Imagine Wrench trying to convince Numbers to go talk to Laz or Delahoy but Numbers adamantly refusing, âAre you kidding me? Theyâre cops. They might look⊠horrifyingly similar to me but theyâre cops.â
And Wrench responding like the huge nerd he is, âWhat if youâre all clones? What if itâs likeâŠ
It would be Numbers, in the end, who drags them all together. Heâs maybe a little drunk and definitely a lot pissed off, from a combination of Wrenchâs teasing, the presence of the other two, and that black dude who WONâT. QUIT. STARING.
So he ends up grabbing Delahoy, also a little drunk (and probably moping about Monica still) by the arm and dragging him over the Lazarus.
Banks is straight up panicking at the little corner table and Wrench is snorting his amusement into his glass of beer. Banks shouts shrilly at him âYOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN OUT OF IT??â And then feels reeeeally embarrassed when the big dude in the ridiculous jacket ignores him.
Laz, at this point, is absolutely freaking out, being the only one too self absorbed to notice before this moment the two guys in the bar that look exactly like he does.
Wrench of course ends up being the voice of reason in this very weird situation. He, in a rare act of moderate PDA, which Numbers only allows when drunk (like he is now), soothes his partner.
Delahoy and Banks share incredibly confused responses and Delahoy mouths, âyouâre gay?!â at him while laughing, âNo wonder Monica isnât in to you!â This earns him a nice punch in the side.
Wrench is signing to Numbers, âremember why weâre here.â And Numbers is frantically signing that these are cops who have quite clearly stolen his identity.
Noticing this, Delahoy responds to Banks with, âGay and deaf⊠apparently.â
Numbers instantly turns on Delahoy in anger and starts yelling, âI can hear you fine!" Heâs about to launch into a description of how Delahoy is being presumptuous and his sexuality is not for anyone elseâs entertainment, but Wrench stops him.
Lazarus, being the most congenial of the three, and the least drunk, gets everyoneâs attention with a gesture and a winning smile.
"Okay. Well. So this is weird. But letâs just get this startedâ Iâm Lazarus, NYPD. And you gentlemen are?"
Delahoy and Numbers stare in disgruntled disbelief before introducing themselves and their respective partners.
"Eric Delahoy, also of the NYPD, and my partner, Leo Banks."
"They call us Numbers and Wrench, respectively, not of the NYPD, but of crime." This statement earns Numbers an angry punch in the side from Wrench. "WHAT?? So what?? Itâs only ME weâre talking to!"
Laz and Delahoy exchange looks.
"Did you say CRIME? To two police officers?" Delahoy asks in amazement.
Wrench signs something to Numbers whoâs just saying, âIâm not looking! Iâm not looking!â While refusing to look at his partner and stare at his doubles instead.
Laz clears his throat uncomfortably and says, âIâd rather not know what sort of crime youâre inâŠâ
And Delahoy grunts adding that he doesnât care as long as itâs not his division.
Numbers rolls his eyes and finally gives in to Wrench (who has been poking and prodding trying to get his attention) and looks over.
Wrench signs, âit might be smart to get out of here.â Numbers huffs.
"You guys arenât here as some weird clone conspiracy thing are you?!" He demands.
The three of them stare each other down uncomfortably.
Banks jumps hard on the clone conspiracy thing. He starts going off about secret government organizations and off shore medical testing. Wrench is reading his lips and is nodding furiously. These two night become best friends, if this carries on. Numbers is not having that.
He plops himself down in a chair and calls for the bar tenderâs attention, loudly ordering a round of drinks on the NYPDâs bar tab. Numbers gets a few drinks down all of them before turning on the charm and subtly interrogating them, weaseling out their life stories.
This does not go entirely as planned. Numbers is drunk for real now and is trying to sign everything that is going on to Wrench, so he has slightly lost control of the situation. Banks suddenly brings up the subject of women, and it doesnât take long for Monicaâs name to be drug into this. The Lazarus, Numbers, Banks, and Wrench find themselves giving Delahoy lady wooing advice.
Some true awkwardness ensues when Wrench throws in his opinion in ways that make Numbers blush bright red and heâs too drunk to make up lies so he ends up interpreting, âI really like it when Numbers stops being an ass long enough to compliment me on how I look or surprises me by bringing home flowers. But the basis of our relationship isnât screwing once in a janitorial closet, I love him even though heâs always grumpy.â Itâs not until after he finishes speaking that Numbers realizes what he and Wrench just revealed to these guys.
Banks jumps at the opportunity to ask, âwait⊠You two are actually together? I was joking earlier.â
Numbers shoots him a grumpy expression before mumbling, âweâre certainly not in Fargo anymoreâ and pulling wrench in for a kiss.
Banks turns to Delahoy, âman⊠Weâre watching a manlier version of you make out with another dude.â
Delahoy smacks Banksâ arm.
Laz turns to them and says, âdo you guys need to confess something to each other while this is happeningâŠ?â He gestures at Wrench and Numbers who are still in fact making out.
"No!" Delahoy and Banks shout in unison while Laz dissolves into giggles.
Once Wrench and Numbers calm down their mini make out and Lazarus stops giggling, Numbers requests Delahoyâs cell phone.
"Why do you want my phone?" "Just give it to me." "What are you going to do?" "Nothing. Just gotta do something." "âŠâŠ.."
Numbers waits with his hand extended, the two men glowering at each other until Delahoy gives in and hands over his phone.
Wrench asks Numbers what heâs planning and Numbers both signs and says allowed, as he flips through Delahoyâs contacts, selecting Monicaâs name, âIâm gonna show you assholes how itâs done.â
The phone rings several times and Numbers waits silently, while Wrench, Banks, Delahoy, and Lazarus stare at him, intently. When Monicaâs voicemail kicks in, Numbers dives in, putting on an excellent impression of Delahoyâs New York accent, âHeeeey, Monica, this is Ericâ-â
Delahoy swears and tries to snatch the phone back from Numbers, but Banks and Lazarus are both stifling laughter and pulling him back into his seat. It is too late and they are too drunk and this is all too surreal for any of them to take any of this seriously.
Wrench is smiling as he reads Numbersâ lips, deciphering the sweet message his grumpy man is leaving for another grumpy version of himselfâs lady.
Triumphantly, Numbers hangs up the phone and tosses it back to Delahoy.
"That should work. It worked on him," Numbers says, pointing at Wrench.
Wrench rolls his eyes but leans over to give his partner a kiss on the cheek.
"How is it that, of all of you⊠clones⊠the one thatâs a criminal with a deaf cowboy for a partner is in the healthiest relationship?" Banks asks.
Numbers tosses Banks a glare while Delahoy makes a snarky remark about Banks needing to focus on his own problems.
"Weâre not clones and heâs special,â Numbers says, definitely too drunk to care about the repercussions of that statement. It does earn him a kiss on the cheek from Wrench, though.
"Itâs weird every time," Delahoy mutters which receives an utterance of agreement from Laz.
"Yeah, well, it would be weird for me if this Monica came strolling in here and jumped on top of you," Numbers snaps back.
