Okay. Because of what's going on in the comments and because I DO think a lot of TME (non-trans femmes, do cis men and women, trans men, trans masc non-binary, and some trans neutral and intersex people) do just not know better, but have the capability to learn better. I your resident TME "call form inside the house" person will try my best to explain the transfeminism 101 of this situation, so transfemmes don't have to and can go straight to higher calculus.
If you wouldn't say it to a cis woman (that struggles with infertility) DO NOT say it to a trans woman.
It is really that simple.
Oh! I could surrogate for- No!
I wish I could just give yo- Shush!
Be glad you are immune to roe v.- Stop it!
I know a lot of us "struggle with what's socially appropriate", trust me I'm 25 and still mess up on "basic communication" between me and "normies", and some of us need to be told off flat out. So this is me telling you flat out.
The stuff your mom told you, back when you were a toddler, is inappropriate to ask or say to cis women? All of that applies to trans women too.
As for the "how to do social interaction 101" of this debacle:
There is putting your foot in your mouth. You do it once, get told off and learn.
And there is putting your foot in your mouth, being told off, but then doubling down and being an ass about it.
Like with asking for "why was I just told that's inappropriate? What is inappropriate about it? You owe me an answer!" After you just asked or told something like "congrats on your wedding!" to someone standing at city hall crying in a white dress. That is behaviour that is developmentally appropriate for pre, elementary and maybe middle schoolers that are still learning how basic human interaction works. At the latest with graduating highschool the basic of "sexuality, (in)fertility, bowel movements, medical information, love and loss are sensitive topics" should be clear, and if it isn't it is your obligation to get "remedial tutoring" and not the hurt/affected persons obligation to tolerate you acting a fool. That's what social interaction and competency training in therapy is for. That's where you learn stuff like this.
For those that do better with examples imagine NOT being the preschool teacher or a parent but the overworked and underpaid janitor at a kindergarten and STILL somehow ending up having to explain over and over that "Crayons are not for eating, crafting scissors are not for spontaneous haircuts and Emma please put all four of the chairs feet on the ground." Only for Nicholas to ask you "Why?" For the nth time that day. You'd get real fed up, real quick too. That's not necessarily on the preschoolers, they don't know better, but you'd still be over it.
There are "silly neurotypical double-speak social norms" and there are "hey that genuinely hurts people in their dignity, self-actualisation and safety social norms". Learning the difference is important and might take time. And you'll be the dummy that puts their foot in their mouth on occasions but now you do not have to be the dummy to double down on it anymore.
"No", and "stop" are complete sentences, even when it's in answer to something you said or asked instead of what you did.
Got it? Great. Off you go.
Disclaimer: none of this is news, this has been said by trans women (in this very post!), black women, disabled women over and over and over again, to autistic and non autistic cis men, white women, trans men and able bodied people alike. Yes not everyone sees and knows everything, but there is that and there is feeling entitled to being spoonfed information. This is the only reason I'm putting this in the reblogs at all, so no one rebloging this with any of the above nonsense has ANY excuse.
