I'm reblogging myself because this is too perfect.

Janaina Medeiros
Sade Olutola
we're not kids anymore.
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sheepfilms
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AnasAbdin

Andulka
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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Peter Solarz

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KIROKAZE
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@nuztastic
I'm reblogging myself because this is too perfect.
Entry 7: Pinwheel Forest
After the tiring journey back to the Dreamyard to give Turdly the burial he deserved, the team I finally return to Nacrene City. The air smells of patchouli oil and cheap beer, and I year for the soft, callow aromas of the forest that lies beyond the city.
I decide to make my work here quick and ready my team for battle with Nacrene's gym leader.
I enter through the back of the museum and work my way through the maze of books and riddles that Lenora has set up for her opponents. Finally I make my way into her lair, a dimly lit office underneath one of the bookcases in the library.
The battle flashes by like lightning. I think of Turdly as I shout command after command out to Secret, Osha, and Lemon. Then in one crushing move, I realize that if Lemon is to be saved from the same fate that took Winston and Turdly then one will have to be sacrificed.
I don't think twice. I let Ozzie, that dirty little Roggenrola, out of his Pokeball.
"Ozzie!" I yell, determined to finish this, "Stay there!" Then I reach into my bag and pull out a potion, motioning for Lemon to drink. Lenora's Watchog gazes at Ozzie, bloodthirsty and unmerciful.
He delivers the blow. A deafening Retaliate.
I watch Ozzie fall, thinking only of how happy I am that Turdly is not hear to see this. Ozzie never warmed to anyone but him, and in the end none of his ever warmed to him either.
The loss stings, but not like the others. My fondness for Ozzie never developed, try as I might. With that face like a butt, and a personality to match...he was a Pokemon that only sweet Turdly could love.
Lemon gasps, finishing the potion, and looks concerned.
"It's okay, Lemon. He's with Turdly now. It had to be done. Now FINISH HIM!"
Lemon drops the potion bottle and rushes towards the Watchog.
"SECRET POWER!"
The Watchog is down in one hit, and the Basic Badge is mine. I collect Ozzie's body, nod politely to Lenora, and being to make my way back out of the museum.
Suddenly Mr. Grabbyhands Labcoat guy comes running in screaming incoherently.
"Plasma! Knights! Dragon! Skull!" Those goddamn Knights, I think.
When Lenora finally calms her husband down, we learn that some Knights of Team Plasma have forced their way into the museum and are destroying the prized Dragon skeleton. I run out of the office and back into the museum to discover it has been completely overtaken by Plasma Knights! In a flash of smoke and fog, they disappear….with the dragon skull from the museum's main exhibit! "SORCERY!" scream Lenora, and dashes out of the building. When I catch up with her, there's a dashing young gentlemen in a scarf speaking with her outside the museum. Lenora introduces him as Cestelia City's gym Leader, Burgh. Then out of the blue, Bianca pops in with Cheren on her heels.
Grrrreat. I think. Secret growls under his breath. "And these two? Your friends?" asks Lenora. She surveys my face and quickly realizes my true feelings. "Oh, I see. They're….trainers." She says politely. Quickly and kindly changing the topic, she asks Bianca and Cheren to guard the museum while she goes east to search for the exhibit. Burgh and I team up and head west into Pinwheel Forest. Burgh and I make our way out of Nacrene and onto the path leading to the Pinwheel Forest. The air here is crisp and clear, and although my purpose is not pleasant, I feel happy to be out of Nacrene. When we reach the entrance of the forest, Burgh turns hesitantly towards me. I cough, accidentally inhaling a whiff of his heavy perfume.
"There are two ways to go in Pinwheel Forest," Burgh says, "The road that goes straight through and the winding paths through the forest. I'll take the straight road after them." "Bet this is the first time you've ever taken the straight way out of anything," I muttered. "What was that?" "Nothing! You go ahead! I'll take the perilous, winding path full of trainers through the forest by myself and you just go right along head on the nice paved road straight out." Burgh nods, tosses his scarf carelessly over his shoulder, and scoots off. "Some gym leader, huh?" I say out loud and Secret chirps in agreement. I begin to wind my way through the forest, running into Team Plasma grunt after Team Plasma Grunt, and defeating each one with pleasure.
Finally I come to the last desperate battle but the grunt is no match for me and my team of dynamos. He quickly gives up the dragon skull to avoid further pain. Secret snaps at his ankles menacingly. Burgh and Lenora join me AFTER I've defeated all our foes. How convenient. Lenora retrieves the precious dragon skull from me and Burgh decides to travel back to his own town after what I can only assume is a tougher day than most for him.
"Are you coming back to the museum?" Lenora turns and looks to me.
I look to Secret, then Lemon, then Osha. All look confident, powerful, and ready for what's next to come. I think about Bianca and Cheren, uselessly standing around the museum. Bianca with her fingers up her nose and Cheren talking out loud just to hear his own voice.
"No," I say, "I think it's time for me to move on."
Entry 6: Losing One Friend and Gaining Another
The days have become long a dreary since Osha evolved.
I followed Cheren into Wellspring Cave to fight some Knights and reclaim the little girl's Pokemon. On the way out, I ran into a Roggenrola whom I caught. I call him Ozzie. It hasn't been easy welcoming him to my party. He's got a face that looks like a cat's butt. Lemon and Osha keep their distance but Turdly seems to have made a good friend in Ozzie.
Cheren brought the little girl's Pokemon back to her and she cried tears of joy. Even through her happiness, I feel a sense of foreboding hanging in the air. It didn't help to have Cheren breathing down my neck either.
I headed down Route 3, making my way to Nacrene City, the city of artists they say. More like the city of hipsters. Everywhere I turn there's another 20-something in their renovated warehouse drinking PBR and talking about their poetry.
While looking for the gym, I stumbled upon a quaint little museum, a welcome breath of fresh air in this city of "modern art". As I stepped into the museum, some dude in a lab coat grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me around showing me different exhibits.
Right as I was about to reach for my rape whistle, he brought me up a flight of stairs and presented to me the entrance to the gym.
"The Pokémon Gym is just beyond here. At the end of the Gym, a very strong and kind Gym Leader is waiting. By the way, the Gym Leader Lenora happens to be my wife!"
REALLY, DUDE? Does your wife know you drag young, helpless women around your museum by force? Jesus.
I catch my breath and sort myself out before leaving the gym, determined to find a fighting Pokemon to take on Nacrene City's normal-type gym leader.
The next route leads me towards the Pinwheel Forest and before I step in, I stop outside in the clearing to walk through the grass in hopes of finding a fighting dynamo.
BAM! Lemon is attack from behind!
This is it. I think to myself. A fighting master! I subtly pull a Pokeball from my belt and turn towards the attacker.
A wild..........TYMPOLE.
I stand still, shocked, for a split second and then -
"LEMON! DOUBLE SLAP!"
Lemon slaps the shit out of the Tympole, but he's a fighter, a soldier and he rises again with fury in his eyes and sends out a menacing Bubblebeam attack at Lemon.
Lemon is hit hard. But he knows he can finish this.
"LEMON! POUND!"
Lemon leaps into the air and come down hard on the Tympole, who staggers back. I can still see the fight in his eyes. Mentally, he is ready for more, but physically.....he knows he has lost.
I whip the Pokeball from my fingertips and it hurdles towards the Tympole.
1 click.......2 clicks.......3 clicks.......CAUGHT!
I pause for a moment. This is not the fighting Pokemon I was looking for. The gym leader in Hipsterville will be no easy task now.....yet, I feel a connection to this new Pokemon. He's a fierce warrior, even his his small round form. I like the fire that I see in his eyes.
I decide that this new addition to my team will be my secret weapon, a true soldier, and I will raise him to be a fierce Seismitoad. And so I call my new secret weapon Secret and introduce him to the rest of the gang.
Osha and Secret pal up right away, playfully squirting water gun and a bubblebeam gently at each other. I can tell Lemon respects his tenacity as well. Turdly, understandably, is nervous around him. He clutches his flaming tail warily after seeing the power of Secret's Bubblebeam. Ozzie just stands this like a stupid little rock with a butthole for a face.
High on my new catch, I walk farther through the grass towards Pinwheel Forest and encounter a wild Throh.
Ahhhh, I chuckle to myself, There's the fighter I was looking for.
I send Osha out for a few hits, but Throh weakens him considerably. This karate master is powerful. I lazily send out Turdly, overconfident in my ability to overcome this fighting giant.
Then....in the blink of an eye....Throh sends out a blinding ring of energy. He had been biding his time, storing it up. I had not been paying enough attention, so confident in my stand out team.
"NO! TURDLY!" I shout, but it is too late.
Turdly, that little monkey that I had grown so fond of despite the pile of fire poop on his head. Turdly, the little monkey gifted to me before my first gym battle. Turdly, my first new friend after the pain of losing Winston.
He faltered, stumbled backwards, as the energy hit him square in the chest. As he fell to his knees I ran towards him, scooping him into my arms. The Throh approached, readying himself for another attack.
"OSHA! RAZOR SHELL!" I screamed through my tears.
Osha responded with lightning speed, and the Throh was thrown back, fainting hard in the dust.
I cradled Turdly, wiping away my tears.
"Turdly," I whispered, "Let's get you back to the Pokecenter." But I knew it was too late. Turdly was gone.
I stood up, looking towards Pinwheel Forest's great towering trees. Winston's sweet face flashed in my mind. Not again, I thought to myself. I rolled Turdly's Pokeball in my fingers for a moment, then decidedly clicked the button. Turdly's limp body floated into the ball, and I strapped him back to my belt.
Secret, small but so fierce, nuzzled my ankles and looked up into my eyes.
"C'mon, gang," I said, "We're going back to the Dreamyard to bury our friend where we first met him."
Entry 5: OSHA EVOLVES!
My little Osha is growing up so fast! She's reached Level 17 and is now a Dewott.
If only Winston was here to share this moment with us.
Entry 4: Lemon Party
Uuuuugh, on Route 3 and of course Cheren shows up and gets all in my business. I show him a thing or two about how a real trainer battles when suddenly two Knights of the Round Table run down the road and pass us by followed shortly by Bianca and some little girl. Apparently the Knights stole the little girl's Pokemon and Cheren volunteers us to go get it back, even though I couldn't give less of a shit about Bianca and her hanger on. Before I go though, I need to walk in the grass on Route 3 and see what Pokemon fate has in store for me this time. Before I take my first step I say a prayer to Winston to help guide me to a Pokemon that's not a Patrat and….WINSTON HEARS MY PRAYERS. I catch a stunning Audino, and call him Lemon.
Entry 3: The Road to the Trio Badge and a Pokemon Stool Sample
To add insult to injury I am forced to fight Youngster Roland and his Lillipup on Route 2. I cry softly to myself through the battle, thinking of sweet Winston and how he was taken from us too soon in his young life. After I defeat Roland, I wipe away my tears and soldier on towards Striaton City. Bianca stops me at the entrance to Striaton City to have a battle, even though she can see that I'm visibly distraught. I tell her I'm not in the mood, that I'm still grieving, but she insists. Then, like a dagger to the heart, she sends out her Lillipup first. I defeat her, but the victory is sour. Watching my Oshawott destroy her Lillipup is painful.
I decide to do some girding with Osha before entering Striaton City. I need to get my head on straight, and some leveling will help us both take our minds off the loss. Unfortunately, we run into Lillipup after Lillipup, each one like the ghost of Winston haunting us. Finally, I head to Striaton City, run into Cheren and his snooty Snivy at the Pokemon School. I easily beat him, and leave the school in search of the city's Gym Leader. Cheren's stench still lingers on me even after I've left.
After wandering around Striaton for awhile, I head East to the Dreamyard and some random girl gives me a monkey that looks like it has a pile of poop on its head. Pansear. I name him Turdly. After receiving Turdly I decide it's time to put on a brave face ad fight the gym leader. I walk into the gym, my head held high and approach the first trainer.
He is a waiter...with a Lillipup. Aaarrrgh will this torture ever end?! I make my way up to Cilan, a green-haired, less-than-wellspoken young waiter/gym leader. I incinerate his Pansage a few times with Turdly and eventually he forks over the Trio Badge. The victory feels hollow. After leaving the gym, Professor Juniper's life partner, Fennel, approaches me. Fennel brings me back to her place, which seems to be filled with orphan children and random machinery. She gives me Cut and asks me to go collect some "Dream Mist" from a Munna in the Dreamyard, which I think it just scientist code for a stool sample. I head to the Dreamyard and cut down a very flimsy looking tree. As soon as I'm finished. Bianca waddles up to me and tells me she's also looking for this Munna Pokemon. What's more is the bitch just walks right through the path I created using Cut! I knock that cunt flat on her ass and speed past her into the Dreamyard, determined to get to the Munna and it's poop first! Just as I approach the Munna, two Knight of the Round Table jump out from behind a wall, apparently also after a poo sample!
Bianca screams in terror and cowers on the ground as I take on one of the knights in mortal combat. And then, because Bianca is a waste of human life, I have to fight ANOTHER knight while she lies on the ground pissing herself. After I defeat them, a Musharna glides over, pooping all over itself, Fennel shows up and collects some "dream mist", and I go on the hunt for a Munna of my very own.
Instead of a Munna, I encounter a fucking Patrat first. I kill him, because Patrats are the vermin of Unova and should be eradicated. I'd die before allowing a Patrat to join my party. Disappointed and disheartened I leave the Dreamyard and go back to Fennel's house of squalor. Fennel gifts me a C-gear, which is cool, but doesn't really take away the sting of letting a Munna slip through my fingers. At this point I realize that there's nothing left for me in this city, and I make my way out of town...
Entry 2: WINSTON IS DEAD.
I've lost my first friend, before his time.
We ran into a wild Patrat and good ol' Winston defeated him like an old pro, because no self-respecting trainer would train a Patrat. I'd rather die!
Then, before his time Winston was slain by a wild Lillipup, one of his own brothers. I can't believe it.
Osha and I paused for a moment on Route 2 to remember him. Our time together was short, but sweet.
Good-night, sweet prince. Your death shall not be in vain.
Entry 1: The adventure begins!
Just another quiet, boring day in Nuvema Town, where there's like three houses and twice that many people, so unless everybody in town is bunking with my mom, I have no clue where they sleep.
Suddenly, bitch comes out of nowhere and starts asking me to identify myself and talking about Pokemon. She's some kind of "Pokemon Professor", which is cool I guess, although it's hard to believe that someone with enough education to be a Professor of anything can't identify my gender.
Anyway, Professor Genderblind gives me the lowdown on my retard friends and then offers us all a Pokemon which is pretty rad. I get to pick first because Bianca is too busy picking her nose and Cheren is a grade-a douche nozzle.
I scan through my choices. Snivy looks like he'd be a prick with his nose in the air and his arms all folded up like he's better than me. Tepig looks friendly, but I have a feeling I'll just want to eat him after awhile. A fire pig? C'mon, I'll be craving bacon before we get to Accumula Town.
So I settle with Oshawott. He looks like a cool dude and I have a feeling we're gonna have some bomb ass times together.
Immediately after choosing our new friends for life, Bianca pulls her fingers out of her nose and decides we need to battle. My Oshawott vs. her Tepig.
Bitch, please.
I waste her in seconds.
Then it's Buttmunch's time to shine. Or so he thinks!
I waste the little cock muncher twice as fast.
Afterwards we all realize my room has been destroyed by the intense beat down I just delivered but that's okay 'cause my mom pretty much does nothing but clean up after me so she's got it covered.
Bianca gets chewed out by her dad because she wants to leave this godforsaken pit of a town and go on adventure and Buttmunch, and I decide to walk over to Professor Genderblind's studio apartment or lab or whatever she calls it to get the lowdown on these new beasts we got.
Bianca eventually meets up with us after defying her father in a move of pure teenage angst and the Professor tells us all about Unova and Pokedexes and blah blah blah blah blah. I just want to catch some Pokemon, lady!!!
FINALLY, she gives us all a Pokedex, let's us name our new friends (my Oshawott is Osha), and we all head out to Route 1 where she's gives us a debriefing on catching Pokemon, hands us some Pokeballs, and then books it to Accumula Town.
Cheren and Bianca run ahead and I take my first step into the tall grass...
BAM!!!!
A WILD LILLIPUP APPEARS!
I catch that fucker so fast he doesn't know what hit him, and now Osha has a new buddy, Winston. I love Winston already, based solely on the fact that he isn't a stupid Patrat.
I run into a few more Pokemon, kick their asses, and eventually make it to Accumula Town where the Professor is ready and waiting to show us the Pokecenter and the Pokemart. I heal Osha and Winston, stock up on the Balls, when suddenly there's a ruckus in the square!
I head over there to see what the hubbub is all about when Cheren runs over to me and is all, "There's something going on over there, let's watch!" and I'm like, "Thanks asshole, I'm already headed over there. Don't stand so close to me."
We watch this dude Ghetsis and his Knights of the Round table talk about liberating Pokemon and not using them to fight and something about how 9/11 was and inside job and then his knights do a little choreographed routine and march out.
Again Cheren approaches me to discuss what we just saw and again I have to ask him not to stand so close to me.
Then out of the blue this tall, slender, green-hair guy comes up to us and just starts talking to my Pokemon. I reach into my pockets to get him some change for the bus or whatever he wants and suddenly he challenges me to a battle!
I waste his Purrloin, which is the bitchiest Pokemon I've ever seen (granted I haven't seen a lot since traveling here from 30 seconds away), and then he mysteriously walks away.
I make my way back to the Pokecenter and thankfully Cheren doesn't follow me. Once Osha and Winston are healed I spend some time walking unannounced into people's houses, sifting through their trash, watching their televisions, and chatting them up.
Once I've seen all the Accumula sights I begin to make my way to the next city...