hey there, big bear

[trickthekick]

“I’m just going to watch Shrek in my head.”

As a little kid, I was SOOOOOO damn obsessed with Shrek.

I mean the kind of obsessed where I’d watch it over and over again days in a row. It was all I ever wanted to watch.

It got to the point where I had memorised it word-for-word, and beat-for-beat. This meant that, somehow, I could watch it in my head—timed perfectly. No fast forwarding, no skipping.

Now this was fine for car trips and such, because my dad would be like “Hey do you want some colouring-in to do?” And id be like “Nah, I’m going to watch Shrek in my head.”

Ocassionally my dad would ask where I was up to in the movie—just to check on me.

Youre probably thinking Huh that’s weird but cool I guess?

Wrong. Sort of.

It got so bad that I’d watch it in my head at night before I went to sleep. My dad would literally check on me at night, notice I was blankly staring up at the ceiling, and have to yell “Stop watching Shrek and go to sleep!”

I cant remember how this faded from being one of my abilities, but it sure was cool while it lasted.

But for a while, Shrek really WAS my life.

[squalos-vois]

imagine laying in bed and instead of pulling on your legs or whatever, a demon straight up just smacks your ass

[schwerdistheword-deactivated201]

I mean What’s the demon look like

[frzed]

[ateabadhotdoganddied]

nobody will ever be as cool as this guy

[meanplastic]

THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION

[haiderabd51]

I’m dying 😂

[j-liz]

The amount of dedication in the voice actor is unreal

[moltres]

[freakinmilkonthatshizz]

needs more jpeg

[officialnickrhodes-remade]

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

Black guys have a different type of sawce

[archivesmuseum]

And his laces came untied lol

[adls-xxx]

I just love it 😍

[gambolling]

This is a real medical condition known as Gan’s Syndrome, an ocular retinoblastoma occurring in 0.0004% of the total retinoblastoma cases. Ruptured blood vessels create often symmetrical, or at least fractal patterns and though the eye can see, visual acuity is lowered. It can be treated but never cured, though most suffering with the condition live normal lives. Gan’s Syndrome was founded by Dr. Sharon Gan.

[softfeelsinc-deactivated2018032]

wow, so spine chillingly beautiful. Sometimes nature is so beautiful even if it’s hindering a person’s life. 

[violentvoices-deactivated201704]

sadly yet again another fake post A quick google and you can see nothing by this name exists.

[tanknaka]

no its real my cousin sasuke has this

[nothingbutmeme]

Pornhub comments are our only hope

[the-real-seebs]

pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of sex education. we’ll do it properly. public: applause pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of snow plowing. we’ll do it properly. public: confused applause

[traceytonight]

[wiiuapologist]

pornhub: chaotic good

[sundercity]

[m86-deactivated20171116]

what timeline is this

[huckleberryb]

[icanthearyoudude]

need me a freak like that

[ima-squirrel-blog]

i only understand like 9% of life

[thetrippytrip]

my god

[saturnalia-and-chill-deactivate]

I just realized something horrifying

People with depression score higher on tests of realism. Intelligence is positively correlated with mental illness and suicide. What this indicates is that if the mind understands too much about reality, it wants to destroy itself. Human life is existential horror. 

[loverscard-deactivated20171227]

this is so fake deep like i’m dumb as shit and still wanna die

[postpresence]

[bill-11b]

Oh. My. Fuck. 

[bestpresidentna-deactivated2017]

This is one of those things you do as a parent bc ur an asshole and know that your kid doesn’t know any better and you know that like fine wine this is only going to get funnier with age, like a great big bottle of uncorked shame

[angelbabyspice]

I’m making my kid do this

[glumshoe]

my uncle

-is allergic to chocolate -is physically incapable of laughter (it comes out as a hiss, like steam escaping a pipe) -has weird long vampire teeth -once led a chemical attack on some college students who had bullied his high school chemistry class -named his bicycle Tom Bombadil -got hired twice for the same job as himself and his fake identical twin because his boss wouldn’t hire him full time -is the only member of my family to have shown me open and unconditional support -is a clean-cut nerd… who used to be a psychedelic Deadhead and follow them around on tour -enjoys snacking on an exercise formula called “goo”; his favorite flavor is “plain”. Plain goo. He gave me a box of it for Christmas once and it’s as gross as it sounds. -cannot touch mangos -teaches meditation seminars at his Buddhist temple -has begun studying magic -used to be obsessed with cults, especially Scientology, and would just… spy on their temples -is so fucking weird -used to drive a car that he’d covered entirely in plastic lizards, until someone stole it -is terrified of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz and still has nightmares about them

[glumshoe]

-is sending me on a roadtrip to the National Radio Quiet Zone for fun and education

[glumshoe]

-showed up to a family outing downtown this morning, wearing nylon shorts and expensive leather Oxford formal shoes -cried himself to sleep as a child because he desperately wanted a pet alligator -has experimented with god knows how many psychoactive substances…. For Science -is a literal masochist, as discovered this afternoon, when he told me all about how he’s addicted to the “excruciating pain and unexpected pleasure” of physical therapy -has feet so long he has to get shoes custom made for him - they have, in the past, been mistaken for clown shoes -once took his girlfriend on a date to lick the St. Louis Arch, in winter, and later revealed that he only framed it as a date ‘cause he was afraid of going alone in case his tongue got stuck to the metal -told me that he loved how bananas made his whole throat feel tingly, was surprised to find out that bananas are not supposed to have this effect -was disappointed that I did not bring a book on demon conjugation to the family reunion, because he wanted to compare it to his own translation -got banned from going down a slide today because he was dripping wet and had clearly been swimming…. he was just really sweaty from climbing the stairs

[glumshoe]

-sent me a check but forgot my legal name and put my nickname on it instead (it can’t be deposited and he hasn’t sent another)

[glumshoe]

this is what he wore to a family outing downtown

[glumshoe]

He showed up to our Christmas Eve dinner wearing a dress shirt, fancy slacks, and flip flops. All he ate was a bowl of smoked oysters.

[creepsandcrawlers]

new cryptid