ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᶤᵍʰᵗˢ ᵒᵘᵗ

You kiss on ˢᶤᵈᵉʷᵃˡᵏˢ, you fight then you talk. One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says. "You're my ｂｅｓｔ friend" And you knew what it was, he is in ⒧⒪⒱⒠ private multi muse written by fin

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

        ❝…yea.❞ 

       ❝ now, i’d love to be buddies with both those fellas, considering they make good movies, but i am not gay. i don’t see how that’s hard to understand. About three years or so. I’ve got a daughter too, but she lives with her mother. what about you? she leave you when she realize you’re gay?❞

‘buddies. it’s not something you have to lie about to me, you know. i don’t care. i don’t know you or your people but georgie’s gaydar hasn’t steered her wrong many times.why did you get divorced? did she realize you were a giant gay? my wife and i split once we built up our business. we both knew earlier than that, but those tax breaks really make a huge difference. she’s the cream of the crop, really. even if i have to murder her for doing this to me.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

    ❝alright, yoda. how about we bet a hundred bucks? that sound good to you? ❞

‘it’s a deal. a hundred bucks, it can’t be a repeat, they can’t know about the bet, and if they’re an animal they don’t count. does that cover everything, poodlebug?’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

      ❝ sounds pretty. what else do you like? ❞ terry cared less about demi lovato than he did about what tattoo this girl was going to get. they were at a sex camp, it felt safe to drop the pretences. 

‘is this your version of the haha and then what text?’ jo smiled brightly. he was dumb, but he was cute. and worldly probably. ‘i’m just a good old fashioned girl looking for a daddy in shining armor. nothing to write home about.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

maybe desmond should be on his guard after all if this girl thinks that these woods belong to her. he peered down the hallway to see if she had anyone else with her. satisfied that no one else was here, he straightened up again and decided that he needed to talk to his cabinmates about locking the front door overnight. 

desmond thinks that evvy might be trying to look intimidating but all he can think about how awful it’ll have to be to put her down if she tried to attack him. 

   ❝ i’m staying here for the summer with the hundred other people here. i don’t think these woods belong to you and i’m not the one you should be delivering dead rabbits to if there’s a land dispute. sandy ryerson is the man you’re looking for. ❞ 

‘i know of him. he’s going to get his deliverance one day.’ maybe you’ll be strong enough to help me then, she thought. if only her tall boy had even a few survival instincts. 

she cautiously put her free hand on the door frame, eyes never leaving his face. ‘you know the idiot cats, don’t you? i’ve seen you with them. they’re not effective protection in these woods. there’s so much they don’t understand. it’s like entrusting a rabbit to be your protector.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

    santana was determined not to lose this battle of wills. she didn’t make captain of the cheerios with weak knees. if she can survive four years of sweaty, half-naked cheerleaders in locker rooms, she can survive this.

                ❝ i choose the kind of trouble i get into and i make my own plans.                    my name is santana lopez, i have my own imdb page. go check                    it out. but since we’re at a sex camp, i prefer mistress. ❞

‘no, that’s not going to be how this works, babygirl.’ she leaned forward to look the other girl up and down, her face bored. ‘if you want to be a good girl and get a taste you’re going to have to call me ma’am. or you can go back to your cabin. your choice.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

‘ you got your phone and i got my message across. ‘ making his way over with a plate of hot dogs, he knowingly sat down on connor’s tail. if connor didn’t move it, he wasn’t going to move it for him. he devoured half of a hot dog with his first bite and spoke with his mouth full. ‘ because cats are pussies about water. ‘

connor planted his foot against the other man’s side and shoved until his tail was freed. it would have been easier to just murder him, but cade made an actual friend. one that wasn’t a cat or imaginary. connor had to support him. ‘the only pussy here is you.’ connor dug his claws into the couch, enjoying the popping noise the fabric made as it gave way. 

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

   ❝that’s what i meant. you’d likely be some kind of mad scientist, which is dangerous. i’m not pissy. i’m honest. i can have garlic, it doesn’t do anything to me, but i have no reason to eat anyway, so i don’t. i don’t think so. i refuse to answer that question. ❞

‘i’m very good at business stuff. i honestly don’t know how this camp makes money, but i’ve tried not to pay too much attention. honesty only works if you’re super cute or if you’ve got a lot of tact. otherwise you’re just gonna make a bunch of enemies that will stake you in the heart when you’re not looking. not that i’ve thought about that or anything. you can’t just refuse to answer! i deserve to know! we’re building up trust.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

  ❝um-wait, what? vampires? those aren’t actually a thing. right? oh, thanks. uh, have you seen anything else i should be worried about by any chance?❞

‘yeah, they’re a thing. they’re not nearly as cool as i thought they’d be, though. oh boy, you got some time to kill sweetie? there’s the circle of torn open animals that gets closer and closer to the cabins, the murders, sandy, pretty much all the lesbians, the less moral gays who are going to eat you up like a mini kit kat, and there’s these two really bitchy asian tigers. don’t even go near them because the gayer one bites. oh and like, all we get fed is sugar. so.’ you know. health issues.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

❝repeating something over and over doesn’t make it true, sweetie. no. i’m saying sometimes i like going on dates just for material items. i thought that was, like, clear? guess not. and trust me i’ve thought about being one before, but i’d totally be too expensive, i’m worth diamonds. you’re tinier than me, therefore you are tiny. i don’t make the rules, muffin. ❞

‘you know what, man? i’m getting really freaking tired of this. i don’t have to prove my manhood to you. you can take your shallow, empty life and leave me out of it. you’re, what, 35 and you have to rely on other guys to supply you with stuff? no thanks. boot straps, buddy. boot straps. and at least i make all this look good. we don’t all have to be giants.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

     ❝i’m not sure if anyone’s flirted with me, really, but i’ve been called a persimmon. oh, really? that sucks. i thought this place would be fun and relaxed. i’m sorry they’ve been so aggressive. that’s why i don’t use apps. i, uh, really don’t know. i hope not. wait-cat girl?  ❞

‘oh whatever. if you’re getting called foods it’s because they want to bang you. it’s super weird.i guess it’s relaxed if you’re ugly, but when you’re cute it’s dangerous. we’re going to need to barricade our doors at night. yeah, cat girl. she’s a cat. i guess. i don’t know if the tails and ears are for real yet. i don’t want to ask.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

      ❝i’m sorry if this is really weird, but has anyone called you weird names? and do you know anything about some kind of…octopus? i just got here and i don’t know what to expect…❞

@ofensembles

‘did someone ask to ice your cinnamon rolls? dude, been there, done that. it’s weird. the gays here are super aggressive for no good reason. i haven’t heard about an octopus yet. are you sure it’s real? i don’t know if cat girl is real.’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

   ❝i’ve been, yes. i love the cupcakes. i’m a sucker for sweets. and the chef seems like a really nice guy. oh….uh, that sounds tasty? i haven’t had one, maybe i will someday.  do they ever serve them here?❞

‘i think that they only feed us sweets so we taste better. for the vampires, you know? it doesn’t help jizz much. i’ve tried it. maybe if you’re a very, very good boy i’ll share my persimmons with you.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

‘ you had a bad date so you left him despite not knowing where you are. ‘ great, syn is exactly as much of an idiot that he thought she was. except she was a young, sweet-looking girl who thought of her tails as gifts. and she had a family. one who spoiled her despite the abominations. a slumbering bitterness reawakened inside of him. ‘ i went out to try and catch the kraken and it sank our ship. everybody died and i woke up with these. what else would you call it? ‘

‘i’d rather get lost in the middle of nowhere than stay in a position that makes me feel unsafe.’ syn crossed her arms and looked at the stranger, eyes challenging. ‘if you really wanted to hurt me you could have by now. and that makes you a better choice than the alternative.’ nothing he was saying made sense. who the hell went after the kraken? she had hardly even heard that name outside of alcohol brands. ‘i think it sounds like you got blamed for an act of god and that’s not completely fair. how old are you?’

[ofensembles-blog]

slippersandamumu:

❝wouldn’t you have to leave if you did that? how sad. no thanks, i only give men i hate favors if there’s something in it for me, material wise, like a nice steak dinner, or a good watch. are you? that’s the straightest thing you’ve said, sweetie pie. pretending you’re not into men is super easy, right? aw, i’m only trying to help you. i’m trying to speed the process along. i love how you think i’m living through you! i love imagining myself as a guy who loves to pretend he’s straight. not. you’re just my entertainment for the moment. you’re tiny and repressed and angry. come on, shoot me another. i can go back and forth all night, hun. ❞

‘i don’t know how many times i have to tell you i’m not gay. it’s like selective deafness is a thing for gay guys. are you telling me you’re a literal whore? that sucks, dude. i’m sorry. i’d hate to have my self worth be defined by how much someone is willing to pay for me. not even you deserve that. i’m not tiny. why do you keep calling me that?’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

‘ does death sound like a good time to you? you’ll guarantee yourself an immediate one if you call me that again. ‘

‘i don’t really mind the concept, but point taken. you don’t have to be so mad about it, though. it’s a good look for you.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

’ i’m not your friend. these? they’re real. ‘ he wriggled his tentacles before wrapping one around the man’s ankle and yanked him off the couch. 

cecil let out a small huff as his ass hit the floor. no, julian wouldn’t do this. he’d have made a hentai joke by now at the very least. ‘are you going to kill me or is this how you thocialize?’ he patted the tentacle wraped around his ankle. ‘very intimidating. stop please. my health insurance is awful.’

[ofensembles-blog]

whxreisthelie:

he had told them multiple times that just because he had more arms, it didn’t mean he was going to go fetching everything for them. and that’s why said tool now had a cellphone flying towards their face. 

connor let out a loud, outraged hiss as he dodged the phone. ‘normally i like it when my darling brother has a new friend but this is getting old, squid boy.’ he curled back up on the couch, tail twitching with hurt pride. ‘there’s a reason why cats and oceanic creatures don’t get on in the wild.’