my blog is a mess and so am I

likely to find me onstage or pondering existential probabilities with Witt

[admiretheart-deactivated2013081]

[fandomstuck]

the fact that there are animals who can see colors that i cant which means that there are colors that exist that it is literally impossible for me to envision is such fucking bullshit that i wanna rip open a couch and eat it

[btimz]

Humans have 3 types of rods for processing color (red green and blue). Mantis Shrimp have 16.

[cascadianstuntman-deactivated20]

Fucking shrimp. I will NOT be jealous of food.

[smallalison-archive]

me (doesn’t know anything about music or writing): i’m gonna write a musical

[theproblematicblogger]

When I was like 6 years old I was woken up in the middle of night by a voice saying “play with me play with me” over and over and I stayed awake for two hours terrified as the voice continued and then I realized it was a furby

[harlequinhatter]

how s that less scary

[oddlyenouqh]

me age 12: oh god i missed a two millimeter spot of hair when i shaved i guess i'll go to the beach in five layers of clothing so no one notices

me now: Hello friends it is i Bigfoot #confirmed

[florencvassy]

i’m always a slut for playbills

[queen-city-princess]

Me when I realized that I have to go back to school soon

[pandorafcindy]

relationship goals: april and andy

[archive95205-blog]

today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”

[lemonbraid-deactivated20130415]

[missmephisto]

this post had me in tears

[ghost-plot]

I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:

I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,

[greatestgoth]

My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn

[soldieronbarnes]

Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”

Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.

[spankyhole]

This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))

[succlentwitch]

I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”

[stellaathena]

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.

[magebird-old]

When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”

[angeliczacharie]

One time I was driving a friend home from dinner, and she asked “Did I give you your wallet back?” and I tried to say “It’s in my back pocket” and “It’s under my butt” at the same time, and I firmly stated “Yes, it’s in my butt.” She said “Okay”

[oddlyenouqh]

boy: so u got any fantasies??

me: ok so im 28, financially stable, living in a nice apartment and i dont hate myself and i have a job and also a dog

[narghargs]

These were taken two years apart. Guess which one is happier!

[iswearimnotnaked-deactivated201]

why the h*ck am i so cold and why isn’t anyone snuggling me and why do grocery stores charge so much for a small amount of ice cream

[troyler-dipped-in-ranch-deactiv]

why did you censor the word h*ck

[iswearimnotnaked-deactivated201]

because it’s a fucking bad word

[badndngirl]

“Ugh, you’re so adorable. I want to be friends with you,” I whisper as I like your posts and never speak to you.

[jinxley-deactivated20140807]

my little sister officially turned 10 yesterday and because i’m in another state i couldn’t see her so i called instead to sing happy birthday and when i was done she whispered “gay” and hung up on me

[mosseffect]

is that the same sister who put her burned hand on your heart because ‘it was so nice and cold’

[jinxley-deactivated20140807]

that would be the sister

[pineplapple]

[just-shower-thoughts]

What really blows my mind is that NASA is able to receive data from a 4.67 billion miles far away spacecraft, while i lose wifi signal once i move to the kitchen

[sassymccoy]

#@nasa what’s ur wifi password

[liza--joy-deactivated20160812]

Telling other girls that they look pretty is like cracking a glow stick full of positivity and female friendship

[konagrown-deactivated20160605]

say out loud every nice thought you have

[alexhimmi]

The other day at school, I told a girl I liked her umbrella, and it surprised her so much, that she loudly blurted “they’re on sale at Target!!!” and it was just funny and cute.

[lyricfanatic]

Yesterday I was boarding my plane home and I just had to tell the stewardess that I loved her hair! Glorious, multicolored curly natural afro and just as I’m telling her she stops me and tells me how much she loves my jacket.

#girls complimenting other girls 2015

[need-a-cali-fit-bod]

👩‍❤️‍👩

[therealopheliatagloff-deactivat]

SAY OUT LOUD EVERY NICE THOUGHT YOU HAVE