未来 mirai

penned with a handful of thoughts

[offblivion]

portraits of women embedded in your mind

as i lay here, waiting to be painted—so wishful and bare.

[offblivion]

i mourn—

for the life i never got to live, and the person i never got to become.

[offblivion]

just as he learned how to look at me with so much love brimming in his eyes,

mine have started to brim with loss as they meet his.

[offblivion]

as broken as i am,

how much more will you tear me apart?

i have already been torn asunder—there’s nothing left of me to maim.

[offblivion]

i have always loved a bit of everything,

but it has never been a bit of anyone.

[offblivion]

everyone is set on this earth temporarily. our lives are merely borrowed;

each breath we seethe is tallied; the moments we lived fade in persistence;

and that one-in-a-million person we’ll meet or have already met?

a fleeting paragon of forever.

[offblivion]

anyone could belittle the stars once they get to see the way your eyes tend to glimmer.

but for you, i’d deprecate the sun from its place.

[offblivion]

how could i be so clueless?

i was unaware of how you were writing the first chapter of your story with someone else,

while i waited in patience to start ours.

[offblivion]

i hate how my softness leads to anger.

i count to ten, think happy thoughts, breathe steadily, and i still end up in flames—

my anger is my hell.

[offblivion]

you are a monster.

you have teared my walls to shreds,

skinned my past alive,

and ate the truths from my flesh.

i am ruined, and yet, you held me most divine.

[offblivion]

i like a quiet scene—a hush descending upon me, but never did i like the quiet of my mind.

so, leave me alone, but never with my thoughts.

[offblivion]

how must i make everyone see? their eyes have been nothing but wide open as they meet mine.

and yet, here i am, admittedly comparable to a mere soft touch of the wind on one's skin.

felt, but never seen.

[offblivion]

fate is just a concept of unpredictability,

and i was unable to see what’s ahead of our story—it ended without starting.

[offblivion]

i was unaware of how you were writing the first chapter of your story with another,

while i waited in patience to start ours.

[offblivion]

haunt me,

forever linger upon my presence. i am yet a living soul dreaming of death for your ghost.

[offblivion]

just like a dream i never thought would exist in this lifetime, you betided.

you happened.

[offblivion]

let me transform.

dearest, you’re so full of love, and i, of hatred—put your soul on a platter for me to have.