Give. Even when you know you can get nothing back.

Nursing Student “I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

[nyuenicorn]

Revisited my old tumblr in high school. Had to hold my breath and speed read because everything was either too cringy or depressing. But wow, things do get better.

[nyuenicorn]

Just one of those days I guess

[nyuenicorn]

Feel like i haven’t been as reflected as I wanted to be lately. 2018 was supposedly a great year. I graduated with my BS and BA, I got licensed to be an RN, found a job closeby home in my dream specialty, and so on. Yet, I can’t get myself to feel that blessed or happy. Maybe the year was too eventful I don’t know. I listed many wonderful milestones but in between each event was just me feeling like I’m stretching myself thin or feeling like borderline depressed. I remember almost getting pneumonia right before graduation, figuring out the logistics of my family attending graduation, stress studying for my boards, being in extreme paranoia waiting for board exam results, feeling hopeless and depressed that I wasn’t hearing back from hospitals I applied for, etc... it’s been a great year but it was also one of the most stressful years in my life. Emotions kept fluctuating in the extremes that I just couldn’t get myself to feel anything towards it. Right now I’m also dreading work because of how unprofessional my manager has been. Passive aggressively telling me he has the power to fire me if he wants at the end of the day and telling me to know my place when all I did was ask if I can three days changed on the schedule. I didn’t think my workplace was going to be drama free but I didn’t expect management to be this irrational and unprofessional. It’s beyond me. I’m once again reminded of how not everybody that went into nursing has others best interest in mind. It’s upsetting and disappointing.

[nyuenicorn]

Welp, it’s been a crazy night. Had literally a sepsis, stroke, and Vtach case tonight almost all came within an hour of each other and so I had all three of them. The pt with pneumonia/sepsis died after he settled down in the floor upstairs in a different unit. It’s upsetting news for sure but I know this shouldn’t be my priority but I was lowkey paranoid about a lawsuit so I went above and beyond on my charting. While I know he didn’t die because of me, I’m still worried perhaps maybe I did miss something. His MAP has never gone below 65 and was satting at 98% the entire time. He was talking to family too with no signs of choking or aspiration. I don’t understand how it happened but I know I did the best I could. For the stroke patients CT came back negative but she ended up getting another TIA once she was admitted upstairs to a different unit. With stroke, I for sure know I couldn’t have controlled it or led it to happen but with 2/3 of my critical patients deteriorating once they transfer upstairs I can’t help but feel maybe I was the black cloud today...

[nyuenicorn]

On my way to the break room today I ran into a pediatric patient that i took care of on my first week on the job. I remember her and her mother fairly well because the patient was just the most adorable looking kiddo ever. I never thought I’d enjoy pediatrics but I have to say seeing them made my night even though they were not my patients this time. I remember the mom well too because she always had this nurturing and calm demeanor to her that stuck with me. I made eye contact and said hi. The mother was really surprised that I even remembered their names. I felt that we connected for a moment there. I think she shared the same feeling so she immediately wrote down the link to their blog for me. It was kind of refreshing because you don’t usually get to build relationships with your patients in the ER. Patients either get discharged or admitted to the floor after a few hours max. That’s one reason I chose the ER really but I also really appreciated the family for reaching out to me that way and sharing bits and pieces of their lives with me. The mother is such a strong and loving person that I feel like she would make a better nurse than me haha. The family frequently visits the hospital due to the patients congenital heart defects. My heart really goes out for them and I wish them the best of luck. I would love to see them again, but hopefully not in the ER setting.

[nyuenicorn]

I remember I made a post awhile ago about being worried I would stutter in front of patients, well jokes on me I’ve been doing it everyday at work LOL

It’s okay though, somehow been managing to seem like I know what I’m talking about for the most part :’)

[meanplastic]

I AM SCREAMING

[nyuenicorn]

Found at least 30 bed bug bites all over my body (probably from a hotel I stayed at last week), waking up to a chipped tooth, realizing my preceptor doesn’t really care for my success at work etc etc... really glad Chris was able to visit turn this week around. Even when he’s asleep he always manages either kiss me back or hold me at night when I’m having trouble falling asleep.

I’m done being gross now :’) it’s going to be another two weeks until I can see him again.

[nyuenicorn]

Honestly it makes me so uncomfortable and almost overwhelmed whenever my mom imposes her ideas onto me and expect me to make things happen for her. She was already telling me to lease out a car for her and give her monthly allowance when I’m still making almost nothing because I’m still in training. Its not that I wasn’t give her monthly allowance but I would like to have some sort of financial stability before I start doing that. Sometimes I feel selfish to want a life without all this Chinese family drama and expectation involved but then I also don’t think I can truly enjoy life with them constantly asking me to do everything for them. I have 24hr a day like everybody else, I can’t live out the entire families lives and schedule their doctors appointments, set up their advance directives, check out their online shopping carts, drive my grandma home, etc etc and also do everything else I need to do for myself to stay sane. I really can’t.

[nyuenicorn]

Lowkey want time to go slower so I can learn as much as I can in my training before actually working as an ED nurse.

Lowkey want time to go faster so I can make enough money and save enough money to leave this toxic suffocating household.

[nyuenicorn]

Sounds silly but I’m lowkey worried about stuttering at my new job (well once I start) when I talk to patients or my coworkers. I stutter and sometimes mix up the order of the words I’m trying to say whenever I’m nervous. I’m always so embarrased when I do and it just echos in my head forever like right now even though this thing I’m thinking about happened last week... probably was never this self conscious about it until college where everybody was white and I thought even just pronouncing things incorrectly would make me look dumb or seem like I’m not fluent in English.

Just trying to become a competent nurse :’)

[catsbeaversandducks]

Doguins

Via Imgur

[torukou]

[bellblake]

Can you see it? Is it beautiful?

[nyuenicorn]

Totally read it in Monty’s voice. Brb ugly crying again

[adeles]

Disney Princesses in Wreck It Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks The Internet (2018)

[nyuenicorn]

Anxiety induced insomnia too real 🙃 literally been like this for the entire week so far

[itsthatunique]

“Your mother died today. She was pretty sick the last few years. Clarke, you were right. Her dad’s genetic condition finally got her. We had a good life. Sometimes… I know she wanted to be with you guys. Maybe I did, too. But if we did that… I wouldn’t be able to show you this. Son. It took me 30 years, but I finally cracked the Eligius Three mission file. Turns out it wasn’t a mining mission. After sucking the Earth dry of oil, they went looking for another planet to tap. I set the coordinates a week ago. If I’m right, you should get there in… 75 years. I’m tempted to put myself in cryo to see it, but without Harper…”

[nyuenicorn]

Ugh lowkey ugly crying at the moment