independentΒ && selectiveΒ AziraphaleΒ fromΒ Good Omens. based on the book && the series. lovedΒ (&&Β ruinedΒ )Β by AliceΒ (+25Β ). follows back fromΒ @wcndxrlnd.
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affiliated (in love) with blindsite's Crowley

JBB: An Artblog!
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almost home
Today's Document
Not today Justin

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if i look back, i am lost
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@ofeasterngate
independentΒ && selectiveΒ AziraphaleΒ fromΒ Good Omens. based on the book && the series. lovedΒ (&&Β ruinedΒ )Β by AliceΒ (+25Β ). follows back fromΒ @wcndxrlnd.
directory
affiliated (in love) with blindsite's Crowley
There's something frantic in the thready way his pulse skips into his ears and despite Aziraphale's pleas, Crowley can't hear them. His mind is a white-hot blank and tunneled vision on the elevator some yards before them. He's walking at breakneck speed, struggling to maintain the calm veneer that would maintain the cover of their inconspicuousness. His tongue feels fuzzy and his stomach is tight, like he's spent a whole night in a bottle but his focus has never been more startlingly clear.
There's a stab of guilt he's ignoring for the sake of Muriel's self-sacrifice and it hurts that it reminds him too much of the angel he's holding tightly enough to press bruises into tender flesh. Desperation to save what mattered to him most when the dreamer buried deep underneath would want to save them all.
He almost stops to go back, but he can't. There's only the follow-through of going forward pushing him on with a gravitational momentum that made him feel like he was barely hanging on from being discorporated.
Crowley doesn't stop until he throws them both into the elevator, punching the globe that mimicked a perfect green and blue marble. The doors closed on the distilled white halls of Heaven's hypocracy and Crowley sagged against the wall for a moment. Still, his hand did not lose Aziraphale's.
Before the doors opened up on Whickber Street, he's slammed his shoulder into the wall of the elevator with a might of force. Adrenaline and helplessness collide in a moment and he pictures Muriel in that cell. Hollows of her cheeks and her smiling face drawn narrow and pale. He finally loses Aziraphale's touch as he pulls in on himself a bit, wanting to scream.
Damn him and his soft heart.
The elevator doors open and he's moving all at once as he steps out into the busy-ness of London. Every bit of doubt and self-loathing for a decision that he hadn't even been the one to make piled on as he stumped down the street toward a familiar landscape and the comforting haunt of a 300 year old book shop.
When they stumble into the elevator, it's no longer clear who is holding onto who. Crowley's grip on his hand is desperate, and then it's gone. Whatever it was that had gotten them this far seems to lose its grip on Crowley, and when he pulls away Aziraphale shoots him a worried glance. Even through the hazy fog that clouds his vision, he can tell that the demon is far from alright.
There is no time to consider his reaction as the elevator doors open and Crowley steps out. Quick to follow, the angel stops in his tracks for a moment as he scans his surroundings. A lot has changed. Whickber street is no longer so much the cozy, slightly touristy area he remembers, as a construction site and the state of the surrounding abandoned buildings make him dread moving closer to the bookshop. He doesn't think he can bear to see it destroyed.
They couldn't dally anyway. Michael would find out he was missing soon enough, even if Muriel proved to be a better liar than he gave them credit for.
"Crowley -" he reaches out, fingers gracing the back of his friends elbow, "-the car?"
There is a hint of urgency in his voice, eyes darting around the street despite how his head was swimming.
once their plates were clear, he has nothing to distract himself other than the wine. speaking of, aziraphale's is pushed towards him. he groans at the driving the speed limit comment. β could we compromise? s'pose you could go a few over the speed limit? β he sounded petulant. blame that on the wine. upon finishing his glass, he starts on the one offered to him. he isn't at all thinking about the angel's lips being on the cool glass only moments earlier.
their legs do touch and a shiver runs down his spine. hell, he wishes he hadn't forgot about the no miracle thing because he finds that too many thoughts coursed through his mind without his permission. upon mention of money however, the demon gives a bark of a laugh. reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulls out a silver clip wallet with the head of a snake holding the money tightly. a rather fat wad of it too. β i've thought of, β lips purse as he holds back a very ungentlemanly burp, β everythin'. how do you imagine we will pay for petrol and any expenses along the way? i pinched pennies or whatever the saying is. β shoulder's shrugged as if it weren't a big deal at all. though it certainly was, this plan ( or versions of it ) had been in the making for so long.
he laid quite a few bills on the table, not even bothering to wait for the check. crowley knew round about how much the meal cost from looking at the menu some months ago. beside, he'd carelessly overpaid anyways. they exited and it was only then that the demon realized the extent of the lowering of alcohol tolerance. he was done in. the less than graceful stumble over the change in height with the step down was proof of this.
the angel's presence is felt as he steps closely to crowley's side. golden gaze spies rosy knuckled fingers where they hang in the air beside him. he doesn't take another step, doesn't move much at all other than a gentle swaying due to his inebriation. but, the hand is turned into the offering of a steadying arm. his whole head moves as he looks back and forth from the angel's face down to his arm. adam's apple bobs as he swallows, but ultimately accepts the offer. his arm slipping through the other's to grasp onto the tan material of the angel's coat. fingers tried to remain light in their grip and failed. his grip had a edge of desperation which neither of them would address for while. just like they wouldn't speak about the pleading look in aziraphale's eyes.
in the car, crowley's head swam. he wasn't sure what to make of the evening. moments of it feeling perfect and others seemed off like he'd bungled it all up. there was a silence over them in the bentley, who roared to life and purred under aziraphale's hands. it only furthered his embarrassment and confusion. he sunk low in the set, head leaning against the window, but turned towards the angel. eyes trained on him. the demon was studying his face like it would give him any answers.
and then the bentley turned the radio on. it cycled through a few stations before landing on one that it thought they both would like. β he doesn't like this type of shite, β he scolded through his teeth and tried to fiddle with the buttons. but aziraphale stopped him with a look. and crowley waited to recognize the song.
Fingers grip onto his lower arm with much more strength than necessary, but Aziraphale doesn't comment. Instead, he covers Crowley's hand with his own, forcing a proximity he wouldn't have dared suggest in other circumstances.
Even though he is technically the one supporting the demon, the fingers curled around his arm feel like a lifeline to him. Even in this state, there is an immense comfort in his presence. As they make their way back to the car - perhaps a little slower than the situation demands - he recalls how his eyes grew wide with both wonder and admiration when Crowley pulled out his wallet, stacked with enough cash to get them by for a couple of weeks without miracles easily. How had he even thought to prepare for something like this?
The car feels familiar - almost welcoming - when he sits down behind the wheel, and for a few minutes Aziraphale busies himself with maneuvring them out of the parking lot. As they drive down the last few quiet roads before they head back onto the highway, the quiet between them is only just noticeable when it's broken by the sudden plop of a radio springing to life. No Queen, but neither does the Bentley grant him the usual Mozart. Perhaps that was off limits when Crowley was in the car, even for her.
He can only pick up a couple of notes before the station switches, two, three times, and then starts playing 'Don't go breaking my heart'. How subtle. A quick glance at Crowley, who begins to protest.
"I don't think it's much use arguing with her tonight, dear"
And he did rather like Elton John, as far as modern music went.
"Now - were you planning to sleep it off? Are you comfortable?"
A bit of a ridiculous question to ask, given that Crowley had lived in this car before, but he didn't have the luxury of being inebriated enough for speech to come easily under these circumstances.
alright, Iβll say it. Some of you (Iβm not naming names but itβs true) are wildly smart and funny and talented and itβs a privilege to be on the dash with you.
GOOD OMENS "The Book"
No betrayal like misreading your alarm clock in the morning and hearing it go off one minute into the hour of sleep you thought you had left.
GOOD OMENS "In the Beginning"
"Apparently. If they hadn't, I can't imagine they'd have let me leave."
Saving one, singular human had earned him thirty years of torture. If Hell thought he was going soft, soft enough to befriend an angel, he'd be destroyed, down to his last atom.
"But it'sβit' fine, Angel, it's going to be okay." Two long strides are all it takes for him to cross the distance between them, though he catches himself and stops short of doing anything more comforting than that, hand hovering in the space near the angel's shoulder before falling limply back to his side.
"I told them it's a slow project. Just something I work on when I'm bored, y'know, justβjust taking my time, so Heaven'll be caught by surprise when one of theirsβ"
The end of that sentence dies on his tongue. He can't say it. Even if he doesn't mean it, the thought of saying aloud that Aziraphale may Fall feels too much like speaking something into existence. Crowley swallows hard and tries to put on an unworried air, though whether it's to ease Aziraphale's worries or his own, not even he's certain.
"We just need a few, small things I can show Hell, make 'em think I've got everything under control, and that'll get them off my back."
Crowley keeps insisting it's fine, but the reassurance doesn't quite land. The HUNTED air that radiates off him makes it hard to believe he has full confidence in a good outcome. How did they get here? The angel closes his eyes to find his bearings, and when he opens them again, Crowley has closed the distance between them, stopping just short of a rare offering of physical comfort.
Instead of dissapointment, he feels relief when the demon decides against it, and there is a somewhat guilty expression in his face when he takes a step back, silently rejecting the comfort of proximity. The sort of comfort that corrupted.
"What kind of small things?" he asks at last, eyes trying to find Crowleys in quiet assurance that he was still on board despite his obvious difficulty with the current situation.
"Oh Crowley, I! - if Heaven finds out..."
Then he wouldn't be much better off than Crowley was if they didn't put up a convincing act.
But there was no point in entertaining that train of thought, not unless he wanted to dissuade Crowley from so much as allowing him to help alltogether, and, maybe, he should stop rambling for long enough to let Crowley explain the situation properly.
He doesn't think about it, pulling Aziraphale close. It's a natural thing he does on instinct. A tug of his hand to drag the other just a step nearer to him as Crowley contemplates their situation and the kernel of illumination that his Angel had offered to it. He didn't doubt those bastards would be looking a whole hell of a lot more closely on who went out than in. Didn't want their precious captives going AWOL. Though, guessing by the mushy sort of creature in the other room, enough time down here meant there would be no leaving at all. He can feel it just standing here. The pull on him. Like water rushing down a dark, dank drain with all the eagerness of getting out of Soho.
Squeezing Aziraphale's hand, another thing he does without quite thinking, he clicks his tongue against the backs of his teeth. Wellβ! Better to go back up than stay down here. They just had to make it to that damned elevator, then they were golden, as they say.
Without a word, he sets off, taking Aziraphale with him and Muriel bringing up the rear. She looks much more nervous now that Angel has impressed the danger of their situation upon her. Crowley didn't wonder if she was second-guessing coming to him for help in the first place. Likely she had because he was the only one in all of creation that just COULDN'T leave Aziraphale alone. If 6000 years and a botched love confession was proof of anything.
Fuck's sakesβ did she know about their parting? What he'd said? The kiss? More to the tune of embarrassment than anything else, he finds himself getting angry again. It's more of a flush, though. Heat of rouge on cheeks to match the reddish of his hair and he refuses to look back at the angels in his company as they reach the hallway.
"Sounds quietβ¦" He says it too soon. There's a click of heels around the corner at the end of the hall and he blanches a moment. One hand raises in preparation of a miracle before Muriel scoots past him and shoves them both toward the stairs.
"Hurry up! I'm good at distracting..!" she hissed before scurrying toward those daunting footsteps. Crowley didn't need to be told twice. His pace doubled and he looped an arm around Aziraphale's waist to usher him up the stairs in time for Michael's voice to hit the back of his ear.
Aziraphale traces after Crowley, forcing himself to keep up if only to assure that their hands stay intertwined. It's the first time he has a decent chance to scan his surroundings since they had brought him up here almost three years ago, and back then, he hadn't considered that he was making a single trip. He is surprised by how ordinary it looks. Nothing about the long, white hallway with its many doors betrays the evil that permeates this particular part of Heaven.
Just when Crowley insinuates that the coast is clear, footsteps pull the trio out of that illusion, and as his mind races to come up with a plan on the spot, it's Muriel who shows a surprising feat of quick thinking - or rather, self-sacrifice.
"Muriel DON'T-" the angel starts, turning back around to stop her as an arm loops around his waist and pulls him back in the opposite direction, up a flight of stairs leading them away away from the approaching footsteps.
If they're quiet, they might actually be able to pull it off. But as much as he wants to get out of that place, he can't just leave Muriel behind. Not knowing what they'd do to her. Trying to get crowley to slow down a little, he whispers urgently: "We have to go back, Crowley - please! They won't be able to talk their way out of this...not here", but despite his protests, the angel keeps moving forward. The elevator is already within sight and the further he progresses towards it, the less he struggles to get his friend to slow down and go back.
He just can't go back.
crowley hadn't noticed the other wiping at his eyes. probably for the best because if he had, it would have broken him once more. even if they were tears of joy. once they are seated, it is only then that the demon worries that he had maybe overwhelmed his companion with a choice that was off base for their situation. the nerves crept into his form : foot bobbed ceaselessly, gaze watching the other closely behind his glasses, and hand gripped tight around the wine glass.
perhaps, aziraphale had been momentarily overwhelmed, but he seemed to take it in stride the second food was placed before him. something else he was familiar with other than crowley's company. it was a comfort to him. crowley picked at the food, not as much of an eater as his friend even though it was delicious. instead, he favored the drink. he hummed as he was thanked for the meal. his pleasure came from his friend enjoying the whole experience. that was enough to satisfy him.
the demon had already started his third glass of wine as aziraphale spoke again. eyebrows creased for a moment and then he spoke, words fall carelessly from his tongue, not quite slurred, but lazy ( likely because he was growing close to being tipsy ). β i would've, but it was after, well, after you ... you know. β he couldn't say it. not even wine could give him the courage to say the words.
there was silence. long enough for him to think of what to say next. β i always kept an ear out for things, culinary or otherwise .. for if you returned. β he clears his throat. it was obvious that he hadn't given up on the idea of aziraphale coming back from heaven. the evidence was written all over the messy backseat of his car and this dinner in itself. nothing was fully stable between them. this venture could have shaken the cracked foundation. yet, it felt like a further step towards healing.
once the meal was properly over, crowley found himself drunk. the tops of his cheekbones were flushed with it. β angel, would you mind terribly if i asked you to drive the last few hours? i seem to have forgotten that i can't miracle myself sober. β his speech properly slurred now. the demon was slouched down in his chair some now, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles under aziraphale's seat. dark denim was close to the cream trousers that was his companion's long time uniform. close enough the materials could brush against each other if either of them moved wrong. head tilted endearingly to the side, the tops of his eyes could almost be seen over how low glasses had sunk on his nose.
Crowley goes through the wine quickly. By the time their dinner has properly started, he is three glasses in. It's not entirely productive to a discussion concerning the road ahead - and he certainly isn't going to bring up Heaven now - but the angel doesn't comment. He can tell how hard the past year has been on his friend, and how difficult this is for him, even if he had gone out of his way to cheer Aziraphale's spirits. He could have this moment.
In any case, he's certain that it's the wine inspiring the raw honesty when Crowley admits to having saved this restaurant for them after their break.
"Oh-", he mutters, almost inaudible, lips pursing togeter. Thankfully, Crowley doesn't seem to want to talk about it any more than he does.
While the food is absolutely delicious, the enthousiasm of that first bite doesn't stick, and Aziraphale leaves nearly half of his plate untouched. Not wanting to appear ungrateful, he makes a show of appreciating the few morsels that do pass his lips before he motions for the waiter to take their plates. Crowley's intoxication is silently welcomed, if only because it makes him slightly less attentive than usual.
"I do think that is the responsible decision", he replies when Crowley asks him to drive the rest of the way to Edinburgh, "though I don't want to hear any complaints about driving the speed limit."
It's also the perfect excuse to push his own unfinished glass of wine towards his him, "perhaps you should take care of this then."
He shifts in his chair as he leans forward, and his leg brushes against Crowley's outstretched ones. He looks up, certain that their eyes meet despite the dark shades obsuring those of his companion, but instead of pulling away, he settles, letling their legs touch underneath the table as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
"Given that we don't presently have miracle money, perhaps it would also be sensible to skip desert? I can't imagine a dinner like this comes cheap."
A little while later, they are out in the parking lot again. The sun has properly set now, and the night air is cool on the angel's skin as he walks besides a slightly unstable Crowley. He must have opted for a rather low alcohol tolerance these days to be so affected over the course of dinner. There is a single step down separating the parking lot from the cobblestone path leading up to the in. Crowley, sauntering a few steps in front of the angel remains oblivious to its presence until he misses it alltogether. Aziraphale moves forward as if by instinct, but the demon manages to keep upright, seemingly by sheer force off will, and his hand is left hovering in the air for a split second. Then, he takes another step forward and holds out his arm, giving his friend an expectant look. His face displays much more confidence than he feels, eyes silently pleading not to reject the offered proximity.
Aziraphale might not be a big fan of modern music but he does have some guilty pleasures and Elton John is one of them.
Carrie Fountain, from Burn Lake; βBurn Lake 4β
Toon me
mun && muse
Tagged by: @unfxrgettable
Tagging: @sinnersmarch @blindsite and @xflashbastardx
what's your favorite movie?
what first drew you to your muse?
Munday Asks
Favourite movie
I always struggle to name favourites but I'm going to be basic and say I love Pride and Prejudice (and Nightmare on Elmstreet).
What first drew you to your muse?
The way he looks at Crowley.
One of the things that makes me love Aziraphale as a character is that he is a combination of soft and strong. Aziraphale makes a conscious effort to be soft but when it comes to it, he can and will stand his ground. I also think he is full of conflicting values and that makes him really interesting to write.
GOOD OMENS "The Doomsday Option"
Munday Asks
RP Related
What first drew you to your muse?
Do you have any verses you want to write but haven't fully figured out yet?
What's your favorite icon of your muse?
How do you feel you and your muse are similar?
Are there any parts of canon that you ignore for your muse?
Is there any fanon you embrace for your muse?
Is there any fanon about your muse that you can't stand?
What's a song that reminds you of your muse?
Do you have any old muses you'd like to bring back?
What's the hardest part about writing your muse?
What's the easiest part about writing your muse?
Are there any more muses you want to play?
Do you have a preference between platonic or romantic relationships?
Personal
Are you an early bird or a night owl?
Which is worse, stepping on a lego or stubbing your toe?
Do you prefer sweet or salty flavors?
Share an interesting fact about yourself.
If you could pick an animal to freely shapeshift into, what would you pick?
Do you enjoy spicy food?
What's your favorite movie?
What's your favorite TV show?
What's your favorite video game?
How well do you handle horror?
What's your current favorite song?