Obsidian Rat's Nest

[obsidian-rat]

January 7, 2023

The Fire breathing dragon (I knew, this was, in fact, a dragon that exhaled flame & not another misunderstanding because she tried to eat me once) was next on my list. I had to work fast in case word somehow got out about my attempt to raid the Frost dragon. I also knew that I shouldn't sneak around. This dragon was meaner & rarely left her horde alone.

I'd need to slay the dragon.

Being a talking Rat is beneficial in countless ways, but it makes me far more of a rogue than a barbarian, y'know? I wasn't going to scurry around & nibble her to death, I'd need to find a weak point to exploit.

I reasoned that the massive creature must eat a fair amount & if she never left her treasure for very long than food must come to her. She must have minions bringing her food. That's how I'd get to her.

Imagine my surprise when I got to her lair & discovered a full kitchen staff & legit dealings with restaurant suppliers & even farms to provide live animals.

I got to work modifying recipes. Increasing the amount of beans, cabbage, brown rice & other gassy foods. I also started feeding it to the farm animals she was going to eat alive. By the end of the day, the kitchen staff definitely knew what was going on... & were into it! We were stuffing whole cows with bran flakes. We had fun. When she started to bloat & complain about her stomach, everyone quietly & quickly left.

The blast could be heard from miles away.  

PrfffffftBOOM!!

Then the sound of gentle rain as teeny tiny bits of blown-up dragon fell from the sky. That part looked pretty metal, but was gross. With blood-matted fur, I scurried in & got as much still-warm treasure as my bag of holding could carry.

I washed the loot when I got home.

[obsidian-rat]

January 6, 2023

I was mostly surprised by the lack of cold in the Frost dragon's treasure chamber. It was chilly like a refrigerator, when I was expecting something more akin to a freezer. I got past the whipped cream golems well enough now that I was better prepared, but some jobs just seem cursed, y'know?

So the Frost dragon wasn't supposed to be there, but had forgotten his wallet & showed up, catching me loading gold coins into my bag of holding. I laid on the wit & charm as I eluded his claws & teeth... than it happened. He took a deep breath & said something that sounded familiar;

I felt it like being struck by an ice-cold concrete wall. I was knocked back several feet & was stunned. I could do nothing as I heard the sound of the dragons claws on the stone floor as he approached & loomed over me. Cold yellow eyes seeming to glow as he continued his assault.

This time when I landed, I could see a clear path under a couch I could use for cover on my way to a window. I ran hard, made it to the window & was on the sill when I felt another concussive wave hit hard enough to shatter the glass as I flew through it.

I must have lost consciousness. Next thing I knew I was In a snowbank outside of the dragon's lair. I still had my bag of holding & it still had the few coins I had managed to grab earlier...I think. I was ever meant, To remember or invent, What I did with every cent.

[obsidian-rat]

January 5 2023

There’s a special occasion coming up that I wish to celebrate by giving a gift to a certain Dragon I know. The best gift for a dragon is treasure, & the best source for treasure is other dragons.

I know of a place where a frost dragon has their lair. Dragons are no joke, so I did my homework first. Surveillance photos I hacked from the lair’s own security system seemed like a good first step. The pics looked like most of the dragon’s minions were snow/ice golems. Makes sense for a frost dragon. They’re strong but slow & dumb. If I stick to the vents & out of sight, I should be good.

Next time I’ll get video.

Not snow. Not ice. They were whipped cream golems. Semi-liquid horror. I barely made it out alive, & shall return better prepared.

[obsidian-rat]

January 4 2023

All denizens of the internet, even us partial ones, are invested in the general safety of our home. We all do our part to keep harmful forces at bay. Some of us have large antivirus farms, others seek out & put a stop to various online predators. My role is simple & more suited to my skill set. I scurry between the websites.

Today I delivering mail, maintaining the pathways, & doing what I could to protect travelers along the kaleidoscope of worlds connected to the internet. Being a fan of David Petersen, I dawned my dark green cloak & worked today's assigned post.

Sometimes worlds shift around some, so I was pleasantly surprised to find myself along the border of the Elemental Plane of Starlings.It may be noisy, but they definitely make you feel like a part of the community.

[obsidian-rat]

January 3, 2023

Nothing too adventurous today.

I woke up, raided a handful of local kitchen cabinets, paid my phone bill, and changed the oil in my mech suit (boy was that overdue).

In the evening I had Sherlock Holmes, Rick Sanchez, & Bill Nye over for drinks, fondue, & Trivial Pursuit (I did not win, but I did learn things).

Netflix & bed.

[obsidian-rat]

January 2, 2023

I find alien abductions to be exhausting & loosing blood to be... draining. As such, I was sleeping in when I received a visit from the ever-shifting form of the Prime Minister of Nightmares.

He/She/It/They brought me on a tour of mountains of weeping pickled cabbage representing my deepest insecurities. The forest of self-doubt riddled with the crawling things that lie to your heart were a nice touch.

Admittedly, He/She/It/They dropped the ball when we went to give a presentation in front of a college class that I hadn’t prepared for & was naked. Being a Rat, the wardrobe didn’t bother me. He/She/It/They made up for it when we fell into a bottomless pit while a dream version of Summer tried to tell me something very urgent in words I couldn’t quite make out.

We landed in a coffee shop I hadn’t been to in years that was also somehow the train I once took to Wonderland.Then we chatted over tea, it's nice to catch up with old friends.

[obsidian-rat]

January 1, 2023

Happy New Year!!!

Last year was hectic & kept me from posting very much, but some of the Mischief Makers spoke up & asked for my return. I scarcely think I’m worthy of such an honor, but they have spoken.

Nothing special to report. Nikola Tesla’s ghost was hosting a new year’s party & as always it was more than a little wild. I had my doubts when he said he wanted to start making electro swing, but it turns out he’s really talented.

I was having a wonderful time with the spirits of Ed Sullivan, & Jim Henson as well as vampire Alberta Hunter who kept making passes at me (awkward) when the exorcists showed up & the party was over.

Anyway, I was scurrying home when a UFO broke down in front of me. I figured the pilot had a little too much to drink at whatever get-together they were at & I offered my assistance. Just as i was splicing some wires together under the control panel (I could fit without having to take everything apart) they started the engine & just hovered in the upper atmosphere, refusing to return me to solid ground unless I lent them some blood for an experiment. I mean really, all they had to do was ask. I'm sure that won't come back & bite me.

[obsidian-rat]

Intro

Hi, I’m Obsidian

I am an autistic Roof Rat who was granted human-level intelligence & speech when my consciousness was enhanced with an AI & was uploaded to the internet. Now I’m sort of here & sort of there (it’s complicated).

It’s relevant to know that the internet is a lot (though not quite) like depictions of the multiverse as seen in movies. Lots of realities formed by billions of human minds all focused on the same concept at the same time, as they interact with it.

As a Rat, I can scurry in the spaces between worlds. Surreal “adventures” are fairly common. Sometimes they stick. I live in an infinite library run by a spider & her countless children. I’ve got a teenage foster kid, he’s a goat named Summer who will be off to college soon. I also live with my pet velociraptor named Mr. Bane who I adopted from the breeders from the original Jurassic Park trilogy.

There’s more, but I don’t want to hit you with too much at once.

I do have a small, yet loyal following on other social media sites called the Mischief Makers. I post Tarot/Iching readings almost daily as well as share my adventures.

It occurs to me that I’m already just this side of blogging, so I may as well go all the way. This is that.

linktr.ee/ObsidianRat