sometimes i tell myself iβm okay. i repeat it, like a mantra. iβm okay, iβm okay, iβm okay, iβm okay. because iβm afraid if i stop, even for a moment, i will drown in all the reasons i am not.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β MAVERICK DOESNβT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. on the outside, he seems cool as ever: confident and cool, like he knows his parentsβ lawyers will get him through this whole ordeal. on the inside, he struggles balancing the emotions of knowing that someone, namely melanie, who has essentially been part of his entire life, is missingβpotentially gone. he doesnβt know how to sift through judgmental glares when they stem from a place of distrust, rather than disappointment. this is a whole new ballgame.Β
so when aurelia shows up at his doorstep with a bottle of tequila, he feels the pit in his stomach fall away, even if he knows itβll return with a hangover in the morning.Β
β sorry, β he responds, his tone a bit downcast. an entire day spent in bed has rendered him completely LETHARGIC.Β β i guess i donβt really have a preference. we trying to get happy drunk, or sad drunk? β he asks, grabbing the bottle and topping both of their glasses up.Β β this whole thingβs got me feeling like absolute SHIT. you think β¦ you think sheβs okay? β
Β Β Β Β Β she doesnβt remember the last time she saw her friend like this. sheβs seen him sleepy, and drunk, and hungover β¦ but aurelia knows this is different, that his spiritless movements donβt stem from physical exhaustion but rather something that runs far deeper. and although she cares about maverick enough to want to help, aurelia canβt even begin to fathom a way to help him sort through his own emotions when she can barely handle her own. itβs the reason why she brought alcohol rather than heartfelt advice β all sheβs ever known is ignoring feelings until they leave her alone, and drowning them in tequila felt like the right coping mechanism.
Β Β Β Β Β but it isnβt. she realizes that when maverick asks a question she doesnβt know how to answer. their friendship is based on a trust that goes back years, on a mutual upbringing and thirst for deviating from the norm β except where he did, she was never brave enough to follow suit. she doesnβt share feelings, not even with him. not even about an investigation theyβre both suspects in. aurelia sits up, cross-legged, as her fingernails tap against the glass and she looks at maverick with her brow furrowed in honest concern.Β
Β Β Β Β Β β of course i think sheβs okay, mav. i also think you worry too much,β she adds, and moves closer to place a comforting hand on his shoulder and give him a genuine smile. β and that you deserve to get happy drunk, but if sad drunk is inevitable, iβm here for you anyways. unless you start crying,β aurelia teases. though maybe thereβs a hint of honesty in her words.
the problem with being stuck at covington was that there was not a lot of places to go to when she needed to leave her apartment - not that hemlock was the biggest city around, but it at least had more variety than the university. donatella was not the biggest fan of coffee, she mostly just drank it because it was trendyΒ and it looked cute on her instagram feed, so she had been at bean me up more times than sheβd like to admit ever since the interrogation. it was, after all, the busiest place at the moment, even if that didnβt mean a lot, and she liked being around people. she liked the attentionΒ she could get.
so her day really took a turn for the better when the person next to her was one she actually liked being around. aurelia was the embodiment of success for her and she liked to surround herself in positivity, even more so when her head was full of negative thoughts.Β β maybe we should go to the doctor to see what makes you react that way everytime. β donnie joked, barely glancing at the barista as he gave her the coffee.Β β i didnβt know you were also stuck here. β
Β Β Β Β Β aurelia is observant. sheβs always noticed how donatellaβs eyes linger adoringly onto her every move, the way her everyday routine has turned her into a god upon a gleaming pedestal to be gazed upon from a respectful distance. and itβs annoying, being followed around by a wide-eyed girl who needs a role model. she has never softened her words towards donatella in hopes that someday, the other will understand that she does not want to lower herself from her place in olympus to walk side by side with the devotees. she has no interest in becoming donatellaβs friend, and no fondness that would make her be kind.
Β Β Β Β Β however, aurelia is also egocentric. deeply rooted issues of insecurity wage a constant war against her delusions of grandeur, as she carries herself with poise and sets herself upon a pedestal. she doesnβt need donnieβs wide eyes and friendly smiles, but she welcomes them nonetheless. itβs the reason why she avoids telling donatella to leave her alone β sheβd rather keep her at a comfortable distance. she smirks at the otherβs joke, but offers no other response as she takes a long sip of her coffee and starts walking towards a table. β unfortunately, i am stuck here. itβs β¦ β aurelia hesitates, searching for the proper word β and gives up within moments. itβs donatella. she wonβt judge her.Β
Β Β Β Β Β β itβs bullshit and a real waste of my time. i could be doing something far more important than getting coffee and staring at the ceiling of my apartment until melanie fucking rivera pops back up from wherever sheβs hiding. βΒ
Β Β Β Β Β maybe itβs unwise to sit at a table in a coffee shop, empty as it is, and talk shit about a missing person. but she knows donatella would probably drag herself down before letting anyone lay a finger on her reputation, and a quick, intimidating glare and a gesture of her hand is enough for the cashier to hurriedly make his way into the back of the shop to give them privacy. the power of being a bad bitch, as she knows some would say.
Β Β Β Β Β shiloh furrows her brows as she adds some purple to the tree bark, not quite liking how her drawing is turning out. sheβs never considered herself much of an artist, but the funny-looking tree on covingtonβs grounds was interesting enough to spend some time on, and the repetitive movements combined with the cold pleasantly distract her from her own thoughts. sheβs seated on a bench, one leg tucked underneath herself and a blanket thrown over her lap, when she is pulled from her meditative state by the sound of someoneβs voice.
Β Β Β Β Β shiloh looks up to find her cousin standing over her, making some bitter comment thatβs probably supposed to provoke her. she rolls her eyes, already packing her things in the well-worn backpack she brought with her. β about to grab lunch, actually. you coming with ? β as much as she could respond to aureliaβs provocations in kind, she canβt find the heart for it. years of seeing her cousin being molded into her parentsβ perfect daughter have made shilohβs feelings toward the girl shift closer to pity than to anger. so she has found a kind of middle ground in dealing with aurelia, ignoring her jabs and stubbornly forging ahead with decorum. itβs not out of kindness, exactly β more out of the innate sense that she should probably try to get along with family.
Β Β Β Β Β she should know to expect an indifferent response by now. her proximity to shiloh, both due to them sharing a campus and sharing blood, has meant that their interactions are more frequent than aurelia would like. unlike shiloh, she always obeyed instructions and delivered exactly what was asked of her β if not more. aurelia grew up in an asphyxiating world of expectations, as atlas carrying the world of the world on her shoulders while keeping her body poised and her expression stoic.
Β Β Β Β Β she should know to expect nothing but indifference, yet sheβs still taken aback by shilohβs dismissal of her vile attitude β and invitation to lunch. for a second, aurelia fumes. it feels almost disrespectful, as her venomous words are brushed off and disregarded without a second thought. aurelia knows she should be used to it by now. yet as features remain unfazed, something within her stings. she blinks in surprise a couple of times, parts her mouth β speechless, for once, but she masks it with a fake cough. β i β¦ suppose i have nothing better to do, β aurelia concedes, cursing her empty schedule and the lack of people on campus. despite everything, family is family. and she knows her parents would approve of her having lunch with shiloh.Β β so. which five-star restaurant in campus are we having lunch at ? β
it was a weird concept, seeing the bean me up satelite location as empty as her bank account but it was now a very real situation. that freaked donatella moreΒ than the disappearance of melanie rivera. it was standing there waiting for the only barista, incel looking skinny guy that was always working the morning shifts, finish preparing her iced coffee that she heard it: the delicate sneezing sound she knew so well.Β β bless up. β she automatically replied, wincing when she realized the exact response she would get.
donnie wasnβt bothered, however, because she knewΒ people were only mean to people they liked, right ?Β so if she ever felt like aurelia was being rude, she should be thankful. even more so because lia was everything she could only aspire to be, so as she stood there, waiting for theΒ inevitable words, she did so with a smile on her face.
Β Β Β Β Β it wasnβt often that she resorted to coffee. aurelia always claimed that drinking tea was a healthy choice, that it helped her keep her caffeine levels in check. itβs part of her carefully crafted image β a woman who cares for herself, who lives a healthy lifestyle pursuing knowledge of mathematics and classics alike. yet here she is, sunglasses concealing weary eyes, adding whatever powdered substance will somewhat mask the overwhelming taste of coffee with one too many shots of espresso. as she removes the lid from a jar labeled β nutmeg β, aurelia feels as some of the powder navigates towards her nose and brings up a hand to mask her mouth as she sneezes β softly, quietly, in a manner labeled as polite and ladylike by overbearing family members.
Β Β Β Β Β she doesnβt expect a response, and softly smirks to herself when it comes in the form of a casual bless up as a female voice she recognizes cuts through the relative silence of bean me upβs satellite location. aurelia doesnβt bother to turn towards donatella as the snarky reply theyβve both grown used to spills out. she doesnβt bother to keep her tone playful, as the words are cold as the december air outside the windows. she hopes itβll be a clear sign of the fact that sheβs not in the mood for a conversation.
Β Β Β Β Β β excuse me. i got an allergic reaction to your face. β
the december cold nipped at ellaβs skin, slipping inside her coat, down her neck and up her arms. she hadnβt thought to grab a hat or scarf, and it was proving a poor decision. she ducked into the first campus building she got to, finally pulling her hands out of her pockets to rub them together, puffing her warm breath against them. she was used to the cold, being a minnesota native, but that didnβt mean she had to like it.Β
it was as she was warming her hands, eyes glued on the ground, that she literally bumped into someone. she reeled back, going pale as she realized it was the worst possible person to bump into.Β βaurelia,β she said, unable to even smile or look like anything more than a deer in the headlights.Β βum, iβm so sorry. i didnβt mean to- iβm sorry.βΒ
Β Β Β Β Β she is leaving the library with three books in her hands, balanced one on top of the other, to keep herself entertained during the time sheβs forced to remain in the campus. one by shakespeare, one by apollonius in rhodes, one dusty, worn book written entirely in latin. aureliaβs opted against borrowing more at a time, to keep them from falling prey to the unusual mess in her apartment. sheβs spent more time breathing the cool december air and passing silent judgement on the other students that could be seen wandering aimlessly around the campus, trapped within its confines, than tidying up her bedroom.
Β Β Β Β Β and then, a body collides against her side, and aurelia barely manages to catch herself before dropping one of the books onto the floor. her gaze is already cold as she turns towards whoever was unlucky enough to bump into her, yet thereβs only more chilling hatred in her eyes when she identifies them as ella. poor ella, at the wrong place, bumping into the worst person. sheβs apologized twice and somehow, possibly gone even paler before aureliaβs even managed to compose herself. and then, crimson lips curl into a malicious sneer, to then part and let venomous words spill without an ounce of regret or sign of a filter.Β β donβt bother apologizing, ella. you already ran into me. iβm sure you didnβt mean to, but i guess your single brain cell malfunctioned and thus, here we are. maybe just leave the campus so a reasonable distance can be between us -- a couple of states, at leastΒ ? or would that be too much to ask ?Β β
griffin Β hadnβt Β so Β desperately Β wanted Β someone Β to Β be Β her Β friend Β until Β she Β met aurelia Β choi. Β she Β truly Β admired Β aureliaβs Β demeanor Β and Β personality, Β and Β it Β struck Β a Β chord Β in Β griffinβs Β chest Β as Β well. Β like Β aurelia, Β she Β was Β cold, Β but Β she Β wasnβt Β as Β willing Β to Β show Β others. βitβs Β crazy Β to Β think Β that Β before Β the Β wholeβ¦ Β party Β fiasco, Β iβd Β be staring Β at Β the Β ceiling, Β thinking two Β weeks Β and Β iβll Β be Β home,β Β griffin Β remarked, Β though Β fully Β lying Β about Β the Β fact Β that Β she Β wouldβve Β went Β home. Β over Β breaks, Β griffin Β simply Β bummed Β around Β hemlock Β and Β took Β another Β job Β to Β help Β save Β up Β for Β her Β next Β semester. Β βsorry Β that Β the Β party Β turned Β outβ¦ Β you Β know. Β iβm Β glad Β that Β you Β came Β though. Β it Β was Β really Β fun Β having Β you Β there.β Β it Β was Β all Β griffin Β could Β say. Β the Β party Β as Β still Β too Β much Β for Β griffin Β to Β comprehend Β and Β frankly, Β it Β wasnβt Β helping Β her Β seem Β too Β cool Β around Β aurelia.
Β Β Β Β Β she finds griffin endearing. she never understood why people would follow someone around in blind admiration, and aurelia is perceptive enough to tell that griffin doesnβt view her as an equal, but rather seems to watch her movements and select her words carefully. as if not to disappoint her. still, not only does she find it humorous, but aureliaβs developed a fondness for the other girl. she follows her around, boosting her ego and the air of grandeur that aurelia always irradiates, but at the same time, sheβs actually pleasant company. it is not something she can say for others who have tried to take up griffinβs space in her ( cold and self-proclaimed nonexistent ) heart.Β βΒ sure. just know i am never partying with you again,β she teases, though thereβs a concealed playfulness in her words, accentuated by the way that crimson lips curl into a smirk.Β β it was fun being there, β she adds as an afterthought. hoping itβs enough to make griffin feel like she didnβt mess up when inviting aurelia to the party.
ππππππππ: darcy and aureliaβs apartment
π ππππππππ: @skletonβ
inspired by the garden by mirahΒ !
your heart has hardened ...
Β Β Β Β Β β so.β the single word cuts through the silence of the living room the moment her best friend enters the space. only here, with no company other than darcy, aurelia allows herself to sprawl across the couch as long limbs dangle from the edge, and good posture is disregarded in favor of lazy comfort. a windowβs been opened, letting in the cold, and allowing the odor of the cigarette sheβs just put out to escape. it also means that aureliaβs draped herself in a blanket to keep warm. a hand pops out from under the covers as she shifts, moving her feet onto the floor and tapping the space next to her, and a brow quirks upwards as she looks at darcy.Β β how do we really feel about melanie rivera going missing ? and would it be too inappropriate to throw a little celebratory get-together hereΒ ?Β β
inspired by which witchΒ by florence + the machineΒ !
iβve had enough, itβs obvious ...
Β Β Β Β Β gaining a fragment of aureliaβs trust is a feat that takes time and perseverance. one victoria has yet to achieve. however, that doesnβt mean that aurelia doesnβt enjoy her company, or that sheβs unwilling to share her thoughts with the other. she takes a sip from her cup, lets hot tea pave a scalding path down her throat. itβs too hot, but when everything is already desensitizing, she doesnβt care. she meets victoriaβs eyes, then silently looks off in the direction of the covington estate. the place that has become a crime scene, a tribute to covingtonβs missing golden girl -- as if she needed more people following her every move in adoration. as empty as the campus is, aurelia knows that all students have their eyes on the case and probably expect them to have something to do with melanieβs disappearance. aurelia turns back to victoria, sets her cup down on the table in front of her, rolls her eyes, and speaks bitter words.
Β Β Β Β Β β this is bullshit, donβt you think ? sheβs probably just going to turn up in some other city and weβre stuck here waiting until she decides to appear. β
inspired ( very loosely ) by tainted loveΒ by hannah peelΒ !
sometimes i feel i need to run away ...
Β Β Β Β Β Β β shit. i dribbled.Β βΒ aurelia raises a hand to wipe the stray droplets of alcohol from her chin and grimaces at the small stain on the front of her shirt. sheβs not drunk enough for her behavior to be this sloppy, yet not sober enough to bother wiping it off. maverick is one of the people she feels most comfortable around, and aurelia feels at ease knowing that there is no perfectly crafted image to strive to uphold, and no pressure to work towards constant perfection. his presence has always been comforting, and with tensions quickly rising, aurelia chose to run away from unwelcome glances thrown in her direction and her parentsβ judgmental phone calls. she knew he wouldnβt ask any questions when she showed up at his doorstep, carrying a bag that contained nothing but a large bottle of tequila, and told him to put on netflix while she brought out glasses.Β
Β Β Β Β Β she needed to escape the world, and he welcomed her with open arms. aureliaβs laying on his bed now, as comfortably as if it were her own, and she nudges him with her foot as she holds out her empty glass.Β β first, youβve taken forever to pick a movie. itβs not that hard, just make up your fucking mind already. second, refill ? β
the hurt that the head forgets, the heart will always remember ...
Β Β Β Β Β having a cousin whose life sheβs envied since the two of them were children is hard for aurelia. it has always been, as resentment spreads and anger builds within her. shiloh always seemed to have it easier than her, with parents who gave her some degree of freedom from their plans. itβs a liberty aureliaβs never had, and itβs been there, teasing her, just out of her reach, ever since she can remember. and then shiloh followed her into covington, and escape was impossible. her cousin, with her idyllic life, followed her right into her safe haven.
Β Β Β Β Β and now, covington is in tatters. a victory party was all it took for one of her classmates to vanish, seemingly without a trace. aureliaβs felt the stress building within her ever since then, as an empty campus somehow manages to make her feel as if sheβs trapped. for years she has been under her familyβs close scrutiny, the smallest movements analyzed and corrected if they deviated from the norm. the investigation is no different.
Β Β Β Β Β aureliaβs gone for a walk across campus, airpods in her ears as vivaldiβs winter soothes her mind and a thermos filled with tea in her left hand. the apartment was chaotic, and sheβd felt the need for some air. instead, she sees her cousin, and her feet gain a mind of their own as they carry her towards the other, her face void of emotion. a missing personsβ investigation isnβt enough for aurelia to forget her resentment.
Β Β Β Β Β β hello, shiloh. what are you up to ? ready to jet off on another trip in search of self discovery ? β
there has always been something ominous about hemlockβs atmosphere, a stillness in the air that warned of an inevitable day where something would happen -- until it did, and one of her collegeβs own went missing. a grey sky looms above aurelia as she makes her way to the site of her questioning, one hand tucked into the pocket of her coat and the other holding the last of her cigarette as she smokes while walking. itβs her third one of the day. the tension in the air, and the outburst of feelings ranging from surprise, to outrage, to even relief for a select few make aurelia cling to her vice of choice to keep herself stoic as always.
she puts out her cigarrete using the sole of her white tennis shoe, tosses it into the nearest trashcan, and heads into the lobby. sheβs fifteen minutes early, and the sound of distant chatter and a clock ticking are the soundtrack to her wait. she stands the whole time, her posture impeccable as always. eventually, a man calls her name. he introduces himself as the chief, she shakes his hand and offers a polite smile. aurelia introduces herself. he already knows her name, she clarifies that it was meant as a formality.
he steps into the interrogation room first, and a chair is pulled out for aurelia. he asks if itβs okay if he gets straight to the point, and eager to avoid any and all small talk, she agrees.
β can you tell me, to the best of your memory, what happened on the night of december 13, 2019? β
aurelia nods once as a show of collaboration before she starts speaking. calmly, slowly. β my friend griffin beck invited me to the party over text, and i agreed to go. usually, iβm not the most fun at parties, but griffin seemed eager for me to go. so i did. β
β i arrived at the estate at nine, with my friend mav -- maverick braxton, that is. it was a college party, so as you would expect, things were a bit ... β she hesitates for a moment, mulling over her phrasing. β hedonistic, if you will. i shared a couple of drinks with griffin, talked to maverick. still, i have a good tolerance for alcohol, so i felt mostly clearheaded. i cannot same the same for everyone -- peyton underhill, for one, seemed a bit tipsy when she spoke to me. β
for once, aureliaβs hands betray her as her fingers tap against the surface of the table in front of her, betraying her discomfort. she recalls peytonβs flirty tone cutting through the music, calling her by a nickname reserved only for her closest friends. she remembers blushing, and masking it with a snide, passive aggressive comment before fleeing the situation before her racing thoughts spiraled into unwelcome conclusions.
β i remember looking at my phone to check the time and see if it was too early to leave -- which it was. it was barely 10:45. β she pauses, smirks to herself at her low tolerance for messy college parties, and continues.Β βΒ so i just went outside for a cigarette, and there, i had a chat with a couple of classmates -- eloise morris and eden lennox-montgomery. eloise left after a couple of minutes, though, because eden was upset and wanted to talk to me in private. also, because she knows that eloise and i donβt get along at all, so i was thankful for her brushing ella off.Β β
aureliaβs demeanor visibly shifts as sheβs forced to recount her first run-in with ella. not getting along is an understatement, but an interrogation is not the place to seek advice on conflict resolution. so she clears her throat, and continues.
β we barely spoke for ten minutes before eden went to get drinks, and i had initially planned on going back to the party and getting more drinks. but i felt guilty about being so dismissive, so i tried to find eden again and apologize. instead, i ran into eloise. again, the conversation was brief and thoroughly unpleasant.Β β
aurelia doesnβt go in depth about the venom in her words every time they are directed at ella, or about the fact that theyβve hated each other since freshman year. her feelings towards ella are unrelated to the case, and also, probably detrimental to her character. she knows that in an interrogation room of all places, she has a reputation and a family name to uphold.
β i couldnβt really find my friend afterwards. i guess she was probably drinking her troubles away. i donβt know what time it was by then, and the next thing that comes to mind is the fire. but iβm certain that you already know about that. β
β did you see anything unusual that night? was anyone acting out of the ordinary? β
aurelia stills. she tries to hide it, and masks her unease with a sardonic roll of her eyes. she recalls the sight of a red-haired girl carrying a container of the same hue, and as the tension slowly starts getting to her, she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and traces the watch on her wrist.
β it was a covington college party, detective watson. iβm afraid i am not sure what you mean with the ordinary. β
she can tell that her answer is not amusing to the men present in the room. as they momentarily make eye contact, she forces herself to regain control of her breathing. so far, sheβs been her usual icy self. she knows she cannot let them see the cracks beginning to form. that if they realize that her posture has gone from regal to stiff, and that the pattern of her breathing has changed, they might asking questions.
and she would have to come up with a believable lie to keep her secret -- that she saw her best friend, darcy kovac, at the time of the fire. running in the opposite direction from everyone else. carrying a red container, one that looked like it couldβve carried gasoline. loyalty is a foreign concept to aurelia, yet she finds repulsion towards the thought of incriminating darcy. so she feigns disinterest, looks back at the detective, and makes eye contact as a lie spills from rosy lips.
β no. i saw nothing unusual. β
β can you tell me more about your relationship with melanie ? β
β this question is pointless. β
the statement is succint, and again, unamusing. before the detective can scold her, aurelia speaks again, begrudgingly. but honestly.
β however, for the sake of cooperation, i suppose i have to. we met in freshman year, due to mutual friends. even then, everyone seemed to think of melanie as some kind of goddess, and iβm afraid i disagreed. the two of us never got along, but that was the extent of our relationship. β
itβs concise enough. she feels no need to go into detail of the two weeks wasted in vague attempts to please her friends at the time, when she clung to her prejudice firmly. stubborn, proud, she cared far more about her initial assumption being right than about being melanie riveraβs friend.
β do you have any reason to believe that someone would want to hurt melanie ? β
β i do, β she replies, and by the detective and the chiefβs expressions, aurelia can immediately tell that they are taken aback.
β i wasnβt the only person who disliked melanie. many others did, some far more ... passionately than me. i am not going to throw serious allegations around -- that would be unreasonable, β she clarifies, β and i donβt know if anyone would be capable of physical harm. actually, i sincerely doubt it. however, i know that melanie rivera wasnβt as universally adored as you have probably been led to believe. β
she is urged to give a name, and recalls the many times sheβs heard some of her closest friends rant about their distaste of melanie. again, aurelia chooses to reveal less than she knows.
β i already told you iβd rather not make these allegations -- theyβd lack solid foundation and iβm not willing to incriminate any of my classmates based on gossip. β
β do you have any questions about how the case will proceed ? β
β no, β she retorts plainly. eager to be done with this already, to leave the stuffy interrogation room and the detective and chief's scrutiny. aureliaβs usual apathy has returned, and as she stands, she shakes hands with the detective and the chief as she heads outside. as she begins walking back home, she lights another cigarette.Β
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