Ready to Lead. Ready to Follow. Never Quit.

• JOSHUA ELI. O'CONNOR •id # 199635Navy SEAL || Patrol"We want to be in a situation under maximum pressure, maximum intensity, and maximum danger. When it’s shared with others, it provides a bond which is stronger than any tie that can exist."—Seal Team Six Officer

[oconnorjosh]

(Belated) Birthday Booze || Josh & Jeremy

[oconnorjosh]

jeremymatiu:

Jeremy understands the thrill of adrenaline. The need for it at times. After all — it was the defining characteristic of his youth.  One dumb, wild thrill after another. Jacking cars and crashing them were about as reckless as you could get. Josh’s trip beyond the walls was the equivalent to that. About as mature a thing to do. In the end: it’s already happened. There’s nothing Jeremy can do and go back to fix things. It’s not his job as either a SEAL or the man’s friend to baby him.

This is an isolated incident as far as Jeremy’s concerned. This whole advice dispensing moment he’s suddenly found himself undertaking is also another of these isolated incidents. Although this is something he’s a little more willing to undertake given the circumstances. Josh is definitely the softer, more approachable of the men. It’s almost an advantage — Jeremy could imagine half the people here wouldn’t believe it if they saw the sort of man Josh was when push came to shove.

Jeremy won’t say anything on the ‘too late’ comment because as far as he’s concerned: it’s never to damn late to ditch someone. Then again, Jeremy’s not exactly the right man for relationship advice. Anyone could see how much this woman’s managed to worm her way into Josh’s mind.It’s almost frustrating. Especially as every reason Josh gives for things being ‘fucked’ is a load of bull shit. Avoiding her is easy, if a woman’s ignored enough she’ll eventually stop caring. The Harvest? Jeremy can make sure to postpone that discovery.

It’s not complicated at all. Until Josh frets about her not making it back from Harvest — and oh boy has he gotten deep into this, not only balls deep apparently. It seems as though the soft SEAL’s only gone and softened up even more.

“What’s her name?” he asks with a bluntness that implies he doesn’t want to fuck around with this.

The rush of words left him almost tired but it was only after he finished that Josh realized he had actually said them. For a moment he felt self-conscious, almost embarrassed, to vomit so much about this, whatever it was, to his brother. After all, he had come to Jeremy’s place to celebrate him, to have a drink and be merry.

He had certainly not expected the conversation to turn serious. In fact, he wasn’t expecting to admit to it himself at all. There was something about being a SEAL that granted them some sort of thickness, ruthless outtake about certain things in life. They had seen horror right in their faces and came back alive. Just because no mortal wound stopped them didn’t mean it didn’t take a toll of them. It shaped their character, their personalities, their way of thinking, moving, being.

Somehow Josh had managed to escape all that by a hair. He still maintained a cheery personality most of the days, always up to lighten the mood when the air got too tense, find a way to get the other guys’ head out of whatever held them back even if it meant having them be annoyed by him. He was too much of a kid at heart to let it go, too much energy within him to be controlled. And, above all, he cared. He cared deeply.

“Brenner? Devyn Brenner, the patrol with the German Shepherd.” Josh didn’t hesitate to answer the other SEAL’s question. If not because he didn’t see a reason why he should then out of his uttermost respect not to answer someone with a rank like Jeremy’s. Even if he respected all the men equally, Wolf and Jeremy were different. Sometimes it felt as though he wanted to make one as proud as the other.

“You can say it, Matiu. You can say I’m being an idiot. I’m probably just drunk.” The blond snorted, leaning back against the couch. To say that he was probably drunk was merely an understatement.

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

Devyn couldn’t help but let out a hum of contentment when he pulled her closer to him. He was hungry, she could hear it – but the thought of leaving his warm embrace seemed like the last thing she wanted to do right now. Tightening her grip on him, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his breathing that matched her own perfectly. She vaguely felt the kiss along her forehead as she was slowly begun falling asleep in his arms. While she normally twisted and turned until exhaustion knocked her out – Devyn always slept like a baby whenever Josh was over and holding her. He made her feel safe, and the exhaustion of their recent activities and being on patrol overnight were making her eyelids feel heavier with each passing second. 

“Hm?” she mumbled when his voice tore her from the light sleep she’d fallen into as her eyes blinked open a few times, looking back at him. “No. Stay here,” she whined and tried to nuzzle her face into the crook of his neck before he rose and left her on the ground. “I’m cold now,” Devyn laughed halfheartedly as she let out a loud sigh and extended her hands towards him. Far too exhausted to do anything other than obey. Once she got on her feet, she barely had time to take a step in the direction of the bed before Josh picked her up and carried her to bed. “The knife and now this. Anything you want to ask me?” she teased, her lips brushing the skin above his jugular as she held onto him. “Only if you eat with me. Can’t you get someone to take your shift so we can have a nap together? You know I won’t sleep well until you’re here.”

Sleep came easy. For a man who literally spent the night with one eye open, always up at the faintest sound, alert, on his toes, sleep came easy whenever he spent it at Devyn’s. Granted, most of the times, like was the case now, was due to some physical exhaustion, not that he was complaining. It’s also why he preferred staying over instead of going back to the apartment he shared with his cousin. Not that he didn’t find the place agreeable but, if he had to choose, her bed was always a better option. Hell, even the kitchen floor where they found themselves was a better option.

A soft smile took over Josh’s features when he tried to move, the brunette’s eyes fighting to remain open as she simply nuzzled him. Perhaps the SEAL wouldn’t have minded it much staying there longer if he didn’t have a shift to take care of soon. His back would be a pain to remind him of it. “Come on, baby.” Taking her hands on his, chuckling at her complains, he brought her into his arm quickly. “Yeah, where’s Diesel?” Josh thought the question was funny in reply to hers, knowing very well was she was going for, but it also was an honest one. “I’m actually not in the mood for soup.” Leaving the bed to reach for the light switch before joining her again, pulling the covers over them, the man wrapped both arms around her. “Hmm—I could, but that’d raise suspicion.” He mumbled as her lips travelled his skin. “And if the guys start seeing I’m cutting on shifts to stay with you, then that won’t really make them like you any better.” He added with a smirk, tilting his face down to look at her. “But when I’m here you don’t sleep much at all.”

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

The knife was easy and safe. A way for him to ensure that she was protected when he couldn’t be by her side, and the smile on her face reflected her appreciation – only wishing there was something of her own she could offer him. He was a SEAL, he needn’t nothing more to protect himself and all Devyn really had to offer was… well, herself, which she hoped would be enough for him. That it was enough for him. “Is this where I threaten to cut your balls off if you ever wander off with another bird? Because if you’re feeling committed, I can always test that for you.” She grinned, her eyes wandering over him as she closed the space between the two of them. While she wasn’t necessarily the jealous type – she definitely wasn’t the type to threaten someone’s genitalia in order to ensure they remain faithful, therefore she could only hope that he knew her well enough to know that she was joking. Especially about something she thoroughly enjoyed just the way it was.

The curtains were rarely open to begin with, especially not when it was dark and she knew that Josh was coming over. Not feeling the need to publicize what she did in the privacy of her apartment to all the residents that lived within Ravenswood – though she believed that most of them would be envious. Running her finger along the scar that adorned his arm, the one she’d asked about that one night in the playground. A faint memory that would forever be preserved in the back of her mind, for it had been their beginning. How fitting. Touching the rugged scar, she let out a soft sigh when his lips began to travel along her flesh. How many times they’d kissed each others blemishes in hopes of remembering every curve and dip – to consume the pain and memories that remained beneath the skin of every scar. No matter how many times, it would never be enough.

Laying on the cold ceramic floor within his arms, Devyn laid still as she tried to catch her breath. Her eyes remained on the ceiling momentarily until she heard him speak and she sluggishly turned her body towards his. “You go reheat it,” the brunette mumbled tiredly, feeling no desire to move just yet. Wrapping her arm across his torso, she pressed herself against him as she closed her eyes. These were the moments she wouldn’t trade for anything in the entire world, when she could remain pressed against him without feeling any need to make up for the silence between them. The moments were she felt content and happy.

Josh simply pulled her closer in that one-arm embrace as his chest shook with a silent chuckle. He could feel his stomach growling but, as it appeared, neither of them felt like standing up. Just holding her close was enough for a moment, silence falling before them as his eyes closed, head tilted towards her with his lips pressed on her forehead. It wasn’t so much laziness that kept him from moving, nor was it tiredness. Neither of those traits could ever be said of the SEAL. But the fact that he felt at ease, lying there in her arms, in the middle of the kitchen floor, as though there was no such thing as the zombie apocalypse happening right outside their door. 

“You’re going to fall asleep on me.” The blonde finally broke the silence, whispering the words as he didn’t quite know wether she had already or not, their breathing matching each other’s. He opened his eyes just then to steal a look at her face. “Come on, I’ll take you to bed. You need your sleep and I need to get a shower before I head out on my shift.” That’s when reality hit them and, in some way, Josh welcomed it. Responsibilities gave them some sense of purpose, the routine made the time go by faster, as though there was some normalcy still left in the world. Careful as he stood from their embrace, the blonde pulled his jeans back up before he extend an arm to help Devyn back on her feet, only to swing his arms under her, carrying her bridal style back to the bedroom. “I can bring you dinner to bed, what do you say?”

[theharvestconfessions]

[oconnorjosh]

theharvestconfessions:

Ravenswood Text Radio From Last Night

[theharvestconfessions]

[oconnorjosh]

theharvestconfessions:

Ravenswood Text Radio From Last Night

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

Devyn was half expecting to wake up at any moment now. This entire month spend with Josh felt like some kind of fantasy that she had dreamt up because there was no nightmare that could compare to what stood outside of her apartment door. It was a dream she could escape to in order to make everything better for a little while – yet, he felt real. And admittedly, this felt like the realest relationship in her entire life. If this was a dream, she’d prefer to never wake up in order to live in this moment with him forever. It was such a childish way of thinking, but after seeing and experiencing so much negative – he was the only positive in the longest time. 

Rolling her eyes and hitting his chest with the back of her hand, the brunette grumbled as he continued to make fun of her. “You’re such a pain,” she sighed against the curve of his neck as she pushed herself against him when he began to take on the task of uncrossing her arms, making her laugh softly when she failed at keeping them together. “You’re giving me your knife? Some would say that’s a bigger commitment than giving me a ring.” Her eyes rose to meet his as she placed her hands at the back of his neck. Honestly, she didn’t really need his knife considering she had her own and a rather large dog who could tear a walker to shreds – though she never let Diesel approach them unless absolutely necessary, she would still use his knife. The thought of having something of his seemed quite appealing to her, especially something that could be used as protective and be the difference between her coming home one night or not. 

Her gaze followed Josh’s until it landed on the large German Shepard that kept staring at the both of them, perhaps because they couldn’t help but glare back at the dog. “The last thing you need to worry about it the dog,” Devyn mumbled against the soft skin of his neck, demanding his attention return to her. “Yeah?” She asked with a ghost of a smile as her fingers continued to wander over the exposed flesh. “Effective immediately.” His lips claimed hers and she eagerly returned the heated embrace, only to pull back shortly when he pealed her shirt off and dropped it on the ground. “A rule for the both of us, hm? I hope you closed the curtains.” The words left her lips as she reached out for him in order to pull him back towards her. Wanting to close the space between the two of them as quickly as possible. A sharp intake was taken when his lips skimmed over her neck, practically melting beneath the touch. No one could tear them apart from each other for she would fight whomever tried to take him away from her. For the first time in the longest time, Devyn was truly happy. Everything she’d lost and the disaster that loomed outside of these four walls were soon forgotten. They were the only two that existed in this moment and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“I take pride in that.” Josh exhaled rather than really forming the words with his voice at her proximity, the grin making his eyes glint under the dull kitchen light, victoriously grinning as she gave up and laughed when he uncrossed her arms. Her observations made him laugh, mostly because they rang true. “It is quite a commitment, but apparently I’m in the mood for those tonight. Make the best out of it while it lasts.” It also gave him some peace of mind, a light of hope that, worse came to worst, she’d have something, something to enhance her chances at survival. Two weapons were better than one, and knives were handier than guns when it came to it. Bullets came to an end, locks would get stuck. When the walkers approached you from behind, there was no time to get the gun, to take aim, to fire. The knife could save her life. He swallowed and let his eyes close, willing the image away, giving in to the effect of her touch on him. 

Not that Josh ever felt too conscious about his battle scars or the inks covering his skin but the way Devyn’s fingers trailed over them always managed to bring a chill down his spine. It was almost praising, ritualistic to some extent, just as he had come trace every freckle on her skin with his lips as though memorizing the patterns like the stars in the sky, a map that would always bring him home. “Those curtains should never be opened again.” The man murmured against her lips before his traveled elsewhere. Nothing else mattered. Not at that moment. It was just the two of them in that space and while the entire world outside faded, the room spiraled around them between heavy breathing and the heat of their bodies fusing together into one. 

Time became a nonexistent concept whenever they came together, which was often not the best of ideas if one had a shift to get to. Somehow they ended up catching their breaths on the floor, Josh’s head resting on his forearm as he stared at the ceiling, chest heaving, his free arm wrapped around Devyn. “We’ll have to reheat that soup.” It had been the first thing he had spoken in a while and though it probably sounded like a joke, the crease in his forehead showed how serious he was. When it was all said and done, the SEAL was hungry, starving even more so now than before it all started. 

[oconnorjosh]

(Belated) Birthday Booze || Josh & Jeremy

[oconnorjosh]

jeremymatiu:

At this moment in time, Josh’s behaviour is indeed nothing to be even remotely proud of. But it’s rare for him to fall into moods like this. Jeremy knows him well enough that this will pass. He can’t help but forgot how temporary it is because ‘There’s this girl.” Of course it’s a woman. They’ve never been a problem for Jeremy – he keeps his mind on the job and determined to not get involved with anyone. It came unsurprisingly easy for Jermey compared to others to not give a damn about relationships. He is not a naturally sympathetic man. Not the easy, friendly presence of Josh so really, no-one would really try to stick around. 

“ ‘Course he was,” Jeremy comments sarcastically, dropping the insistence he should have told Murphy where he was headed. He has faith it won’t be a problem if this moment of madness is cleared. If not, he can deal with it later. Josh, despite everything that says to the contrary, isn’t a stupid kid. He’s a SEAL and his brother for a reason. 

“You’re telling me this ‘cause I asked,” he pauses, a deadpanned joke following moments lately in a small attempt at keeping this light. Although if even Josh’s attempts to keeps things ‘light’ fails there isn’t a fucking chance Jeremy could ever manage such a feat,“This advice bullshite’s more your thing, kid. Don’t ask why I fucking asked in the first place.”

“I’d suggest never getting involved in the first place,” Jeremy says more so it’s out there on the record, that everyone is fully aware of Jeremy’s stance on relationships whilst they’re on a job. (Even if taking over Ravenswood and the general state of the world make his stance seem built on old rules of a society that no longer exists). He meets Josh’s hazy gaze with his own steady one, “Or you could bite the bullet and drop her completely.”

Neither of those options are the sort that would fly with Josh, though. Jeremy knows this, so with a resigned sigh that looks more like a lazy shrug  – he looks into the bottom of his glass, “As far as I’m concerned you’ve only got two options: Make it work or you drop her.”

Truth of the matter was Josh needed some time alone to think. He needed to sort his own mind for a moment, he needed the fresh air, the distraction. It was stupid to look for it outside the walls, to face some walkers to heighten his adrenaline and make him feel alive if just for another while. That’s what the world had come down to and there’s was only so much idle time a man like him could spend within the walls without going completely mental. 

The groan that escaped him was well intended to be heard, making his discomfort obvious to the older SEAL. It wasn’t so much that Jeremy ask but the fact that he gave his brother a reason to ask in the first place that bugged Josh. It just wasn’t how things worked between them. He was usually the upbeat one, ready to offer a hand, inspirational words, a light joke to make a serious situation less heavy on all of them. Perhaps he shouldn’t have hit the bottle as hard as he had that day— it would’ve save them both the trouble.

“Yeah, well. Too late.” There was a cynical tone in his words, the recent events at the gym much too vivid in his head to let him think of anything else other than the brunette in question. “Think I just got myself in the crossfire, there’s no way I can get out of this alive.” His snort was meant to lighten the conversation though he shifted where he sat, his fingers itching to wrap themselves around a bottle, anything really. It didn’t help that he already held the reputation of the soft SEAL to make Josh even more self-conscious about it all. 

“And then what?” Cracking his neck as he tried to release some tension, the blonde now leaned forward, arms resting on his knees as his hands clasped together. “If I drop her it’ll send everything to hell. Not like I can skip her much ‘round town, you know? Besides, I’ve been tryin’ta avoid her enough already and it doesn’t work. My fault usually. Then if I try and make it work, what’s to happen if I don’t come back from out there someday? Or if she’s called on a Harvest and she— she either realizes what’s going on and ditches me completely or, worse, doesn’t make it back? There’s only so much I can do, Jer. It’s just too goddamn complicated... why the hell did I get myself into this shit? But it’s too late... it’s too fucking late now.”

[theharvestconfessions]

[oconnorjosh]

theharvestconfessions:

Ravenswood Text Radio From Last Night

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

In Devyn’s eyes, Josh was invincible. While she knew that mentality would only come to bite her in the ass because of the peril that constantly lurked behind every corner – she’d seen how skilled he was during the invasion, even to the point of holding up a conversation with her as they killed Walkers. He was an asset and Wolf seemed to be a smart man. It wasn’t the fact that she assumed Wolf would do something if Josh tested the limits, but simply the fact that she’d only seen cold in the leader’s eyes. He could kill without flinching or remorse –she’d known it the moment she saw him. Then again, there was some form of love and affection when the SEAL’s were involved. Her features softened when Josh pulled her from her thoughts by tucking a strand of hair behind her ear – “You scare me the most too.” She confided, knowing how true those words were. Whenever he was around or the simple thought of him being in danger brought forth a feeling of helplessness and frenzy like nothing she’d ever felt before. She would go to the end of the world and willingly place herself in danger if it assured her of his safety. He held so much power over her, and she doubted he knew the magnitude. Frowning, Devyn pushed him away a little when he told her that she couldn’t kiss her way out from beneath a walker. Giving him the most unpleasant look she could conjure, though she could still feel a little pull at her lips. “Don’t you think I know that?” Scoffing, the brunette crossed her arms above her chest because it had been the same thing Jeremy had told her and she couldn’t help but feel ridiculous given the actions she’d taken to get herself out of that situation. It was an horrible reminder of how easily anyone could get trapped beneath a walker. How easily you could die with one simple mistake. 

Tilting her head to the side, she let out a content sigh that sounder too close to a moan when his mouth travelled down her neck, nuzzling his face against her skin and sending goosebumps along her spine in the process. “Hm. That’s true. Plus that’s a pretty sad way to go out in the middle of an apocalypse,” she whispered as her fingers lifted the material of his shirt and began to venturing along the expanse of his bare back, letting her nails dig into his skin every so often. The mention of the key brought a smile forth and she couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Yeah,” she nodded, her hand moving from his back to point out a small bowl she had placed by the door. “There’s one in there. Just make yourself known before you come in because Diesel will bark at you if I’m already in the apartment.” The smallest whisper of your name or the sound of your voice was sufficient enough to shut the animal up. Something she’d notice after her mother had come down to spend a week with her and was constantly barked at when she tried to stumble inside after spending the day at the shopping malls. Pressing her forehead against his, she pulled at the front of his shirt when his hands began to move up her legs, smiling at the soft moan that escaped his lips. Closing in the space between them as she slid closer to the edge of the counter to kiss him, she let out a soft groan when she was met with a sentence that was far too familiar. Glancing over Josh’s shoulder, she took in the dog who had his head up, attention solely focused on them. “He usually gets bored.” Whispering into Josh’s ear, she bit his earlobe for good measure. Lifting his shirt to let it drop in a pool at his feet. “I don’t think you should ever be allowed to wear a shirt in this apartment.” 

It made sense. It all made sense. Why Murphy had made it his own favorite pastime recently to tease him, making whooshing sounds whenever he walked through the door of their apartment in the morning. Granted, it all was often followed with a good ol’ throw of punches and tackling so familiar to them that not even his cousin’s trained dog seemed to be concerned about it. She scared him, terrified him, because he saw his own weakness in her eyes. He could’ve listened to Jeremy’s advice that one night a month ago, you can bite the bullet and drop her completely— but he would’ve been missing this. Her. This was by far the most dangerous of all missions and Josh jumped in with both feet, not looking back.

Her scuff made his chest grumble louder, trying and failing to contain his laughter regardless of the severity of the matter. “I think you know that. I mean, if you don’t, their breath will be enough to keep you from tryin’ta steal a kiss from the walkers...” His boyish grin only widened at the thought, pulling her back to him as he tried to uncross her arms. “I’ll give you my knife and you won’t tell a soul about it. It don’t hurt having an extra weapon in case you need it.” After all, he had plenty of his own, and access to more without it raising any suspicion. Close combat was his go-to technique but he had a tomahawk when it came to attacks that he used more than a knife. A knife he could live without, a knife could go missing without anyone noticing— a knife could save his life, and hers. 

Josh didn’t comment further on the key, a complacent smile on his features as his eyes followed her finger to the bowl. He knew the drill. He would be careful. It didn’t matter how well Diesel and him had bonded recently, the dog was still trained to protect her and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, he couldn’t really concentrate in much else at the moment other than the trail of her fingers on his back, her hitched breathing and soft moans against his lips. “Yeah, well, it’s kinda’ disturbing.” The blonde whispered against her lips, before tilting his head back to the dog who gave him a pointed look, Josh glaring back at the canine before his attention was brought back to the brunette who bit on his earlobe, smirking at her suggested dress code. “I can live with that.” He replied, pressing closer to the counter, claiming her lips again as his hands worked her zipper. “I can live with that being a rule for both of us!” Josh grinned as he discarded her own shirt, lips traveling now down her neck. There was no will in him to take her off the counter, the hunger so strong that he just wanted to take her right there and then, as if time was ticking and they couldn’t waste a minute more with words. As if there was nothing else to worry about but each other.

[byanangelinbluejeans-deactivate]

[oconnorjosh]

(Belated) Birthday Booze || Josh & Jeremy

[oconnorjosh]

jeremymatiu:

Jeremy was concerned mere moments ago. Now he’s pissed off. An extension in the end of being someone Jeremy’s decided is one of his but he’s nonetheless annoyed. The older SEAL’s expression returns to one usually reserved for errant children of Ravenswood: Not his brothers. Josh is on the receiving end of the look now, though, because he’s acting like one of the fucking children behind these walls.

While it is true every man who can proudly claim the title of SEAL is worthy of it. Can fend for himself. More than likely any of their team would easily survive outside alone. But it’s a risk. A completely stupid and unnecessary risk to head out alone. Jeremy’s all for privacy; for those moments were you don’t need another about; when you need naught but the silence of loneliness to think. Yeah he’s all for them but he’s not up for any of his brothers dying because of some ‘I need to be alone’ bull shite rom-com heroines would spout on about.

No matter the smile in his voice or the sheer obnoxiousness of his loudness in heavy silences Jeremy doesn’t go along with it. If Jeremy can tell something is up, then it’s enough to truly fuck with a man’s head.

“You didn’t intend on telling him?” Jeremy throws Josh’s words back to the younger SEAL. He doesn’t need to reword them to make it sound any more incriminating than it is. If it were for that random patrol man, Josh would have probably left the walls alone. Only now does he actually get to meet Josh’s eyes. Dulled with drink and something else making him sound borderline hysterical. 

The poor attempt at straightening up after Jeremy’s earlier observation is simply pathetic to see. Josh goes for the bottle and Jeremy snatches it away without a word. He doesn’t pour any more for himself, either. Instead he puts it next to him on the floor. Out of Josh’s eye-line and unless the other plans on standing up and leaning over Jeremy: he isn’t getting it anytime soon.

“You can plan the fucking party wherever and when ever you fucking want to, kid,” Jeremy speaks with a slow, tempered tone because he’s ready to lose it if Josh doesn’t start cooperating soon, “Right now, you’re little field trip does matter. You’re out of it — and I obviously don’t mean the drink before you start on that shit again.”

“If I need to lecture you about trips out of the walls by yourself then you are not the man you always have been,” Jeremy does continue to sip at his drink, though. Simply because Josh has taken too the bottle too hard doesn’t mean Jeremy can’t play catch up. And take the moment pause to sip and consider his words. Josh was more the sort to offer pep talks. To bring the other’s (and himself) out of corners they thought themselves into,“If you don’t want chit chat on your adventures: take me with or, better yet, take Braxton.”

“Talk. Tell me what’s got the kid drinking away his feelings like a chick with a tub of Ben ’n Jerry’s.”

It doesn’t take much for Josh to see the mild disappointment in his brother’s eyes. It becomes obvious as he starts clearing his throat, looking away unable to hold the other man’s gaze for long, knowing his behaviour was not something to be proud of. His drinking habits seldom took such an effect on him, mostly because he was already cured of the heavy liquor intake and also because he knew how to pace himself, control his thirst. It was only on special occasions as celebrations that Josh would let himself take more than he knew he could handle or— once every other full moon, drink on what was troubling his mind.

“He was busy.” It was a lousy excuse but true nonetheless. Even if it was also true that Josh had not made his intentions explicitly known to his cousin when asking him what he was up to, Murphy was up on a shift and he wasn’t going to take him away from his duties. The younger man frowns when the bottle he was reaching for disappears from his eyes but he doesn’t comment any further. Instead, it’s replaced with his now empty glass taking the spot where it once stood followed by the release of a long sigh as he sits back against the couch.

A hand runs down his face, leaving a red patch where it touches, rubbing his eyes and raking his fingers through his blond hair. The tone in Jeremy’s voice is enough to bring sense into him.

If I need to lecture you about trips out of the walls by yourself then you are not the man you always have been.

“You’re turning the tables on me, man. It’s not cool.” It was a weak attempt to lighten the mood, to make the tension dissipate, to distract the SEAL from instigating further into his brains. Josh was the one who usually took the mentoring position, the shrink who asked the questions and offered unwanted advice. A cynical cackle escaped him at the offer, picturing either Jeremy or Braxton walking alongside him on his next trip out. “If I take one of the dogs, will you let me be?” A smirk tried to take shape on his face but faded quickly, his face wrinkling as he tried to deny the other man’s next comment.

“That’s a bad stereotype, you know? Some chicks go for the bottle too!” Meeting Jeremy’s eyes then, the SEAL’s face as stoic and unfazed as usual, Josh simply gave his eyes a roll—mostly to himself. “There’s this girl. She’s pissed at me. Don’t ask me why. Beats me. Thing is—she’s a problem, man. Cause she’s there. Always. Constantly. Usually we would get the hell out on a mission before anything serious ever happened with a girl, ya’ know? Or if I wanted to avoid them, well, it was easy—not like we were herded inside some goddamn walls back in the good ol’ days. I can’t have a distraction, Jer, but she is and you know what’s he most fucked up part of it all? I shouldn’t give a fuck if she’s pissed at me or not but I do. Hell—I’ve even lived with girls longer than this before and there are some whose name I can’t even remember! And I don’t know why I’m telling you this cause you’re the last person who wants to hear ‘bout this sort of shit.”

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

An hazel gaze fixated on him when he cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along her lower lip, bunching his shirt up in her fists to bring him closer to her. This entire thing may have been a mistake considering they always seemed to forget the entire world around them whenever they were in each other’s presence. They resembled teenagers whom couldn’t keep their hands off of each other which could have been adorable – had they not spent most of their time fooling around as opposed to patrolling like they were supposed to. It was a miracle that they hadn’t gotten caught yet. “I didn’t think you were scared of him. It’s not like he’d do anything to hurt you.” Glancing down momentarily, she let out a small sigh in regret. “I picked up a pipe and he took out his knife, thankfully I moved at the last minute and it cut my arm instead. Then I threw the pipe at his head.” She almost laughed. “I also kissed him.” It was better for her to tell him right away because there was nothing to hide. “He had me pinned down and I couldn’t move so I distracted him the only way I could.” No details were needed other than it being a method to distract him until he released his hold on her. “It was a while ago.” Stumbling back at the intensity with which he kissed her, Devyn pushed back against his form and matched the embrace. Hard and Passionate. Every touch felt like shocks running down her spine, waking her up and making her feel alive. 

Bitting her lower lip, she let her gaze flicker between his azure one and his tinted lips as she nodded her understanding. Everything was complicated. But luckily humans were creatures who could easily settle and accommodate to new situations. They would find a way to make it work. “I don’t care,” she breathed against his skin. All that mattered was that he was here, and he was hers. Everything else could be pushed aside for the time being, and even she had to admit that everything seemed a little less scary with him by her side. “You’re mine,” she tested the words on her tongue and instantly grinned wide. Rolling her eyes when he mentioned True Blood, she shook her head because of course he would be the one to make a reference to a show that no longer existed. “That’s fine. I’ll keep you just the way you are, but I’m not opposed to you getting a tattoo on your lower back or ass saying that you’re mine. If you ever feel the need to get inked again.” She knew he had tattoo’s and exactly where they were on his body – even what some of them meant to him. She’d spent hours tracing the patterns along his skin while he remained asleep beside her, studying both his face and the designs that were etched into his skin. Memorizing every curve and detail. Scoffing, Devyn pulled away to look at him for a moment. “I’m not putting a strict rule on it – besides, I doubt we’ll ever need rules when it comes to that.” They’d probably need to set some ground rules on where and when they could get lost within each other considering it was starting to get a little out of hand. Even to the point where she’d pull him aside whenever they crossed paths outside of their apartment. They were bound to get caught eventually and the last thing she wanted was to get Josh in trouble. When he turned them around so she was pressed against the counter, she placed her hands on either side and hoisted herself up before pulling him towards him. “One day at a time,” she murmured her agreement against his lips before taking his lower lip between her teeth.

Josh was not one to be scared of many people. It was not so much fear he had towards Wolf but an exalted respect to the man he venerated. In many ways, Wolf was not only his boss and leader but the one person who gave him a second chance, someone who believed in him, someone who had shown him, even when his back had tuned against the men, that they would be there come what may. It was enough for him to vow his blind loyalty to him and what he stood for, to go out there in every mission, giving his best, not blinking once when his own life was in peril if it meant protecting the rest. His eyes shone with all the affection he held for the man and his team members, a side grin displayed on his lips as he reckoned her words to be true. Hurt had a different meaning, and level, when it came to them SEALs, but Josh knew Wolf wouldn’t do anything to deliberately hurt any of his men. At least not something he knew they couldn’t handle – which was already more than the average person could. Pushing a strand of her behind her ear, the man simply shrugged. “I’m more scared of you, if you must know.” He was only half joking. The effect the brunette had on him was unnerving, unprecedented and addictive. If there was something to be scared of right now, it was that. Her. Them. His eyes shot wide open as Devyn narrated the events with Jeremy. His head tilted back as he studied her face; there were no words coming to him. He wasn’t angered at neither of them but more surprised and shocked, still lightly recovering as the taste of her lips settled on him. “You can’t kiss your way out from under a walker, ya’ know?” It was the only thing he could think of then, a breath coming out of his nose in amusement and a soft shake to his head.

The inks marking his body had been meant to serve as a memory, as a way of keeping him grounded when he was out in the pits of Hell fighting for causes and facing terror. It was the symbol of brotherhood, the names of people he cared for, wanted to lived up to, were waiting for his return. Were him to ever go astray, to get lost, to lose all recollection of things, they would remind him of who he was, or who he lived for. His country. His brothers. His family. Josh smiled against her skin, taking in her scent and letting his lips brush on soft flesh, nuzzling the side of her face and down her neck teasingly without putting too much pressure. “I would if I didn’t think getting a tattoo these days would kill me faster than being bitten.” The man admitted, his head lifting the moment she pulled away. His look took a mischievous turn then, arms wrapping tighter around her to prevent her getting farther away from him. “So, do I get the key then? I mean, four nights a week and such…” Part of him feared Murphy’s pup would end up taking ownership of his bed, the other couldn’t care any less. Josh wasn’t able to hold a good night’s sleep on most occasions until recently, and mostly when in her arms. Their bodies inverted position. For a brief moment, he thought he had gained he control. It was short lived as the brunette pulled at him, claiming his lips, making him comply with her every unspoken desire. He could only moan his agreement in reply, his eyes heavy on hers, filled with lust and hunger, his hands venturing up her legs. “Diesel’s watching—“ His words were low but firm, and there was no trace of humour behind them.

[oconnorjosh]

devynbrenner:

A sly smirk touched her expression when the image of what had occurred in the training room were conjured. A moment that would forever be seared on the inside of her mind, and she couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought. “Maybe we should sneak out in the middle of the night this time, that way we won’t be bothered. Then again, the possibility of being caught isn’t a bad thing either.” Her brow rose, giving him a daring look with a mischievous grin etched across her features, making the dimples in her cheeks appear. They were trapped in a small town – and when the patrolling was done, there wasn’t much else to do apart from getting drunk. No one would blame them if they decided to find a little fun in other forms of physical activity wherever they could, right? It would keep them in shape, after all. Hadn’t she read somewhere that sex helped with burning off calories? While she was certain they weren’t even getting their normal daily intake of calories, she didn’t take wasting a few more would do much harm. “Wolf scares me and Jeremy tried to stab me. You taking it easy on me doesn’t sound half bad now that I think about it,” she murmured. Whether Josh took it easy on her or not, she knew that he would do everything to keep her safe as she would do for him. Therefore, whether he took it upon himself asked her to train with someone else – there was no doubt that his decision would be made with the best of intent. And she would listen to him. A small quirk of her lips was given when he kissed the palm of her hand as she kept her gaze on his, studying his expression. How had she not realised before that she loved him? It felt ridiculous to her now, and so painfully obvious. “Good. Because I love being your distraction. I love being your everything.” 

Laughing when he echoed her words, she knew that no matter how crazy this was, she wouldn’t be giving it up for anything. Now that she had a taste of what it felt like to be in his arms and waking up to him every morning – there was no way she could walk away. She loved him. Letting her hands skim over the fabric of his shirt until her hands rested at the back of his neck when he pulled her closer to him, she let out a soft hum. “It’s worth it though, right? I know it’s going to complicate a lot of things – and we’ll probably go crazy because of the constant worry. But I think being with you is worth it.” Her fingers played with his hair, running her fingers through it and tucking any unruly strands of blond hair behind his ear. Making a show of thinking about his last question, Devyn pushed against his body until he was pressing against the counter. “Well, first off, I’d want you to say you were mine. I think that’s a very important requirement. Maybe I can even make you a necklace with the words; ‘I belong to Devyn Brenner’ on it.” She laughed, toying with the neck of his t-shirt before continuing with the plans she had in mind. “Secondly, you’d have to sleep with me at least four times a week – and that doesn’t involve sex, but I am expecting sex at least twice a week. Minimum.” Bitting her lower lip as she thought some more, she glanced back at him for a moment. “I think that’s all for now.” Whispering, she moved closer and trailed her lips along his jaw, nipping playfully at the flesh every so often until they found his own lips. “I love you, Josh,” she breathed between soft, teasing pecks. “So what do you say? Do we keep this simple and easy or take the leap and complicate the fuck out of everything?”

“I do living life on the edge.” The SEAL replied, matching her tone in a dare as the images started fogging his head. The brunette called on that playful side of him, one that was never too far out of reach but that the heaviness of responsibility constantly pushed to the side. Perhaps they should slow things down. If there were any indication on just how fast this entire thing had been going since the beginning was their little confession at the end of the conversation. It seemed as though neither of them took the time to think of the consequences their lust and inability to keep themselves off each other could bring to a world such as this. They were both equally blinded by the effect the other had in them, this carnal desire that was impossible to satisfy no matter how much nights –and days—they spent together, tangled in between the sheets, covered in each other’s sweat. Her murmur caused the blond to grip her hand, holding it firmly but carefully as he retrieved it from his face, frowning as he searched into her eyes. “Wolf scares me too sometimes but, what do you mean Jer tried to stab you?” He knew his brother to be ruthless and harsh in his training but he had never given it too much thought. After all, they all were. A little blood was bound to come out in training every now and again, but never was it supposed to be intentional. His free hand reached to take hold of her chin, his thumb pressing against her lower lip as he pulled it down softly. Her words earned a grin from the man before he plunged forward to bring his mouth to hers. His everything. The idea had yet to settle comfortably in his head. In the life he led, having anything or anyone other than his job be his everything entailed a certain death… but he had never felt more alive before.

They could cling into each other in this embrace for hours and Josh wouldn’t have minded. The trail of her hands along his chest before settling on the back of his neck left a tingling sensation that was now all too familiar, the hum that vibrated through her felt rather than heard in his own skin. “Things are already way too complicated, Brenner.” His voice was low, raspy out of his throat alongside a small grunt that made the effect her movements against him had on the man obvious. It would’ve been impossible to catch a man like himself off guard, to push his body so easily as Devyn had had him not let her, had she not been enough of a distraction to make him loose his footing, go weak at the knees, pant for breaths. “You sound like those guys from True Blood now.” Josh grinned, his hands gripping her thighs as she pressed against him, keeping her close. “I’m yours. You know that. I know that. Let the whole world know that. Let’s just leave the tags for Diesel.” The only tags he’d wear are his military ones, a constant reminder of how easily his life could end and those metal labels were the only thing that would identify him as Joshua O’Connor someday. His eyebrows raised at the second part, lips hanging in the shape of an ‘o’, as if considering it. “Expecting sex at least twice a week?” That was more than they would go on 48 hours during most weeks. “Don’t put rules on sex, babe. You’re taking the fun out of it.” His words came almost as a whimper, his laugh silenced by a moan as her lips trailed his jaw. It was still so foreign to hear the words, but the mere sound of them made his eyes darken in colour as he took hers in. “I’ve never been one to back off.” Hoisting her up into his arms, the blond was quick to change their position against the counter. “I say let’s do it. Why the fuck no? One day at a time, right?”

[devynbrenner]

Frowning when Josh pulled away from her lips in a teasing manner, she shook her head and gave him a look of warning as she rose her hand to place it behind his head. Of course she was the kind to take matters into her own hands when she didn’t get her way. Grinning teasingly, she pressed her lips against his for the length of an heartbeat – before he could even register the kiss she had stolen, she pulled away from him. “You want to train me? We’ll have to go to the training room, but I’m up for it. I’m kinda curious to see what you got.” Some part of her doubted that Josh would give her everything he had – then again, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d surprised her. Lifting his shirt with her hands at his back, she let her fingers skim over his muscular back while she stepped closer to him and placed her forehead along his chest. It had been a long time since she’d allowed herself to be intimate with someone. Even rarer for it to be consecutive, while she would normally dabble with one night stand’s – this, whatever this was, wasn’t something she’d ever expected to happen. Surely not when everything around her was falling apart day after day. It made things harder and more complicated, but every moment spent with him was worth it. A wide grin spread upon her features as she looked up at him with a glint in her eye, “Is that so? That doesn’t sound half bad. And who knows, maybe round two in the training room is needed.”

Whether or not she was aware of it, the thought had been one that had plagued her consciousness for quite some time now. Especially after the last invasion where Diesel had remained barking in her apartment. What would have happened to him had she never returned? It was thought she’d dismiss with the knowledge that she would always return to him – but her fate, more often than not, was never entirely up to her. Letting out a small sigh when his finger skimmed over her cheek and she instantly relaxed beneath his touch. Devyn gripped the front of his shirt to pull him closer to her. Her eyes met his when he vowed he would take care of Diesel, she nodded her thank you before pressing a hard kiss to his lips. It meant more to her than he would ever know. The German Shepherd was just that… a dog, but to Devyn, he had been the one to save her in more ways than she could ever explain. “You can’t promise that, but I hope you’re right.” Lifting her hand to the side of his face, she ran her finger along his lower lip before letting out a small sigh. That was enough dwelling for one day. The thought of him tearing something off of her was quite appealing, and her face said as much as she wiggled her eyebrow to show her satisfaction with his words. “Watch it there, babe. We probably won’t eat anything if we keep this up, and we’ll waste another can of delicious food. You’re such a distraction – it’s not even fair at this point,” she scoffed with a shake of her head.

Devyn paused, worry instantly lining her expression when he remained quiet. Almost as if he was trying to understand where her words were coming from. Swallowing thickly, she refused to allow the thought of jumping the gun a little too quickly enter her thoughts. He loved her, he had said it. Her brows furrowed when he began to apologise as she shook her head, but remained quiet. There was sorrow in his expression and she knew that he wished he could tell her – but this involved their earlier pact about him being unable to tell her certain secrets that involved his teammates. “It’s okay. I’ll figure it out. I mean.. I can train, right?” Her eyes searched his, running her fingers along his cheeks in hopes of pulling all the worry from his face. While she wasn’t sure what this secret was, she knew it must have been bad. In the end, she would have to make due with the little answers that she received – at least until it was her turn to face whatever was out there, and she only hoped that she would make it back as well as everyone else that left with her. For now, she would content herself with the thought that these deaths had been a mistake on the deceases part, and wait for the other Harvest to see whether the people who left came back. For now. She would content herself with that. Exhaling a sigh of content when she heard his next set of words, she couldn’t help but shrug. Devyn didn’t know when she’d initially fallen in love with the man before her. Perhaps it had happened within the last few minutes – or the first time waking up to him, or the moment she’d realised that Diesel had fallen in love with him as well. Perhaps it was an evolution, and those little bits had made her love him more. Either way, all she knew was that she did, and she couldn’t envision herself without him. “ I don’t think so. It doesn’t matter,” she whispered softly. All that mattered was that that they did, and they were together. A part of her had thought of walking away because of the frustration and anger she felt towards his secrets, and she hadn’t been sure if she would have turned back around. But now, she knew that no matter what occurred between the two of them, she would always come back to him. “This is crazy,” she breathed with a shake of her head. More so the fact that they’d found love during the worst of times. But even she had to admit she’d never felt this way about someone – and no matter the time they had together, she would cherish every second of it. “Does this mean I get to keep you?” 

[oconnorjosh]

Once the question hung in the air, Josh took the matter into a more serious consideration. He would train her to the best of his extents if it came down to it, if he had to do it, he would exhaust her in the training room like he would anyone that was assign to him and put a little effort into the training. He would make sure she was capable of stepping out of those walls without him having to worry that she wouldn’t be able to handle what she would be facing out there. He would push her and strain her and make her beg for a break if it meant she would survive. But the truth is that hurting her would pull some strings between them. Even if accidentally, he knew hurting her would take a toll on him psychologically. “I wouldn’t mind taking you back to the training room—“ The blond shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips at the memory of the last time they had found themselves there, over a month ago, banging on the door as people tried to come in, his body pressed to hers while her legs clung to his waist, nothing but gasps of air and grunts and moans filling the air between them. “But there’s no better trainer here for you than Wolf. He did train us all, you know? It’s greatly because of him we’re still alive so I’d rather you stay with him… but I can teach you some tricks.” If it meant she’d have an advantage over everyone else were she to be called for the Harvest… the blond shook the thought away, focusing on the way her grin made the dents on her cheeks deepen, the sight never ceasing to mesmerize him.

Josh was never one to give promises he couldn’t keep, but when he was first deployed he had promised his aunt he’d return, he promised her he’d bring Murphy back safe and sound, he’d promise they would see each other again. For years, he kept that promise to heart, even if it wasn’t all in his control. It wasn’t so different to the promise he had offered Devyn, a safety that wasn’t his to give, to ensure. There was only so much he could do to keep it, but by God, he would no matter what it took for him to keep the promise. Leaning his face instinctively towards her touch had become a norm, a hand cupping hers on his cheek as he turned to press a kiss on her palm. It was the least he could do, he reckoned, being realistic in weighing in the possibility of either one of them not making it. He would ask her to look after Murphy if he didn’t make it but he swallowed the words instead. His cousin had the other men to take care of him, but he’d hate to see his cousin close in on himself. Josh was the one keeping the rest of them mildly human, in a way, and he worried that, would he be absent, they wouldn’t have anyone to cheer them up if needed. “I like being your distraction—God knows you’re mine.” It was an obvious fact, one he had started to worry about, particularly during patrol shifts. There was a reason why he had tried hard to make it so that they wouldn’t coincide at it as often, though it was inevitable at times. They could get lost in each other so easily that safety was thrown out the window.

Part of him was still not used to being this vulnerable in front of someone that was not another SEAL. Even in their intimacy, it still terrified him to know she was quick to learn his weaknesses, that he was willingly letting her in and giving her the advantage others lacked of knowing what ticked him of or how to make him succumb to her pleads. The way Devyn looked into his eyes let the man know she could see past his façade and deeper than the words he spoke would let her. A light nod in gratitude to her understanding made a few blond strands fall on his face, his fingers quickly pushing them back, raking his head as if to ease his thoughts. Falling in love wasn’t part of his plan, not then and definitely not now. It just didn’t work for him. Women couldn’t understand the demands of his job and all the secrecy it entailed, not liking being left in the dark, nor did he ever put so much effort in making it work. Love was a weakness, a distraction. If he survived his years of service, perhaps then, he would’ve given it a chance. But the thought always lingered there, of letting someone in to see just how messed up he truly was past the joyous exterior he put up, it was unnerving. “It’s crazy as fuck—“ He grinned, accepting it how it was, that the words had been said and the feeling was real, as if by speaking it, even if without realizing it, it took a stronger meaning, it concretized. Pulling her closer to him as his arms wrapped around her lower waist, the curve on his lips never quite faded but simply took a slightly mischievous shape. “Keep me… depends. What are your plans? What are you gonna do to me?”

[devynbrenner]

She believed him. Devyn had mentioned the importance of appearing strong amidst a group of people whom were both physically stronger and larger than she was. While she may not have been able to hold her own in the same department as them, what she lacked – she liked to think she made up for in other ways. “Okay,” she smiled, moving towards him and lowering his hands. “I believe you.” He wouldn’t have told them to take it easy on her because he knew how upset that would make her – and how much of a disservice that would be to her whenever she was faced with a life or death situation, which, unfortunately, seemed to be happening a lot more than usual. Though, it was his next sentence that got a reaction out of her in the form of a perked brow and curious expression. Moving closer still, she wrapped her arms around his torso and took a moment to scan over his expression, smiling softly at how lucky she was that he’d chosen to take up his free time with her. While she was certain many other girls would give their arms for a few minutes with him. “Into our own hands, hm? I like the sound of that but I think that between all of the SEAL’s —you’re the one who would take it the easiest on me,” she whispered against his lips, pulling away before the moment turned into something a little more heated. They had food on the oven, and no one could spare wasting anymore of that. 

Frowning, she gave him a pointed look that creased the area between her brows. “You’re ridiculous – It’s not even that bad. Stop whining,” she teased as she walked past him and brushed her hand over his torso. The food they lived on wasn’t the best, but she figured that it would only get worse with time. Eating bugs and killing your own food were only a few years away and even she had to admit that she wasn’t looking forward to it. While it could have always been worse, having to watch an innocent animal die for your survival never sat right with her. Perhaps it was why she had barely fired her gun as an officer – only if absolutely necessary/ Her attention was stolen away from Josh and shifted towards her puppy that rose his head when hearing his name. A grin played at her lips, “You’ll always be my favorite, Diesel.” Assuring her dog, she watched him lay his head back down, though his eyes remained focused on them. “Babe,” she chewed on her lower lip as she glanced down for a moment, “You’d take care of him if something ever happened, right? You’d do that for me?” Her eyes couldn’t even rise to look at Diesel, the thought alone made her eyes prick with unshed tears. Taking a deep breath to contain herself, she finally met Josh’s azure gaze with a pleading look on her face. Diesel held the same meaning as a child would to his mother, and he was just as much work. But if something happened, the thought of him being abandoned in her apartment while he wasted away made her sick. But within a few seconds, her facade cracked when he confirmed that he loved her food – which earned him a roll of her eyes. “You’re such a bad liar. You eat it because you don’t want to waste food.” She grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief at the mention of tearing his uniform off of him. “Fuck the Harvest. I should be allowed to tear anything I want off of you. You should – I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t.”

Devyn paused momentarily when she heard him begin to describe how they’d all seen horrible things, and for the life of her, she couldn’t muffle the chuckled that escaped. It was flat, devoid of any amusement except disbelief – which reflected on her features. She couldn’t believe he thought that way, that everyone could handle death the same way the SEAL’s could. “We’re not all like you. Some of us can’t just sweep that kind of thing under the carpet and pretend we’re unphased by it. God, I can’t believe you would say something like that.” With a shake of her head, she felt a desire to scream and yell, but knew it would lead to nothing good. Was it so horrible to demand answers? They were keeping things from the entire town and she wasn’t sure how she felt about the hierarchy anymore. Devyn had trusted the SEAL’s, but if they were placing innocent people in unnecessary danger, how could she stand behind them once the others began to demand the same answer she sought? They would find out eventually, and suddenly, she wasn’t certain which side she would stand on. It was a frightening though, one that she refused to believe… until he told her that this was something he couldn’t speak of. Sucking in a deep breath, she placed her hand over her mouth as she watched him. It must have been bad if he was keeping something from her – the simple supply run wasn’t exactly just that  anymore. Perhaps it was a sick way of weeding out the weak. “I will be alo……” In an attempt to cut him off to tell him that if she were to ever get called in, she wouldn’t allow him to pull any strings or come with her. Especially if it would place him in danger, she wouldn’t allow him to be there and she would go on her own in order to seek answers. If everyone else had to do it, she would step up to the plate. Though, everything was soon forgotten when she heard those last worda. Diesel barking in the corner was placed on mute, the entire world paused around her as she kept her gaze fixated on his face. He hadn’t even noticed he said it, but her pounding heart was all she could ear, feeling her breathing increase and a small smile creep along her features. “What?” She barely heard herself ask as she stepped forward— slowly. Suddenly, a rush of emotions she hadn’t been prepared for crashed into her and with them came the realisation that she did love him. More than she could even comprehend. It was both liberating and frightening. Placing her hands on either side of his face as she tilted his head, she grinned. “I love you,” she paused, sucking in a deep breath before adding, “I love you, Joshua Eli O’Connor.”

[oconnorjosh]

“Good.” The SEAL deadpanned, looking down on the brunette as she came closer, letting her wrap her arms around him, all his senses numbing except for how it felt to feel her body against his, how he could see the reflection of his own eyes on her darker hues. He simply hummed as he answered positively, a shrug dismissing her worries quickly as his eyebrow kinked in a challenging motion. “There’s only one way to see if I’ll take it easier on you than the rest.” The man tilted his head back, teasing her as he wouldn’t let her take on his lips but giving in soon enough. As much fun as he could have with his teammates, as content as his life could be without this – there was something having a lover that couldn’t be substituted. The intimacy was different and it wasn’t until he had shared enough of these moments with Devyn that Josh realized just how well he could get used to it, just how much he ached of it. The chemistry between them sparked almost instantly when they met but there was more to it than just fun and game and that constant verbal banter. This was different and, somehow, he didn’t know if he could just turn back to that time when she didn’t occupy a single one of his thoughts. “I could always make it up to you if I strain you too much on the training mat.” He whispered back just before her lips left his, staring after her, the swing on her hips, his tongue sliding through his lower lip. No way could he go back.

All the back and forth with the food had him laughing, mostly because the two of them knew very well that she was right in saying the man would practically eat whatever was plated in front of him. He had always been a heavy eater, his aunt constantly wondering out loud whether she was feeding two teenage boys or an entire football team. After joining the military, he feasted as much as he could while back home or in breaks. You never knew what was expecting you on the other side, how long it would be before you got a chance to have a bite of a double pepperoni pizza. Josh frowned at the sudden change in her features, urging her quietly to tell him what was wrong. His thumb brushed her cheek, tucking a strand of her behind her ear before he uttered a word. “I would.” The man answered if only to appease her worries, to grant her an honest response, willing her to ease her features as he kissed her temples. “But it won’t get to that, I promise.” He found himself doing that a lot lately, promising things he wasn’t sure he could keep and yet knowing he would die trying. His own features beamed as hers took another twist into the better, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes as he mirrored the brunette. “That is true, but it still doesn’t mean I was lying! And, easy there, cowgirl… it’s only fair I let you rip something off me if I get to rip something off you too.”

In Josh’s opinion, no one could really just sweep that kind of thing under the carpet and pretend to be unfazed. It was just a matter of learning to accept it, that life, all life, was fickle; that death was unpreventable; that they would all have to accept it sooner to later to be a reality and that it didn’t mean the world stopped turning, that things must be done, that life would go on. The system was crooked, it was imperfect, but it was the system and it help keep it all together. He was part of it and he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing disgust in her eyes the moment she learned the truth. If he could keep this, whatever it is they had, for just a bit longer until she inevitably found out, he would. If he could spare her from ever finding out, he would too, because he didn’t want her to carry such guilt on her shoulders, to carry the weight of death and blood in one’s hands like he had learned to do for longer than his arrival in Ravenswood. The rage that overtook him was unprecedented and it scared him. It terrified him to think she had such a strong hold on him that way, to shake him off like not many people could just by threatening to put herself in danger’s way. It took the man a moment to calm down, his eyes on the dog as if he was ashamed of the wrath that had taken over him, worried that it would’ve scared her away. He was considering picking up his things and leaving the house after he finally spoke his last words, not wanting to restart the argument in his inability to give the woman the answers she was after when he felt her hands on him. Josh frowned at her question, not quite understanding where it came from. Perhaps she had forgotten the deal they had made in the slide that night over a month ago, about there not being secrets between them unless the secrets were not solely his own to keep, if they involved his teammates or those he had been sworn under oath not to tell. Then the three words confession rendered him speechless, his eyes widened, puzzled by the grin on her face. It took her to repeat the words and the use of his full name for the blond to realize what had just happened, his own words on playback in his head. As much as I love you… All he could think of doing them was wrapping his arms around her, pressing her closer to him. His eyes closed, inhaling her scent for a moment before releasing a long, deep breath into their embrace. There was a strange kind of pressure in his chest but also an unfamiliar sense of relief. If he didn’t speak further it was not because he wasn’t sure of having meant the words in the first place but because hearing the words had not been a constant in his life. He just wanted to let them sulk into his head, his lips pressed to the side of her head, releasing his hold on her just enough to be able to look into her eyes after a minute or two. “I’m sorry.” Those were probably not the words she was expecting. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you. I’m sorry I said those things—I don’t mean it. I know it’s tough. I know you have the right to worry, to ask. I wish I could tell you, to prepare you for it, but I can’t. Not yet. Not now.” He swallowed quietly as he took a breath, his words rushed as if desperate to get them out. “I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know since when. Can we pinpoint the moment you fall in love with someone?” He let out a breathless chuckle then before his features took a serious look, his knuckles brushing the side of her face softly. “I love you, too.”

[maddoxxhart]

“Man, now I wish I was. But no, I’m saying that I’m not so sure what they have back there is really Jack anymore, my friend.”

[oconnorjosh]

You had the chance to change your mind right there... you miss it, man. Could’ve used the lil’ warm up. Yeh-- it is. I could tell if it wasn’t. Don’t know for how much longer we’ll do, though. It’ll be a sad, sad day when we run out. Hopefully I’ll be dead by then.

[askjldfhaksjldfaskjdf]

“If you’ve got something to say, just spit it out.”

[oconnorjosh]

Someone’s cheery today. I don’t think it’s sanitary if I spit it out, though.