Despite my disappearance for the time being, it's crazy for me to think and realize that this blog, as of yesterday, is officially 1 years old.
Also for further update, I'm still here. I've just been busy over the last few months, especially with the holidays. Now that they're over I'm nearing my due date on the 31st, possibly sooner depending on how the next few OBGYN appointments go. I'll be trying to return but on top of that, I'm still taking care of my other kiddos and trying to bunker down for the next. I'll be trying my best to write as much as I can when I can. I've missed y'all.
Despite my disappearance for the time being, it's crazy for me to think and realize that this blog, as of yesterday, is officially 1 years old.
Also for further update, I'm still here. I've just been busy over the last few months, especially with the holidays. Now that they're over I'm nearing my due date on the 31st, possibly sooner depending on how the next few OBGYN appointments go. I'll be trying to return but on top of that, I'm still taking care of my other kiddos and trying to bunker down for the next. I'll be trying my best to write as much as I can when I can. I've missed y'all.
“ you don’t have to hide your tears from me . ”
“ you’re doing great , okay ?? i mean it . ”
“ you are so strong . ”
“ please don’t ever give up . ”
“ i will always believe in you . ”
“ why do you always think you have to do everything on your own ?? ”
“ it’s okay , i’m here . i’ll always be here . ”
“ you’ve always been strong for me . let me return the favor . ”
“ just listen to my heartbeat , okay ?? ”
“ come on , take a deep breath . it’s gonna be alright . ”
“ please , just hold me . ”
“ you always meant the world to me . i’m sorry i let you forget that . ”
“ i never stopped loving you . ”
“ you’ll feel better if you talk about it . i’m here to listen . ”
“ you’re so much more than the mistakes you’ve made . ”
“ i forgive you . ”
“ you are so fucking powerful . ”
“ i’m not leaving you here . ”
“ i trust you more than anyone else in this universe . ”
“ it’s okay to be confused . nobody has all the answers . ”
“ i’m so , so sorry . you didn’t deserve that . ”
“ healing is not linear , but it’s always moving forward . ”
“ you can admit that you’re hurting . it’s okay to not be okay . ”
“ hold my hand ?? ”
“ you are my home . ”
“ no matter what anyone else says , you are so important to me . ”
“ don’t worry . i’ll protect you . ”
“ shh , it was just a nightmare . you’re safe . ”
“ don’t talk about yourself like that . ”
“ just say the word . you know i’d do anything for you . ”
“ you are loved . ”
“ i just need a hug . ”
“ i’ll destroy anything that so much as thinks of harming you . ”
“ don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are . ”
“ you’re not alone . you’re stuck with me forever . sorry . ”
“ well , hello sleeping beauty . you fell asleep on me . ”
“ if you don’t take your butt back to bed , i will carry you there myself . ”
“ i’m sorry to wake you up , but i really need someone to talk to . ”
“ i hate seeing you like this … please , let me help . ”
“ you are & always will be precious to me . ”
“ i can’t believe that asshole said that to you . it’s not true , you know . ”
“ you want me to punch him in the face ?? ”
“ you deserve every good thing in the world . ”
“ you know i always have your back . ”
“ you don’t have to worry about anything , as long as i’m around . ”
“ stop apologizing , okay ?? i’ve already told you i’ve forgiven you a hundred times now . ”
“ don’t beat yourself up over this . be kind to yourself , it’s not your fault . ”
Revan had been waiting much of the time by her side. She was taking a bit longer to awaken than he had planned. Among everything else she probably needed the sleep as well. He left the large room to attend to a few matters, but not as far away that he would not be able to hear her should she call out. Also he was not entirely sure what all to tell her and how as well. His droids working as quickly as they could but being so old well it was understandable that the process of cleaning his home would take some time, but hopefully the main areas would be dealt with sooner rather than later.
Hearing a voice he sped through his home and stopped just outside his room, or perhaps for now her room. He stepped into the doorway and waved his hand and the room started to slowly light up. Crystals in the ceiling started to produce light around the large room. "I will not say do not be afraid after what you have been through and me a stranger it would not make sense for you not to be afraid. Just attempt slow deep breaths if nothing else for the children." He smiled a little but keeping a bit of distance from her to if nothing else attempt to ease her stress levels.
"My name is Revan you would not have heard of me more than likely." He assumed likely all records of his history would have been wiped out by the Jedi Order long ago and his encounters with some Jedi since well was not likely going to be in a public record. "I was meditating not long ago when I felt the death of so many force users then I had a vision of you being...attacked. I took my old ship and made my way there as it was happening as the Jedi and Sith went off to fight i healed you and brought you to my home where you and your children will be safe from both the Jedi and the Sith." It was a great deal of information to be giving her so he decided to stop there for now.
The sound of footsteps approaching pulled her attention towards the doorway, the truth was, she wasn't sure what or even who to expect there. After all, she had never been to this place, there wasn't anything she recognized. Padmé could feel her fingers nervously dig into the sheets at her side when someone finally emerged to greet her. She wasn't sure how to feel, was he friend or foe, and the overall question Padmé found herself asking was- is this someone she could trust, or had she found herself going from one bad situation to another? So many questions ran around her mind, yet not a single one passed her lips. Instead, she sat there silently, her gaze taking in his appearance before she finally focused on his words.
It was strange, she hadn't realized she had been holding her breath until he reminded her to breathe slow and deep for... a hand reached up, gently touching her baby bump where she could feel movement beneath her flesh. A sigh of relief was offered before she followed his instructions. Surely, if he had meant to harm her, he would have done so by now and wouldn't have been concerned about her unborn children's well-being. Wait- did he say children instead of child? Padmé glanced away from him to look at her stomach- it made sense of the constant movement she felt.
"I'm... Padmé." She fell silent for a moment, the images of Mustafar played in her mind, both fresh and painful. Looking back on it, she wasn't sure if she would have made it if not for this man, Revan saving her. There was no way for her to tell what the outcome was for Anakin or Obi-Wan. A frown pulled to her lips before she closed her eyes and took in another deep breath, her heart ached, but she was thankful to be alive and above all, safe. "You have my thanks, I'm not sure if I would still be here if not for your help. " Opening her eyes she looked back to him, "Those force users... it was horrible, so many Jedi, padawans, and even the..." She swallowed hard when her throat tightened at the idea, the memory of Obi-Wan telling her what Anakin had done, "Even the younglings. "
The Senator shook her head, "I don't know why it's all happening but it's horrible, these people, I've known and would never seem the type to do such horrible acts, yet... they're out there doing just that. " This time she moved, carefully to move to the edge of the bed and carefully brought herself to stand. "I know I already said it, but thank you again."
"Are you certain your information is correct?" the brunette stared at the mercenary in front of her, and for once he didn't seem annoyed with her questions. "I wouldn't come to you if I wasn't certain, now the real question is, what do you want us to do about it?"
This changed... everything. This meant Anakin had never fallen to the dark side... that the person she had last seen wasn't him, he never became Vader. There was a flutter of hope, something she felt in some way, somehow even if it had been in the presence of the wrong person. Anakin was not lost, he was still good.
"I want you to take me to him." The man stared at her for a moment before looking back to his partner, "What do you think, Reed?" The male shrugged, "I don't see why not, she pays for it. What happens afterward is for her to deal with, unless ya know. She pays more." It was Padmé this time who rolled her eyes. "As useful as you've been, I doubt it. I've remained well hidden from the Empire and intend to keep doing so. But if this information is true... I have to see it with my own eyes. I need to see him, so take me."
----------
They opened the door for her to enter, yet, instead of taking the lead they stood behind her. She assumed it had to do with breaking into a Jedi's home... and to a degree, she didn't blame them. The ex-senator moved carefully down the halls until a figure emerged in front of her. Reed shined a light past her, setting the beam on the wall to cast light and attempt to not blind anyone in the process. Her honey gaze drank in the sight before her... and despite the change in looks, she recognized him immediately. Her throat tightened, a part of her wanted to cry in joy, the other wanted to scream at him for disappearing... not letting her know or someone they knew know. Part of it was her fault. She had well faked her death to direct the attention of who she believed to be Anakin as well as anyone else away from her.
Her chest tightened in a way she couldn't explain, and it took her a moment longer to find her voice before she finally spoke. "I'll forgive it because of the lighting, Anakin." She found it, a soft almost teasing tone before she continued. "It's me... Padmé. I've been looking for you and thanks to some help, I've finally found you."
▸ IS YOUR MUSE TALL / SHORT / AVERAGE?
Short | 5'3
▸ ARE THEY OKAY WITH THEIR HEIGHT ?
Yes, she's never really seen her height being an issue with the jobs / task needing to be done.
▸ WHAT’S THEIR HAIR LIKE?
Brunette, silky, always taken care of and always being placed up in different designs to fit her current attire for whatever situation it may be.
▸ DO THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HAIR / GROOMING?
YES, honestly seeing and reading the amount of effort she as well as her handmaidens put into her hair and just looks in general was mind blowing to me, but it also makes sense given where she came from and what she feels is to be expected from her.
[[Also, this is pretty long so I’m adding the read more.]]
▸ DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE / WHAT OTHERS THINK ?
Yes, in her line of work there is a means to keep a sense and look of professionalism at all times when in the eyes of her peers and the public.
— PREFERENCES.
▸ INDOORS OR OUTDOORS?
Outdoors, there is a sense of freedom and beauty outside of walls of a building.
▸ RAIN OR SUNSHINE?
Sunshine.
▸ FOREST OR BEACH?
Beach, it gives a sense of home on Naboo, especially at the lake house.
▸ PRECIOUS METALS OR GEMS?
Gems are for appearance, outside of that, she doesn't really have a preference on this. She holds what means something to her no matter what it looks like / or is made of.
▸ FLOWERS OR PERFUMES?
Truth be told, despite the smell goods, she loves flowers. They remind her of her father's garden and takes her back to more simpler times where she would help plant / water the plants with her family.
▸ PERSONALITY OR APPEARANCE?
Personality is preferred, appearances are a b o n u s.
▸ BEING ALONE OR BEING IN A CROWD?
Crowds.
▸ ORDER OR ANARCHY?
ORDER IN THE COURT.
▸ PAINFUL TRUTHS OR WHITE LIES?
Painful truths, a lesson she learned from her own mistakes as well as personally down the line. A truth means more, even if it hurts.
▸ SCIENCE OR MAGIC?
Science, it has a line of basic understanding, though she isn't opposed to what people would call 'magic.'
▸ PEACE OR CONFLICT?
Peace, all she craves and wants for the galaxy and others is peace.
▸ NIGHT OR DAY?
Day.
▸ DUSK OR DAWN?
Dawn.
▸ WARMTH OR COLD ?
Warmth, it brings a sense of comfort.
▸ MANY ACQUAINTANCES OR A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS?
A few close friends.
▸ READING OR PLAYING A GAME?
Reading.
— QUESTIONNAIRE.
▸ WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR MUSE’S BAD HABITS?
I feel to some degree, based on movie / show and books, she can be too trusting of those who don't entirely deserve it. And also my girl wears those rose colored glasses when it comes to certain people and certain behaviors.
▸ HAS YOUR MUSE LOST ANYONE CLOSE TO THEM? HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEM?
Yes, there have been many who took up the job offer as handmaiden and lost their lives in the process. It led to forms of trauma regarding situations that could have easily played out but didn't. The thought still there, and the constant fear of it playing out again. Others didn't even lose their lives, it was a matter of being distant in the end. The life Padme lives isn't open to the public, even to those she wished it could be. So it takes a toll on her from time to time, but she tries not to show it in order to keep herself focused on whatever is her current target.
▸ WHAT ARE SOME FOND MEMORIES YOUR MUSE HAS?
The bonding with her friends/handmaidens.
First interaction with Anakin Skywalker.
Saving Naboo with help from others.
Marriage.
Pregnancy.
Many things, but I'm answering this pretty late and have it queued for later.
▸ IS IT EASY FOR YOUR MUSE TO KILL?
No.
▸ WHAT’S IT LIKE WHEN YOUR MUSE BREAKS DOWN?
Denial, tears, heart ache. Wondering if it could have been different.
▸ IS YOUR MUSE CAPABLE OF TRUSTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR LIFE?
Yes, canon. In AUs set for her, however, not as much.
▸ WHAT’S YOUR MUSE LIKE WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE?
Over the moon, starstruck, flaws are nonexistent {for the most part}, laughter, talks about the future.
Padmé had taken only but a moment to dip the cloth into fresh water, cleansing it of any sweat, dirt, or blood. She could feel it in herself, stirring with a curiosity that she fought against, but it didn't keep her from wondering, exactly what had happened to him to put him in such a state. It was clear what drove him, at least to the visible eye, anything deeper would require him to open up. She had already gently pushed with her words, she would go no further in bothering him. When Ben felt like opening up, he would do so on his own account, and she would be there for him when he did, and if he allowed her to in the first place.
It pained her to see him like this.
One thing she had always hated was seeing loved ones in such pain. Physically, emotionally, or even mentally, their struggle was still a struggle. She remembered how much Anakin struggled, and even to this day she wondered if she had tried even harder to reach him if things could have been different. Sitting idle while loved ones were in such turmoil wasn't something she could do anymore. She would never do it again, including when it came to her grandson.
When he spoke, she was silent. His words fell and she tried to feel and understand the weight of them. She winced, not because of his outburst, but because of... everything else. Something weighed on his mind, and she couldn't imagine being a child who had little to no time with family. She thrived in an environment where her parents were there, her father took her off the world, and in her run and success as Queen, continued to support her. And Ben... Ben wasn't getting that. He expressed feeling tossed aside and more than that, something pulled at him. The weight of who his grandfather was...
Padmé sighed softly, her hand extended and settled waiting in front of him if he wished to take it. "Anakin... wasn't always like that, you know? He was compassionate, and caring, a Jedi Knight before he was swayed by emotion, temptation, and want of more. Even then, he came out as himself." Or so she had been told by Luke. "I think the fear that drives those who know, including our family, is the force is... complicated. The dark side, that path is easy to walk without even knowing." She paused for a moment, her eyes settled on him, "I do not condone the treatment you've received, how you've been left to believe something is wrong with you. Ben, I see nothing wrong with you. That fear pitted from what you've been told is understandable, but don't allow yourself to drown in it. You have the strength I haven't seen in ages, the capability to see what's bothering you, and speak of it. Not many can do that."
"The past is the past, " It wasn't an easy thing to say, but she believed it, "What's done is done, all we can do, is keep mistakes from being repeated. There have been no mistakes. She may not have expressed it well enough for you, but Leia loves you, and so does your father." Padmé smiled. "That's the thing about parenting, it doesn't come with a handbook on what to do and not to do, just like you, we're still learning. They are still learning."
Glass covered the floor, her limbs trembled in a manner she had never experienced before. The cuts from the glass didn't hurt as much as the realization everything she once knew was gone. A woman out of her times, resurrected by technology she never would have dreamed about. Padmé didn't know these people, most of them terrified her, they chased her until she was left in the corner feeling like a / helpless/ animal. Her gaze jerked from person to person, unable to focus on anyone or anything. That was, until the one being who entered, the one who would have startled or even struck fear into anyone entered the room. She wasn't force-sensitive, but a sense of familiarity washed over her at the sight of someone she would have believed to be a stranger. Or, perhaps it was the striking resemblance in the previous family. So lost in her thought she hadn't noticed the hand that extended to her, nor did she know the means behind it.
One would have thought to inflict pain, yet, it was the complete opposite. Comfort.
When her name was spoken, her eyes finally lifted to meet with his own. What she saw, and felt, she knew him. And he knew her, or at least of her. Family. He had to be, and his words eased the trembling, yet the pain did not dull. Her hand reached up, touching his hand to be sure it was real and not another dream.
#thefellow guesses it was #starwars #weekend or something and brings you #natalieportman as #padme #padmeamidala in this #digitalart #digital #art #portrait
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
