portraits of women embedded in your mind
as i lay here, waiting to be painted—so wishful and bare.

#extradirty
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@offblivion
portraits of women embedded in your mind
as i lay here, waiting to be painted—so wishful and bare.
i mourn—
for the life i never got to live, and the person i never got to become.
just as he learned how to look at me with so much love brimming in his eyes,
mine have started to brim with loss as they meet his.
as broken as i am,
how much more will you tear me apart?
i have already been torn asunder—there’s nothing left of me to maim.
i have always loved a bit of everything,
but it has never been a bit of anyone.
everyone is set on this earth temporarily. our lives are merely borrowed;
each breath we seethe is tallied; the moments we lived fade in persistence;
and that one-in-a-million person we’ll meet or have already met?
a fleeting paragon of forever.
anyone could belittle the stars once they get to see the way your eyes tend to glimmer.
but for you, i’d deprecate the sun from its place.
how could i be so clueless?
i was unaware of how you were writing the first chapter of your story with someone else,
while i waited in patience to start ours.
i hate how my softness leads to anger.
i count to ten, think happy thoughts, breathe steadily, and i still end up in flames—
my anger is my hell.
you are a monster.
you have teared my walls to shreds,
skinned my past alive,
and ate the truths from my flesh.
i am ruined, and yet, you held me most divine.
i like a quiet scene—a hush descending upon me, but never did i like the quiet of my mind.
so, leave me alone, but never with my thoughts.
how must i make everyone see? their eyes have been nothing but wide open as they meet mine.
and yet, here i am, admittedly comparable to a mere soft touch of the wind on one's skin.
felt, but never seen.
fate is just a concept of unpredictability,
and i was unable to see what’s ahead of our story—it ended without starting.
i was unaware of how you were writing the first chapter of your story with another,
while i waited in patience to start ours.
haunt me,
forever linger upon my presence. i am yet a living soul dreaming of death for your ghost.
just like a dream i never thought would exist in this lifetime, you betided.
you happened.
let me transform.
dearest, you’re so full of love, and i, of hatred—put your soul on a platter for me to have.