Perfektion ist Key

My name ist Oakley Göbel. I am 20 years old. I vant eferyzing in my life to be perfekt. Patient at Thornewood Mental Hospital Current hair color: Sandy white (Side Blog for bonnie-is-alone)

[praial]

Japan: Mifuneyama Gardens in Takeo, Saga.

[mooonjellies]

Ittichai Chammavanijakul

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Scarlett

[drscarlett-sinclair-deactivated]

“No.. no, you’re not” she said softly and shook her head, Scarlett was completely lost about how to make him calm a little bit. “Nobody is ever perfect, but having scars doesn’t make you a monster…” She said softly as she held his hand

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Breathing a little better he was still sobbing and rubbing his wounds.  He accidentally started to brush the scabs off, making the cuts from Declan’s blade leak blood.  “Aber ich war perfekt.  Es wurde mir weggenommen,” he whispered as he rocked lightly.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Scarlett

[drscarlett-sinclair-deactivated]

Scarlett tried to remember the little german she knew and understood a few words, “you… monster?” She said and looked at him. “No, you’re not a monster” she said and looked at him, shaking her head lightly. 

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Shaking his head Oakley cried, “Ich bin ein Monster.  Ich bin ekelhaft und vernarbt.”  He felt like he shouldn’t be alive with the disgusting body he had now.  All his scars were hideous and so he was too.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Tara

[goldielockedhunter]

Tara had timidly walked inside, knowing the past that they shared. She was rude at times, he got angry, and there was a blur of a memory dealing with a thing of armor. She didn’t really dwell on it all that much until now, she had felt so horrible about it. 

“Hey…Hey you’re alright,” she had slowly crouched down then, her hand shaking as she lightly rubbed his back. She ignored the pain in her finger tips.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Hyperventilating Oakley was scared that she was going to make more scars.  For all he knew she was going to kill him and being nice was just a ruse.  Everyone here wanted to hurt him except for Danny.  Everyone wanted to kill him.

He scooted away at first but let her hand touch her.  The male trembled under her touch as he muttered, “Nein, es ist nicht in Ordnung.  Ich bin vernarbten und ekelhaft.  Ich bin nicht mehr perfekt.  Nur ein Monster.”

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Scarlett

[drscarlett-sinclair-deactivated]

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay” she said and tried to calm him down, she didn’t get near him because he backed away from her. She couldn’t understand what he was saying but she guessed he could understand her since he was there. “It’s okay, I can help you, just try to breathe” But he wouldn’t calm, he hyperventilated instead. She looked at his body covered in scars and then it hit her, she understood what he was crying about. Not sure what to do, Scarlett tried to reach out and took his hand softly, “Look at me, let me help you. Try to breathe with me, okay?” She said and looked at him softly.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Looking at her the tears streamed down his face, getting into the scar on his cheek and making it sting.  As her hand came near him he retracted a bit but let her touch his hand.  Oakley tried to match her breathing but it was difficult when he felt like he had everything to cry about.  “Aber es ist nicht in Ordnung.  Ich bin ein Monster.  Ein ekelhaft Monster,” he cried softly.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Leah

[leah-george-deactivated20171212]

Leah ventured by herself as she searched for newbies or strangers. She loved her friends dearly but sometimes it was good to make more. Passing by a door, she heard sobs coming from behind the wood and stopped. It truly was none of her business but she would certainly want company if she was in such a distressed state of mind.

Knocking softly, the nineteen year old didn’t bother waiting for a response before quietly creeping inside. “Hey..” She paused and stood lingering in the doorway. “Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps.”

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Hearing a soft voice through his sobs he looked up and saw the girl in the doorway.  Oakley was still crying but it lessened now at the sight of the other.  He felt a little calmed because she wasn’t saying it was okay.  It wasn’t okay and it was nice to know she wasn’t saying it was.  Nodding his head a little he replied, “Ja bitte.  Ich möchte nicht alleine sein.”

[polandgallery]

Poznań, Poland

[deerunningfeminist-deactivated2]

Puerto Rican Aesthetics

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Tara

[goldielockedhunter]

Tara tried her best to avoid anymore guards and doctors, she had feared that she would force her way through Tara’s body to make an appearance. Her bandaged fingers grazed over the paintings, the statues, the walls. She found that she was comforted by the tickles that bubbled up at the tips of her fingers.

She didn’t know how she managed to travel to the first level, perhaps it was her mind urging her to be somewhere else other than her own bedroom.  Her mind had probably grown tired staring at the blank walls and worn paper backs. 

Tara stopped walking when she heard someone crying. Her heart had ached for whoever it was and she made for the source of the noise. Her hand remained on the threshold of the door when she saw who it was. 

“Are you…Are you alright?” she croaked at last, her throat hoarse from screams she released while in ISO. 

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Oakley had given up.  He would never be perfect again.  Going in the fetal position on the floor he rested his forehead on the ground.  The tears leaked out of his eyes as he held his fists by his head.

Barely hearing over his own sobs he heard a ear-shattering croak.  “Ich bin nicht perfekt.  Ich glaube nicht, auf dieser Erde gehören,” he whispered into the floor.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Scarlett

[drscarlett-sinclair-deactivated]

Scarlett walked towards her office, she checked on her patients and planned to go back to her office to do some paperwork when she heard someone crying, which wasn’t unusual in the place but still it got her worried. She walked towards the source of the noise and found a boy, sobbing violently. “Oh…” she said to herself softly and walked up to him. She knelt down on the floor in front of him but didn’t touch him because she didn’t know what his reaction would be, “hey…” She said, her voice really soft. “Are you hurt?” She asked and studied him searching for any type of wound.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Oakley didn’t notice the girl entering his room.  He was so overcome with rage and sadness that it was hard to focus on anything over than his horrific body.  Looking up he expected to see his reflection but instead saw a girl asking if he was okay.  Backing up a little, the tears still flowing from his eyes.  “Ich bin nicht perfekt.  Mein Körper ist mit Narben übersät,” he hyperventilated as he looked back down at his body and his hands kept touching his scars.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Scars || Oakley and Jackson

[jackson-wright-thornewood]

Crying was not an uncommon sound in Thornewood. In fact, sometimes Jackson felt that it was the only sound he heard, especially at night. Those nights, he too stood around the halls, not wanting to go home, but having no real place to go. The sounds of the wails only seemed to depress him more and he wondered if this was the right place for him, for someone trying to forget the past and the pain. As he passed through the level one halls, he once again was greeting by the sound of loud sobs coming from one of the rooms. Jackson wasn’t a doctor, wasn’t even someone who could probably give healthy advice, but he did feel like he should check on whoever was blabbering encase they were seriously hurt. Knocking on the door, he waited for a response but didn’t hear one. Giving up, he turned the knob and walked in to find a young man in the fetal position on the floor. “Are you hurt?” the guard asked. “Physically,” he tacked on, knowing there wasn’t a shit he could do about the mental part.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Oakley gasped when he saw someone in his room.  He didn’t know what to say.  He was just an injured animal.  “Die Narben.  Ich bin nicht perfekt.  Ich bin ein Monster,” he whispered to himself.  Running his hands over his arms he felt all the bumps and they hurt so badly.  The scars were still flesh and started to leak blood.  He kept rubbing as he repeated, “Nicht perfekt.  Nicht perfekt.  Nicht perfekt.”

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Cookies || Oakley and Danny

[danny-harper-blog]

Danny nodded. “Deal,” xe said, holding out xir own hand for a pinkie promise. It was a little bit silly, but xe appreciated that Oakley was showing that he really meant it. Danny meant it as well. Xe didn’t want to hurt Oakley on accident, especially since Oakley was xir best friend in the place.

“Well, as long as you ended up with friends, right?” Xe was trying to be optimistic about things. Xe could see where studying might be a problem, but as long as Oakley’d ended up with friends, things couldn’t be too bad.

Danny shrugged in response. “I deserved it. I did use up all the tissue paper and glue.” Xe put on a smirk. “Oh yeah, I did.” It was all false confidence; the other kids had pretty much ignored xem, since they’d been making their own projects.

Danny grabbed two spoons anyways. “I still think you should try it,” xe said. Xe’d never gotten sick from cookie dough before. Xe knew it could happen theoretically, but the odds of it happening were so low that xe hadn’t really cared to much. Danny scooped up a spoon full of cookie dough and put it in xir mouth. “Yummmm” xe said, savoring the taste of the dough and the chocolate. “It’s really good,” xe told Oakley, holding out a spoon for him in the hopes of tantalizing him into eating it.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Oakley smiled as they shook their pinkie-fingers.  It was a promise that they would keep with each other for as long as they lived.  Something that he had to commit to memory.

“Yeah.  I made more friends in kollege.  Ve alvays shtudied togezer.  It vas really nice to hafe friends to help,” he murmured with nostalgia in his eyes.  It was a lot of fun studying with his friends.  If he could he’d talk to them again but he never got their phone numbers before he left.

“But it vas for a good kause,” he chuckled.  Oakley would have found it very funny if he was in the same class and if he could’ve he would have helped make Danny look perfect.  But instead they weren’t even in the same country at that time.

Shaking his head the German laughed as he help up his hands to cover his mouth, “Really, I’d razer not.  I vant you to enjoy it.  Do some of zat quality kontrol for me.”  He hoped that Danny wouldn’t insist since he didn’t like cookie dough anymore.

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Midnight Date || Closed || Danley

[danny-harper-blog]

“Did you ride on the trains?” Danny asked. Xe knew they were commonplace in Europe, but xe’d only ridden on the lightrail a couple of times before. Americans loved having their highways and private cars.

“Wow,” Danny said. Xe wasn’t a huge fan of churches on principle, but even xe couldn’t ignore the beauty of cathedrals and old churches. They were gorgeous, with their ornate carvings and statues and soaring ceilings. And then with dark wood and huge, colorful windows… It was truly straight out of a castle storybook. Danny grinned at Oakley, although xe knew he probably couldn’t tell, so xe just squeezed Oakley’s hand back. “That’s so cool.”

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

"I rarely rode zee trains.  I only rode zem if I vas running late but zat vas not an occurrence zat happened often.  I usually drofe my car on zee Autobahn.  It’s a fery big highvay,” he explained.  Oakley missed driving to school everyday.  His friends that would study with him.  His parent’s support.  Everyone that loved him was back in Germany.  But Danny was right here beside him, looking at the stars with him.

“Yeah.  I lofe churches.  All of zem are so beautiful.  I hafe nefer seen a church I kan’t admire,” Oakley sighed.  If only he could go back there with Danny and not be cast out because of his sexuality.  Turning and seeing Danny’s grin he smiled back, “It ist.  But I’m happy to be here vith you.”

[jack-burrell-blog]

Getting to Know You|| Jack and Oakley

[jack-burrell-blog]

Jack hoped Oakley took his words to heart. It was easy to become trapped in a cycle of self-blame and low self-esteem. He’d seen it in many patients, where they became convinced that they were flawed and in turn hyperfocused on their failures and shortcomings to the point where they couldn’t see anything else.

“Does this intefere with your daily life or relationships with others?” He asked. Practice in and of itself wasn’t bad, but when improving became someone’s sole focus, it could be problematic. “And what level is that?”

[oakley-seeks-perfektion]

Oakley furrowed his brows at this question.  Did it affect his relationships with people?  “Um, I do not know.  I didn’t hafe many friends to begin vith,” he admitted.  He was mainly teased but did have some close friends.  Many acquaintances but only some people he would call close friends.

“I vant no one else to be able to beat me unless zey are professionals.  I vant to be seen as zee besht und seen as a prodigy,” the white-haired boy explained.

[merodeamente]

[sunst0ne]

you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

e.e. cummings (via sunst0ne)