Catching Up and Getting Real: Life As A New Grad RN
Hey guys!
Sorry it has been forever since I posted on here. Nursing school and NCLEX studying got hectic and I was unable to keep up with everything at once. So what have I been up too since you all heard from me last? Grab a snack and get ready to get real as I tell you in this long post about my first month as a new grad RN and all the things that go with this.
So, a little background on what has been going on with me! In May I graduated with my BSN. I did it guys, I finally reached the light at the end of a very long tunnel. While it felt like a major weight and stress has been lifted off of my shoulders, a new stress was looming. The dreaded NCLEX.
I had applied for my state nursing license several weeks before graduation. About two and half weeks later I received my authorization to test in my email and scheduled to sit for my test about two and half weeks after that. I knew that if I waited forever to schedule my exam, I wouldn’t study as much as I needed to and would dread it even more.
Fast forward to test day and I wanted to throw up before taking my test. My dad (who is also a nurse) drove me to my test and was waiting in the car for me while I was in the testing center. When my test didn’t shut off at 75 questions, I wanted to throw up and have a heart attack. When my test shut off at 83 or 84 questions, I wanted to throw up and have a heart attack. I quickly got my things from the locker, ran to the car, and my dad and I did the Pearson Vue trick a few times. The next day, on June 1, 2017 I received my license from the state and was officially a nurse!
I had a good two months break to de-stress and relax from nursing school and the NCLEX before I began my new job. So what did I accept in a position in? I accepted a new grad RN resident position in a 59 bed emergency department that is a certified stroke center and chest pain center that is located near where my boyfriend is from and is 3 hours from where I went to school and 3 hours from where my parents live.
I moved into my new apartment around the end of July, so about 6 weeks ago. Moving in around this time gave me a week to get settled and spend some time with my boyfriend while he was still in town finishing his third co-op rotation before going back to school to finish his last year of engineering school.
The following week I began work, which was orientation week. Monday was an all day long general new employee orientation. Tuesday I had EPIC training for the ED nurses at one of our sister facilities almost two hours away. Wednesday was half a day about empowerment. Thursday was ED residency orientation where I found out who my preceptor was and that I’d be on nightshift. Friday was half a day of random things. While the week was overwhelming with information and I was pretty exhausted, I was excited about work and getting started!
That Tuesday we were able to access our schedules online at EPIC training. For my residency, we work our preceptor’s schedule that the scheduled (our facility self-schedules) and then if we want to work shifts that they pick up, we can but aren’t required to. Needless to say, I wasn’t too excited about my schedule because my preceptor was scheduled to work 6 night shifts in a seven day period before getting a week off. I have never worked night shift or more than three shifts in a row so I knew I was in for a challenge. I spent the next three nights flipping my sleep schedule to get ready for work.
My first shift came and I was nervous about starting. I felt like throwing up a little on my way in, but after getting in and getting settled, I became overwhelmed with all the new information that I made it through my shift. This same routine continued for the next couple of shifts and around the fourth or fifth shift, I had my own room and own patient. Which was terrifying, but having them be at an acuity level of a soft level 3 or level 4, I was feeling pretty okay with the patients after flipping the rooms a couple of times. For the past four shifts, I’ve had my own room and cared for those patients. Having one patient allows me to also focus on medications that I’m giving since meds are my weakness.
One night I had a patient who was upset about wait times and unable to eat until after they had seen the doctor, which was interesting for me to handle. I definitely have an introvert personality but come out of my shell at work. However, in these situations, I’m unsure of how to handle those. So if anyone has any tips on how to handle patients that are upset, let me know.
I handled to week pretty well with a normal level of anxiety for starting a new job and handling my first night shifts pretty well. However, on night five I was so exhausted from the past five nights, not sleeping well the night before, and letting a comment my preceptor made about me being “bad luck” for her IV sticks and missing them lately get to me too much, I had a nice emotional ugly cry in the bathtub while I questioned my life decisions before going to bed. The next day was much better and we had a heart to heart about when I’m off orientation.
My week off finally came and I quickly headed home to spend some time with my parents and dogs after taking two days to recover from the craziness of the week before.
This past week I only had two and a half shifts. On Friday, I had a 5.5 hour stroke class during the day then had to work for 6 hours that night. Luckily I only shadowed three different roles today so I wasn’t dying of exhaustion too much. During this week, my preceptor made comments about being guilted into taking a new grad and saying she was going to get me off orientation as soon as possible. Normally, this stuff doesn’t get to me. But for some reason, this got to me again and caused me to have a full blown ugly cry anxiety attack when I got home. This anxiety caused me to have a week long headache and start to dread to go to work the next shift because I was so nervous and getting in my head and harping on all the negative “what ifs”.
I’ve never really dealt with anxiety like this before so it was frustrating for me about why I was feeling like this. These feelings lead to more questioning my life’s decisions and questioning my future in nursing, which was frustrating because I’ve never had something like this happen to me before. However, tonight I had a sit-down and self-reflection about the entire thing. I realized that most of this anxiety is stemming from being homesick.
I moved over 130 miles from home to a place where the only people I know are my boyfriend and his family. While I love this place where I live now, I have yet to make many friends here because of my crazy schedule and working night shift. When I’m not at work, I’m at home sleeping during the day to get ready to work that night or to flip my sleep schedule for the work week. When I’m awake, it’s in the middle of the night when nobody else is up. My parents and I are very close and my boyfriend and I are very close, so I’m always talking to them when I’m bored and doing other things like browsing Pinterest, watching YouTube videos, catching up on shows in Netflix, or some of my other hobbies. However, when I’m up, they aren’t up so I have nobody to talk to. My hectic schedule has also prevented me from going to visit my parents more or going to visit my boyfriend often, so the routine of going to work and coming home and repeating has really gotten to me and put me in a major funk and being really homesick because I haven’t gotten to talk to them or see them as much as I’m used too. I also don’t have school work to fill up my spare time so my nights have been hard to fill up and extremely lonely.
Having such a hectic schedule and weird sleep pattern has also thrown off my meal times, meaning that often times I don’t eat more than two meals a day (if we can some of them that). Add this to being homesick, exhausted, and overwhelmed with being a new grad, I’ve had a lot of ugly cry moments that have made me take some serious self-reflection and realize what is going on and how I can get myself out of the funk because it is not a fun place to be.
It took a lot for me to realize this and the importance of talking to everyone in my support system about it, because I am the type of person to bottle things up, say everything is okay, then have a total meltdown when it gets too much to handle for me. However, I felt so much better after sitting down and writing a little journal entry about how I was feeling and looking at what the root of my anxiety and doubt was. I’m a strong person and if I got through nursing school, I can get through the new nurse period. But I’m also human so it’s totally okay for me to have feelings like this.
I also wanted to post this not to update you guys, but to also let anyone else who is new to understand that it is normal to feel this way. I tried to casually bring it up to the others in my residency group on how I was anxious and felt like I had no confidence about what I was doing, but nobody was able to really relate, which made me feel worst. This then lead to a lot of scouring the internet for other stories like mine, and reading that other people also experienced anxiety like this made me feel a lot better.
How do you guys prepare for night shift? Do you notice it has an effect on your mental health? How do you deal with the effects? Let me know because I’m super curious now how others handle it!
Until next time!









