Between Obedience and Becoming
If one day I have a child, I don’t think I will ever put chains around their neck. I will let them become whatever they want to be. My preferences will not matter. I only want them to truly live for themselves.
That is why I am trying so hard right now. I want to live the best life I can, so that one day I won’t become a burden to them.
Even though I know that parents are not a burden to their children. And honestly, I have never felt that way about my own parents. Still, I feel a growing sense of responsibility within me.
I don’t want to blame anyone. But deep inside, I often feel envious of those who get to chase their dreams. Sometimes I wonder: do I have to fight first? Do I have to become disobedient just to reach my dreams?
My parents are not incapable. They are simply too afraid of my dreams. They worry that my choices will lead me to become nothing.
Until now, I feel like I’ve grown up on my own. There were people who guided me, but when it comes to my future, they always believe they know best.
And this pattern is also applied to my younger siblings. They often ask me to validate their choices. They ask whether the path they choose is right, and then apply the same standards to the others, as if there is only one correct way to live.
Now, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am burying myself. This is not what I want. But I am afraid. I am not brave enough to voice my thoughts.
I know my family has communication problems. We were never taught to talk about pain or discomfort. Since childhood, we were raised to obey.
And now I ask myself: what should I do?
















