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If I keep saying I need space and then I’ll be fine… then I’m not given the space and I’m not fine…

sleepingsirian

Notes for my therapist this week:

You know…. I’m honestly exhausted.

This is why I don’t like dating anymore. I don’t want to engage with anyone past a certain business level.

I wanna love freely & outloud. I want to brag. I want to flaunt. Because my man my man my man.

It’s why I miss being married because the solidarity in knowing, my partner is mine & I’m his. The end,

No wondering; no guessing.

And then the bonus of having a partner that knows and understands me. I don’t have to over explain unless I just wanna get the energy off… they may not agree but the lovely feeling of being understood is unmatched.

I’m also scared that if I were to find this person…. My safe place…. I’d burn my world to the ground just to lay in his arms, rest my mind & soul…and make sure nothing disturbs me again. I’m kinda scared of that

I’ve worked so hard…. But I work hard to stay busy to keep the dull buzz of heartache far away. Can’t hear it when I’m too busy to hear it. Ive built this wall brick by accomplishment labeled brick.

You can’t chip away at someone for years and then be like damn, why you not in love no more…..

Are you even in love? Goodness gracious