Then On The Shore Of The Wide World I Stand Alone

Arthur He/Him Sometimes I try to be a poet and an artist. Hopefully that time is today.

[nooneknowsmeonhere]

John Keats

[lespresso]

It has to have been love.

i. textpost by @heavenx | ii. a self-portrait in letters, anne sexton

iii. far above the atmosphere, hollis brown thornton 2012 | iv . post from @maliusaidh

v. goodreads quote; my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell |vi. uncredited post from @maliusaidh

[furiousgoldfish]

If you had normal parents, you feeling scared, panicked, upset, grief-stricken, distraught, depressed or suicidal, this would have been a thing of immediate emergence to your parents. They would not want their child to feel that way for longer than seconds, they'd want to address it, check on you, talk with you, see what's causing it, if it can be removed, if they can help, if anything can be done. Your deep distress would have been a priority above everything else and treated with emergence.

And that how you'd know for sure, based on your lived experience, that you feeling extremely bad is something to be addressed immediately and with care. That you're not supposed to be feeling like that, and it's important something be done, and your loved ones will want to help, you can ask, you can urge.

With abusive parents, you feeling panicked, distraught, grief-stricken or suicidal is not even an afterthought. It's thrown back at you as a joke to humiliate you, or a threat to control you. It's not only not given urgency or priority, it's treated as annoying, stupid, and completely your fault. Whatever is causing your distress is only increased to punish you. People presenting themselves as your loved ones don't care or think it matters at all. You'll get yelled at if you bring it up.

So you stay in this state for days, weeks, years. Thinking it's normal, that you caused it yourself, that it couldn't possibly matter because it never did. You make it worse because that's whats done, it's what feels right. You were left to rot in the worst feelings a human can experience and you learned to live that as your normal. Asking for help feels embarassing and annoying because it's been treated as such.

You don't see it as abuse. It's not a hit, a broken limb or an obvious violation of your body. But you've been broken by it. Neglect of your humanity, your well being to the point where it didn't matter if you sat in your room day after day wishing you were dead, that counts. That is extreme.

It didn't only hurt you in the moment, it left you in permanent state of distress with all exits blocked. You can't ask for help, you don't even know you're not supposed to feel like this, that it should feel better, that sometimes things can get fixed. You can't even explain how you feel without the fear of punishment or humiliation. You don't even know it's not your fault you feel this. You are only taught it can get worse. All you can do is endure.

That is worse than violence. You didn't deserve even seconds of this, and they gave you a lifetime. You should have been helped the second it started to feel like this. Not whatever was done to you instead.

[pilotofstarshipfables]

So much of this applies to romantic relationships or even friendships as well. If someone is totally fine seeing you in immense distress they are not a safe person

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

[thedreadpiratecam]

microdosing hell by being awake and literate

[fairycosmos]

word on the street is if you suffer in just the right way for just long enough youll be rewarded

[luminote]

Wanted to experiment a little with structure this time, there's a bit of visual poetry woven into the piece, with a touch of contrapuntal form at the beginning. I've been feeling pretty uninspired and exhausted lately, so it feels good to have put even a little bit of myself into creating something again. Hope everyone experiencing this intense heatwave is taking care of themselves. ♡

[nicoandindy]

so um, i watched the tv glow

i have genuinely never seen a movie mention feeling like something is wrong with you, and in the end you literally don't belong where you've spent your entire life. your entire world isn't real and all along you've been someone else across the television screen, buried, suffocating.

[pigswithwings]

the fascinating thing about being abused is that years later youre gonna be there sitting around going "okay so what now". cause like theres no instruction manual is there

[pigswithwings]

youre gonna be buying groceries and then youre gonna remember you went through all that for literally no good reason and youre gonna go Oh Okay and put paper towels in your bag or whatever

[catchymemes]

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[hellsite-yano]

Source

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[acutabovetherest]

[valentina-poem]

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[furiousgoldfish]

me trying to explain why I wasn't really abused and it was fine actually: Well my parents had no choice because you see, I was annoying and wouldn't listen and they had a lot on their plate, so even as I was five it was okay for them to act like I need tobe put down if I don't act triple my age immediately.

And the worst of it stopped when they realized I can retain memories and tell someone! That means they 'changed' and need to be 'forgiven'. No they never owned up to it and act like I'm a monster if I bring it up but you see,. They as grown adults don't know any better, so they have to gaslight and darvo me on every step, skill they perfected even as they don't know basic empathy, which is just a coinci-

Yes I have cptsd and wish I was dead every day, however this could be completely unrelated and because I am weak and overreact and have poor control over myself. Yes they told me that--

[gothredy]