[popculturediedin2009]

Ashley Olsen on vacation in Mexico, February 2007

[nudechic]

By now, I thought I'd be barefoot all year long, life as simple as checking out the ocean's mood, from a cold car in the morning, always eating from true hunger. Instead, I clean my apartment, mess it up, gain weight, loose weight, feel passionate about my country's problems, and other times am totally dissociated from it. my therapist says it is an adaptation problem. but I feel like the solution is not so much to adapt, but to make a change. where do I start?

[nudechic]

a soft snow fall on my burning rage and pain

[nudechic]

I feel small because I don’t have money I feel small because I am not a man, for whom the mediocre is romanticized and forgiven I feel small because in the end, no matter what anybody says, my only defense is the way I look I feel small because I can’t make the art in my head into the real world I feel small because the only proof of my genius is anger It only occurred to me recently that I have a chronic illness and I always feel set back from everybody else already From being a third child, from my mother going through a lot then Fending for myself and learning that life is fending for myself

I want to be in bed with someone I love and listen to the birds and be excited about the prospects of all today has to offer I'm scared of my dreams That house on the hills next to the ocean that was bathing in a golden light from the window, surfers sliding in waves of gold sometimes it all feels so far away and impossible, like I was never meant to dream that big I am in bed, winter is approaching, and every day is so gray here My dreams feel so big and beautiful that they hurt

[nudechic]

the most important i learned from traveling

is that you are lucky to find your soul mates on this earth and the true key to happiness is to support them in this lifetime regardless of how different you are from one another because imagine if they were not there

[nudechic]

Been dealing super well with pandemic life so far but lately, I've had a very big down from feeling so disconnected from all the things I want to do in life, that I can't do in Montreal. Ultimately I have to accept that I need to use what Montreal has to offer while I am here, although it's nowhere near my crazy dreams to swim in the wild with dolphins or live in a hippie commune in the deep hinterland somewhere in New Zealand. 

I didn't know when I left that I'd be doomed to dream about things that are so unlike what I've ever had, and ever knew. I remember clearly now when people warned me about how surfing would ruin my life because it would change it forever. I remember this passing thought "wow, it will be hard to return to normal life after this", which I forgot as quickly as it came, but now I think about it all the time. I can still feel what it felt like to be face to face with my wildest dreams, like my entire being tingled with excitement. Most of the time I couldn't believe what was happening. So many times, I thought, what I am living is enough happiness for an entire lifetime.

It took me a full year to be okay with living in my hometown again. I had planned to leave again, but it looks like it'll be something like another year here. Nothing has changed, but I have, and even the streets I've known for decades seem different. Only now am I more accepting that I need to do with what I have. I hate this garbage, concrete city. I think people in the streets look unhappy and miserable. I think the noise could drive anybody to insanity. Im tired of being scared of men and not know from what misery they come from and what that might make them do to others. I hate how people look at me and interpret me.

I want to go in the country and pick apples. But my job won’t let me. I hate life as it is here. It keeps you tied to this garbage. 

[nudechic]

everything must change I’ve stayed home during the pandemic in my little home box where life was swirling around furiously until it settled as it was falling in love in chaos and heartbreak, my heart is so tired my love is too strong, I feel too much, too deeply like a bird swimming in a water puddle in the construction site, it remains sacred even in the most mediocre setting I cry while the wind softly goes through the breeze soon it’ll be winter everything must change im at war with cars, construction sites, concrete, money, time I want to run away, life has intense beauty.  too much for one life to be underwhelmed is missing the goal

I swear, if I could pet a cat in the morning listen to the birds and have them meet me watch vegetables grow My heart wouldn’t be so broken from loving whom I can’t love I would move on happily

I don’t need fame, validation, organisation I need time well spent and to feel love from small things

[nudechic]

my aunt is sick in the hospital and im hurt from realizing how extremely mortal we are all, while I'm worried about being pretty

worried about staying young with my friends around and always a heart change away from starting life all over again, and I know I won’t have the luxury of feeling this way forever

my aunt doesn’t have any luxury right now, just the one to pass by by luck praying you for you fire auntie. i will never forget when you reassured me at the airport

[nudechic]

I hate surf culture and the performance elitism and the sexist exclusion everyone pretends doesn't exist but I close my eyes and I dream of silence and ocean breeze and soft wave sounds or loud wave sounds and a feeling of pure freedom and deep presence. 

I miss surfing. I miss surfing so fucking much. I have no car and I do not want to depend on someone to go to Gaspé and have to deal with. I want to be free. Free of surf culture expectations and just free to chase the purity of it. 

[jpegfantasy]

[sillysymphonys]

Silly Symphony - Funny Little Bunnies directed by Wilfred Jackson, 1934

[grandboute]

Longboard perfect style - cat walk

(thanks to liamconrad5)

[nudechic]

im in regine, tangerine dream catch me if you can working on my tan, salvatore

[nudechic]

mon coeur ressens trop fort, ressens tout je me sens éloignée de tout le monde comme si j’étais dans un autre monde il y a une barrière entre moi et les gens et je n’arrive pas à l’enlever

je pense à un autre joint pour arrêter le tournis, à un autre jour je passe un moment dans l’espoir de demain mais jamais longtemps je passe le plus clair de mon temps paralisée par le temps passé  faire du sens de tout ce qui arrive, arrive trop vite, arrive tout le temps

vingt heures d’avion et je ne peux pas m’enfuir de moi même une nouvelle maison chaque six mois, je finis par me retrouver comme si cing ans n’étaient pas déja passé

cette impression que quelqu’un te menace et te demande, est tu digne de la vie? et tu ne sais pas

[dreamjerky]

[nudechic]

me since I moved away from downtown

[danewsea]

just like myBabe 🌿

[nudechic]

the best feeling in the entire world

[mockwa]