Bones

Broken dreams and silent s c r e a m s

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

odeliahayes‌:

rxtributionist:

While they looked for supplies, just the two of them with the creaking windows as their only company, Daniel felt a little hopeful for once – that they could survive the apocalypse. That he had found what people called a lifelong partner. God, it was cheesy. But they had gone through their fair share of arguments, and an equally greater share of struggles. Yet here they were: alive, and doing better than just surviving. They were living, and learning ever so slowly how to love. So he supposed, perhaps, cheesy wasn’t a bad thing for once. 

Despite Odelia’s teasing, Dan didn’t miss the way her eyes lit up. For years, he felt like a snuffed out candlelight, unable to bring light anywhere or to anyone around him. Dead inside, that’s what it was. And so he couldn’t help it - her excitement coaxed a smile out of him, one that softened the normally stern look to his hazel hues. “OK, well, you’d better make me look good. I can’t pay professionals to paint me anymore.” He arched a brow, mocking his own pretentious wealth.

Although he almost chuckled appreciatively at Odelia’s change in expression, he knew that he mirrored it. From bold and pointed, to a blushing mess. Except for Dan, it was more so a overtly formal sounding, awkward laugh as he looked off to the side. He wasn’t new to physical intimacy, but the emotional part? Definitely. Nevertheless, he couldn’t deny the hammering in his chest nor the way his feet carried him to her, by their own accord. Both of them were afraid of many things, from the colossal to the minimal. So why be afraid now, when this was nothing compared to how emotionally bare they always were in front of each other?

Resting his hands on the table on either side of Odelia’s hips, he dampened his lips with his tongue, the gesture only barely hiding a crooked smirk as he murmured, “I’ll go with one of your riskier ideas for once.” Somewhere in between the path his stare made from her eyes, and to her lips, Daniel missed the latter altogether. His lips danced along her neck instead, one of his hands pressing firmly against the small of her back, edging her towards him. Daniel feared what fate had in store for him, he dreaded what would happen if they grew too close. He hated mistakes. But dammit, this? It was his best mistake yet. 

“Did your old big fancy house have a big portrait painting of you to show off your narcissism?” Odelia teased, unable to keep to her usual solemn expression. In fact, for someone who was just as cynical as she was, she really couldn’t help her smile around him. It was dreadfully girlish and stupid, and if her brothers ever found out they’d tease her relentlessly. But at least for now, it was nice. For such a risk taker, Odelia never took a chance with her heart. Maybe it was time for a new adrenaline rush, if Daniel could even be considered something like that.

She felt silly for being so nervous. This wasn’t new to her, she did this plenty of times. But Daniel making the strides towards her, his hands on the table besides her hips, she couldn’t help the way her breath got caught in her throat. She had pushed Daniel away several times, both mentally and literally, so she had never really seen him. But maybe it was the way he was looking at her, and how she didn’t avoid looking directly at him like she usually did that brought upon both a new light and a new sense of urgency. Her hands stayed gripping the edge of the table, mostly from nerves, but also because she was enjoying this sense of clarity as his eyes made a trail amongst her face. Hers had just been looking at him, and maybe it was like seeing for the first time. 

“Yeah?” She questioned with a teasing smirk spreading her features. “Think you can handle it this time?” She joked before biting his lip as they finally made contact with his lips on her neck. Letting out a soft breath, Odelia tilted her head back with her lips parted and eyes closed, very much aware of his hand at her back. As he pulled her closer, she wrapped her legs around his waist to feel their heat against each other, and she felt so unlike herself it was unreal. A simple gesture had her questioning why she wasn’t doing her usual bravado but instead of letting herself focus on that, she shut off her mind and leaned back into him. 

Though she might have been nervous, her hands were not tentative as they reached under his shirt to skim her fingertips along his back. She didn’t roughly grab at his hair, she didn’t insist on having this her way. Instead, she pulled her hair out of it’s hair tie, letting it fall down as she tugged at the hem of his shirt, her heart thumping rapidly in her chest. She was going to be devastated if anything ever happened to him, she knew that it would hurt like no other if she were to lose him. But even in her recklessness, she was cautious, so throwing it out the window made her feel like she was finally giving herself freedom. “Daniel...” She sighed out in more than just need as her legs spread, it was like rebirth. Maybe she wasn’t the purest person and maybe she had done more wrong than right in her life; but at that moment, what she was feeling for Daniel was nothing short of complete devotion and she knew that that would be what scared her the most-but yet for once, she just didn’t care.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

“Well, I do have time to kill,” Dan countered casually, shrugging as he did so. An easy laugh escaped him at Odelia’s question, as if the answer was simple. “A thousand word, persuasive essay about how brilliant she is, of course. Except I don’t have enough references yet. I need another.. five plus years’ worth first.” Narrowing his eyes in mock contemplation, he gazed at the road ahead as the faintest of mischievous smiles curled his lips. He hoped they’d get more than five years together, he did. It was odd – he hadn’t been this positive about life in years. “Guess we do have a lot to figure out,” he quipped, cue a knowing sideways glance that only seemed to last a second.

xx

“But I’m the only person you actually smile at,” Dan noted, furrowing his brows as if this was a genuine debate. Of course, he knew where she stood in regards to her feelings though. It did take a while to break down her walls, equally as hard as his. Nevertheless, Daniel felt as if they were a long shot from the day they were arguing with each other at the abandoned supermarket. Next thing he knew, he was leaning his side against the car as him and Odelia spoke, a smirk toying with his lips all the while. Leaning in to speak into her ear, his smirking lips only barely brushing against skin, he teased, “Your determination is one of my favourite traits of yours.” But of course, he drew back with a perfectly polite smile because they had an audience in the car.

Despite the state of the world, this felt like the end of a great third or fourth date. It was like this little abandoned neighbourhood was a semblance of normality, and Daniel almost dreaded getting back into the car again – heading back, explicitly. And so an idea popped into his head, one that was almost enough to cure the nostalgic ache in his chest. “You know what.. I don’t suppose we don’t have time to look through a few houses?” Leaning away from the car, hazel eyes swiftly surveyed the area before meeting Odelia’s gaze again, head cocked slightly. “We should bring something back after all, to commemorate the day.” Dan smiled softly, the very smile that they only offered each other.

Her father had died today. He, had reopened old wounds by talking about his parents. But alongside these tragedies, were plenty of successes too. Odelia had found her brothers after all, and most importantly, he finally stopped questioning what love meant. Today seemed to have answered all of his questions. Today, he was suddenly so sure. Daniel was a realist, even a pessimist sometimes. But with Odelia, he realized, he actually wanted to believe and have hope. 

Odelia narrowed her eyes at his little comment before evidentially smiling softly. Five years and counting with this one? As if she could even think that far into the future for herself let alone with anyone else. But his hope was nice, if anything it gave them more to joke about. “A thousand words? You have a thousand words lined up in there somewhere?” She scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. “You need a new hobby, and a new thesis. It wouldn’t work out.” She chuckled under her breath before shrugging at the thought, She supposed they truly did.

xx

Oh his little remarks would’ve earned him a punch if she wasn’t trying to keep a semblance of desirability. Truth be told, no one really wanted to go back and her brothers had things to go get and take care of before they were ready to leave. That left Daniel and Odelia alone to look through the house, the memories of a ghost not too far away. It was odd, her world was changing slowly and yet here was Daniel and her, alone together with a strange sense of hope for two hopelessly pessimistic people. He was right, he really was the only person she actually smiled at. And she was the only one who could make him talk like that, now wasn’t she? She wasn’t sure if she cared too much about feeling special, but she did appreciate that he cared. It was different from what usually happened with her anyways. 

Stepping into what she assumed was once an office, Odelia’s eyes caught onto something small that inevitably brought her so much comfort. A plastic watercolor paint set, just like the ones you could buy from the arts and crafts section at a toy store. A small smile spread on her face as she picked it up, huffing to herself under her breath. “Look, now I can paint your dumb face.” She teased, showing Daniel what she found. The excitement was in her eyes, however. The excitement that there was something more than just what they were given. It was such a small thing, but it gave her something to look forward to. Biting her bottom lip, Odelia gestured Daniel over, unsure if she was feeling particularly nostalgic or more as she perched herself on the table.

“I did have something else in mind to do while we had the place to ourselves though.” She said with a pointed look. No children, no family, no governor. It was like everything was shut off for a moment until it was just the two of them, and maybe in that moment Odelia could shut her own brain off to not worry about her feelings for her stupid toucan that was besides her. “That is, unless you had a different idea.” How silly she felt in that moment, it had taken her so long for her to trust Daniel like this, that now that she was at this point, she suddenly felt her cheeks blush pink- it had truly been quiet some time, what was he going to expect? 

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

An airy chuckle breezed past his lips as Dan nodded, a brow arched as he passed a knowing, sideways glance. “Very true. Plus since there’s very few leisurely activities around these days - woes of the end of the world and all - I may as well write an essay on my girlfriend. For fun.” He snorted. Indeed, that was one of the few good things that apocalypse had done to him. Daniel used to be a recluse, and a way he still mostly was. But in a time where there was no work and no internet, he had no choice but to connect with people. Before they had drove off to find Odelia’s brothers, he often would visit her when she was training, or play a game of cards with Lucas to entertain the guy. Odelia would often win whenever she joined, of course.

He lived a more human life than he ever did, ironically. “Exactly,” he scoffed. Daniel couldn’t help the smirk toying with his lips as she noted that he was good at reading her too. What piqued his interest, however, was Odelia affirming that it was okay for him to kiss her again – or more, she says. Canting his head to the side slightly, he narrowed his eyes at her, the slightest of smirks ghosting across his lips as he teased, “I’ll definitely take that kind warning to heart. And.. likewise.”  His gaze followed his fingers, trailing along her thigh before stopping at the apex, hazel hues meeting brown then with a suggestive glint to his eyes. “I may seem pretty rigid in my ways, but I can honestly handle anything you’ve got.” 

xx

Yes, shut up, he’s special. Not only did she act like a schoolgirl for once, but Daniel undoubtedly felt like a school boy, having to look off to the side just to hide his boastful smile. As Odelia referred to them ass assholes, he added a retort before he could help himself: “She’s talking about you two.” Immediately, he chewed on his inner cheek, half expecting a Hayes-style glare or punch. He received the former as they marched past him and towards the car. But, Daniel was weirdly optimistic – no, realistic was a better word. If he could turn Odelia around into accepting him, although it took a long time, hopefully the same would happen with her brothers.

The duo got into the car before him and Odelia, so he halted her with a hand on her shoulder before she could open the car door. “Told you we’d find them.” An odd mix between a smug and a warm smile graced his features, before abruptly morphing into that of jesting annoyance. “You weren’t joking, though. They’re just like you. And so I was going to ask..” Narrowed eyes darted suspiciously from the two men in the backseat, then back to Odelia again. “Are you going to have them stay at your place, or coerce The Governor to find an arrangement for them?” If Dan had actually kept up with slang, he would’ve rather asked: are we going to be cockblocked?

“Oh Jesus Christ,” she huffed under her breath. Somehow hearing girlfriend was even more jarring than boyfriend. “I can’t believe you’re serious about that.” She shook her head before raising an eyebrow at the thought of him writing an essay for fun. “What the hell would you write about anyways?” She asked, clearly baffled from how ridiculous he was. Sure, there wasn’t a lot left to do anymore because of the apocalypse and the lack of resources, but Odelia definitely believed it benefitted her overactive mind. Spending time with Daniel and Lucas was so bizarrely simple, and even if she made herself worry all the time anyways, it was better for her to have so little going on. That didn’t mean she didn’t get bored, and her and Daniel were getting closer-they were bound to find a new past time.

She bit her lip yet tried not to show any reaction on her face at his touch. Ugh, she thought to herself cursing him and the look he was giving her in her head. “Is that right?” She questioned rhetorically, resisting whatever urge there was because she knew she’d just end up hopelessly distracted and if she couldn’t give him a straight answer on what she wanted from him, imagine how much more frustrating she’d be if she were passive. “Good. I’ve trained you well.” She was teasing, because their version of training was her kicking his ass and hoping he’d deflect her one of these days. “Guess we’ve got a lot to figure out back in town then.”

xx

Odelia shot Daniel a glare at his retort, expecting it nonetheless. “Shut up, Daniel,” she warned, especially because she knew how smug he was about her stupid comment. “You’re not that special.” There, that’d knock his ego down a few pegs. It was almost laughable, the fact that Daniel was met with not just one, but three Hayes family glares, she wondered if he was still riding on his little smug high to notice how irritating or frightening they all were. It was when her brothers tried to star bickering with her in Hebrew about where they were going, who exactly Daniel was to her, and why the hell did she think she could suddenly boss them around, did her face turn into an annoyed stare at them while she only yelled back, not caring if Daniel would be confused. “I’m the boss because I’m the only one who has access to steady water, now get in the car.” She rolled her eyes as they grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose from frustration- there was no way in hell the three of them could be in the same room together anymore.

That thought did make her feel guilty, she had just gotten her what was left of her family back after years, and already she was annoyed with them? Was it a sign that things were back to normal or that she wasn’t prioritizing them as much? They’re grown men though, she reminded herself, and they always had been when it came to her. It’s not like she was going to throw them somewhere shitty anyways, right? Daniel being concerned only made her smirk yet blush wildly as she remembered that Solomon would definitely know why she was like this. “Yeah, yeah,” she shrugged before scoffing under her breath with a shake of her head. “We’re going to drive each other crazy if we did. No, Dick’s gonna give them their own places and yeah I’m going to catch up with them but-,” she tugged him away from the window where they could see, giving him a pointed look. “It’s been years. There are some things that I won’t let my family ruin.” Translation: her brothers didn’t get in the way of her personal life before, and they weren’t going to screw her chances of getting laid now.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

A faint, albeit genuine half smile graced his features as he met her gaze. “It’s fine. You would have done the same thing, even if you don’t want to admit it.” Dan’s tone was almost cool, calculated, but he knew - and she knew - how he really felt. Despite how old he was, he did struggle with romance. But in a way, Daniel made up for that with his undying loyalty and his willingness to be generous, despite being a selfish person in other situations. He was willing to be his best self for whoever’s worth it, in other words. Dan laughed aloud at her student loans comment, throwing his head back a little before he looked her way and nodded. “True, very true.” As a defence, he almost wanted to retort that he didn’t go to law school for justice; that he didn’t care about the misdemeanours and lack of justice in the world. But he did care, he cared a great deal. He wanted justice for good people. People like his parents, like Odelia.

He sighed deeply, resting his head back to eye the ceiling as he playfully rolled his eyes. “Good God, you’re getting annoyingly good at reading me.” It was a casual reply for such a loaded comment, but he was nonetheless admitting that Odelia was correct. It just so happened that he had lost his way down the line. At first, his main goal was justice, then it became retribution; a need to punish those whom were anything like the man who killed his parents.

“And I have a strong feeling that in some way, you want to make the world a better place too.” Cue a sideways glance, Daniel arched a brow knowingly. But there was a affectionate little curl to his lips, as if he was proud of her. He hoped that they could do that some day, take on the world together. In an alternate universe, he could imagine it easily. But… the world at hand wasn’t so bright was it? Well, perhaps, for a second it looked a little more normal as Odelia chased down her brothers. Daniel was both utterly amused and frightened. He jumped, stunned, when she called him out. But undeniably, at least he looked just as shameful as her brothers - no need to worry about making a bold first impression. They were held by the ears, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Clearly this isn’t an ideal situation but, ah -” Dan cleared his throat, almost extending a hand before remembering that her brothers were occupied. “I’m Daniel.” 

The leaner one, Solomon it seemed, looked him up and down before his eyes stopped at Dan’s shoes; too expensive, and too inconvenient for a world like this. “You chose this guy as your partner in crime?” Daniel pressed his lips together, barely fighting the urge to fight back. He undoubtedly wanted to make a good impression on Odelia’s family, but dear God, had it been a long time since he’d argued with somebody. It was basically in his  b l o o d. “So, clearly I have the family’s approval,” he decided to quip sarcastically. Really though, he was happy that she found them – but this was a family full of sass. It was like arguing against three Odelias, except that only one of them was pretty and overall worth his time. 

“No no, I can admit it, or else you’ll probably give me a five page essay on why I’m a good person.” Odelia snorted, referencing him yelling at her back in the apartment because he was so adamant on her not blaming herself. But either way, she didn’t have a problem with admitting it. He already knew, what was the point? They both weren’t very.. good at this, yet she supposed they deserved points for trying, right? She looked over at him then, a mix between a hungry wolf and a passive gaze before smirking slightly at his annoyance. She knew he wanted to argue with her, just because it was his nature. But she was right, and he knew it. Quite frankly, she was always right now wasn’t she? They both were hardened by the unfairness in the world, but that didn’t mean they didn’t want to find some justice in their revenge. She wanted a safer world and he wanted justice, what a fitting couple they were.

“Beats the annoying getting to know you phase that we kinda breezed through now doesn’t it?” She retorted back, her eyebrow raised as he rolled his eyes. Something that was becoming so common between them. She couldn’t believe how mush she was gushing over him like this, even if her definition of that was just noticing their new shared habits. “You’re annoying with that too, I know you don’t try and push which, by the way, it’s okay for you to try and kiss me- or more- again. But anyways, I know you don’t push whatever you think my boundaries are most of the time, but I can handle a lot from you.” 

Odelia shrugged slightly, biting her lip as if she were a small child who was so bashful with the way Daniel looked at her. She knew she had a hero complex, and he... well, god complex was a surface term, she supposed. “Oh, well now what gave it away?” She scoffed, her tone sarcastic yet not in a malicious way. Still, she smiled and all she could think about was how self righteous they’d be together in another life. With the way he looked up to her, it would’ve worked. Now? Well, she wasn’t sure. That didn’t matter at the moment, what she was more focused on was chasing her brothers down and it was like she was transfixed back in Israel, only she was a child then chasing her big brothers because she was pissed they stole her toy to see her face get screwed up in anger. It was the closest to a normal flashback she had ever had and that alone had made her stop to make her remember where exactly she was. “Delia!” Abbot whined as he tried to get out of her grip, but she only grabbed on harder as if she subconsciously was keeping him with her in case he left again. “Look, okay- mom’s death was just a lot for me after awhile too okay please let go-” he stopped to look at Daniel and even in the degrading position Odelia had him in, she could imagine that glare was still very intimidating. His face said it all, I don’t care. 

“Yeah, okay, some people go to therapy to cope but sure.” She rolled her eyes while knowing full well that she was being a hypocrite. None of them did that and they were all horrible at coping. She suddenly blushed wildly at Solomon’s accusation, flustered as she kicked him as well from school girl embarrassment. “Yes, shut up, he’s special.” She decided to let go of them now, arms crossed. It was so annoyingly normal for a different family. An estranged brother reuniting with his family again, and meanwhile the other one was embarrassing his sister for the guy she liked. But they weren’t that type of family. The look she shot Daniel portrayed to tell him not to push them. Or her, for that matter, since the last thing she wants to do is deescalate an argument between Solomon and Daniel of all people. “Come on you assholes, we’re going.” Was she referring to her brothers, Daniel, or all three? Well, the answer was most certainly the latter. 

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Daniel nodded slowly, a solemn smile on his lips. He seemed to look ahead for ages, lost in his own thoughts, before he finally glanced Odelia’s way with nothing but honesty in his hazel hues. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” He was mostly doing it for Odelia of course, but Daniel also couldn’t deny that finding them would be good for him too. It would offer a sense of, dare he say it, h o p e. A short chuckle escaped him, the sound coming off as a mix between nostalgia and genuine humour as he added, “God, imagine that. Three Daniels. I already roll my eyes at myself. If they were like me, I’d be rolling them so much they’d undoubtedly fall off.”

At her retort, Dan scoffed dryly as he shrugged. “It’s all but worthless paper now. Which is a pain, because I worked my ass off for those useless little dollar signs.” Sometimes, Daniel was resentful over the fact that he had lost so much more than other people, post-the apocalypse. But then he’d remember - well, try to remember - that it was selfish to think that was. Some lost their whole family, others, their actual lives. I know that tactic. He sighed, hanging his head and mentally rolling his eyes. Of course she knew; they were both strategic as hell when it came to their emotions. “I guess you’ll have to agree with me… that it’s less painful to refer to them in such a flippant way then, won’t you?” It wasn’t even a question, really. 

They were great parents, though. But he knew that it’d choke him up to actually say that. Daniel used to snort at those who got starry eyed over nostalgia, peering up at the skies as if their memories could be found within the clouds. But that’s only because nostalgia made him do the exact opposite: shift his gaze towards the ground and swallow down the lump in his throat. He almost missed Odelia’s threat entirely. Rather, he focused on her unfinished sentence, his eyes narrowing as a faint, devilish smile danced across his lips. “Our… what now?” he taunted.

“So in short, they’re all scary. Got it,” Daniel corrected her, shooting her a pointed look before doing the cross with a deadpan expression, as if he was unenthusiastically preparing for his death. Immediately, however, more life came to his face and he practically jumped in his seat when Odelia grabbed the bat. “You’re going to join them for a game of baseball right?” he joked, not coming across as sarcastic as he intended. Rather, a nervous grimace of a smile contorted his features as he arched a brow in trepidation. But, of course, he wasn’t going to stay. Dan locked the car behind him and stood by the door of the house, close enough to hear but not enough to be seen. Next thing he knew, he heard three pairs of feet charging down the stairs. Two of which, being much quicker and frightened in pace.

…. Alright, so maybe she  w a s  the scariest sibling.

Odelia blushed, not because she didn’t know that Daniel wanted to be there for her, but because hearing it out loud truly did make all the difference. She glanced down from his gaze, a slight smile on her lips as she pursed her lips together before nodding, clearing her throat before she spoke. “Well then, thank you. It um... just-thank you.” She didn’t need to tell him that no one else would’ve done this, mostly because how would she know that? She didn’t give anyone else a chance. Odelia let out both a laugh and a scoff, rolling her eyes at the thought. “And I thought just one of you would be annoying. God, don’t make me imagine it.” 

Odelia shrugged in response. She didn’t know what else to tell him-they all worked hard for that. Everyone in this country and beyond worked and died for money, he wasn’t the only one just because he prioritized it more. “On the plus side-you don’t have to pay law school student loans though, right?” She joked, a crooked smile on her lips with a raised eyebrow. “I doubt you went to law school just to earn money. We all have a sense of justice that’s explored somehow. Doctors go to medical school, psychologists think they’ll take away burdens, even CEO’s think they’ll make the world better with their product.” She bit her lip at the thought, knowing that’s what the IDF was all about as well, and why she later on explored her need for world politics and art. She needed to do something. “Of course. It makes... the nights easier. As well as seeing other family members and their friends. You have to do whatever you can.”

Despite her resentments, she had a great mother and an amazing father. Despite her frustrations, she knew that she didn’t mind the role of caretaker she was forced into because she couldn’t imagine herself as not caring for someone. She could pretend and act cold all she wanted, she knew her heart opened up eventually for those she really cared about and she didn’t mind at all. She didn’t look at Daniel when she thought that, for she was thinking about her brothers and how easily she took on the role of the “big sister” when they lost their way. Even after not speaking to Abbot for about eleven years now, she would still let him back in-after her punishment. Her cheeks burned as he called her out, eyes narrowing as she glared at him with a pointed gaze. “Don’t make me finish that.” He knew, and she didn’t mean it. How could she possibly mean it?

“I mean-I guess,” she shrugged with a bored look. She almost laughed at his look, but keeping herself flat would be funnier when he eventually realized they weren’t anything to worry about. Although, she truly had no idea how terrifying they really were to other people, Odelia just thought he was overreacting. “I hate baseball!” Odelia scolded as she ran inside, determination on her face as she kicked doors down until she found both her brothers, one ready to pull his gun out since he thought she was a threat. “Don’t even try,” she threatened, swiftly thwacking Abbot at the back of his knees and chasing both of them down the stairs, shouting in Hebrew without even noticing Daniel had been outside the door. “I’m going to kill you!” She shouted, catching up to them and grabbing them both by their ears, barely listening to Solomon explain how he had stepped out for supplies only to find Abbot in the woods moments before their father died. Instead, she brought her eldest brother to his knees by twist her arm, clearly pissed. “What the hell is wrong with you? You disappear for eleven years and suddenly you show up out of the fucking blue I will bury you next to Dad if I have to!”

She paused, realizing she didn’t know where Daniel was. “Daniel stop trying to hide when I clearly need to know where everyone is right now.”

Let these grown men grumble and flinch all they want, they can handle her right now.

[odeliahayes]

I know who I am when I'm a l o n e I'm something else when I see you You don't understand, you should NEVER know How easy you are to need

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Daniel smiled out of reassurance as he laid a hand over hers, though it turned up as half a frown more than anything. He was scared too; he couldn’t deny it. They both avoided pain at all costs, however Dan was a reasonable person. He knew that they wouldn’t get anywhere if he, too, was to be scared of them potentially not finding anything but dust. “Then we’ll try again the next day, or the next, or the week after. We’ll try our hardest,” he asserted, nodding, a sense of strength returning to both his stance and his voice. “Because as dead as the world is, we need a purpose too.” Him and Odelia, of all people, needed one. They were scarily alike in that manner; so easy to fall by the waste side, and lose sight of the meaning of existence.

Pressing his lips together, he nodded slowly, his eyes hooded over and caught up in some sort of memory. “It’s alright. I don’t expect anyone to ask.” Daniel was not a nostalgic man. He did not like to look back. He always preferred to look forward, and that was precisely why a lump formed in his throat at any mention of his past. It was easier to talk about how he climbed his way up through law school, how he worked for his expensive cars all on his own. “She was nothing like me. Neither her nor my dad were,” Dan began, huffing a wistful laugh. He idly observed one of the houses to his right, imagining what sort of lives were lived there before the world’s end.

“They believed in helping people, in doing good at all costs. I felt older than them sometimes, because they never cared too much about money whereas hell - even now - I’ve loved the idea of being stinking rich and stable.” Daniel grinned in amusement despite his downcast eyes, but then that disappeared in seconds. Tightly pursed lips replaced his grin, regret written all over his features as he murmured, “Their IQs combined are probably lower than mine. But.. they were good - great - people.” Sure, he used to approach his job with too much aggression. But that was because he wanted to rid the world of all the immoral people, in order to save people like his parents. The two people he never got to save.

A slow smile graced his features, and he chuckled late after Odelia finished talking. But it was a genuine laugh nonetheless. “More flat than you. Unbelievable,” he joked. “Which one’s the scary brother? There always is one.” He turned to face her, genuine interest reflecting off of his hazel hues, with a crooked smirk to match. Narrowing his eyes in pensive thought, Daniel nodded firmly. “I agree. And there’s no reason why he would head backwards towards Princeton. So he must be –” Dan was just about to point to the road ahead, when he suddenly realized just how quiet this neighbourhood was all this time. Not a single zombie passed, probably because there was little to no prey here. If he were Solomon, he would not have left. “… What if he’s still here?”

She almost groaned at his support. She knew it wasn’t optimism, she knew him well enough to know that at least. But again, it wasn’t because she was mad at his rose colored lenses, she was annoyed that he was being so attentive and being strong for her. She should’ve been able to hold up on her own yet she found herself relying on his words. She fell silent, eyes tight as she stared at her lap. If she relied on him, if she forgot her independence, relearning when this eventually collapsed would be awful. “You don’t have to-I know you never planned on getting caught up in this.” She nervously looked up at him beneath her lashes, her heartbeat speeding so fast she swore it’d rupture in her chest. Still, she leaned over to press a soft kiss at his temple, lips lingering longer than she intended. If they were to fail-she already knew that he was her purpose.

She almost regretted asking but she knew that if anyone would understand, it would be her. So she sat quiet and listened, hearing the way he was subtly getting emotional which made her squeeze his hand. It made sense, now that she thought about it. She was quick to judge Daniel when they first met as a spoiled rich child but his mannerisms didn’t reflect privilege from birth, rather it had been fought for in someway. And the way he accepted her so far also made sense with what he was telling her. “I could tell. You’d be a lot worse if they were,” she teased. He was clearly... uncomfortable, or at least he wasn’t expecting this. Yet she enjoyed listening to him, mostly because she was so used to keeping everything bottled up.

“What’ll that money do for you now?” She raised an eyebrow, giving him a look she was sure he was familiar with yet she cracked a small smile. “Don’t we all want to be stable?” She rhetorically asked, a wistful look on her face as she glanced out the window, knowing that no one living in them before were satisfied with their lives. Hell, she wasn’t satisfied. Most of her small “fortune” as her family teased her about, came from drag racing, from the idea of completely risking her life. So she knew what Daniel meant. “I know that tactic. Saying your parents were great people is less affectionate than referring to them as great parents, so it’s less painful to think about later.” She noticed, looking over at him with a nod. “I do it to with my mother. And... I suppose soon with my father.”

Odelia scoffed, eyes narrowing playfully at him. “I’m the scary one, and don’t you forget it. And yes, us Hayes are a monotone bunch. Our chi-” she cut herself short, cheeks blushing bright as she realized what she was about to say. Clearing her throat, she shrugged. “But you would probably be scared by Solomon. Some people say Abbot, but honestly, I’ve fought him. And he isn’t that heavy.” She shrugged before her eyebrows furrowed with intense concentration to what Daniel was saying. A frown appeared on her face when he finished, shaking her head for a moment. “No... why would he- fucking hell, he’s still here.” She rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed at her brother as all the pieces clicked together. “You, stay in here, I’ll be back.” With that, she grabbed the bat rather than gun-because no matter what she finds, she’s going to give them a piece of her mind.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Daniel felt his insides twist into nervous knots as Odelia’s eyes welled up, internally panicking over whether he had frightened her with his promises. But what followed eased his tensed up shoulders, his hazel hues softening as he realized that she wanted him to find her, to follow her no matter how dark things get. “Yes,” he nodded solemnly, the corner of his mouth lifting upwards ever so slightly in a wistful manner. “You definitely don’t even need to tell me.” 

***

Normally, one had time to grieve. For days, months, years even. Even Daniel had that much, and thus it pained him to know that Odelia couldn’t afford a longer period of time to grieve. Just like anything else to do with the apocalypse, one couldn’t afford to sit around; they had to constantly be moving. His expression almost mirrored hers as he entered the car: numb. It was like they had both built up their walls again, despite all their efforts to get past that before. He gingerly took the black ribbon, examining it before wrapping it around his wrist since he couldn’t pin it on his clothes or anything. “You know that I’ll take it. I think I’d be breaking my promises to be there for you if I didn’t,” he noted, his attention focused on the ribbon he was tying, brows furrowed. 

Sighing once, he finally glanced her way as he squeezed her hand. “You ready to go? To find your brothers?”  Dan inquired tentatively. They had no choice but to go, considering that they wouldn’t have this opportunity again. But if Odelia needed a moment, he’d wait. He imagined that he always would be willing to wait for her. Patience, after all, was probably one of his few attributes that he liked. Resting his elbow atop the car door armrest, he rested his cheek against his fist as he looked back to the apartment where her father just was. “I’m damaging my own ego by saying these words but, shit, I pray to God that we get to find your brothers… You deserve at least one good thing to come out of today. Just one.” 

His voice softened, almost cracked, at his last two words; his eyes were downcast as he tried to swallow the lump that rose to his throat. Why? Because he knew how situations like this ended. Often would everyone, including himself once, pray and  b e g  for just one good thing. One. Despite asking for something so small, cruelly it never seemed to work out. He hoped that today wouldn’t be the case. Pulling himself together, Daniel diverted his attention to the road ahead as he wetted his lips in contemplation. “What do they look like, your brothers? What are they like? All I know of is that you told me that one of them could probably beat me up.”  He managed a dry laugh, but his smile was more like the corners of his lips twitching if anything. It was weak. But nonetheless, it was better than wallowing. 

Jewish tradition called for a shiva after someone died. Three to seven days where all you do is mourn, and then go on with life because the deceased are one with god and you were able to purge this awful feeling. It wasn’t really like that, but the shivas helped more so than she thought she would. She, however, didn’t have the luxury of time to stay away and mourn for that long. She didn’t have the privilege to bring her walls so far down because that meant she’d have to build them back up and god knew how long that took. It seemed as if she were failing, however. Daniel taking the ribbon meant a lot more to her than she thought it would as her own face screwed up in thought before nodding. “Sorry you never got to meet him.”

She ran her hands through her hair, a deep sigh coming out of her as he spoke. Part of her was surprised he wanted to go immediately. She had no leads, no ideas where they could possibly be. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go look or if she wanted to decompose in the car, let the foxes know her taste after she’d turn into the flowers, perhaps then she’d be of use to the Earth. But she cleared her throat and mind of the morbid idea, looking up at her wonderful, frustrating, stupid, boyfriend, as he so called himself, and his desperate eyes that for once needed something good happened to her. He prayed to a god he had little faith in for her and she couldn’t even give him a straight answer if it killed her. “I mean-I want to. But what if we can’t?” Her eyes showed panic, but her hand gently reached out for his, as if perhaps that could help.

She didn’t need to ask him what was wrong as silence fell before them, both of them trying to rid themselves of a rock sized lump in their throat. They were thinking the same thing, she knew this. She felt guilty, she told Daniel so much about her because she knew she had people to lose other than him, yet just assumed he didn’t have anyone else. So she squeezed his hand, a cold ache in her chest from the thought alone. “You never really mentioned your mother before,” she muttered softly, lips pursed before turning her head back to look at him. “I don’t want to take you for granted so soon so-... you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. But I never even thought to ask.” She sighed at herself, an eyebrow raising as he asked about her brothers with a look of apprehension. “Well, compared to me, they’re not too bad.” She shrugged, her not-smile matching his as she looked down at their hands.

“Solomon’s the smarter one. Abbot’s the oldest. Abbot’s the one who would probably still treat me as a small girl if he were here-I was twenty when I last saw or heard from him. It’s um... been awhile and mom’s death wasn’t good for the family.” She rubbed her neck before continuing. “Solomon became a doctor-apparently you can still do that with a bad arm-after his service. If you think I’m serious, you should meet him. More flat and monotone than I am,” she scoffed, a slight smile on her face before her eyes welled up. “They wanted to take care of me but I had to... and all I know is that Solomon couldn’t possibly have gotten very far if Dad was still bleeding when we got there.”

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

“Better women  w h e r e?” Daniel scoffed, a hint of a smile toying with the corner of his lips as he arched a brow, squinting as he looked around. Truly, he did not, and never did see any other women besides her. He had never connected with anyone like he did with her; he could hardly picture someone better, despite being a man with high expectations and standards. Dan hung his head, brows bunching together into a frown as Odelia noted that they couldn’t do the majority of the right rituals. Although they followed entirely different belief systems, he understood her guilt entirely. A proper send off was important, after all, regardless of one’s beliefs.

“We’ll just have to make do with the best we can,” he noted cooly, trying to maintain composed for her sake. Daniel shifted his gaze towards her, sympathy reflecting from his hazel hues despite the formal - almost sombre - way of which he nodded his head. “I’m fairly sure your god would understand the circumstances.” It was strangely intimate, yet tense, discussing death and religion with somebody he had only known for a month. Indeed, it was baffling altogether to think that Daniel and Odelia had gone through what most couples take years to face together. As always, he uttered the very words that she seemed to coaxe out of him time and time again: “I’ll come with you.” 

With that, he followed her down to the warehouse. Silence hung over them like a thick fog, but strangely Daniel preferred that. He wanted to give Odelia a moment to collect her thoughts. Likewise, he needed a moment to accept the fact that things weren’t as hopeful as he liked to believe they were. While he was in the car with Odelia mere moments ago, Dan felt a slither of hope. He realized, now, that they couldn’t let their guard down for one second. Nonetheless although he had accepted this pessimistic ideology, that didn’t change that he wanted to survive through it with her. “I know that I’m absolutely atrocious at comforting people.. and that I said that things only keep getting harder from here,” he began, biting his lip and eyeing the cracked pavement beneath them. Dan swallowed and paused for a moment, evidently still accustoming himself to being more open about how he felt.

But soon enough, he was looking directly at her with so much promise that he worried - for a second - that he might scare her off. “But just know that I’ll be by your side for all of it. No matter how hard things get.”  Daniel Osbourne was a ferocious man. Everyone knew this. But he, too, was ferociously loyal for the right people. And at that very moment, he had vowed that no matter what happens, he would stick by Odelia. Both because he wanted to, and because she made him want to be a better man. 

“If you stopped following me around, you’d find them.” She scrunched her nose at him as he pretended to look, stifling her smile as she shook her head. She tried to picture him with someone else and it made her flare with jealousy yet she didn’t say anything else. He wanted to be hers and she... wasn’t sure. She was a survivor, but she never really did learn how to live. She thought about what her father would say, how he’d push her to take a chance and if it all went bad, he’d be there for her. She supposed the only way for that to happen now was to keep him in her heart and spiritually look out for him. Maybe for now she could let herself rely on Daniel-after all, he always did come with her.

She sighed with a shrug, eyes downcast as she remembered her mother’s funeral. It had to be short given the circumstances before her body was taken away so she figured that this curse would run in the family-none of them were allowed to die in peace. “I know, I’ll just figure it out eventually.” It was hard, she already went through so much with Daniel and nothing about her scared him off, even if she tried. She didn’t even think twice though, she let Daniel in to show him her family and how she felt. She didn’t feel the need to hide herself with her guard down, and learning about his father just made her feel more secure with him. It was silly to be scared of a label, but he saw her with a spark in her eye change to broken glass as she shattered in front of him. It was all going to hurt.

Still, she knew he’d follow after her. He always did, even if she didn’t want him to but by now she was used to it. Swallowing hard she stood there, not really looking for anything as her shoulders tensed. This would just be the next step for her father, she had to keep telling herself that because the part of her that believed this was all for nothing would win and she needed to give herself more meaning than that. He was getting old, the world had ended, he could get peace now. But that just left Odelia to pick up the broken pieces of herself that he had left. Raising an eyebrow, Odelia looked over at Daniel, slightly expectant. His words, his promise made this all too much as her eyes began to water again. “I know,” she let out a shaky breath as she spoke, eyes flitting up to catch his gaze. “And-... there will be instances where I will need to be alone, and then there will be the times I’ll push you away. You...” she swallowed the lump in her throat, shaking her head to herself. “I don’t even need to tell you to find me anyways.”

***

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to Princeton and pretend to be okay, look for her brothers with no leads at all, or curl up in the back of the car and never think again. It was her job wasn’t it? To bury her father and send him off? She didn’t need a Rabbi to tell her that or to help. At least it was over so she could be done with it, so her mind could quiet down at least for a moment. She sat in the car, not wanting to go back in the complex after the burial for she had no use being there anymore. She allowed Daniel to get whatever they left inside, and again, she found herself craving that physical comfort from him she had taken earlier. Seeing him come back, she held up the black ribbon she had cut off before, the longer piece now wrapped around her wrist. “We cut up a black ribbon for the dead. I thought to give you a piece... you don’t have to take it-it’s just you were there, so.”

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Dan shrugged, pursing his lips into a faint, half-smile that suggested that he wasn’t going to judge her for having asked. There was no language for death anyway; there were no clear rules over what to, and what not to, say. He nodded solemnly, his eyes softening as he murmured, “And I admire you for that.” Indeed, she was one of the strongest people he had ever come to know. Daniel was used to looking down over people, and yet here he was admiring a woman he had barely known for long.

“I have no clue either.” Dan let out an incredulous huff, his brows drawing together as he shook his head and shrugged. “But as always, I’m willing to help you look. I hardly have any other purpose in life right now besides following you around, anyway.” He nudged her softly, his touch lingering a moment too long before he retreated again. A genuine chuckle escaped him, his eyes screwing shut with humour as he quipped, gesturing upwards to where Heaven would be - or should be. “With my annoying as fuck personality, I should’ve been dead years ago in general, love.” For a brief moment, a jolt of panic shot through him when he realized that he had made slip another term of endearment.

      But strangely,

                   he for once didn’t feel an urge to correct himself.

Deciding to take her words literally as a joke, Dan pressed his lips into a straight line, feigning pensive thought as he looked to the side for a moment. “Well, alright then -” Meeting her gaze, he boldly arched a brow with a faint smirk toying with his lips. “Then I am stupid.” The way she scrunched up her nose contradicted with the way she kissed him, however; the way she brought him close and made him, somebody who does not know how to define adoration, suddenly feel overwhelmed by it. But then, amidst it all he wondered: what if he became so reliant on having her in his life, that potentially losing her would crush him? What if she was just another plan for him to suffer, yet again?

He attempted to quiet his mind by honing in on Odelia’s words instead as she pulled away, his hand lingering on the small of her back despite his thoughts. “A grave it is, then. We, ah..” Daniel paused for a moment, pursing his lips and furrowing his brows as he eyed the ground. He pondered over whether or not he should even bring up Catholic funeral rituals, considering that his own religious identity was ambiguous at the time. But then he decided that his identity was hardly of important at the moment. What was, was mourning her father; what mattered, was Odelia. “We should find some flowers. Most of them will probably be dead, or even mere plastic house decor ones but..” Eyes downcast, he nodded to himself in finality before looking to her. “Either way, we should bury him as properly as we can. I’m sure he would want his last moment with you to not be rushed.” 

Odelia blushed at his admiration, biting her lip as she averted her gaze from his. She thought it was silly that he thought she was so strong, she wondered if his feelings for her were because of his need for protection and consistency, or because he never knew a feeling such as this and was clinging on. It was similar to her, but she’d never show it. “I know you do.” She exhaled as she spoke, shrugging to herself for she didn’t know what to do. If she were raised normally, she’d be more accepting of their situation but he didn’t exactly have a charmed life either, so perhaps this was something they both needed. Still, she wasn’t sure why it was so easy for Daniel, yet so hard for herself to reciprocate. Maybe it was just her fear of disappointment that held her back.

Or perhaps it was fear of having him die on her as well, especially after everything that happened today. She looked stressed, worry lines covering her forehead as she sighed. “He’s smart, I guess. And always got annoyed when I’d worry like I’m the oldest but ugh, brothers.” She rolled her eyes, scoffing at his statement. “God, you need another hobby then,” she teased, raising an eyebrow at him with an amused expression. His lingering touch felt nice, so for once, Odelia allowed herself that moment to not push away from it. “You’ve got that right-” she stopped at the pet name, almost narrowing her eyes in scrutiny. He’s getting reeaaall comfortable, isn’t he? Yet she didn’t react, maybe because it was a slip of tongue or a habit he couldn’t drop before. But again, she liked it. And again, she found herself mentally retreating back into herself. Yes, it was nice to delude herself into thinking that they could work, and yes he was certainly the one person to make her pulse race and her head hurt from whatever this feeling was, but she had to be realistic. She couldn’t live in a fantasy.

Just look at what happened to her family.

                   Just when she thought she could have h o p e.

Odelia stared at him, clearly baffled that he was so confident in his newly self appointed title. She wanted to laugh at the thought that he had the gall to say that, then affirm it. It was funny, truly. “You certainly are, come on Daniel. They’re better women than me,” she scoffed, unable to hide the twitch of a smile she was fighting against when she kissed him. How dare he make her feel like this, she was usually so in control of her heart and it was easy to keep it guarded before him. She knew she kept leading him on, but maybe she did need this emotional rebound before she could go back to being her old self. So with a slight sigh, she succumbed into the feeling. At least just for tonight, there was no harm in that, right?

The taste of his lips and her own disappointment lingered on her mouth in a way she couldn’t forget. Odelia nodded, swallowing hard to attempt to keep her emotions at bay for the moment. She didn’t tell Daniel that flowers were not part of the ritual, but did it matter much if she couldn’t even do half of the traditional funeral customs? She blinked and turned her head, sighing deeply for she didn’t expect to be without family when this moment would’ve came. So she stood and pulled out her knife, cutting off a small piece of the longer black ribbon she held onto when her mother died and pursed her lips together before deciding to cut another one for Daniel. “Usually a rabbi would be doing all this work, he’d be cleaned and buried in white, and then buried in a pine box casket. But um,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, “we don’t have two out of the three, I’m assuming and I can’t-I can’t clean him, there’s no water and I can’t stay here for three days for Shiva and I can’t dig up my own father’s grave.” Her voice cracked at the last part, covering her face from both frustration and grief. She couldn’t give him the proper sending her mother got, how were they going to see each other once in Heaven, would she be damned for being so sloppy with the arrangement?

“I’ll just- I’ll get the shovel somewhere around here I guess.” She sighed, stepping away from the scene and started her descent to the warehouse she had seen, knowing full well it must’ve been raided already but all she could do was hope that something was there. If not, well there must’ve been something poetic about clawing your own father’s grave up.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Daniel blinked at her question, his brows furrowed as he averted his gaze because - in all honesty - the answer he had wasn’t one she would’ve wanted to here. “You..” he trailed off, expelling a breath as his eyes closed, his fingers raking through his hair. “Just don’t. But somehow, you just learn to cope and life moves on… That sounds awfully bleak, I know. But what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible to survive from this.” He looked about a decade older as his eyes opened again, only because he was so tired of all these tragedies. Dan knew they kept coming. He had begrudgingly accepted that. But there was a smaller, more fragile side to him that screamed internally: when will it ever be enough?

He frowned with his eyes at Odelia’s declaration, shaking his head as he hushed, “No, no don’t say that.. him and your father might’ve just been separated along the way. He could be out there.” She looked so much smaller there on the ground, with her hands feebly covering her face and the tremor to her voice. It was sad, it was heart shattering, to see the strongest person he knew crumble. He wanted so badly to pick up all the pieces of her and glue them altogether, but at that moment it felt like they were scattered all over. At the moment, her pain was a little too strong for the both of them. After all, Daniel was still grieving too. Nobody seemed to understand that grieving went beyond sobbing in front of a tombstone; it went on for nights,  d a  y s. 

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Dan huffed, rolling his eyes only because the answer to him seemed obvious. “If it wasn’t for you caring so much, Lucas would be dead and perhaps your family would’ve died an even earlier death. You said you gave up everything for them, did you not?” He narrowed his eyes in scrutiny, his tone unintentionally coming across so confronting only because he so desperately wanted her to see the way he saw her: heroic, caring and good despite the otherwise immoral world they lived in. She was able to understand some sick criminal lawyer who threw people in jail just to fill a mere gaping hole in his heart after all. Daniel felt that it was only right to remind her - even if that including shouting - how good she was.

A breathy chuckle escaped him before he looked down at her, a brow arched in a knowing manner despite the otherwise soft - almost comforting - smile on his face. Only a couple of weeks ago he would’ve questioned his ability to even make such an expression. “As your only company as well as your boyfriend, it’s my job to annoy you.” It was bold, stupid, hasty – there were all sorts of words that could be attached to the notion of him calling himself her boyfriend. But it felt right, and Dan was going to stand by what he just said unless she corrects him otherwise. He rested his palm on the small of her back, falling into the kiss and forgetting everything else as if he had just entered a dream. As cheesy as it was, the simple gesture of her lips brushing against his made everything feel okay - if even for a moment. And he sure hoped it gave her the same feeling of solace too. 

Odelia sighed softly, knowing the answer already so she wasn’t sure why she even asked. She still wasn’t over her mother’s death, but her way of coping with that was to go numb. And she most certainly wouldn’t be able to get over this. It was one thing when she had her family around when her mother died, but now all she had was Daniel and even if she cared about it, it didn’t mean he was her brother who could’ve offered the short extent of emotional support they all shared amongst one another. “I know-I just... I dunno. I don’t know why I asked.” She swallowed hard, nodding solemnly as he told her it was possible to survive. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s that,” she muttered dryly. Still, his expression concerned her in a way that shocked her; she was actually itching to drag her split knuckles down his cheek to comfort him. Blinking to herself, she shook her head. Now is not the time.

“Ugh,” Odelia groaned, her index finger and thumb pressing against her temples while simultaneously covering her eyes. “Where could he be then? Like, Jesus, how far could he go on foot with a bad arm?” She let out a laugh that was more incredulous than humorous. “God, I just don’t know.” She shook her head, hating at how vulnerable she felt. It was so raw, so bloody and painful that all she could do was curl up and pray for this to all go away. She wanted to be violent, to punch her way into feeling better. She was not soft, she wasn’t gentle or demure, and yet that what her actions could be described at right now anyways. What she really wanted to do was bury her father and just fall asleep for days, it wasn’t about to get any better, this she knew. 

“Shut up,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes as well. She knew he was right, and her tone suggested as such but she was still going to be grumbling and pouting with her arms crossed. “You would definitely be dead if I didn’t have so much mercy,” she teased slightly, elbow nudging his ribcage harder than she thought she did. In truth, she didn’t mean to be rougher but she really underestimated her own strength sometimes, so she had no idea how hard she nudged him. She couldn’t help but let out an annoyed groan at his earnestness. She wasn’t really that annoyed, but she did feel strange that he was so determined to make her realize how caring she was. Why did it matter, it didn’t do her much good before. With so much to lose still, she knew it wouldn’t do much for her now either. “You’re such a lawyer with your yelling and reasoning, I get it, I’m a fucking angel.” She scoffed, but she knew he’d knew she wasn’t really that annoyed. 

Odelia jerked her head back in shock at the proclamation. When did he-was I drunk when I said he was my boyfriend? She raised an eyebrow in thought, before furrowing them together with a look that suggested that they were going to talk about it more in depth later. “You’ve got to be stupid if you wanna be my boyfriend.” She scrunched her nose, obviously not used to saying such a phrase. Still-it wasn’t like it’d be the worst thing. But she was terrified of love, and she couldn’t ever be as affectionate as he was with her so it wasn’t even fair to him. Yet when she kissed him and his hands touched her body, she couldn’t help but give in to the feeling of wanting this kind of comfort, this security that someone wanted to be there for her all the time. 

Her heart broke then, because she couldn’t have that. She knew how she was like so she softly pulled away after a moment, forehead resting on his with his hand still on her back. “I um-I was thinking about cremating him since it’s not as much work as digging a grave but then I remembered that we’re Jewish.” She cringed internally at the way she worded that, shaking her head to herself. It was hard to seek comfort when her father was dead on the ground not too far away from her. 

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

“Alright. So you were able to allow them in, but they could’ve still died any other way and you would  s t i l l  blame yourself. They could have died while on a hunt. They could have been ambushed. Or maybe, just maybe, they never die unexpectedly,” Dan pressed, full of hand gestures and vigour that wasn’t too far off the behaviour he would display in court. If there was anything he could do, after all, it was carry his point across; it was the one of the few things that made up for his wonky moral compass. “The point is: you’ll never know what consequences will arise from your actions, so you truly cannot blame yourself, Odelia. I refuse to let you.” His hazel eyes softened with both worry and desperation; if she were to break, to blame herself continually, he knew he would shatter alongside her. They were one and the same now, no matter how overly proud he was to admit that.

As if all the energy had been knocked out of him, he heavily sat himself down on a nearby armchair, his head hung over his interlaced hands as he shook his head slowly. “I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone either. Especially you,” Daniel murmured. It still rung clear, memories of his youth filled with blaming himself over a million scenarios he could’ve taken to have prevented his father’s death. Memories of feeling like a stupid, walking tragedy, bringing people to and fro uttering I’m sorry you lost your parents; did your mother really kill him? He still felt like that tortured, angry boy sometimes. He didn’t want Odelia to end up the same.

Daniel didn’t have an answer when she asked if this was all a curse, because it honestly  d i d  feel like one. She had dedicated her whole life to helping her family, and yet her good deeds were never returned. Rather, undeserved punishment. His teeth drew in his lower lip as he nodded, finally raising his head to meet her gaze. “It is irrational, but if it helps you.. fine.” He didn’t want Odelia’s brothers to have to feel any sense of blame via her yelling, but this was Odelia: telling her to simply be quiet and suppress the pain wouldn’t help her. 

He winced, ducking his head again with an uneasy twist to his stomach, when Odelia’s voice cracked as she begged him not to say that another terrible thing was going to come. It was, though. That was what Daniel believed, as a realist and as an ex-Catholic who had realized too late that God didn’t have much  m e r c y. “I won’t say that again… It’s still what I believe, though,” he spoke only a touch above a whisper, his half-lidded eyes unblinking as they fixated themselves on his hands, evidently fogged over by the grief that hung in the air.

Daniel furrowed his brows, a sense of alertness returning to his hazel eyes as he slowly stood up, shaking his head. “But you do think with your heart sometimes though. I saw it in the way you ran out for Lucas the way you did.” He refused to believe that she was as cold as she saw herself. She did have a massive heart; it was simply concealed by a wreath of thorns. With a sharp inhale, he nodded once, his hands slipping into his pockets. “I know what you mean in regards to not allowing yourself to get distracted though, don’t get me wrong.” Dan huffed out a tired laugh that almost sounded like a sigh, a wistful smile gracing his features as he crossed the distance to squeeze her hand. “I’m honestly going to be next to you so often that it’ll annoy you. You don’t even have to ask.” 

He was  n o t  a hand holder in any way. But he knew for a fact that he was going to hold her as tightly to him as his hand held hers. 

Odelia stayed silent at his reasoning, mostly because she recognized his lawyer attitude and almost snorted at how much that stuck with him. But she didn’t, for he was really trying to lighten the guilt on her shoulders but she was so stubborn, she’d ignore him. She looked away from his gaze, too embarrassed of someone being desperate for her to not continue to hurt herself. Sniffling, she shook her head as the lump in her throat grew. “The rational part knows it isn’t my fault and all but-,” she sighed then groaned in frustration as she screwed her eyes shut tightly, trying to make this all go away. “How the fuck do you move on from this? How did you do it, hm?” She figured his father died naturally, or in an accident. Not in any brutal way like her father died or her mother. Both parents gone too soon, leaving Odelia nothing but their legacies. She didn’t think she could do it, not when her hopes were too high. The crushing weight of being proven right-even if she didn’t out right say she thought her family would’ve gotten hurt or worse-was worse than going into war. At least she did that for her mother, at least she sent Solomon back home to take care of them, at least she tried.

She felt stupid on the ground, trying not to start crying again and having to swallow the fact she was a damned orphan. Shouldn’t she have prepared when she was getting older? She buried her mother, she should’ve learned to accept this. But there she was, feeling like a little girl rather than a grown woman. A poor, sad, little girl with no family anymore. She might as well accept Solomon’s death as well for if she didn’t, and actually saw his body, she’d break down all over again. Just because she was the youngest, it didn’t mean she had it any easier. If anything, she felt like she sacrificed the most to take care of her family. Stuck with PTSD, she gave up any normalcy in her head to let them have a normal life. “I think Solomon’s dead too,” she inhaled sharply, eyes shutting as she allowed a few tears to roll down her cheeks. “Why else wouldn’t he be here?” 

She knew he’d never leave their father like this, she knew he would’ve stayed by his side till the very end like he promised her. He was probably taken, only to be later killed by whoever did this. “I won’t even have a chance to yell if he’s dead, you know? I bet Abbot is too. He never used to stop talking to us for this long.” She placed her hands on her face, hiding herself away from all of this. “I bet they’re all gone, and it’s just me. I never wanted anything from them, I just wanted them to be here.” It was so much colder further north than she thought after all. Or maybe it was all the warmth leaving her body, maybe she’d freeze to death and have it all be part of God’s plan or some bullshit that she used to tell herself to feel better. What use was heaven when she’d already endure hell?

“I know you’re right, I know. But whatever the worst that could happen next could be to Lucas, or fuck even you. It’s a pattern, maybe I should stop caring so much,” she sighed out, resting the side of her head against the wall as she was curled up into herself, feeling completely pathetic. “What else would I have to lose anyways? Living in Princeton?” She scoffed, shaking her head slightly. In all honesty, she wasn’t sure if she was going to go back. She’d let Daniel take care of Lucas and hope that her leaving didn’t make him so cold to the child again. It was stupid to think she really had that much of an influence on anybody when she barely tried. They’d get over her eventually, that’s how it always worked out for her. Yet, here was Daniel, pointing out that one gaping flaw of her big fucking heart. “Ugh,” she huffed in frustration, rubbing the side of her cheek. “It was just the right thing to do-I dunno, it’s an instinct.” She tried to shrug it off but the way she got angry with Daniel that night wasn’t just her survival instincts or even her maternal ones, it was her admittedly thinking with her heart and letting her fiery passion get the best of her. “I’m already annoyed,” she murmured sarcastically yet once again, she pressed her forehead to his shoulder.

She wasn’t the type to show much affection, so when Daniel took her head she furrowed her eyebrows and almost protested against it. It was silly, leading him on like this and she was never the girl to hold hands and skip alongside her significant other without a care in the world, but perhaps this was a lifeline. So she squeezed back and stayed quiet for a moment before nudging her nose against his chin so she could catch his lips in a kiss. It was definitely not like their kisses before, it wasn’t hungry and full of greediness like before. She was gentle and felt fragile just for exposing herself like that. This was the kiss she needed to feel safe, for even just a moment. To maybe think she could be normal, at least in her fantasy.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

“It’s not, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have possibly known that this would happen,” Daniel insisted, his brows furrowed, conviction in his eyes because - God - he knew this feeling all too well. Years ago, he had cursed himself for taking his time to walk home from school; he cursed himself from being unable to do anything about the poor excuse for a lawyer who defended his mother. He grew resentful over every damn thing he couldn’t control, and he saw that in Odelia too; he saw a fear of lack of control in her. “Trust me, I’ve been here before. I lost him too, my father…” he uttered, his voice only a touch above a whisper, his eyes downcast and unable to meet hers. Dan barely talked about this. He rarely wanted to since he had spent so long trying to grow numb over it.

“And it.. it never helps to blame yourself. Your father wouldn’t want you to do that either, I’m sure he wouldn’t.” Then suddenly, just like that, Dan was holding onto her tightly as she cried into his shirt. He felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to give her the comfort that he himself never received. His head felt foggy and the environment around them seemed to fade away, as all he could focus on was the pain both he and her felt - though mostly hers. Everything else felt like but a mere memory. As Odelia grew frustrated suddenly, Daniel was hardly alarmed by her launching a paperweight towards the wall because he got it - he totally understood. He let her be angry because, like him it was the only way they could ever feel alive again.

Daniel jolted a little as she threw the side table, only because it made such a daunting sound that echoed down the halls. But he calmed himself, taking a deep breath before he got back on his feet with his palms up. “I won’t be angry for you, fine. At least not for now - I can’t promise I won’t get mad later. You have every right to be furious.” His hazel eyes drifted towards all the angry dents in the wall. He pressed is lips together as he sighed deeply, hands slipping into his pockets, internally baffled that for once he was about to be the wise one. “But don’t yell or kill Solomon the first chance you get. Chances are he might not have even left your father, but rather, they got separated somehow.” 

“What I mean is be angry, you’re more than welcome to scream or cry as much as you want to because - quite honestly - this world of ours is cruel as fuck anyway, and probably won’t give you another chance to get angry because it has something else fucked up arranged for the near future,” he rushed, his voice elevating with a hint of hot, repressed anger lacing through his words; his brows raised and his eyes were much wilder, more frantic than before as they met Odelia’s. 

“But just..” Dan tangled his fingers on his hair, his palm resting on his forehead like a man with his fever. With his eyes closed, he sighed yet again, slowly, trying his best to calm down. “.. Don’t swap out your brain for your heart. That’s when everything goes wrong. Trust me, I know.” His very life was the epitome of the advice he just offered, after all. Daniel was relentless in court, blaming all the wrong people, just because it somehow made up for the pain as well as how useless he felt when he had lost both his parents. It was stupid, he knew it was. But it was the only thing that  h e l p e d.

“God, yes it is. I should’ve fought that fucking governor to let them in. Solomon’s still capable even if he has a bad arm and no one’s a better healer than my father why didn’t I say that!” She shrieked into her hands in frustration, tugging at her own hair from helplessness. “I bet this happened when I-I got too selfish with you. I bet I could’ve gotten here much sooner but I didn’t even think about leaving as soon as I got that fucking letter, I failed, Daniel. You wouldn’t understand,” she dismissed his conviction, having no idea that he out of all people understood the most about her situation. And she was proven wrong just as he admitted he lost his father as well. The way he hid his eyes from her when he was usually so haughty was telling, and her lips only parted in both sympathy and embarrassment from her mistake. “I’m... so sorry. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone,” she spoke quietly, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak as she glanced away from him for his own sake.

She stayed quiet, silent tears still streaming down her cheeks as she inhaled a shuddery breath from her own disbelief of losing her father. He was right, she went through this before and it only made trying to mourn her mother’s death much harder. “Fuck, Daniel, I lost my mother and father while trying to help them? Is this my curse, I try and help but they always die before I can?” She let out a laugh that was borderline hysterical before covering her mouth and shutting her eyes as she forced her sob to be silent as she shook her head. She was furious, she was heartbroken, but even worse she felt incredibly selfish for being grateful that Daniel was there. How could she think about her own desire for companionship when the one thing she was good at doing when her mother died-and for the rest of her life-was isolate herself? All she knew was that Abbot didn’t call when their mother died, and Solomon tried his best to be the stronger one without showing much emotion. It was her father who helped her. And now, it was Daniel who was giving her the comfort she had needed before.

She sucked a breath in her through her teeth as he said he’d be angry regardless. Of course he would, he was reliving his own traumatic experience, but that was why she was so frustrated. He didn’t need to go through that again, hell, she didn’t need to either. But here they were, their worst moments displayed in a bloody mess on the ground and she wondered: if she tripped, maybe she’d shed his blood as well. “Jesus Christ, Daniel. I’m not going to kill that fucker,” she grumbled before shaking her head. “I’m going to yell as much as I want, I know it’s irrational but I don’t care.” She snapped, scrunching her nose before sighing. Taking her anger out on him would solve nothing, but nothing she could do was fix this. Maybe it was the fact that her usually calculated mind had hit rock bottom was what was causing her to react this way. 

“I’ll have another chance the next time you piss me off,” she grumbled, yet her words were half-hearted. Inhaling sharply, Odelia swallowed the lump in her throat as she tilted her head back on the wall behind her. She was exhausted, she wanted to wake up from this nightmare only to find everything to actually be okay. Leading up to this day, Odelia kept dreaming the worst. Now, she’d be dreaming that everything went her way only to be hopelessly disappointed and broken when she’d remember it was all false. She heard his anger as she looked up at him, worry creasing her face. “No, don’t say that,” she begged, voice cracking because she knew the next worse thing to happen would be either losing him or Lucas. “You don’t know what that could do.” She hoped he understood what she was saying without her having to be explicit in her fear. It never did suite her.

She sighed, eyes averting his as she finally found it in herself to stop crying for now. “I’ve never thought with my heart before, Daniel.” She thought he’d knew with how she was. “I mean I know I seem to with you but.” She shook her head, letting it hang low as she looked at her hands as they clenched and unclenched. “If I let myself feel so intensely all the time, I’d just be ruined. I can’t let myself get distracted.” She looked up at him, a saddened look because she told him more or less that she could not give Daniel the confirmation he wanted, that she knew he wanted. Feeling herself shiver at the thought, she gestured for him to come to her, bottom lip beginning to tremble again as she spoke only a touch above a whisper. “But... please just-” she almost yelled instead of asking for what she really wanted. With a sharp inhale, she looked away from him. “I need you next to me right now.”

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Daniel stormed up the stairs right behind Odelia, feeling excited for her too. There was no chance of him reuniting with his family, no matter how much he wanted to. He had accepted this already, for he had already spent too much of his life angry over what he couldn’t change. So he hoped that Odelia could at least find hers. But then he heard the daunting silence that followed every time she called out their names. The  e x a c t  same thing happened when Dan called out for his father many years ago, and already, his head felt like it was spinning. He felt heavy, cold, as if he had just woken up from a bad dream. Except that it was beginning, rather than ending.

And then there was his confirmation: Odelia’s father on the ground, a bloody mess that Daniel was very familiar with. “Jesus.. God, w h y –..  f u c k.” Daniel rubbed a hand over his face, half turning away from the sight as he muttered to himself incoherently, cursing God because he thought for a brief second that suffering was over for the both of them. He didn’t want to see Odelia suffer. He was enraged, his arm shaking slightly as he held a fist over his mouth, as if it took physical effort for him to not lose his temper. But he did it anyway. “We’ll find your brothers. And the sick fuck who did this. I swear.. I swear I’m going to make him wish he was never even born..” He looked out the window as he spoke through his teeth, unblinking as he uttered the last sentence, as if he was entranced by his own blinding rage. 

Life was never fair and Daniel was mad at himself for forgetting about that, for just one second. They had travelled all this way, driven and drunk with hope that this one thing would go right, and this wasn’t even asking for much. The  o n e  time the cynical pair had an inkling hope had all turned to dust. With an infuriated roar, he impulsively threw a nearby lamp to the wall, sending it shattering ungracefully. But it didn’t compare to the way Odelia fell apart in front of him. It hurt to watch. It hurt to hear. He could feel her pain with every inch of his body, making him buckle and land on his knees too.

Daniel squeeze her shoulder tight, his head bowed and his eyes shut tight with his brows furrowed. He let out a shaky sigh. “I’m so sorry. God, I am so so sorry..” he murmured, shaking his head fervently like a child who couldn’t accept the situation in front of him. But he didn’t offer any you will be okay’s or  this will get easier - because it never did. Loss didn’t work like that. Grief was like a wave; one moment it’s gone, then the next you’re drowning in it, triggered by mere moments such as seeing a chair similar to one your father once sat on. So he simply stayed there, silently mourning with Odelia because the last thing he wanted to do was disrespect her by lying to her. Daniel vowed to understand her, as her only friend as her and as her could - be -  lover, and that included this very moment. 

Never in her life had she felt so useless, there was nothing she could do to save her father and she had no idea where her brothers could be. At best, they ran away. At worst, they were captured. She wasn’t prepared to lose her family, not like this. How stupid of her to let her hopes up in such a bleak world. Nothing could be salvaged here, why did she expect her family to still be here? She didn’t listen to Daniel, she didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say, and she didn’t care that he shattered a lamp in anger. She could only focus on her failure, the fact that she failed to keep her family safe right from the fucking start. She felt pathetic as she sobbed, but her entire body was now just a vat for cement to pour into and keep her down. Orphaned. The word didn’t sit right, she was an orphan now and no matter how old she was, that would be the most devastating thing to realize.

It dawned upon her that the blood was still in his body, making her realize that this was recent. Could it have happened while she was too drunk off adrenalin and Daniel to worry about her family? Did it happen when she was packing before the drive? There was a chance she could’ve stopped this, and she didn’t take it. She was too late, she was always too late. She got her mother’s green card too late. She got Solomon’s letter too late. For someone so punctual, she would always be too fucking late. “This is my fault,” she whispered while Daniel yelled, he was the hurricane while she was the devastation left behind. “This is my fault,” she cried, one hand shielding her eyes away as if she could make this all disappear if she just closed her eyes tight and wished it away. She needed to stop being so childish, being childish got her excited and now she was crushed.

As he got down besides her, Odelia shrugged his hand off her shoulder only to suddenly turn into his arms, her body shaking as she hid her face into his shirt, praying this would all go away. This wasn’t fair, he wasn’t supposed to go like this. He was supposed to be taken care of by her, his only daughter. No one else could be gentle with him except for her and her mother, but she was gone and Odelia was away in safety while her family sacrificed themselves so she would live. That wasn’t fair, she didn’t have to stay in Princeton, she should’ve refused and gone with her father. But just like before, she ran off for a better life and left him in the dust. How could she?

“I could’ve helped,” she choked out, large gasps filling her lungs as she tried to calm herself down, realizing Daniel had never seen her this way. “I was too late, I’m always too late.” She shivered and she knew she’d always feel cold like this, no matter what, this was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. She pulled away from Daniel as she stood up, missing the comfort already yet she needed to move or else she’d be on the floor forever. “Where are my brothers? Why do I have to be the responsible one? Abbot left our family for years before deciding to contact any of us,” she grumbled, grabbing onto a large paperweight as her jaw clenched. “Solomon was supposed to take care of him and they fucking fled, didn’t they? Those... cowards!” She shouted, throwing the paperweight at the wall, leaving a hole in the plaster as she stomped her foot in her grief stricken anger.

“Those bastards! I always have to be the brave one, I always have to sacrifice everything! I gave up my teenage years for this goddamn family and those two can’t even,” she picked up an old cordless phone, chucking it at the same spot as the hole, “do one fucking thing for them!” She wasn’t really angry at them, but she needed someone to blame. Looking over at Daniel, her face screwed up, her hair wild as her emotions as she stared. “You don’t get to be angry for me,” she tried to sound like her usual demanding monotone voice, but there was nothing but raw emotions as her voice cracked and her bottom lip trembled. “Only I can be.” The last syllable came out as a cry, heaving in a breath as she threw the side table across the room, falling to her knees again with her face in her hands.  

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

{ Farewells }

It almost didn’t feel like he was in an apocalyptic world - that is, with Odelia by his side. Normally, his eyes were practically attuned to see all the bad in the world; he looked for it, he expected it because if there was anything his past taught him, it was that the world wasn’t kind. But whenever he was near her, she was all he could focus on. It made him calm. It made him, if not an optimist, less of a pessimist for a moment. Thus it almost felt like a normal road trip as they drove through Vineland 

He glanced over to one of the apartments ahead of the road, squinting at what appeared to be a rifle sitting atop its stand on one of the balconies -.. as if someone lived there. Dan furrowed his brows in contemplation because, surely, the owner would not leave behind their gun like that if they didn’t intend to use it. He hummed. “It looks like we might have a survivor out there.. didn’t you say one of your brothers was rather tough? I’d imagine he might have a set up like that.” Dan pointed towards it as he met Odelia’s gaze. “Maybe to shoot me down,” he joked dryly, the corner of his mouth curled upwards slightly.

He hoped it was one of Odelia’s family members. He hoped the room wouldn’t be empty, disappointment and a feeling of being a little too late as its only residents.

[odeliahayes]

They had their fair shares of enjoyment and if she was being honest, she momentarily forgot about all her worries when it came to seeing her family again. It was easy to push aside intruding thoughts of her entire family not being there when she was occupied with Daniel. She could recognize Vineland but only from what she had seen in pictures before, and she was surprised at how quiet it was. Princeton was so loud and the areas surrounding it were ridden with murderers or zombies that she wondered if they’d even have to go back if it was this empty in Vineland. She bit her lip at the thought, knowing she wouldn’t want to leave Lucas behind, however.

The apartments were appearing among the horizon as she drove closer, chewing on her bottom lip in thought. She was hoping to god, praying that she wouldn’t have to lose her whole family. She almost didn’t hear Daniel as he began to spoke, yet she looked over to where he was pointing and her eyes lit up with hope. Abbot most definitely would’ve used a gun like that and Solomon did say they would be in the town. While everything else was empty, that was the only apartment that showed any sign of life. “Y-yeah, Abbot was always a good shoot.” She smile slightly before letting out a quiet laugh at his quip. “He might if he sees that hickey I gave you.” She snickered, lightly pinching it as she turned into the residencies. She barely parked before she was jumping out of the car, one gun placed in her holster just in case one of her brothers actually was going to shoot them

I shot Solomon before anyways.

She almost laughed out loud as she stormed quickly up the stairs, not looking back to see if Daniel was behind her (he always would be anyways, right?) and found a door slightly ajar, which she was assuming her family would’ve kept open just for her. She pushed the door open, too excited in her fear as she ran inside. “Solomon? Abbot?” She called out, stepping further inside of the apartment. There was a stillness in the air that made her blood run cold and a stench that was all too familiar to her, but she was hoping for once that was just her paranoia. “Papa?” She called out, making a turn into the kitchen only for her to stop dead in her tracks.

“Papa?” She gasped out loud, blinking hard to make the image go away, to wake up and hope that this wasn’t real. There was her father, on the ground with not only two bullet holes, but a rusted-or bloody-knife besides him. Her throat closed up, not being able to react as she just stared down, disbelief and denial clouding her vision. She heard Daniel behind her, or she assumed it was him, and tried her best to not break down completely. “I-… we’ll need a proper burial. We need to find out who did this, we need to find my bastard brothers.” She needed someone to blame, and they were the ones who weren’t here right now. She kept her face still, stoic, and calculating but before she knew it, she was releasing out a loud wail as she dropped to her knees, bowing her head onto her father’s chest, a loud gasp echoing off the walls as she laid there, pathetic and in hysterics as she slammed her fist down on the floor, her sobs only getting louder the more she tried to stifle them.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

Flowers for a ghost;

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

Dan narrowed his eyes playfully at Odelia’s statement, giving her an equally pointed look as he retorted, “I’m not impressed with everything you do. Please. I have high standards.” Standards that she happened to meet, however. He had a habit of finding something he disliked in absolutely any situation or anyone, but this wasn’t so much the case with Odelia. With her, her flaws weren’t something to be disliked, but rather they served as a basis for them to bond over. Her calloused facade, her fear of losing, her fear of  l o v i n g - he could relate to it all whereas everyone else did not understand them nearly as much. “My job to impress you? Well, I don’t think so. But if you really insist..” he trailed of, a faint smirk toying with his lips as he directed his gaze back to the dirt path ahead.

How peculiar it was, to be flirting and talking about how to treat children with her, despite the dangerous world that surrounded them. It felt so  n o r m a l, so right, that Daniel began to wonder why the hell he hadn’t met Odelia earlier. Was it fate then, for them to meet only once they were already broken so that they could fix each other up? He almost snorted at how poetic that sounded, but then again it did make sense. He chuckled softly as he replied, “Perhaps not now, but I’m sure he’ll want one later. Especially considering how lonely it is nowadays. After all -” He looked to Odelia, something between amusement and bewilderment written on his features. “I walked into this apocalypse without even considering relationships even once. And yet here I am, in a car with some woman I just met.” Dan huffed a dry laugh. But despite the flippancy of his tone, his words rang clear: he didn’t expect to fall for Odelia this fast.

“Well alright! Well, I “want to” not die,” he quipped paired with a sardonic smile and raised brows. Nonetheless, he found his laughter blending in with hers, because although it was scary - although he did value his life far too much - Dan knew that she would never actually put him in harm’s way. “You’ve never lost a race? Hm, that makes both of us over-competitive then,” a satisfied smile curled his lips as he glanced her way, “we’re going to have to find something we can compete over, that we both have an equal shot at.” He donned a smug smile as he closed his eyes and shrugged. “I’ll go easy.” As Odelia straddled his lap, he only barely got to fit in a teasing shut up before her lips pressed against his. With his hands on her waist, he pulled her towards him, a small smirk toying with his lips as they moved against hers. They were in the middle of nowhere. Easy targets. But for once he forgot to pay attention to himself and his safety. All he could feel, all he could focus on was her.

“Oh really? Then your poker face at being unimpressed is just terrible.” She reprimanded, a knowing smirk on her lips as she rolled her eyes at him. As if she was even trying to impress him in the first place, nothing she really did was to do that. He was simply accepting of the mess she was, hell, he even had the same issues as her some of the times. Daniel, however, was less scared of whatever this was between them, that she could tell. She was downright terrified when she’d think about it, but she had no problem flirting and kissing him all she wanted to avoid thinking. Daniel? He was teasing her constantly, he was the one making it clear that he didn’t mind her or her behavior, that he was ready for whatever she was. “Please, have you met me? I couldn’t even trust you enough to patch me up what makes you think I’d trust you enough to give me an orgasm easily?” She scoffed, cheeks tinted pink after realizing how forward she was but she shrugged and waved him off. “Of course I insist.” 

Desire was a strange thing, and it didn’t limit itself to lust. The desire to want someone was so much stronger than she could ever think, and the desire for a safe life with people she inexplicable grew connected with was even stronger. She wanted to not only explore Daniel’s mind, but what he could do to her, and whether or not they’d break each other’s hearts. She wanted to actually take care of Lucas, even if her inner arm itched with the thought of having to have him become another tally mark. Swallowing the bitter thought away, Odelia narrowed her eyes as she shook her head. “What could a relationship for children entail? Hand holding and awkwardly trying to figure out how to kiss?” She shook her head, sighing to herself at the thought. “Though, I guess American media makes it seem normal for younger kids to be ‘dating’ or something.” Odelia looked over at Daniel as he spoke, an eyebrow raising before her lips curved up slightly, huffing a quiet laugh to herself as she shook her head. “Only because you wouldn’t leave me alone if I tried to avoid you. You walked right into me and latched on, Daniel.”

Quiet literally too, as noted by his grip on her arm. Still, she didn’t mind either situation. Having someone care so much to actually go out of his way to look for her, to want to be in her life even if she was failing to push him away, it touched her heart in a way she didn’t even know was possible. Perhaps no one else had really tried before, because even if they did appear to have fallen for her she certainly was good at keeping them away. Or maybe, she didn’t want them back. She pushed them away due to her lack of desire, so trying to keep Daniel away was much harder on her than she thought. “Well of course not. I’ve never missed a shot either.” Odelia raised an eyebrow at his thought process, a lewd thought entering her mind as she tilted her head with a slight smirk. “I think we might know what, but I warn you, I’m better at you at everything I bet.” Teasing him was so natural that she didn’t even notice sometimes when she was doing it. “You should know me,” she murmured, nipping lightly at his bottom lip. “I never go easy.” She pushed closer just as he pulled her, her hand cupping his cheek as she shivered, overwhelmed by her own feelings. Never had anyone else earned such a reaction out of her from just a kiss but that was just what their connection meant, didn’t it? He could send her reeling with a look, he could make her forget with a kiss. And perhaps that was why she was so desperate to kiss him, because he could make her forget her own name if she let him, and she most certainly was letting him as her fingers curled at the hair at his nape, deepening the kiss further as she pressed closer.

[rxtributionist-deactivated20190]

Flowers for a ghost;

[odeliahayes]

rxtributionist:

“Hate to admit it, but it’s true.” Despite the flippant shrug paired with an amused smile, Dan knew otherwise. He knew there was a chance that he may sacrifice himself for her one day. Certainly not now. But he had this feeling in his gut that one day he might just value her life over his own, and he hadn’t thought this way since he was a mere child peering up at his parents. He froze when Odelia moved her hand up his leg, only because he was surprised however. But soon enough, his smirk matched her own as he side-eyed her with an arched brow. “Impress me then.” 

Dan chuckled softly, nodding as he idly casted his attention to the passing buildings on his right. Remnants of them, rather. “I’d say honest is best. I wouldn’t want him to start accusing us of being liars if his girlfriend dumps him for some second-rate guy. You said love was supposed to be easy,” he replied, making a rather poor imitation of Lucas. He narrowed his eyes a little as he met Odelia’s gaze, not out of scrutiny, but because what she said was something he should’ve heard long ago. Daniel was so accustomed to having, to being expected to, know everything; his whole life was based on security and evading the unknown. Perhaps he just needed to let go, and Odelia was the best person to give him a little push. Probably figuratively as well. “Wait, wait, what are you doing – WHY?” His last word ended up being a ungraceful yell, his nails digging into whatever he could grab as Odelia stomped on the gas. 

It was cute - no, it was adorable - seeing her so ecstatic and he wished he could react better, but he only ended up latching onto her arm as she spun the car around. A small part of him relished in the adrenaline, but a larger part of him was screaming for his life in a far from manly manner. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, holding his palm to his chest as he attempted to catch his breath. Letting out a winded laugh, he raised his brows as he looked Odelia’s way. “Yeah, I can tell. Only drag racers aren’t afraid of death.” Even though he looked as if he had just ran a marathon, he did notice the way Odelia pursed her lips into a small, nostalgic smile akin to a mouse. And so the nickname slipped from his mouth before he knew it, even though he could foresee her punching him. “Good run, little mouse. Good run” he breathed, holding up a weak thumbs up as if he had been easily beat in a tennis match.

“Oh believe me, I’m aware.” She tilted her head as she gave him a pointed look, the remnants of an amused look. In reality, she had some faith that there were things Daniel had to sacrifice for someone else. Maybe not a significant other if they didn’t end up being too significant anyways, but perhaps a family member. He wasn’t as gruff as he made himself out to be, and in return she wasn’t as bitter around him all the time. It was strange to think about, that someone so similar to her could make her the opposite of what she usually was. But of course, these traits were always hidden deep down. He just managed to pry it out of her. She gauged his reaction, eyes lowering at his statement with a smile that suggested that was just what she was expecting out of him. “I have a feeling you’d be impressed with whatever I did,” she started, promptly removing her hand as she shrugged. “Isn’t it your job to do that? After all, why should I believe you could?” It was suggestive, it was her pushing his buttons but his patience with her sometimes was impeccable. Whatever he’d do with that was up to him.

Odelia scrunched her nose in thought at what he said. Maybe that really was the best option with children. To be upfront as to not give them unrealistic expectations like the two of them must’ve had long ago. “Hm, I guess you’re right. And please, he’s a child why would he want a girlfriend or whatever now?” She smiled at the second rate comment. It proved how far deep he was with his affection towards Lucas, something she sensed he was hesitant about but it was sweet, she felt so typical for loving the way a man was with a child but it was so rare to see nowadays anyways. “Your impression is horrible, by the way. I can’t wait to see his face when you reenact it.” She chuckled, rolling her eyes at the thought. She didn’t catch his narrowed eyes, but she did laugh at his reaction, throwing her head back as she let herself be more reckless. “Because I want to!” She shouted back, unable to control the burst of laughter.

She giggled when he latched onto her arm, positively delighted at his state despite knowing how terrified he was. It seemed silly to her that he would be, but to be fair he was right; she really didn’t fear death. She grinned as he began to catch his breath, biting her lip as her head tilted at him. Putting the car in park, Odelia gazed at him with a mischievous look in her eyes that suggested she had no problem doing it again. “I have a lot of aggression and needed more money. Did you know I never lost a race?” She smirked, clearly thriving off the adrenalin that was pumping through her veins that made her restless. Raising an eyebrow, Odelia tilted her head. “Little mouse? Really?” She scoffed, yet her cheeks turned pink as she shook her head. It was cute, but she was far from little. Laughing at his feeble attempt to appear calm, Odelia decided to unbuckle her seat belt and suddenly climb over her seat into his lap, gazing at him with a knowing look as she took his face in her hands. “You’re such a wuss sometimes, I swear.” She grinned before leaning down, lips pressing against his in a scorching kiss, one that made it obvious it had been what she wanted to do again any time they had seen each other before. One hand traveled down his chest, while the other went to place on his nape as her legs hooked at his waist, a small smirk playing against her lips.