HAMMERLESS HALOS

( dependent castiel for asphyxiahq )

[bilosan]

[summerportraits]

#same

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

Caged Heat (6x10): Castiel in Every Episode (favorite shots) [41 / ?]

[ofetherealfaithx]

resilientsovl‌:

            maybe  it  says  something  about  him  that  hearing  someone  else  say  that  life  is  hardly  ever  happy  sparks  some  relief  in  him.   to  know  that  he  doesn’t  suffer  alone,  that  there’s  someone  else  to  share  the  burden,  feels  a  little  less  isolating.   like  maybe,  somehow,  they  can  keep  each  other  on  their  feet  when  the  world  seems  inclined  to  tear  them  down.  (  it’s  fitting  when  you  consider,  without  their  stabilizing  presences,  he  fell  the  hardest  he  ever  has.  for  better  and  for  worse.  )    he  doesn’t  answer  straight  away,  twists  the  cap  off  of  his  beer  and  drinks.  “  yeah. ”   he  responds  after  a  moment,  meeting  his  gaze  with  a  tired  smile.  “  if  anything’s  real,  i  have  to  believe  it’s  us. ”   chuck  might  be  all-powerful  and  all-knowing,  but  they  still  had  FREE  WILL.   there  are  days  he  wonders  how  much,  if  they’re  purposely  put  on  paths  that  will  lead  to  tragedy,  but  he  likes  to  think  there’s  no  way  chuck  could  have  anticipated  this:   two  brothers,  a  fallen  angel,  and  the  nephilim  child  of  their  enemy.   on  paper,  they  don’t  work.   it  doesn’t  make  sense  for  them  to  have  banded  together  —  to  have  become  family.   they  did  that.  they  made  those  choices.   it  has  to  be  real.  it  has  to  be.  “  maybe  that’s  how  we  know  it’s  real.  that  it’s  not  perfect.  THAT  IT  HURTS  SOMETIMES. ”   unconsciously,  his  fingers  press  against  his  sternum.  they  connect  with  the  metal  of  his  wedding  ring  and  his  expression  shifts  slightly.   “  — especially  when  it  hurts. ”   he  considers  for  a  moment  before  tugging  the  chain  out.  he  turns  the  ring  over  in  his  hands  as  he  considers,  makes  a  split  second  decision  in  the  spur  of  the  moment  to  be  a  little  more  honest.  “  there’s  something  i  should  have  told  you. ”  he’d  been  vague,  never  really  given  a  straight  answer  to  how  long  he’d  been  back  before  they  turned  up.  he  could  try  to  say  it  was  to  protect  them,  to  prolong  any  feelings  of  guilt  or  regret,  but  he  knows  it  was  a  selfish  decision.   the  less  he  said,  the  less  he  had  to  explain.   “  i  didn’t  just  get  back.  i’ve  been  back  for  awhile  now. ”    when  in  doubt,  just  rip  off  the  band-aid.   “  it’s  been  8  years. ”

             it’s either battlefields or emotional duress and more often than not, both at the same time because it’s  C H A L L E N G I N G  not to feel; not merely from loses or trauma but in a way that seems to be woven so deep into the fabric of anything that exists. he knows it well, you spend TOO long on earth and you begin to feel because that’s what humans do — it’s a gift and a CURSE ( he can so easily imagine why people enjoy feeling nothing at all because when you take away care or love, what do you have to lose ). he’s not sure anyone knows those burdens as well as Sam or at least, he’d be the only one to acknowledge them or to want to bury them deep after such acknowledgment; that’s the Winchester way — he’d found himself accustomed to understanding that over the years. either brother releasing every deep feeling and trauma they had, may be human but they’d dub it UNHELPFUL: fighting...hunting, it didn’t leave space for emotional release. he’s quieter in his storms though there’d always be signs; drinking, moments turning quiet or maybe on some level, he’d just become far too familiar with recognizing his best friend's pain. “ I don’t think it ever...really...stops hurting. ” it’s a statement he makes quietly, in hindsight it doesn’t matter at all; he hardly deserved to cry a river or admit to being swallowed by a tide of guilt but he’s also aware of how hard it is. being honest required return...or at least that’s what he’d like to believe ( he’d stay quiet forever if he could stop their suffering ). he’s watching, taking note of the way the hunter’s face shifts in the quickest instant and it’s not strange that it makes him so sad. maybe he’d spent so long alone, empathy had consumed him? he’s not sure and he doesn’t want to ask himself questions he doesn’t have the answer to. “ it’s okay, ” because it is, not the situation but rather that he didn’t say anything. he hopes the sad smile that covers his features tells the other of just how much he UNDERSTANDS the burden: to have suffered and not want to place that on anyone. it may be selfish but sometimes being selfish for people you cared about was the most selfless thing you could do. “ you weren’t...alone? ” he wonders out loud, maybe because he didn’t like the idea that he’d have to shoulder loses he couldn’t control without anyone to take care of him...or just to care at all. he won’t ask questions about the ring; he’d argue some things don’t need to be said but he does find himself taking a moment: some desire to be honest because he hadn’t been before. he shifts and tries to move the uncomfortable way his body seems to stiffen at the idea of saying something aloud that he’d kept to himself for so long, out of his posture — he’d just wanted to PROTECT them from the pain ( he understands it may not have been the best choice but he wasn’t privy for making many of those ).

         “ I made a deal a long time ago...for Jack, ” his gaze drops slightly because it’s challenging to admit that this should’ve happened ten years ago before he died ( before any of them did ). “ you remember when we almost lost him, I had gone to heaven to get him back but the empty had...other ideas — it was going to take him and I was scared; losing a son wasn’t what I wanted... ” he wanted to say he couldn’t bear it but that simply brought up the guilt of still having failed him anyway ( that seemed like a conversation for another day ). “ I promised the empty ME because the condition of being happy and being taken when that occurred seemed, still seems, so impossible and the deal still stands. ” he chuckles, not from amusement but in some bitter way of understanding that the empty had a decade already and would still come back for more. “ I don’t know what you went through, you don’t need to tell me; that can simply be your business alone but I’m still sorry — if I could’ve clicked my fingers and saved you all...it would’ve been worth the happy moment before being dragged away. ” if he could click his fingers now and rid them of the overbearing thought that Chuck still had a hand in anything, he’d do that too; he’d do ANYTHING for his family. 

[macperalta]

🥺

[ohbellamy]

#what i feel like doing when i think about my future

[preschooldr0pout]

[ofetherealfaithx]

send asleep for my muse’s thoughts watching yours sleep;

@geminislegacy​ : asleep + dean

    the occasions are limited; call it some  A W A R E N E S S  of the uncomfortable nature the other finds in such acts. he’d argue the defence of needing the quiet comfort as some brief moment to remind himself where he was rather than where he wasn’t ( the silence was often enough to make him wonder ). it was the comfort in a simple breath that he searched for and typically found his entire being settled by the very existence of him being alive, breathing...even just sleeping. he had so many questions: so many concerns and quiet wonderings — he tended to assume he was broken. he’d been broken for a long time now, perhaps even far longer than he’d know Dean. there’s a sad HOPE the other tends to bring forth in him. something he doesn’t question or want to change because he’s hardly sure how he’d function without it ( he’s just aware he’d have to ) and then he reminds himself this is likely what it must have been like for the first humans to see the stars. to be consumed by something they knew nothing of to question but something they wanted to keep looking at; the sky would certainly be far darker without them. a metaphor perhaps? he sees the irony in it and it caused the first genuine smile he’s had in a long time because it’s the first time he hasn’t had to look up: the first time whoever is watching ( controlling everything ) doesn’t matter.

[ofetherealfaithx]

send asleep for my muse’s thoughts watching yours sleep;

Anonymous: asleep + jack @ofablaze​

     he’d often recall a line he’d said, that loss felt  D I F F E R E N T  when it came down to losing a son and he liked to believe it had something to do with PROMISES; not a promise he’d made to a dying mother or a promise said out loud but one he’d made to himself.  he felt things different with Jack and in ways that he wasn’t familiar with; he’d seen his fair share of how feelings presented — of love that would make you do anything for a person. but the love that came in being a parent? that was surprising and it hit him in a way he’d never quite have guessed. he imagines it’s what it’s like to get caught in the rain and then the sun rises from behind the clouds. it’s just warm and bright. you’d do anything for them because they mattered more. he’d find himself sat beside his bed in more ways than not, it was more of a COMFORT to him. to be void of doing anything but just seeing and taking note that he was alive. that he’d rather be stuck in the empty for thousands of years before ever seeing that change. he’d find himself merely content enough to open a book, to imagine a scenario where nothing bad will ever happen and they’ll be OKAY. 

[ofetherealfaithx]

send asleep for my muse’s thoughts watching yours sleep;

@wrckhvck​ : asleep ( sam ) - pull an edward cullen, i dare you

   it wasn’t something that happened often but more so as some  C O M F O R T I N G  arch in which ( when concerns arose ) he could check on his best friend; sleep tended to tell a lot about an individual. whether they were troubled, hurt...— in the end, it was always the same kind of pain: struggles that sat on the other’s shoulders which he didn’t talk of outloud. he finds himself wondering idly of their shared concerns. does Chuck plague his mind as often as he does his own? he’s CONSTANTLY wondering what scars they share and what scars they don’t because he’d find himself certain it’s the latter he fears. he finds himself backed against a wall, he thinks even if he was capable of sleep...he wouldn’t. he’d toss and turn in the same way that Sam did: that he’d find his mind plagued with not only his own selfish concerns but the obvious burdens the people he cares about carry. And then he’d remember how little he can do; he has no magic wand or cure. they’re human and in some ways he is too. that means pain is present and woven in just about EVERYTHING. the sadness comes in waves because regardless he’d still shoulder it, he’d take it without protest because his own pain was easy to shove in a closed box. it was their’s that seemed to feel like a blade to the chest with every knowing glance or attempt to comfort. 

[ofetherealfaithx]

→ dean.

dean: why am i at a strip club?? why are YOU at a school??

dean: end of the world come around, i'm gonna go down with a lap dance, not taking my finals.

dean: i'm kidding

dean: sort of

dean: it was the closest safe spot or whatever

cas: I'm glad you're safe.

cas: hopefully you won't need the...end of the world lap dance...

cas: there is some kind of barrier up. so try not to get in any life-threatening trouble.

cas: this mobile device is...useless. just uh, pray if I'm needed...I'll try and get there when the barrier is lifted.

[ofetherealfaithx]

text; castiel & jack

jack: i'm glad you have your coat. i wish i had my coat but i left it at the bunker.

jack: so no, i forgot.

jack: lol

jack: am i using that right?

jack: a magic school?? thats cool.

jack: over the phone or should i pray to you?

cas: i'm still not sure of the correct way to use that...

cas: probably best to ask sam or dean.

cas: the...symbol at the top of the screen is red, which I presume isn't good.

cas: so yes, pray. there's a barrier so I'm unsure of how soon I'd be able to reach you but I'll keep trying.

[ofetherealfaithx]

@ofindcmitability​ : how do you feel about dean?

   “ for one man, the levels of beer and food he can intake are rather...IMPRESSIVE. ”

      yes, by default he’s not presently gonna ever answer that out loud and I think there’s a lot of complicated meta reasons for that but we’d be here for a while. to put it simply, he loves Dean and I don’t think he knows or has questioned the depths of that but it’s a driving force for him. Dean is his best friend first and foremost but there’s a depth in which certain acts would probably suggest it goes further than that: further than what he’d do for family. I think it makes him selfish, not in a bad way but in a i’d like to protect you from all of the troubles that come your way and I don’t know how i’d cope if I lost you in some final act kind of way. He’d quite literally betray everything he knew ( and has done in the past ) because of the trust and level of depth that happens to be there. 

[ofetherealfaithx]

@ofindcmitability​ : whats your biggest fear concerning jack? :D

  I couldn’t think of what he’d say out loud, probably something like that he’ll try to shave wild animals or follow Dean to a strip club. Which in his defense are a concern but certainly far from the biggest fear. So you know, catch him disassociating for a year while he recalls the actual fear and finds himself stuck in it with no escape because he’s learned that being a parent is quite literally far from easy and he already failed once. I think his biggest fear is more so the idea of losing Jack to something without loopholes or where he’s watching something use Jack but he’s unable to stop it. It’s rooted in fearing failure and finality. it’s rooted in him being nothing more than some mindless puppet that Chuck is controlling because he spent so long thinking he’d escape all of that and then the clicking of fingers made him question how true that was. Basically he’s afraid but he wouldn’t say just how afraid he was because saying it out loud makes it true. 

[ofetherealfaithx]

    there was something  I N F A M O U S  about certain individuals; heaven ( at least when functioning ) had often kept a close eye on the more chaotic, if simply in some careful need to ensure it never tipped too far over the edge. it inevitably always did, though, there tended to be matters that had been deemed more IMPORTANT — not that he’d ever been fully convinced. of course, it became clear centuries later that Heaven was as corrupt as everything it fought against, and maybe the sad part was how long and how often he’d fought to try and rebuild it. He failed...he just kept failing and then as if the rug hadn’t been torn out from under him enough, Chuck showed his true colors and in doing so took everything ( everyone ) away. all that remained was HISTORY: knowledge he’d been left with and if the situation at hand wasn’t more concerning, perhaps he’d be doing far more than merely taking note of the other’s presence. 

  “ sorry...— I need to get past you, ” words coated in hesitance and curiosity though, by this point in the day, he was unsurprised by the constant occurrence of COINCIDENCE. he hardly offers much of a smile; by reputation alone, he’s not sure how to act in the presence of the Original Hybrid. 

/ @diabolics​

[ofetherealfaithx]

text; castiel & jack

jack: yes i'm warm inside. i think thats my human half

jack: are angels supposed to be cold inside?

jack: you be careful too. are you somewhere safe?

cas: ...

cas: no but even if we were, I at least have my coat...

cas: did you remember to put a coat on?

cas: a magic school...which I suppose is safe in theory.

cas: just...call me, if you get in any trouble.

[ofetherealfaithx]

text; sam & castiel

sam: hey.

sam: did you make it back to the bunker before the snow hit, or did you get stuck somewhere too?

sam: dean's stuck at a strip club, because of course he is, and jack's at some club mirrored off of dante's inferno.

sam: i'd laugh but this feels too chuck derived to be funny.

cas: it feels like I'm stuck in one of those harry putter movies...

cas: some magic school...except there is definitely more than just wizards here.

cas: dignifying Dean's choice with a reaction seems...pointless but at least they're both safe. are you safe?

cas: something is...off about it but yeah, I guess it could be chuck. that would be an explanation.