‘ how to be a scorpio ‘ sentence meme
these were taken from youtuber sailor j’s ‘ how to be a [zodiac sign] ‘ series ( she purposely uses stereotypes of the signs for parody reasons ).
change pronouns & anything else as you see fit. some nsfw tw.
‘ sorry i look so tired , i was up all night burying my ex-girlfriend. ‘
‘ boyfriend number seven is taking me out to dinner tonight. ‘
‘ i’m going to use gold because it’s my ex-boyfriend’s favorite color and even though i’m in a relationship with four other people , i want him to miss me. ‘
‘ i’m going to wear his skin as a winter coat. ‘
‘ i’m going to burn down his house with his entire family inside. ‘
‘ this is why i keep my circle small! ‘
‘ oh my god , i’m going to ruin his life. ‘
‘ this is why i don’t trust anyone. ‘
‘ no matter how good i try to be to them … ! ’
‘ i’m just going to text him on my third phone as a stranger. ‘
‘ i’m only this upset because i haven’t had sex in twenty three minutes. ‘
‘ i bet he’s with that susan. fucking susan! ‘
‘ i’m just so upset because everyone is a traitor and a liar! ‘
‘ DON’T COME OVER RIGHT NOW! ‘
‘ i’m feeling murderous today and i don’t plan on taking responsibility for any of it. ‘
‘ i have sixty four dogs and if you touch any of them , i will slaughter you. ‘
‘ what he doesn’t know about susan is that her blood type is b which means when i arrive to slit his throat , she won’t be able to donate and save him. ‘
‘ you can not trust anybody. ‘
‘ you know what i’m going to do? i’m going to wear a disguise! i’m going to catch that motherfucker cheating! ‘
‘ what right does anyone have to mistreat me? i’ve only got seven other boyfriends on hold! ‘
‘ what a fool he is , thinking he can cheat on me! ‘
‘ off to catch a fucking liar! ‘
‘ hey baby! did you get those flowers i sent you? ‘
‘ i know i’m so sweet , aren’t i? stop it! ‘
‘ i love you too , babe! my one and only! ‘