But I Feel Celestial

Jess. 34 years old. Cat lover. Aspiring Interior Designer. Artist. Singer. Intuitive. Spoonie.Etsy & Society6 shops: ButIFeelCelestial

[adhd-hyperfixations-n-stuff]

doctors will be like “my degree is worth more than your google search” as if it’s some kind of flex that they went through years of school for this and are still less useful than the internet in finding out the cause of your symptoms lmao

[obsessiverobot]

“My love for you, Is not as deep as the sea, Nor as wide as the universe. It’s not static. It’s ever-changing. It’s not a pattern, Or a formula. It’s just there, growing. Whether we’re together, Or apart. It’s always growing. In such a way, That the world wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. Even if I could put it into words”

— (via poetbychoice)

[obsessiverobot]

“I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.”

— I repost this every time it comes up on my dash. Because I need this reminder several times a day. (via amandaq62)

[sunsetquotes]

“Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.”

— André Aciman; Call Me By Your Name

[obsessiverobot]

But now we are just friends again because he broke up with me and I have to live with him for 4 more months all the while being told he loves me but we don’t meet each other’s needs.

[nature-travel-photography]

Mt Rainier - A beautiful path under the stars (2048x1365) (OC) @jackfusco - Author: jackfusco on reddit

[tatianakawkaw]

Ghost pumpkin

[obsessiverobot]

My grandpa went to heaven on Monday 4/13/20. He was more of a father figure to me than my own dad. He taught me so many things including how to laugh and be funny. I just can’t believe I will never hear him say “where’s my girl?” when either of us would visit the other again, or hear him laugh, or have “special grandpa waffles” which really have no secret other than he made frozen waffles for me, or have him slip me money or a wintergreen lifesaver from his pocket when nobody was looking. He fought cancer as hard as he could but it never should have gotten that far, his original doctors did so wrong by him. He held on as long as he could for my mom and I. My Grammy is also in hospice with an inoperable brain tumor which is causing dementia and a rapid decline in her health.

The grief comes in waves, I’m pretty numb most of the time and nap when I can on my lunch breaks during the day. But sleeping at night has been a struggle, I can’t seem to stop crying or thinking of things I miss about him. We began clearing their house to be sold about a month ago and I have most of their living room furniture and my grandpas bedroom furniture and some blankets of theirs that have sentimental value. It’s difficult to be surrounded by their things, which are mine now I guess.. but know I won’t see him again or hug him again.

I just needed to get that out, I haven’t been able to say some of it out loud.

[frodo-sam]

[obsessiverobot]

So, this week I have an appointment to see if the pain management specialist will approve me for medical marijuana. I never really saw myself taking this step as someone who never even tried any drugs before in my life. But after everything I’ve been through and tried, my doctor and I finally came to the conclusion that this is the best option for multiple symptom relief and makes the most sense. I don’t respond well to medications, I’m very uncomfortable on them, I gain weight, have mood changes, or unpleasant side effects. I prefer a natural and holistic approach to my health. I’m really hoping this is the solution I’ve been looking for and will mitigate my symptoms enough that I can make some lasting lifestyle changes to help my body start to heal itself.

I know this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, but until you’ve lived in my body you can’t know how much it has taken to get me to this point. I’m about 8 years post diagnosis after living with illnesses but being told I was just depressed my whole life— and yet I’m still struggling to live my life without pain and other symptoms. So if this is something you don’t agree with, please understand this isn’t a decision I made lightly and I don’t need your criticism or input. At this point I only have room for support in my life, so be kind or be gone.

[obsessiverobot]

how are you? you haven't posted in a while

I have no idea when this was sent — probably years ago because I forgot my inbox was a thing.

But right now I’m doing terribly to be perfectly honest. I wish I could just be sedated for a while to take a break from this nightmare

[that-slytherin-over-there-deact]

Dr: But are you sure that this isn’t all being caused by anxiet-

Me:

*Disclaimer: this is not to shade anyone with anxiety. This is meant to shade lazy Doctors everywhere who can’t tell the difference between anxiety being a primary diagnosis and anxiety being a symptom of something else.

[chronicallyc]

A chronic illness phenomenon

I think there’s this weird phenomenon in life, specifically in the chronic illness community. It’s a place some of us get stuck in - the in between. A place where you’re too sick to function in the “able world” but at the same time you seem to healthy for the chronic illness world. You almost faint but you don’t. You’re always in pain but it’s relatively tolerable. You’re not bad enough to qualify for surgery even though you’d benefit. You forget everything but you don’t lose time. Your heart rate is too high to be normal but not high enough to be critical. Your BP is low but not THAT low. You try to find answers but seem relatively okay to doctors so they don’t want to run more tests. You’re stuck in a place where you almost wish you were sicker so you could get helpful treatment.

[obsessiverobot]

THIS

[alloverthegaf]

it’s wild sliding back into depression when you’re self aware from being through it before because your brain starts telling you all these mean things and you’re just like “wow we’re doing this again huh”

[fate]

via weheartit

[thesunflowerspoonie-deactivated]

I’m so sick of people telling me my health issues are “normal”. 

“Oh everyone gets that. It’s normal!”

No, it actually isn’t? 

People think, somehow, that they are helping when they do this. But all they’re doing is proving how little they know about invisible illnesses and how severe they can be, as well as shifting the blame onto me. 

By saying “that’s normal”, you are saying that everyone deals with that, and that everyone else can deal with it and “get on with things”, but I can’t. Essentially, they are saying I’m weak for not being able to “deal with things”, instead of acknowledging the reality, which is that health conditions are out of our control and that they can also be incredibly life-altering. 

Whenever I politely call someone out for telling me that “everyone gets that”, they always, without fail, act like a victim. “I’m just trying to help!”, they say, or even sometimes: “you just don’t want to hear the truth”. When, in actual fact, it’s them who doesn’t want to hear the truth? It’s them who keep trying to force disabled people into somehow, magically, being “cured”. Into being “normal”. 

Sometimes I wish able-bodied / neurotypical people would just stop speaking and learn how to listen. 

[itquiet-deactivated20240530]

[officialaudreykitching-deactiva]

‪At the end of the day it’s really just about being a good person. It doesn’t matter how you dress or what your hobbies are … It’s just about being a peaceful and compassionate person. That’s really it. Everything else is surface and irrelevant.‬