kind of sick joke was this?

“I, um---” Haewon started awkwardly for a moment before her brain finally registered the doctor’s words. She fumbled to hold the files in front of herself. “Yeah, they’re right here. The original files in Thai are in, uh... the green folder? Yes, green--- and the Korean translations are in the orange folder.” Why must her voice betray her like this? More so, why was she so anxious in the first place--- what were the chances of Somi even remembering her? “I like to color code things, so...” ---Really? Was that really a necessary addition, Haewon?

She stood frozen for a moment as her brain took twice the time to comprehend the request, but eventually she made her way toward Somi’s desk, eyes awkwardly avoiding the other woman’s. Carefully, she placed the folders in a neat stack atop the desk. “Um--- some of the phrases this other doctor used weren’t exactly directly translatable, so I had to take... a few liberties. There’s um, some extra notes in the margins to help with those spots. They’re in red ink, can’t miss ‘em.”

[nshaewon-blog]

( with cards on the table ).

↪ on the line... @nshansol

It was different now, navigating her own busy schedule after Lee Kiyoung’s speech. The guy really knew how to cause a cloak of paranoia to descend upon an entire agency of government operatives, she’d give him that much--- the speech had done nothing less than imply that every active agent was to be treated as a suspect as administration cracked down on Park Jaekwang’s case. And with that came the paranoia. Noticing suspicious things about coworkers you would’ve never given thought to. Overthinking every conversation, every brush of an elbow in the hallway. Of course it didn’t help, in Haewon’s case, that her anxiety disorder would blow everything out of proportion anyway, but she was keeping up on her medication to hopefully reduce those effects. She had to be logical about this, no jumping to conclusions--- she could only hope that administration would extend the same courtesy.

Which was why she felt a bit of a knot in her chest now, taking the familiar route to the data center, all of her helpful notes tucked into the stack of files she held by her side. Haewon had come to know most of her coworkers that she interacted with on the daily, trusted them. And she knew Lee Hansol--- had known him for quite a while, actually. But that didn’t mean that she knew him well. Hansol was much like herself, she’d observed--- didn’t talk about himself much, not enough to get a grip on his values or alignments. Though while Haewon herself at least pretended to be open, tried to make friends despite keeping most of her past experiences to herself, Hansol didn’t care much to be outwardly friendly. And that made Haewon nervous.

Threading her way through the hustle of the data center, Hewon made her way toward the back where the private cubicles were, knocking politely against the numbered cubicle she’d been told to meet at before stepping inside. She met Hansol’s eyes for only a brief moment, polite smile flashing across her face before she occupied the empty chair beside him. “Hey--- coordinator said you have a few language-based codes for me to crack?”

[nshaewon-blog]

( last friday night ).

↪ on the line... @nssomi

Heels clacked almost obnoxiously across the tile floor as Haewon made her way toward the Medical Bay, a collection of file folders tucked neatly into the crook of her elbow. It wasn’t often that she visited this area of HQ--- in fact, she’d only been here three times before: once on her orientation tour and twice more to check on a clandestine agent who’d gotten injured while she was on the line with them. So, one could conclude that the linguist didn’t get many assignments that coincided with the medical agents in the building. And that conclusion would be correct, to a certain extent. She translated research papers and medical records fairly often, but every time before now, she’d been told to slip the original document along with her translation back into the filing room when she was done--- never had a translation been so urgent that it needed to be taken straight to the Medical Bay upon completion. But there was a first time for everything, she could only assume.

The sterile white walls had Haewon feeling a bit nervous, as she’d never particularly liked hospitals or anything of the sort, and she found herself aching to get this over with so that she could return to the familiarity of her own desk. Rows upon rows of closed office doors passed as she navigated her way through the twisted hallways, counting down the numbers on the wall until she found the room number that had been mentioned to her when she’d gotten the assignment.

Knocking politely against the open doorway, Haewon took a single step into the room, eyes glued to the files in her hand. “Hi--- I’m the linguist, I was told you needed these files for a patient?” Slowly, she lifted her line of sight to make polite eye contact with the agent behind the desk, only for something to catch in her throat as she caught sight of a familiar face. Not exactly a face that she’d ever thought she’d see again. Feet frozen in place for a moment, she openly stared across the room, a constant stream of questions playing over and over in her head.

[hanidata-deactivated20180524]