Me, crying alone in my room at 3 am:
Also me: look at yourself you absolute attention whore
Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
styofa doing anything
Mike Driver
Not today Justin
RMH
Today's Document
i don't do bad sauce passes
wallacepolsom
will byers stan first human second
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
trying on a metaphor
AnasAbdin
Keni

Product Placement

shark vs the universe
Peter Solarz
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Singapore

seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States

seen from France
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seen from New Zealand
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seen from Canada

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@official-seriously-actually
Me, crying alone in my room at 3 am:
Also me: look at yourself you absolute attention whore
Just want to let everyone know that when I say I love Hawkeye I’m talking about him
No but seriously guys why the hell has no one written for avengers assemble. Like I can't be the only one who watches this show.
Why are they so hot, like fuck why!!!!!!!!!! Marvel why would you make these characters so sexy..
No cause I've been rewatching and GOD. everytime a character walks on screen its js SMASH. Hawkeye in his lil vests and bicep- SMASH. Natasha esp in her s3 outfit? SMASH.
Reading Sunrise on the Reaping and realizing that this is the first time that I'm older than the main character of a Hunger Games book
it would have been devastating if Haymitch just hid throughout his entire game. it would have been devastating if he cheated. it would have been devastating if he killed everyone in that arena with his bare hands. it would have been devastating if everyone sacrificed themselves for him.
it was always going to be devastating
but the fact he tried to destroy it? that he stood up to snow? that everything we knew about him was from capitol propaganda? that his poster never saw the light of day?
there isn't words.
nothing its just haymitch staying alive year after year, watching children he was forced to mentor be sent to their gruesome deaths, living alone for fear of snow destroying the lives of anyone who he's close to, drowning his sorrows and clinging to the remains of his life, all to fulfill a promise he made to the love of his life.
so i just finished sunrise on the reaping and am currently sobbing. From the first chapter- the "...I'm not much of a drinker myself." all the way through the games in its horror and brutality, to haymitch losing everyone- we all knew the end of his story but the leadup to it was gut-wrenching.
Person A: Damn it I'm having an allergic reaction.
Person B: You aren't-
Person A: Or a really bad sunburn.
Person B: It's night-time, you're just-
Person A: A bee stung me on my face, that's the only explanation.
Person B:
Person B: You're blushing idiot.
Cody: Look, you don't want Fox to die and I don't want Fox to die. So let's work together to make sure Fox doesn't want to die Wolffe: Fantastic plan but have you ever fucking met Fox
fox wants fox to die
NO WAY LEGO JUST CANONIZED DARTH JAR JAR
you uh...look a little different
Let’s pretend I’ve never seen TBB or anyhting remotely Starwars related before and you’ve decided to show me this clip…
“Jesus? Is that you?”
suddenly obi-wan is out of a job :(
HE WAS HIM??
do the last (4) jedi ever consult quinlan vos if they realize they don't know something lol? i think it'd be hilarious if they've struggled to piece together their remaining jedi knowledge for years with their varying levels of training and force ghost aid only to find out that there's been a temple-trained jedi master kicking around this entire time.
realistically they probably don't find out he's alive, but this idea's too good to pass up
(commission info // kofi support!)
Quinlan, maverick jedi, who uses the jedi code for padawan's textbook as a pillow, routinely finds himself in jail, flirts with darksiders, took a summer internship as a darksider, etc. etc. being the one they go to for help about jedi code stuff is too funny for words.
I think it would be very funny if after Obi-Wan kills Maul in Rebels, an entire small army of Mandalorians turned up in the desert (led by Sabine, who got tipped off by Ezra) to harass him into becoming the rightful leader of their government
Ezra: Hey Sabine? You know what would make Bo Katan absolutely HATE you?
Sabine: I'm all ears.
Later
Obi Wan: I DON'T WANNA!
Sabine: YES YOU DO! IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY!
Vader, presenting his Space PowerPoint to Emperor Palpatine: And thats why Obi-Wan is secretly leading the Mandalorians and I must confront him.
Palpatine, having heard that name 5641 too many times since becoming emperor: Not to sound like the Jedi I worked very hard to destroy, but have you ever considered…letting go?
Meanwhile Obi has been made Leader of the Mandalorians and somehow Luke is his heir and son now and SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE he just KNOWS Qui Gon is laughing his butt off!
Bail starts to hear rumors and then those rumors turn into something more substantial and. Is this it? This hadn’t been the plan, but then again nothing ever quite goes according to plan when it comes to Obi-Wan so.
Obi-Wan wakes up to the entire rebellion on his involuntarily obtained front porch.
Obi needs a snack, to be a blanket burrito, and some cuddles ASAP at this rate.
Vader sends the chipped 212th after Obi Wan only for them to get snagged and dechipped by Rex's operation and now they are on their way to rescue their poor General. How did he get into this mess in the first place!?
Obi-Wan trying and failing to get someone to fight him so he can pass off this job that he absolutely did not apply for. Cody standing there threatening anyone who so much as looks like they’re considering it. Their ideas of what a rescue entails are maybe slightly different.
Obi Wan keeps accidentally becoming more and more popular as the Mandalore and at this rate, he's going down in history as one of the greatest of all time. And he declared war on the Empire by accident when he told one of his Mandalorian Advisors what he had seen at the Temple. Dead Children are an EXCELLENT motivator for Mandalorians.
Getting rid of the anti-clone sentiment was on purpose. Starting a competition among all former death watch members to see who can successfully bring the most clones to Mandalore was not on purpose but was welcomed just the same. Stealing a good chunk of the Empire’s army was a great added bonus. The chips coming out of so many clones brought him more joy than Obi-Wan had known in years.
However. The plan was most definitely not to take over the Empire.
Cody just tells him, "For what it's worth, I always thought you would make a better Chancellor than the one we had."
Obi Wan just sighs.
Bail thinks the whole thing is hilarious.
Neither takes Obi-Wan up on any of his very generous offers to replace him. Obi-Wan is most put out.
Of course not! Why would they? He's doing a great job! Everyone's happier! Vader has been literally eating the drywall over this and going insane! Why would they take over?
Everyone is happier, including Obi-Wan, he’s just not about to give in and also will never, ever believe he’s the right one for this job.
They've even rescued surviving Jedi! Yoda is back! Luke and Leia are friends now! Reva is there! But Obi Wan is still convinced he's not the best person for the job, but like all he does, he does his best.
Maybe his title is "Mandalore the Doubtful"? History books 0hrase it as him being skeptical of the Empire and their promises.
These books start to appear about three years after the former Emperor Palpatine’s timely demise. Yoda has the entire collection stashed away somewhere, Obi-Wan just knows it.
Yoda: Education the Younglings, we must, Doubtful Mandalore.
Obi Wan: Not you too.
Bo-Katan started the name and it backfired spectacularly. She may work hard, but the 212th works harder.
212th: Oh? Gonna make our Jedi sound incompetent? WELL NOW HE WAS SKEPTICAL OF THE EMPIRE AND RIGHTFULLY SO!
I feel like this an excellent time for Quinlan Vos to show up. Just right in the middle of all of this.
And no Obi, he's not taking the job either. He's here to swear ALLEGIANCE to you! Mostly because he knows it's going to drive Obi Wan INSANE. This is better than the time they snuck out of the Temple to go play Illegal Sabbac Games! (Not that playing Sabbac was illegal, but the people running it sure were!)
He has also somehow already gotten himself officially titled “First Minion.” It’s on his ID and everything. And since his slicing skills are sufficiently above Obi’s, it’s going to be staying that way. Cody is mad that he didn’t think of that first. Rex mentions that the title of consort is still open because he hasn’t had enough opportunities to be a little shit recently.
Cody: THEN I'LL BE CONSORT THAN! TAKE THAT QUINLAN!
Rex: (dying of laughter)
Now, Ahsoka shows up and thinks the whole thing is hilarious and swears herself to service as well. She's Minion 2.
That’d be the best possible moment for Obi-Wan to walk into a room.
He immediately goes to Yoda for advice because he has no idea what he’s supposed to do right now.
Yoda: Authorized to officiate weddings I am, hmm? Help the Commander with this, I can.
Obi-Wan: *blue screens*
The Wedding is beautiful. Talk of the galaxy for centuries. Particularly since Vader shown up and tried to challenge Obi Wan to a duel. Obi Wan kicked his ass for the third time.
The only part about any of the events surrounding the wedding that Cody is upset about is that he didn’t get to shoot Vader in the face.
Leia is upset she was evacuated “for her safety” and didn’t get to shoot Vader either.
She and Cody bond over the privation.
There are many Mandos, clones, and one (1) Quinlan Vos that are eagerly trying to support Cody and Leia’s dreams by supplying a variety of weapons and custom made targets featuring Sith portraits.
Obi-Wan would appreciate it if he stopped finding blasters in every cupboard.
He got enough of them for his wedding from his the Mandalorians and Clones.
But after that, it quickly becomes apparent to the Empire, the Mandalorians are a rapidly growing threat. Their Republic, Obi Wan INSISTED on calling it that, is so enticing to the people suffering under the polished boots of the Moffs and the Emperor himself.
Cody: And since fourteen new planets have joined your empire-
Obi-Wan: It is not my empire.
Cody, living his best life: Our empire, cyare, of course.
Obi-Wan: It’s a republic.
He finally gets an actual election set up but then everyone just votes for him as Emperor anyway. There wasn’t even an emperor option.
Supposing Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine is still alive at this point, he makes some grand statement saying how there can only be one Emperor.
The entirety of the somewhat newly (re?)formed Mandalorian Empire Republic Empire take this to mean a challenge has been issued to their Mand’alor.
The Younglings are composing the Anthem of the New Mandalorian Empire as they speak.
Might keep Palpy alive just so he can freak out and wish he wasn't bald so he could pull his hair out screaming about Obi Wan. The biggest thorn to have ever lived.
And worst of all? Vader. Won’t. Shut. Up. Like, he brought up obi-wan all the time before this entire Mandalorian fiasco, but now?
Some very fearless acolytes keep a little scoreboard in the torture break room that has a time since Vader was last overheard saying “Kenobi.”
Since word of the guy apparently restarting the Mandalorian Empire got out the count has not made it past one day. They started counting it in hours. Five hours is the max so far. And that’s mostly because Vader was unconscious.
Vader: Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Kenobi Ken.....
Palpatine: I should have left you to burn on Mustafar.
It doesn't help that APPEARENTLY Kenobi has CHILDREN. Baby Kenobis.
(Might make this so Obi Wan was raising Luke.)
Did it on the wrong blog last time oops. Anyway.
Baby Kenobis.
Palpatine doesn’t get nightmares. He doesn’t. But maybe he has one or twelve dreams-that-are-definitely-not-visions-nope-nuh-uh that are… Look, he’s a Sith Lord. The Sith Lord. He doesn’t get “scared” and “apprehensive,” he strikes fear into the hearts of everyone who dares to oppose him. But, just maybe, there’s one (1) thing that causes him… mild concern…….. And the thought of Kenobi having spawned, thereby giving his apprentice even more reasons to utter that name and more people to obsess over….
Kenobi has been an irritant for a couple decades and now he’s going to have to deal with his force-cursed offspring? (Literally. They have the force. They are nothing compared to him, of course, but still.)
It will only be worse when they find out the Luke Kenobi in Question is also the son on Vader and Padme. Complete and utter obsession.
But they also adopted some cute little children too! Luke loves being a big brother.
Meanwhile, Palpatine's drywall contractor is getting very wealthy indeed because he has to keep calling them after Vader ate the drywall for the 12th time that week.
And like, most people don’t know Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. That’s not a Known Fact which just adds to the overall soap opera level drama of everything going on. You can bet all your credits that there are billions of beings just really invested in watching this all play out.
Was the Senator having an affair with the Sith dude? Did she and Skywalker die tragically at the hands of their former lover? Is Kenobi the ex? Is there some kind of tragic twins separated at birth situation going on here (except most people think it’s like, Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. Or Darth Vader and Obi-Wan)?
There are some very out there ideas, but the general consensus actually ends up being almost close to the truth, if the truth were being reflected through a bunch of fun house mirrors.
Palpatine is wondering if it’s against Sith law or whatever to retire. He wonders if there is anywhere left in the galaxy he could go and never have to hear the name Kenobi ever again. Because is this worth it, really? He got his empire, sure, but Force, at what cost?
At the cantina
"It's a 'good twin, evil twin' situation. The Sith, old Palpy, probably wanted them to grow up evil which is why he had Vader."
"Are you implying Emperor Kenobi is the evil twin?"
"Well not anymore, the Jedi raised it out of him."
General consensus is, Padme had an affair with Vader, but an unwilling one. She thought it would keep her love, Skywalker, safe from the war. But it didn't work and Vader killed them both. Obi Wan is raising his nephew since he and Vader are brothers by blood and he and Anakin were brothers by choice.
Cody is NOT helping and he's feeding the rumors.
Rex and Ahsoka spend way too much time on the holonet adding their “theories.”
Obi-Wan walks in on them scheming hanging out, sighs, and walks back out.
Cody walks in on them and gives suggestions. He has a few ideas he’s been sitting on for a while that he thinks would work really well.
Cody: Okay, Obi Wan is practically the embodiment of light, think we can pull that off?
Ahsoka: Oooooh! Godhood! He's going to HATE that! Rex! Logistics on raising Obi Wan to godhood!
Rex: Give me a week and Obi Wan was found in a golden cradle on the front steps of the Jedi Temple.
They need to find a way to get Yoda on board with all of it. He’s got centuries on most everyone else around, there’s got to be some kind of cryptic nonsense he can pull out that they can use, right?
Meanwhile Reva, taking all of this very seriously, is seeing if Obi-Wan is like the Force Saint of animals or something. Obi-Wan would appreciate going one day without seeing a dangerous animal but at least no one has been hurt. There are many holos circulating right now that are doing nothing to quell any or all rumors.
Fortunately Yoda is a little shit.
Yoda: Very special, Mandalore Obi Wan is. His arrival, unusual it was.
Meanwhile, Palpatine is trying to cut off the Holonet because Vader is VERY involved in all of that.
There’s gotta be space fanfiction at this point, right? And I firmly believe Cody reads all the Mand’alor!Obi-Wan/Commander Cody stuff he can get his hands on.
Palpatine made the mistake of personally looking into some of the holonet content surrounding Kenobi. He now doubles down on his efforts to get the entire holonet shut down because there are some things you can never unsee and he’s all about suffering but not when it’s himself.
Does Cody write some? Or is he content to just read? Some he absolutely will not read because they are like "emotionally repressed Jedi Mand'alore Kenobi refuses to show love to anyone until Commander Cody comes along and breaks his walls down." Obi Wan was NEVER emotionally repressed. In control yes, repressed? Never.
Palpatine is trying so hard bUT IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!
Wolffe’s the one writing
Fox helps.
Meanwhile Obi Wan discovered he has a religion based on him now. How? HOW!? And DARTH VADER, ANAKIN SKYWALKER HIMSELF, IS PART OF IT!?!?!?!? Sure Vader is essentially the devil in it but......
But that does kinda make him an integral part of it so
Obi-Wan would like this to all stop please. Oh what he would give to go back in time to when he first met the clones and just fix everything and retire with Cody. No more of this involuntarily being responsible for concerning amounts of the galaxy. No more coping with the last decade of trauma alongside other people whose coping mechanisms are arguably even worse. No more accolades. No more Sith. No more.
His thoughts on the plausibility of time traveling with Cody are interrupted by someone bringing news that the other empire is building some kind of super weapon.
His work is never done, is it.
They lead an attack on it after it destroyed Alderaan. It was a deliberate attack. Obi Wan had no choice. To finally declare open war. And what a war it will be.
And this war has Obi-Wan and Cody in charge of everything without a Sith running things and sabotaging the entire effort behind their backs so…
They’re going to be really good at this.
Imperial Officers: Listen, if you hear a polite voice with a Coruscanti accent hail you, asking you if you would be so kind to surrender, do it. It's your last chance before everything is karked up and hell unleashed. Because that's the Manda'lore, Obi Wan Kenobi of the Mandalorian Empire.
Said imperial officers would like it known that they did in fact say surrender, not surrender and then immediately join the other empire. Like, they can’t really blame all the beings that defected, but they weren’t the ones who came up with that idea, just so everyone’s clear.
Indeed. Ass covering is the only way to save yourself in the Sith Empire.
But Obi Wan is surprised when Hondo shows up with a bunch of Pirates wanting to talk treaties with him. And at Hondo's side? A scrapy Corellian named Han Solo.
And hovering over Han Solo like a proud pet owner is Chewbacca, a Wookiee who apparently knows Ahsoka? Reunions happen, etc.
And then Han and Princess Leia meet and start arguing. It’s been days and they simply won’t stop. Obi-Wan is trying to mediate and getting nowhere. (Cody, meanwhile, is slightly better at body language and is already planning the wedding.)
all im hearing is obi-wan and the power of friendship fix the universe
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how fast the night changes?
"we're only getting older baby,
and I've been thinking about it lately..."
What does this mean for clone aging?!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR CLONE AGING????!!
i think the bad batch was already "defective", so their accelerated aging wasnt as accelerated as it should be. Also, I think they're younger than the clones we saw as old, like rex and wolffe, but I'm not too sure on that one.