I just want to feel safe

The best we can do is keep fighting until it's over. We have to survive. All of us, together. ((Tags tracked: obsidianzealousy))

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #6

Som<3 shit is s<3riously not fucking making s<3ns<3 h<3r<3.

Th<3 past f<3w w<3<3ks hav<3n't b<3<3n too <3v<3ntful (sinc<3 Zigg<3<3's lusus di<3d that is), but som<3 w<3ird shit k<3<3ps happ<3ning.

First of all, th<3 riv<3r that runs und<3r Zigg<3<3's hiv<3 has b<3<3n looking muck<3d up. W<3'v<3 <3v<3n found body parts, lik<3 fucking arms and horns and shit lik<3 that. Just, s<3v<3r<3d limbs. And som<3 parts <3v<3n s<3<3m<3d to hav<3 thos<3 sam<3 bit<3 marks that w<3 found on his custodian and that uncool d<3ad s<3adw<3ll<3r bitch. It's making Zigs f<3<3l all sorts of un<3asy, not knowing what's going on upriv<3r pass<3d th<3 wat<3rfall. H<3 thinks it could com<3 to us n<3xt or som<3 shit.

N<3xt, my skin is on fucking FIR<3. Shit burns lik<3 th<3 flam<3s of th<3 fucking sun! I don't know what it is, but I'm br<3aking out with som<3 sort of rash or som<3 shit. It just k<3<3ps g<3tting wors<3. Zigs is trying to h<3lp m<3 out but h<3 can't figur<3 out what's causing it. It itch<3s all ov<3r my arms and l<3gs and <3sp<3cially my n<3ck which is hon<3stly putting m<3 r<3ally on fucking <3dg<3, making m<3 f<3<3l lik<3 I'm gonna flip my shit any s<3cond. It's a good thing Zigs knows how to chill m<3 out, oth<3rwis<3 I think I'd go on a fuckin killing spr<3<3, just to v<3nt. All th<3 rabbits in th<3 ar<3a and any unlucky trav<3lin troll would b<3 sp<3ar<3d in a b<3at of my bloodpush<3r.

Now, off of that subj<3ct, w<3'v<3 b<3<3n having difficulti<3s with th<3 TV, our husktops, and <3v<3n our phon<3s. It's only an occasional occur<3nc<3 but it's r<3ally makin it difficult for m<3 to k<3<3p in touch with my pals back at th<3 plac<3s wh<3r<3 I trav<3l<3d. H<3ll, som<3 of th<3m just flat out stopp<3d r<3sponding. Wh<3th<3r it's du<3 to th<3m g<3tting f<3d up with th<3 constant mom<3ntary int<3rruptions in th<3 conv<3rsation or it's... that th<3y'r<3 flat out tir<3d of talking with m<3... I don't know. That's r<3ally b<3<3n on my mind. It both<3rs m<3 not to know, but I'm <3v<3n mor<3 scar<3d to ask th<3m... I don't want to find out som<3on<3 thinks I'm a los<3r...

What<3v<3r th<3 r<3ason, I'm thinking about starting a m<3mo or som<3thing on trollian, and asking about what's up, b<3caus<3 th<3s<3 littl<3 tim<3s without conn<3ction ar<3 r<3ally hurtin on my r<3lationships with my pals.

[obsidianzealousy]

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #5

Alright, I think Zigs has calm<3d down <3nough for m<3 to g<3t in a quick updat<3 h<3r<3.

Som<3 shit's gon<3 down and th<3r<3's a bit of bad n<3ws and a bit of aw<3som<3 n<3ws. Gu<3ss I'll start off with th<3 bad stuff first.

Zigg<3<3's lusus is d<3ad.

W<3 found him th<3 oth<3r night by th<3 riv<3r. It looks lik<3 som<3thing tor<3 his throat op<3n or som<3thing. It was pr<3tty gru<3som<3, and how Zigs handl<3d it was <3v<3r hard<3r for m<3 to tak<3. Usually h<3 s<3<3ms so d<3tach<3d and n<3utral and shit but man... Wh<3n h<3 saw his custodian th<3r<3 d<3ad lik<3 that, h<3 totally brok<3 down.

Com<3 to think of it... I don't think I can <3v<3r r<3m<3mb<3r s<3<3ing Zigs in t<3ars b<3for<3. I was a bit sad for him too, sinc<3 his custodian was so nic<3 and prot<3ctiv<3 (unlik<3 my good for nothing shit of a lusus).

Aft<3r w<3 got back to his hiv<3, I tri<3d to comfort him a bit. I m<3an, it's th<3 l<3ast I can do right? I can't <3v<3n b<3gin to count th<3 numb<3r of tim<3s h<3's actually lit<3rally sav<3d my lif<3, so I ow<3 it to him to at l<3ast b<3 by his sid<3 wh<3n h<3 n<3<3ds som<3on<3 th<3 most.

This l<3ads m<3 to th<3 good n<3ws, actually.

Zigs and I ar<3 moirails now.

I was always a bit unsur<3 if I f<3lt r<3al pal<3 f<3<3lings towards him or if I f<3lt so worri<3d for him simply b<3caus<3 h<3's my clos<3st pal, but aft<3r y<3st<3rday, th<3r<3's no doubt in my mind. I sort of hav<3 this urg<3 to just, I don't know, k<3<3p him from n<3gl<3cting hims<3lf, k<3<3p him h<3althy. H<3's always d<3priving hims<3lf of sl<3<3p and food b<3caus<3 of his m<3ch work.

Wh<3n I sugg<3st<3d w<3 b<3 moirails th<3 oth<3r night, it s<3<3m<3d to hav<3 mad<3 him f<3<3l a bit b<3tt<3r. I wond<3r if that m<3ans h<3's b<3<3n f<3<3ling th<3 sam<3 towards me for a whil<3 or if it was just a spur of th<3 mom<3nt r<3alization. I'm rath<3r curious.

[obsidianzealousy]

"H<3y man, it's gonna b<3 alright. You'v<3 stll got m<3 and I don't plan on l<3aving any tim<3 soon. I'm h<3r<3 for you."

[medicallyequipped-blog]

"………..WherE CoulD HE BE? WhY Isn’T’ HE HerE YeT? It’S’ NoT LikE HiM TO BE LatE, LeT AlonE ThiS LatE… WhaT IF SomethinG GoT TO HiM? I ShoulD ProbablY GO SearcH ThE RiveR….."

-stands and starts walking alongside the river-

"—!!"

"O-OH MY GoD…"

"no…"

[obsidianzealousy]

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #4

I'm gonna k<3<3p this <3ntry short sinc<3 it's only a small littl<3 updat<3 on what's b<3<3n happ<3ning.

First off, I'v<3 d<3cid<3d to stick with Zigs for a whil<3 long<3r, until things calm<3d down again. H<3 told m<3 h<3 was worri<3d about what might happ<3n to m<3 if I w<3nt out trav<3ling again wh<3n things w<3r<3 so chaotic and t<3ns<3 b<3tw<3<3n th<3 highbloods and lowbloods.

Last night on th<3 n<3ws, w<3 found out that appar<3ntly th<3 <3mpr<3ss has d<3cid<3d to fl<3<3 Alt<3rnia du<3 to th<3 <3xc<3ssiv<3 amount of rioting by th<3 lowbloods conc<3rning som<3 sort of di<3as<3 that has b<3<3n spr<3ading. Th<3y'r<3 appar<3ntly angry that sh<3 hasn't don<3 anything to h<3lp pr<3v<3nt th<3 spr<3ad from continuing or som<3thing. I'm surpris<3d it got so out of hand that sh<3 actually l<3ft Alt<3rnia. Th<3y must b<3 royally piss<3d off for things to g<3t so h<3at<3d.

Wh<3n sh<3 l<3ft sh<3 also took along n<3arly th<3 <3ntir<3 fl<3<3t with h<3r for prot<3ction. I gu<3ss it mad<3 lowbloods <3v<3n angri<3r sinc<3 th<3 majority of th<3 fl<3<3t ar<3 highbloods and by l<3aving th<3y w<3r<3n't in dang<3r of g<3tting sick or som<3thing.

But on<3 thing l<3ad to anoth<3r and now th<3 highbloods and lowbloods ar<3 fighting <3v<3n mor<3 than th<3y hav<3 in sw<3<3ps.

I p<3rsonally find that r<3ally uncool. I don't r<3ally s<3<3 any r<3ason for highbloods to hat<3 on lowbloods. H<3ll, Zigs is a lowblood and h<3's my b<3st pal!

B<3sid<3s, w<3 all know what blood is th<3 chill<3st blood out of all cast<3s.

T<3alblood.

Cool<3st, fr<3sh<3st blood a troll could <3v<3r fucking wish for!

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #3

Ok, I'm dropping my quirk for this entry.

It hasn't been a week since my last entry, but I'm legitimately feeling just a bit too unnerved by some uncool shit going on around lately so I need somewhere to keep track of everything.

Today Zigs and I were heading over to his workblock and while we were walking from his hive to the building, we both caught this horrible stench on the wind. I nearly threw up from how badly the smell hit me and Zigs had to help hold me up for a short while as I gagged. I think Ziggee was bugged out by how close the smell was and he... as strange as it actually seems... wanted to go check on what it was. He doesn't usually do such a thing. When I asked him about why he wanted to he said he just felt like he needed to.

So I went along with him out passed his lawnring. We came across a horn on the ground. Not like, a clown horn or an instrument but an actual troll horn. The ones that grow on our heads. It looked like it could have been the one that loser seadweller had lost. It seemed to have violetblood on it so it had to be her horn. But we still hadn't found out where that smell was coming from so I tossed the horn aside and kept following Zigs until...

Oh god that smell... Just remembering it is making want to vomit, it was so horrid!

And to be honest, I actually just did. I'll have to clean that up after I finish this entry.

What we found was that same violetblood, dead on the ground. At first I thought she had just died and started to decompose there or something since her body looked bloodied and mutilated and I was about to say that it served her right but Zigs had gotten closer to take a better look... Hah, he actually looked kinda funny, his shirt was pulled up over his nose and he was holding it there to filter out the smell. But he said that it looked like something had been eating her. He couldn't figure out what it was though but that it didn't look like something any lusii in the area were capable of doing. He asked me if he thought maybe another troll had done this. That's what has me so freaked out right now.

...What other freak troll would go around eating its own kind!? I know our species is fucked up and full of some uncool asses but CANNIBALISM?! That's just... It's disgusting!!

That question just has me really shaken up, it won't leave my mind for some reason. And what's even worse. I have this feeling in my gut that it's actually...

That it's actually true.

I hope that I'm wrong. Anyways, I need to clean this mess up. Zigs is calling me to come look at something on the tv, he says it sounds important. It's about the empress or some shit.

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #2

Damn, I forgot to writ<3 down this w<3<3k's <3ntry. I kn<3w I wouldn't b<3 good at r<3m<3mb<3ring to do this journal thing. Oh w<3ll, it's not lik<3 a lot happ<3ns h<3r<3 at Zigg<3<3's. Oh, right, I'll b<3 staying ov<3r h<3r<3 for quit<3 a whil<3. D<3cid<3d I could us<3 a long<3r br<3ak from trav<3ling and just chill with my pal lik<3 th<3 good old nights wh<3n w<3 w<3r<3 wiggl<3rs.

But wait, now that I think back on this w<3<3k, th<3r<3 was som<3thing w<3ird that happ<3n<3d. According to Zigs it isn't usual for many trolls to com<3 across his hiv<3, so h<3 was a bit fr<3ak<3d out.

I think it was about thr<3<3 nights ago, Zigs and I w<3r<3 just chilling insid<3, watching tv and chatting it up wh<3n w<3 thought w<3 h<3ard som<3on<3 y<3lling. Zigs was pr<3tty shak<3n up by th<3 nois<3 so I d<3cid<3d to go ch<3ck out what was up. Wh<3n I st<3pp<3d outsid<3 though, I s<3<3 it's just som<3 stupid filthy s<3adw<3ll<3r!

Sh<3 look<3d lik<3 sh<3'd just gott<3n b<3at<3n up or som<3 shit (s<3rv<3s h<3r right for b<3ing such an uncool s<3adw<3ll<3r!) h<3r body was all bruis<3d up and sh<3 was bl<3<3ding from lik<3... <3V<3RYWH<3r<3 on h<3r fac<3. H<3r nos<3, h<3r mouth, <3v<3n h<3r <3y<3s! It look<3d lik<3 on<3 of h<3r horns was compl<3t<3ly torn off too b<3caus<3 sh<3 was bl<3<3ding from wh<3r<3 it would hav<3 b<3<3n.

Wh<3n I told Zigs that it was just som<3 s<3adw<3ll<3r bitch who'd gott<3n what sh<3 d<3s<3rv<3d, h<3 insist<3d on going outsid<3 to h<3lp h<3r. I was a littl<3 surpris<3d and mayb<3 just a bit... Off<3nd<3d? That h<3 would want to h<3lp thos<3 uncool s<3adw<3ll<3rs, aft<3r what h<3 saw th<3y did to m<3 as a wiggl<3r! H<3 was th<3r<3 wh<3n it happ<3n<3d! H<3 saw it with his own <3y<3s! In fact, if h<3 hadn't b<3<3n th<3r<3, I would hav<3 drown<3d and di<3d.

Y<3t h<3 still insist<3d on h<3lping h<3r. I don't und<3rstand why! I was abl<3 to convinc<3 him that it was just b<3st to not go outsid<3 and I lock<3d th<3 door. Not <3v<3n fiv<3 minut<3s aft<3r that w<3 h<3ar h<3r banging on th<3 door and crying, asking for h<3lp. I had to stop Zigs from going out th<3r<3, but sh<3 k<3pt crying and banging on th<3 door to his hiv<3 and I think sh<3 thr<3w up at on<3 point. Zigs had th<3 most pain<3d and t<3rrifi<3d look on his fac<3.

I gu<3ss I can't blam<3 him r<3ally. H<3's always b<3<3n a troll to h<3lp thos<3 in n<3<3d. I m<3an, that's what m<3ch build<3rs ar<3 suppos<3d to do right? H<3lp oth<3rs wh<3n th<3y n<3<3d n<3w limbs?

Aft<3r a whil<3 long<3r, th<3 banging stopp<3d and w<3 h<3ard h<3r scr<3am and cry hard<3r and h<3r voic<3 fad<3d out. I want to say that who<3v<3r b<3at h<3r up must hav<3 follow<3d h<3r and <3ith<3r dragg<3d h<3r off to finish th<3 job and kill h<3r, or sh<3 saw th<3m and start<3d running off. <3ith<3r way, good riddance. Sh<3 got what sh<3 d<3s<3rv<3d.

Zigs s<3<3m<3d pr<3tty m<3ss<3d up and confus<3d for a coupl<3 nights aft<3r that and h<3 s<3<3m<3d to b<3 list<3ning out mor<3 for anymor<3 scr<3ams, but tonight h<3 looks lik<3 h<3's back to normal. H<3 still looks to b<3 list<3ning for som<3thing though. I'm gonna go try to tak<3 his mind off of this shit so w<3 can g<3t back to just chilling.

Oth<3r than that uncool int<3ruption from that stupid filthy s<3adw<3ll<3r, th<3r<3 hasn't b<3<3n v<3ry much going on, so I'll <3nd this <3ntry h<3r<3. I'll try to r<3m<3mb<3r to updat<3 this on tim<3 n<3xt w<3<3k.

[obsidianzealousy]

Journal Entry #1

So, I gu<3ss I'll b<3 starting this... Journal k<3<3ping thing? I don't r<3ally know why, but I got th<3 sudd<3n urg<3 to. Mayb<3 I'v<3 b<3<3n watching too many romanc<3 movi<3s lat<3ly...

Nah, that's impossibl<3. You can n<3v<3r hav<3 <3nough romanc<3.

So aft<3r watching 'Th<3 Troll Not<3book' again I d<3cid<3d it wouldn't b<3 such a bad id<3a to start writing som<3 of my own thoughts down. Who knows, mayb<3 my Anc<3stor did som<3thing similar? I hav<3 y<3t to find anything of his or l<3arn anything about him, but I'm sur<3 that in no tim<3 som<3thing will show up. I b<3t h<3 was th<3 cool<3st fucking guy on Alt<3rnia though! Of cours<3 h<3 had to b<3! I'm th<3 cool<3st fucking guy on Alt<3rnia now. I b<3t h<3'd b<3 so fucking proud.

So l<3t's s<3<3, what <3ls<3 to writ<3? I gu<3ss th<3s<3 journal things ar<3 suppos<3d to b<3 a daily r<3cord of like<3, what happ<3ns in your lif<3 right? Damn, I don't think I'd b<3 abl<3 to manag<3 a daily thing with this. Th<3r<3's way too much for m<3 to do for that. Socializing, and fighting and what<3v<3r oth<3r cool shit aw<3som<3 trolls lik<3 m<3 do. Mayb<3 I'll mak<3 this a w<3<3kly thing inst<3ad?

Y<3ah. This will b<3 my w<3<3kly journal. Cool.

I don't r<3ally hav<3 much to writ<3 in h<3r<3 for today, but som<3thing is b<3tt<3r than nothing.

I'v<3 b<3<3n staying th<3 last f<3w days with my pal Zigs. It's b<3<3n a whil<3 sinc<3 I took som<3 tim<3 to com<3 chill with him, so I figur<3d I'd drop by. Nothing r<3al <3xciting has happ<3n<3d. Nothing usually <3v<3r do<3s wh<3n I'm h<3r<3 hon<3stly, but I <3njoy it anyways. Som<3tim<3s a cool guy's gotta tak<3 a br<3ak from b<3ing so aw<3som<3 for <3v<3ryon<3, you know?

So w<3'v<3 just b<3<3n chilling around th<3 hiv<3. I tri<3d to talk him into going looting with m<3 again, but h<3's pr<3tty hard to convinc<3 som<3tim<3s. <3v<3r sinc<3 I cam<3 back aft<3r h<3'd thought I was d<3ad, h<3 s<3<3ms a lot l<3ss willing to l<3av<3 his lawnring.

I wond<3r if som<3thing happ<3n<3d whil<3 I was gon<3?

I think that's pr<3tty much all I'v<3 got to say about today and I'm f<3<3ling pr<3tty <3xhaust<3d, so I think I'm gonna hit th<3 coon now and catch som<3 chill sl<3<3p.

[obsidianzealousy]

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Somewhere…… Safe.