ring 1 A6 upstairs @nurul-nafisah - Tumblr Blog

there's this thirst when you want someone to make you feel whole. only to know that you have to complete yourself before you want partnership. but also there's another story when they complete each other after they met. two half hearts thats heal one another.

i wonder which one is mine.

i just watched good boy at cinema and it was good! its just i’m not anticipated on how creepy the jump scare and how sad the ending is. sok sok an banget nonton sendiri padahal ujung-ujungnya nonton sambil nutup mata pake jari. pengen banget rasanya ngomong ke bapak-bapak sebelah kalo aku takut tapi kan ngga gitu ya konsepnya.

watched how indy loved the owner, made me nostalgic about phoebe. losing phoebe when he was still young and playful left a scar and still, im sad about that. i remember how he followed me and my sisters when we wanted to go takjil haunting and i pick up phoebe through the crowds. people stared at us and say how cute phoebe is. phoebe kept meowing because he was scared, he even didn’t lick the snack we bought. i have to go home alone and left ipa and keyka who’s still looking for takjil so phoebe didn’t have to scared too long. only when i bring him to my brothers room, he went calm and eat the snack. he was normal again.

not long after this, my brother sent me a text that phoebe was dead. i was so emotional because he left out there alone after got hit by a car. soon after my sisters found his body, they cried and that's just what i heard from the phone.

it was devasted when you can't save anyone you love.

sometimes i hate myself when i'm so eager to learn someone. i know it's just your "heavy rotation" appear on my recently played, but somehow it reminded me of how naive i am. i still need time to process this, i know this thing will be nothing at one point.

today i saw a cat died on the side of the road, it looked like it was hit by a car. cold, lied on the ground alone. as i drive my motorcycle to another place i saw stray cats enjoying the dry food dari kakak-kakak yang biasa stray feeding sepanjang jalan bersama suaminya. i even meet the cat that look like monet berdiri di pinggir jalan sambil melihat kendaraan yang lalu lalang.

i was so sad today until i saw my cousin's post on insta story, basically she was just talking about rencana Allah and her kostan. but at that point, it hits me because maybe why am i like this because i lack in faith. i felt so lonely and forgot that we always can come and ask to Allah to ease our pain, to trust his plans. i have to reroute again to feel like myself, the healthier and happier version.

after spiraling for the last two weeks, there’s this video on tiktok talk about rumination and how sometimes i relate to this. turns out we have to remind ourself to be in the moment over and over every time we had a breakdown. i thought i’m getting better at this.

forgot to write yesterday, so maybe today i could write a long post.

i miss the time when i watched long series and the excitement when i clicked "next episode". haven't felt that again since i watch himym, friends, modern family or the office. but i found the best one months ago, anne withouth an e, and my life change after i watched this. the ending made me cry and stared at my bedroom ceiling for a while. WHY AM I NOT WATCHING this series earlier? and it led me to read the book. It was beautiful.

i love how an optimist Anne is, even her life was rough but it doesn't made her bleak. how she talked every details about everything and named place after the big words that actually suits them well. though sometimes she exaggerating some thing but she just a kid and actually a lovely one. Anne really giving a vibe that you have to know them first before you judge someone. Marilla and Cuthbert are lucky people to have Anne as their child.

watching this show reminded me how optimistic i was facing life. even though that isn't me right now, maybe one day someday i will trace back to this series again so i could remember even we're not live in a perfect world, there's a part of Anne live inside me.

ate fried chicken master today and hang out at the mall with my colleague. talked about how badly we want to get a new job. honestly, this is the topic that always come up in almost everyday. hope we really make this dream come true. amiin.

anyhoo, i really want to make this routine end (wkwkw padahal baru 4 hari) but i know i’m doing this to make me stay sane. i’m questioning my life a lot lately and i don’t know how to prevent me from spiraling. i have to keep on believing i can be happier from today one day.

writing this while see you again's Tyler, The Creator playing on the background, as if 2017 hasn't left but actually it has been 8 years ago. Why is everything feels so fast when you get older? I remember how I can't wait to be a grown up and have my own place. I'm at that state right now but now it feels like I want to curl up under blanket because the world is cruel.

today i cook myself a spaghetti, it's an instant one actually but the taste is good. boboboy is sleeping near me after having a blast day playing outside. at least there's something I can be grateful of.

menjadi bahagia itu pilihan, bukan suatu hal yang datang sendirinya. semoga aku selalu ingat ini karena for me its easier to crush out than to choose myself.

au revoir

today we said goodbye to our office's driver. it might be the best way but sometimes i overthink of what would happen to them after this, i hope optimism haven't left them because what will human do without the spark of hope.

read somewhere that if our journey stops here, it's because that place not serving you anymore. i wonder at what point until we made decision that this is no longer make you happy? no longer make you feel whole. for some people that have limited options or none at all that theory just akal-akalan orang yang ber-privilege. how if you are the safety net? can this theory apply?

or maybe god knows best.

Another Day Another Short Story

Tiba-tiba ada dorongan buat bikin satu hari satu cerita untuk ditulis di sini karena kangen nulis dan kangen untuk buat memory seperti yang aku sering lakukan dulu. Semoga bisa terpenuhi 30 hari ke depan walau sepertinya akan ada masa-masa di mana aku terlalu capek dan bosan, tapi kali ini aku bertekad untuk konsisten. Hehe

Sebagai pilot episode dari cerita-cerita yang akan datang (cieilah) aku mau bercerita bagaimana aku membuat “rumah”. I should be happy for where I live now, because I have my own space and it’s just me and my cat at the end of the day (even sometimes he’s playing out there, I can tolerate it). I put my yellow lamp at the front porch because I want people think my house is warm. I put the water plant my friend gave me on a vase. I hang the pop scent from bay fresh because I want my toilet smell nice. Ideas come running through my head because I was a former The Sims player. It sure nice to fill your room with your favorite furnitures just it’s too bad you can’t type klapaucius on your bank app. One day, my friend, kita wujudkan rumah dengan tema mid century itu.

Day 7

i like feeling something; being in a place i unfamiliar with, staring at a painting, listening to some melodies and tunes, as well as.. watching movies

it was my mother (i think) who gave me this influence, she told me that she went to movies regularly when she was young with her friends and as she grew older, she could spent her night watching movies on tv until late at night.

and at the present, i would go to another city just to watch film festival.

film also could be a reason for some of us connected. be it from the genre, the stories, the point of view, the pesan moral (??) and so on. kadang kita bisa merasa relate dengan seseorang karena kita menyukai hal yang sama, ada dalam satu paham akan sesuatu. you could enjoy watch together with your friends or someone for hours, watch their expression on particular scenes, laugh together, vent when the series is overrated and the story is questionable (esp when the series is from your favorite director).

this is kind of the how well your time spent because you both enjoy the same thing, until it starts to feel like your bond might will be timeless classic. but it sure this is not that, because our time has to stop at one point.

well, nothing in conclusion. recently the word “film” is really give me a bitter memory on the back of my head.

Day 6

its 7 years of being single. (well now im doing inhale and exhale) like.. oh my god that is a long time... i didnt realize until im writing it down

my time of being single is not always miserable (like other people think) i still have a good time being alone or with friends. main, nonton, travelling kemanapun.

but it will be nice if you have someone to share for the rest of your life.

ps. im writing this when im having a crush on someone. so the idea of having a partner linger in my head since yesterday. this writing may not valid if things dont go well with him lol. ciao muchachos.

Day 4

I might say Bandung. A comfort home, the cold air and the high land. The place where I was born and grew up, where my family and friends live.

Or Surabaya, I love their old buildings, really wants to wander that city night driving some day.

Or Yogyakarta haha! This city definitely has it all, the architecture, food, people. Always makes me amaze each time I went there.

And maybe just maybe.. Yoshinoya Woltermonginsidi, a quiet place and the place I ran into when I want to be alone busing with my mind.

Day 2

That Jl. Asia-Afrika after rain at night and the fog came down from the hill, my package from online store has finally arrived, Bandung atas, having good conversation with anyone, watching concerts singing to my favorite, rainy days, memes, someone bring you a ketchup, being listened, when you read the line that hit you just right, surprisingly found a new film on online streaming that is good, a good-cry film, intertwined hands, forehead kiss, gentle stroke on my hair, a hug

lets the challenge begin 💫

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ring 1 A6 upstairs